Mail-Order Christmas Brides Boxed Set (66 page)

Then she took a breath.

“And I’ll give you a hundred dollars in addition for your trouble. That’s more than fair,” she added as though she expected some argument on that point. “Especially when we both know that, even with the nephew, Mrs. Stout will let you return to her estate and a shepherd wouldn’t make that much all year if you’d stayed there, anyway. I can’t imagine who would
want to take care of those smelly beasts, but it is not a difficult thing, now is it?”

Eleanor was silent for a moment, striving for patience. “I know I’m not who you wanted or expected me to be, but I promise you I’ll do the best I can for Hannah. I have a book that Mrs. Stout gave me and—”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the older woman snapped, obviously annoyed. “You can’t teach someone how to be a lady from some book. Or be one yourself, for that matter. There are so many things. It takes training. Why—you need to show Hannah how be a hostess. Have you thought of that? You’ve certainly never done anything like that. Adam will be an important man someday. There will be dinners. And parties.”

The woman paused, and then continued, “I’m afraid Adam just doesn’t understand how difficult that can be for someone who wasn’t raised to handle themselves in any kind of society. If he knew you better, he’d see it’s just not possible. I’m sure you do fine with the sheep, but you need to be able to converse with people if you’re married to a man like Adam.”

Eleanor was taken back at the disdain in the older woman’s voice. “Mrs. Martin, I assure you I don’t just talk to sheep.”

But the other woman wasn’t listening. She had let go of her shawl and now held out her hand, causing the garment to fall slightly until it rested softly upon her shoulders. In her palm she held a small tintype of a woman, set in a delicate silver frame. “This was my son’s first wife, Catherine, at their engagement ball.”

Mrs. Martin spoke softly, lost in some memory as she looked down at the portrait.

Eleanor stepped closer so she could see. Maybe if she showed she was interested that would be taken as a sign of friendship. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath until she needed to exhale.

So that’s why Mrs. Martin was upset, she thought to herself as she fought the temptation to turn her head away. Hannah’s mother—Adam’s wife—had been absolutely beautiful. She had her dark hair arranged in an intricate knot that Eleanor would never have been able to manage with her thick tresses. And then she wore a gown that showed off her sleek neck and the pearl necklace that encircled it so casually that it was clear that she belonged to a world where those were commonplace. It was the smile on her face as she looked up at someone to the side of her that made Eleanor stop cold, though. Whoever she was looking at, Catherine loved him with all her heart.

“She and Adam danced perfectly together,” his mother continued, studying the portrait as if she was willing past events to come back to life. “People loved to watch them. They were so very graceful, like the swans on her parent’s estate as they glided across the pond. I haven’t seen Adam dance like that since. I don’t think he could bear to even try it now. Those days are over for him.”

Eleanor swallowed the lump in her throat and searched for something to say. It was clear that Catherine had been perfect.

“She was rich?” Eleanor finally asked, for lack of
anything else to say. She knew that money wasn’t the reason for that engagement, though. She wished it had been.

“Yes, far more than we were. Her father tried to dissuade her from marrying Adam. But then he decided my son had prospects, after all, and, for the sake of Catherine’s happiness, he relented and agreed they could wed. He expected great things of their life together.”

Eleanor nodded, unable to speak.

They were silent for a moment and then the woman continued, “It’s for Catherine’s sake that Hannah needs to have a proper upbringing.” She finally looked at Eleanor. The fierceness had disappeared and she seemed to be pleading for something. “Surely, you understand. Some day her mother’s parents are going to want Hannah to come visit them. She needs to prepare for that day. She and Adam will go to her grandparent’s home, either in the capital city or beside the bay. Neither one of them will want to lack manners or polish on that day.”

For a moment, Eleanor was reminded of her own situation. What if she was in Hannah’s position and had been given that coveted invitation? Even with all of her bitterness, she would go. Maybe her mother’s parents had never made any effort to meet her because they felt she would not know how to act in their world. She was used to their indifference, but she felt an unexpected sharp jab of rejection at the thought they might be worried about her manners. No one liked to be cast aside because they weren’t good enough.

“Hasn’t she seen her grandparents?” Eleanor couldn’t help but ask. Maybe Mrs. Martin was exaggerating.

“Not since her mother died.”

Eleanor’s heart sank as she stood there looking at the picture, and then remembered the little girl sleeping in the other room.

It was a mercy, she told herself stoically, that she had never expected a love match with the sergeant. No man would ever love again after being wed to Catherine. Whatever he was doing now was for the sake of his daughter and Eleanor didn’t have the heart to fault him for that.

“Hannah has her mother’s eyes,” Mrs. Martin murmured, and then looked up at Eleanor. “I know it sounds harsh. But it’s the only way. Please think about my offer.”

Eleanor nodded. She could barely speak, but she needed to hear the truth. “Does your son know what you’re asking me to do?”

“No, but—” The other woman didn’t finish her thought. She didn’t need to. Once Eleanor had seen the portrait, she knew she wasn’t like his late wife. She was a shepherd’s daughter. She had no desire to make Adam miserable by marrying him. She’d assumed when he sent for a bride that he was willing to make a life with whoever answered—that his heart was open to accept anyone. But maybe it was the opposite; maybe he wasn’t planning to open his heart to anyone so it didn’t matter who he married. Maybe
that’s why he hadn’t bothered to prepare himself, or this cabin, for their life together.

“There’s no need to tell Adam about our talk,” his mother finally finished. “Just make some excuse to delay the marriage. I don’t want to spoil Christmas for Hannah. She is so excited to be here with her father. It’s only two days. You can tell them after Christmas. It will come soon enough.”

“How can I leave if Hannah wants me to stay?”

The man might not care if she left, but she believed his daughter would.

“A child shouldn’t make those kinds of decisions. You know that. I never wanted Hannah to leave Ohio, anyway. She belongs with me and I’ll take her back home.”

“But Adam—”

“My son will do his duty once you go back. He doesn’t realize how frail Hannah is. Her scars won’t fade. And her leg hasn’t recovered from that fall. He has completely unrealistic expectations of her becoming a normal girl someday. And he can’t take care of her alone. She needs someone with her. She needs me.”

Eleanor was suddenly very tired. She turned to walk back to the fireplace and didn’t look at the other woman when she spoke. “Morning will come early. We should both get some rest.”

Eleanor didn’t wait for the older woman’s footsteps to end before lying down on the buffalo robe and drawing it around her for warmth. She was so
very cold.
Please, Lord,
she prayed.
Help me know what to do.

She had no wish for Hannah to experience the rejection she had felt from her mother’s family. Would she be able to learn enough to prepare Hannah for the expectations of her grandparents? The book Mrs. Stout had sent with her was in her valise in the bedroom; she wished she had thought to bring the bag out here so she could look at it now.

The book was written by Emily Thornwell and called
Good Manners for Young Ladies.
Eleanor wondered if Adam’s mother was right that she wouldn’t find enough in its pages to help her and Hannah. If she hadn’t been so busy making the yarn stars, she would have read the book by now and she might know if it held any hope.

And then there’s Adam,
Eleanor thought as she bowed her head again.
Lord, what should I do about him?
He was still grieving for his wife. He probably always would be. No one had given her any advice on how to live with a husband who was in love with someone else.
Lord, why have You brought me here?

The house quieted again until she knew Mrs. Martin and Hannah were both asleep. Even prayer did not soothe Eleanor tonight. God seemed far away. Of course, He never seemed as close to her as He did when she could see the stars.

She glanced up at the window. The clouds had shifted and the sky looked clear. There was no wind blowing and the snow had stopped falling.

She looked over at the fire. The embers were still
red and a low steady heat was coming from the pile of white ashes under them. She needed to get up and put more wood in the fire again, anyway, she told herself as she stood and quietly put on her dress. She carried the stool and the rest of her clothes over to the door, sitting down to put her shoes on when she got there.

A blanket hung from a peg on the wall and she wrapped that around herself before quietly unlatching the door and stepping outside. The air was cold, but it didn’t sting like it had earlier. She pulled the blanket closer to her, crossing her arms in front of her as she did so. The snow that had fallen earlier was soft as she took a few steps away from the house and looked back at it.

She might not feel as if she belonged inside that cabin, but no such discomfort plagued her when she was able to go outside like this in the evenings. The land was flat in all directions, but the depth of the night skies took her breath away. She should be used to it since she’d come out on other nights to look through her father’s telescope. The stars were in different places here than they had been when she studied them in the sheep’s commons back home, but she couldn’t deny that they were more magnificent.

She walked a little farther from the cabin. The moon was shining tonight, giving a silver glow to the snowy ground. She wondered briefly who would live in the cabin if Mrs. Martin took Hannah back East with her. Eleanor knew that without Hannah the sergeant would have no reason to marry. Nor would he have anything preventing him from going back to
the fort and taking up his old life. She felt lonely just thinking about it. She wondered if the man would let her buy the cabin from him if he left. She couldn’t pay him until she raised a crop on the land this spring, but she was strong and could manage. She did have enough money from her savings to start a small herd of sheep, too. She might be able to sell some wool.

She would never consider taking the railroad fare or the payment Mrs. Martin would press on her. Contrary to what the other woman thought, Eleanor knew the nephew made a difference. He had probably already moved into the main house by now. Some of the other staff members were likely being told to leave about now, as well. Mrs. Stout had a kind heart, but it was said her husband’s nephew didn’t.

Eleanor heard something behind her and spun around.

“Oh,” she breathed out.

“Sorry. I should have said something earlier.” Adam was heading toward her. “You just looked so deep in thought that I didn’t want to disturb you at first. Then I thought you might want this.”

He held out another blanket.

Eleanor was dumbstruck. The man was handsome in daylight, but in the light of the moon he stirred something deep inside her. Maybe it was the way the shadows defined his face, bringing out the sculpted look of his strong bones. She remembered the legends her father used to tell about the Norsemen of old who were fiercely protective and kind to those they loved.
Adam could have sprung to life from those stories, especially with the caring look in his eyes.

“I know you have something around your shoulders, but if it’s one of the blankets that came with the cabin, I’ve noticed they aren’t as warm as they could be. This one is almost new.”

His voice was soothing and he walked even closer, opening the blanket as he came.

Finally, he stood in front of her and wrapped the covering around her, letting his arms linger as he held her shoulders. “I couldn’t sleep, either. I hope you’re not nervous.”

Eleanor shook her head as she gazed up at him. She was not used to men who were as tall as he was. “No, that’s not it. I’m just tired so I came out here to pray.”

She wondered if he could see the hesitation on her face as she stood there. He’d moved and his eyes were in the shadows of his face now, but she could see from the tiny wrinkles around them that he was smiling.

“All the more reason to get some rest, then,” he said softly. “That is, if you’ve finished your prayers?”

She nodded.

She had not given much thought until now to how nice his voice sounded. It had a small lilt to it that she hadn’t noticed before. He was pleasing to the ear as well as the eye.

“You grew up in Ohio?” she asked, wondering if that was what gave him the smooth tones.

“I forget you don’t know much about me,” he replied with a slow nod.

They were silent for a moment, neither moving even
though a fine mist of snow had started falling on them. Eleanor felt it on her face, but it wasn’t cold like it had been earlier. She hadn’t given the stars another thought since Adam had come to stand in front of her. Maybe the warmth she was feeling came from him? she wondered. She knew it wasn’t just the blankets.

“You’re a courageous woman,” he said as he reached out his hand and brushed the melted snow off of her cheek. “Marrying a stranger like me.”

She felt herself blush. She wasn’t used to compliments.

And then he cupped her cheek and rubbed his thumb across her skin. “Beautiful, too.”

She stepped back and shook her head. “My hair is bright as brass, and I’m too large.”

“Oh?” he said with a frown.

She nodded emphatically. “Men like little women. I’m too tall and filled out.”

At that he chuckled quietly. “I happen to like my woman tall and, as you say, filled out.”