Mail Order Misfit (Brides of Beckham) (12 page)

"When we get home.  I'm not sure what to expect from mother's letter, so I'd rather be alone when I read it." 
She looked out over the river, trying to act as if it didn't matter to her.

He frowned.  "You don't think it will be a good letter?"

"I really have no idea.  She didn't want me to come here, so I can only guess it's going to be pretty negative."  She looked down at the chicken in her hand.  "I almost don't want to read it, but she's my mother."  She'd always given her everything she needed, and she'd made it very clear that she loved all her daughters.  She'd just smothered her more than she could handle.

"Do you want me to read it first?" He hated that she was so nervous about a letter from home.  He would do anything to help her with it.

She shook her head.  "If it's as negative as I think it'll be, I don't want you to see it."  She smiled.  "There's no reason to drag you into my family's craziness."  Her words were lighthearted, but he could see the sadness in her eyes.

He frowned.  "Let me know if you change your mind."

Once they were home and he'd carried everything in from the wagon, he kissed her gently.  "Do you want me to wait while you read it?" he asked, knowing she'd read the letters as soon as he left.

She shook her head.  "I can handle it."  She watched him as he left to go back to work and sat down at the table with her two letters.  She opened Elizabeth's first, because she knew it would be easier for her to read.  "Dear Elaine, Thanks for writing me to let me know you're all right.  I'm so glad Colin came along and asked you to be his wife.  My heart went out to you about what you said about John Black.  He will not be matched with a bride through my agency.  There's no way I could send a bride out there in good conscience.  I'm very thankful that despite his rudeness, you've found a man you're happy with.  Colin sounds like the kind of man that I'd want for you.  Loving and understanding of your infirmity.  I do hope the two of you are very happy together.  Please keep in touch, as I like to always keep up with my brides.  I want to make sure you remain happy in your marriage.  Your friend, Elizabeth."

Elaine smiled as she reread the letter, folding it back along the creases.  She would start a box to keep all the letters from home that were worth keeping in.

Pushing Elizabeth's letter to the side, she
opened the letter from her mother, taking a deep breath to get up the courage to read the words that were written there.  "Dear Elaine, I worry about you night and day.  Thank you for sending a letter to let me know that you married.  I hope that your husband is wealthy enough that he can provide a maid and cook for you because you know as well as I do that you shouldn't be on your feet for longer than it takes to get out of bed and walk to the parlor to sew."  Elaine looked around the tiny house she lived in with Colin, and thought about how upset her mother would be if she could see it.  She didn't have a room that could even be jokingly called a parlor.  "I hope to be able to travel out to see you and your new husband at Christmas time.  I went to Elizabeth Miller's house to see if she'd received any word of you, and she informed me that you married a different man than you set out to marry.  Did the first one realize that you were too weak to be able to keep house for him?  Is that what happened?  I understand your new husband's name is Colin Monroe, but that's really all I know about him.  Why didn't you tell me that you married another man? You shouldn't hide things like this from your mother.  I've dedicated the last twelve years of my life to keeping you safe from harm, and that's the thanks I get?  You don't tell me that you go to another state to marry one man and end up married to another? I certainly hope he has a maid to help you, because if you're doing the heavy chores around the house, you'll be worthless to your husband in a matter of weeks, and you know it as well as I do.  Why don't you ever listen to me?  You should have stayed home where you were safe instead of running off to Kansas of all places. Have the Indians come after you yet?  Please tell me your husband doesn't leave you alone all day where you could be hurt by savages.  Oh, I'll worry until I come out there and see for myself.  Expect me at Christmas time.  I'll send a letter with my exact arrival time as soon as I can.  Love, Mother."

Elaine folded the letter up and put her head down on the table, crying silently.  What was it about her mother that always made her feel about three inches tall? 
Why could she not see that Elaine was stronger and more capable than she gave her credit for?

Chapter Six

Elaine didn't know how much time had passed before she got up and put the letters in her drawer in the bedroom under her nightgowns.  She knew Colin would never look there, and she wasn't ready for him to know just how much her mother had babied her and how she would look down on him and what he provided for her.

She worked hard to keep from crying as the day progressed, although she kept thinking about her mother's words.  She didn't want her to come to Kansas.  She would take one look at the small house she shared with Colin and say it wasn't good enough.  She was walking better than she'd walked in ages, because she had strengthened her leg through a lot of use.  Her back would get sore by the end of the day because of the disparity in the length of her legs, but she felt better than she had in years.

When Colin came into the house at the end of the day, he could see that she was extremely upset and knew it must be one of the letters she'd received.  He washed his hands, soaping them long and thoroughly before sitting down at the table.  "Did Elizabeth say if she'd send another bride out to John?"  He knew it would upset her if another woman were sent to Kansas to be treated the way she had been treated. 

She put the pork roast on the table in front of him and brought over a bowl of mashed potatoes.  "No, she won't.  She thanked me for telling her
what happened and said that John wouldn't get a bride through her agency." 

Colin nodded.  "That's good news.  I'd hate to think what he'd be like if another less than perfect woman came out here to marry him."  He watched as she took the spot across from him and took her hand, bowing his head for their prayer.  "So what did your mother have to say?"
  If it wasn't Elizabeth, it had to be her mother.  He hoped there had been no deaths or illnesses in the family, but judging by Elaine's face, he expected the worst.

Elaine felt the tears prick her eyes at his question.  "I'd rather not talk about Mother's letter."
  How could she tell him that her mother found her deficient in every way.  If he couldn't see for himself that she wasn't good enough for him, she wasn't about to be the one to tell him.

"Was someone ill?  Was there a death in the family?"  His voice was full of worry for her, and she smiled.

"No, just the usual nonsense from my mother."  She smiled at how concerned he was.  It was nice to be the center of his world the way she was.  No one else had ever acted as if she were that important.

"I hope you know that you're the perfect bride for me, no matter what your mother's letter might say."  He took a forkful of mashed potatoes and brought them to his lips.  "I think your leg is getting stronger with all the work you're doing as well."  He tried not to bring her leg up often, but he felt that in this case, it was necessary.  Her mother didn't really have anything else to denigrate her for that he knew of.

Elaine didn't answer, but instead she toyed with the food on her plate, not feeling any great appetite.  "Rebekah and Laura invited us to have Thanksgiving with their parents. They said it would be really nice to have a decent pie for a change."
  She hoped he'd want to go.  It would be fun to be with her new friends for the holiday.

Colin accepted her change of subject, but he couldn't help but watch her to see if she was all right.  Finally, he nodded.  "I think that would be all right.  It would be nice to have a lot of people around for the holiday."  He took a sip of water.  "Will it bother you to spend Christmas with just the two of us?"
  He watched her carefully, knowing that if she said it would bother her, he'd throw a party for all of Kansas City on Christmas Day just to keep her happy.

She shook her head. "Mother says she'll be here for Christmas, so we won't be alone. I don't know if that means she'll bring the entire family or just come on her own."  She didn't mention that she didn't want her mother to even think about coming.  She didn't want her there at all. 
How would she be able to keep her new-found confidence with her mother there trying to tear her down?

"I can understand if she wants to meet me. I wouldn't want my daughter to be married to someone I'd never met."  He hoped that was the only thing h
er mother had said to upset her, but judging by the look on her face, he doubted that was the case.

She nodded. "Honestly, I can understand that.  She doesn't think I should be married to a man who
doesn't have the money to hire a maid because standing to cook and clean is too much for me."  She made a face.  "I hate that she treats me like an invalid.  I'm a strong capable woman, but after reading her letter, I feel like I should give up and just sit and sew for the rest of my life, which is exactly what she wants me to do.  After reading that letter, I feel even worse about not being able to clean the floors myself.  It's like she just drove home the point that I'm not good enough or
whole
enough to be a good wife, and I never will be."  She felt the tears trickling down her face as she said the words to him, knowing there's no way he could understand the emotions involved.

Colin shook his head.  "I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.  I couldn't have sat down and written out the qualities I wanted in a wife and had someone create her for me, and come up with someone better than you.  You are the wife I wanted and needed.  I wouldn't change anything about you."
  She truly was the wife he'd needed his entire life.  How could she not see that?

Elaine took in a shaky breath and released it slowly.  "It really doesn't bother you that I drag my leg around?"
  How could it not bother him when it bothered everyone else she knew?

"It never has.  I wouldn't have wanted a woman who is perfect, because I'm not perfect myself."
  He couldn't imagine how a perfect woman would react to him and all of his flaws.  He knew Elaine appreciated him, but she only did because she was flawed herself.  He wouldn't have changed her flaws for anything, because they made her who she was.

Elaine smiled at that.  "That's not what people around town say.  They all sing your praises.  I think you're pretty darn special myself."  He blushed, which was something she'd never seen before.  "Do you get embarrassed when people say good things about you?  Really?"  She didn't know why she found so much pleasure in his embarrassment, but she did. 

"I don't know who you've been talking to, but I'm far from perfect.  If I'd been perfect, I'd have helped you find a place to live so you could slowly get to know people in town instead of marrying you right off.  That was selfish of me.  You maybe would have found a man with enough money that you could have had a maid and a cook."  He felt guilty for not doing just that.  He knew it would have been the right thing to do even at the time, but he'd taken one look at her and wanted her for his wife, and done all he could to make it happen.

"I didn't want either of those things.  I like cooking and cleaning for you."
  How could he not realize that with as hard as she worked to cater to his every whim?

"But your mother is right.  You weren't raised to do those things.  You had an easier life growing up."
  He should have left her to her life of leisure, but it was too late now.  Even if divorce was acceptable, he'd never be able to let her go. His feelings for her were much too strong.

She shook her head.  "My life was too easy growing up.  I honestly loved to go play at a friend's house and help with the chore
s.  I've always enjoyed cooking and have spent countless hours in the kitchen with our family cook learning everything I can about it.  It makes me happy."  Cooking for him made her even happier, though, because he appreciated every little thing she did a great deal.  It was as if every small act of service for him was equivalent to climbing a mountain in his eyes.

"I hope you still feel that way in f
ive years when we have children, and you're working nonstop cooking and cleaning while taking care of a little one or two."  He grinned as he pictured it in his mind.  She'd have a toddler clinging to her skirts while she worked, and a baby lying in the bassinet off to one side of the room.  He'd need to build a bigger house. 

She smiled.  "Right now that sounds like heaven to me.  When it actually happens, I may feel differently."
  She loved the idea of holding his child.

He laughed.  "Yes, you might.  I hope not, though, because I love the idea of you being surrounded by our children and baking a cake.  You make the best cakes."
  He smiled and looked at her as if he expected her to magically pull a cake from behind her back.

"I didn't bake a cake for dessert tonight.  I'm sorry."
  She knew he'd be let down, and her eyes danced with mischief as she told him there was no cake.

His face fell.  "That's okay.  I understand you didn't have time what with the trip to town and everything."
  He couldn't believe how disappointed he was.  She'd made a dessert for him every evening since he'd told her he had a sweet tooth.  He knew he shouldn't expect it of her, but she always had one waiting.

Elaine got up and walked to the oven, opening it and removing the pie she'd baked.  "I'm going to teach the ladies to bake pies next week, and I've never actually done one on my own from crust to filling, so I thought I should practice."  She put the cherry pie on the table and cut a slice for him.  "I did have to buy the cherries already canned, but I had to add my own sugar to make it just right."
  She loved the look on his face as she brought the pie out, and he saw she hadn't forgotten his dessert after all.

She sat down with her own piece and waited as he took a bite, knowing she wanted to see his face as he took the first bite. 

He closed his eyes and savored the taste, chewing slowly and methodically.  "It's so shocking to me that you can cook and bake the way you do when your mother never allowed you in the kitchen."  His tongue went out to catch a stray bit of cherry from his lip as he devoured his pie as quickly as he could.

Elaine laughed.  "She left the house a lot, and I would sneak into the kitchen and sit with our cook and help her.  It gave me something to do and I
enjoyed the cook's company a great deal."  She smiled as she mentioned Mrs. Jenkins and all she'd taught her behind her mother's back.  Why, she wouldn't even know how to wash dishes if it hadn't been for Mrs. Jenkins.

He chuckled.  "That explains it all.  Thank you for being a disobedient daughter and learning the skills I needed in a wife."
  He winked at her as he said the words to let her know he didn't think she'd been terribly disobedient after all.

After supper, he dried the dishes for her despite her complaints.  "I can help you if I want to.  I know you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself, but it doesn't make me any less of a man to dry the dishes for my wife."
Once he would have thought that it would unman him, but he'd learned a lot from her in the past few weeks, all lessons he hadn't realized he needed to learn.

She sighed.  "Just so you know that I can do it, I guess it's all right.  I just think you should be able to sit back and relax after working all day."
  It always made her feel like he didn't think she was capable when he helped, though.  She wasn't certain why, but she'd rather he calmly sat and watched her clean as he did most nights.

"Well, I know how I want to relax tonight, and it's not sitting at the table.  I can't relax the way I want until m
y wife is done with her chores for the day."  He waggled his eyebrows at her letting her know just what kind of relaxation he meant. 

She laughed.  "You know you are absolutely insatiable.  How can I keep a man who onl
y thinks of being in bed happy?"  She shook her head at him, while she laughed, letting him know that she loved how much he wanted her.

"Go to bed with him, of course.  But that's not fair anyway.  I think of a lot more than being in bed.  I think of cakes and pies and cookies and cinnamon rolls.  I think of cinnamon rolls a lot."
  He licked his lips as if he could taste the cinnamon rolls.

"But I've never made you cinnamon rolls."  She looked at him questioningly.

He pouted, looking at her with pleading eyes.  "I know.  I'm heartbroken over that fact." 

She sighed.  "Cinnamon rolls, huh?  I guess I'll make something new."  She shook her head.  "A woman might think that you only married her for her cooking ability and bedroom willingness."
 

"No!  There's more...um...I'll let you know when I remember what it is..."  He winked at her as she laughed.

*****

Elaine made double the dough she usually made for bread the following afternoon, knowing she was going to use about half of it for cinnamon rolls.  She couldn't resist her husband.  She'd already made two new kinds of pies and had them resting on the work table.  One was apple, and one was blueberry. 
He would be in sweets heaven when he got home and saw what she'd been working on all day. 

She hummed a little tune as she
rolled out the dough for the cinnamon rolls, standing beside the table, when the door slammed open loudly, banging against the wall.  She looked up, startled.  Colin wasn't due back for several hours, and she had never heard him slam anything.  He was too gentle for that.