Major Karnage (37 page)

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Authors: Gord Zajac

Tags: #Science Fiction, #Satire

BOOK: Major Karnage
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As they delved deeper, the green lights grew less frequent while
the white became more prevalent, the tint of the tunnels slowly
changing to a soft grey. The toxic stink of squidbugs became less
intense, the air cooler on Karnage’s skin. It wasn’t exactly fresh, but
it stung his nostrils less.

Eventually, they arrived at a section of tunnel where there was
no green light at all: just a single lone pulse of white rhythmically
oscillating through the walls like a heartbeat. They traced it until
they came to a hatchway where the white light was glowing in the
surrounding tubes.

Karnage looked out through the hatchway into a main corridor.
A single squiggling pipe ran along the wall and around the massive
doors. Nothing glowed or squiggled in the hallway, save for the lone
pulse of white coursing its way through the wall. It was deathly
quiet.

Karnage looked back at Stumpy. “I’ll go first. You see any
squidbugs try to ambush me, you—”

Sparks flew around the hatchway as the corridor echoed with
loud machine gun fire. Karnage and Stumpy threw themselves
against the wall of the tunnel.

The gunfire abated, and Karnage heard the faint sound of spent
shells tinkling against the floor. A voice called out to them from the
darkness.

“You best come out of there, you fuckknuckling fuckmonkeys, or
I will blow your donkeyfucking faces off!”

Karnage grinned so broadly that it hurt. He looked at Stumpy.

“What the hell are you smiling about?” Stumpy said.

“I know that voice.” Karnage shouted out through the hatchway:
“Captain Daisy Velasquez! You will stand down and cease fire! That
is an order! You hear me?”

There was a long pause, and the voice called from the darkness:
“Major? Is that you?”

“You’re goddamn well right it’s me,” Karnage barked. “Now stand
down and cease fire!”

Karnage heard the gun reload with a loud chunk. “Prove it,” she
said. “Show yourself, and maybe I’ll think about not firing.”

“What kind of backwater bohunk do you take me for, Vel? I know
you. You’ll shoot first and apologize for it later!”

“You stay hidden, I’ll shoot you. You come out and I don’t think
you look like the Major, I’ll still shoot you.”

“What the hell kinda choice is that?”

“It’s the only one you get. You got ’til I count to ten. Better make
up your mind quick, cuz I count fast.”

Stumpy looked at Karnage. “You trust her?”

“I trust her to shoot anything that moves,” Karnage said. “Still,
we don’t have much choice. How do I look?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do I look like me?”

Stumpy shrugged. “I guess.”

Karnage nodded. “Good.” He called out to Velasquez. “All right,
I’m coming out!”

Karnage stepped through the hatch. He was surprised and
pleased that he wasn’t instantly hit with a hot spray of bullets.
She
must be mellowing in her old age.

Velasquez emerged from the darkness, holding a gun larger than
she was. The muzzle was pointed directly at Karnage’s chest. She
slowly lowered it as her jaw dropped.

“Well, suck my dick ’til my hips cave in,” she said.

“You don’t have a dick, Captain,” Karnage smiled.

“Neither do you.” Velasquez returned the grin. “But that hasn’t slowed you down none.”

Karnage closed the gap between them and they shook hands.
“Major,” she said.

“Good to see you again, Captain.” Karnage turned back to the hatch. “Stumpy!”

Stumpy tentatively stuck his head out.

“Front and centre,” Karnage barked.

Stumpy climbed out of the hatch and joined the two of them in
the middle of the hallway.

“Captain,” Karnage said, “this here is Corporal Stumpton, my latest conscript.”

Velasquez shook Stumpy’s hand. “Welcome aboard, Corporal.”

“Call me Stumpy.”

Velasquez nodded, and turned to Karnage. “We’re glad you were
able to find us, Major.”

“Us?” Karnage’s eyes lit up. “You mean . . .”
Two more figures emerged from the darkness. Karnage’s eyes
sparkled.

“Heckler,” he said. “Koch.”

Koch was leading Heckler from the darkness, an arm propping
him up. Heckler’s body tensed as he oppressed the occasional
snigger.

“Heck,” Karnage said. “You’re not laughin’ no more.”

“He even talks some now,” Koch replied.

Karnage turned to Heckler. “Is that true?”

Heckler whispered in Koch’s ear. “He said he’s doing better,
but he’s not one hundred per cent yet. And he’s sorry. For all the
laughing. Says he couldn’t help it.”

“You got nothing to apologize for, Sergeant,” Karnage said, “with
what you been through. I’m just glad to know you’re gettin’ better.”

“He says you should thank Cookie for that,” Koch stated after a
moment’s whispering. “It’s all his doing.”

Karnage grew excited. “Cookie? He’s here?” He craned his neck,
hoping to see the corporal emerge from the dark. “Where is he? Why
isn’t he here?”

Koch and Vel shared an uncomfortable look.

“It’s . . . complicated,” Vel said.

“What do you mean it’s complicated?”

“He’s not the same,” Koch replied.

“Not the same how?” Karnage grew alarmed. “What the hell’s
happened to him?”

Heckler leaned in and whispered in Koch’s ear. “He says we
should just show him, Vel.”

“All right.” Velasquez leaned her gun against her shoulder.

“Follow me.”

CHAPTER THREE

Velasquez led Karnage and the others through the darkened
corridor, the occasional white throb of light illuminating their way.
The squiggly pipe on the wall grew wider the deeper they travelled
down the corridor. Soon, the pulse of white squiggling down the
tube was as thick around as a beach ball. They followed the tube
into a round chamber where the tube coursed up into the middle
of the ceiling and descended straight down, ending in an open
sarcophagus held by three gnarled talons pouring up from the floor.
Inside the sarcophagus, Karnage saw a familiar face.

“Cookie.” Karnage walked up beside the sarcophagus. The tube
ran down into Cookie’s head, fading from translucence to the
opaque flesh colour of Cookie’s skin. White light throbbed out of
Cookie’s head like a heartbeat.

Karnage looked at Cookie in horror. “What the hell did they do
to him?”

“They’ve made him part of the system,” Velasquez said. “Like
a fucking computer chip. He’s supposed to be watching over some
kind of subsystem. He told me what it was once. I can’t remember
what. Probably stuck working the shitters. Poor bastard.”

Karnage could see inside Cookie’s skull through the tube. His
head looked hollow. Karnage turned to Stumpy. “You ever seen
anything like this before?”

Stumpy just shook his head, his eyes fixed on Cookie’s mangled
body.

“They tried to destroy his mind,” Velasquez said, “but he’s still in
there. He’s still Cookie. Go on, Major. Talk to him.”

Karnage stood over the sarcophagus. “Cookie?”

There was no reaction. Karnage tried again.

“Cookie? Are you awake?”

Cookie half-opened his eyes. His voice was barely a whisper. “Oh.
Hey, Major. You made it. I wasn’t sure—”

A crackling oscillation of green energy tore down through the
pipe, coursing into Cookie’s head. He convulsed in pain, his fists
clenched.

“What’s happening?” Karnage barked. “What’s going on?”

Velasquez’s eyes were hard and cold—like she’d seen this too
many times before. “They keep doing that to him,” she said. “That
green light is fucking killing him.”

The green light dissipated, and Cookie relaxed. He lifted his
wrist from his lap and slowly crooked a finger at Karnage. “Sit down
next to me, so I don’t have to talk so loud.”

Karnage knelt beside the sarcophagus. Cookie motioned him
closer. Karnage leaned in until his ear was almost pressed to Cookie’s
lips.

Cookie let out a gentle sigh of relief. “That’s better.” His voice was
nothing but breath. “What’s on your mind, Major?”

“I came back to stop the squidbugs,” Karnage said.

“That a fact?” Cookie whispered.

Karnage nodded. “It is.”

Cookie stayed quiet a long time. He took a deep breath. “Do you
know how you’re going to do it yet?”

“I’ve got some ideas,” Karnage said, “but I was hoping you could
help me work out the kinks.”

“Let’s hear what you’ve got.”

“I been told the squidbugs are like an insect colony. Or a hive,”
Karnage said. “That they take their orders from a central queen. And
that queen is runnin’ everything. How’s that sound so far, Cookie?”

“Not bad,” Cookie whispered. “Keep going.”

Karnage went on. “The way I figure it, the squidbugs are nothin’
without this queen. Just a buncha mindless squiggly beasts. We
kill the queen, and their command structure goes down. The whole
organization descends into chaos.

“The only problem is, I don’t know how to do it. Where’s the
queen? What does she look like? How do I kill her? I’m hopin’ you
can help me with that.”

“I’ll try, Major,” Cookie said. “I’ll try.”

He closed his eyes again. Karnage waited patiently, hoping
Cookie was just mustering his strength.

“The queen,” Cookie said, “isn’t a queen. It’s . . .”

“What is it, Cookie? What is it?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Nothing? What do you mean ‘nothing’? It’s gotta be somethin’,
Cookie. Everything’s somethin’.”

“Not this thing. It has . . . no body. No shape . . . no physical form.
It’s pure intelligence . . . nothin’ else. Just a collection of energy . . .
holdin’ itself together through sheer . . . willpower . . . pure thought
. . . pure energy . . .

“It controls everything . . . knows everything.” Cookie gave a
weak smile. “At least, it thinks it does . . . I been jammin’ the signal
when I can. It’s not easy, but . . . I been tryin’ to do my part. Not
always well, but . . . I tried. I really tried.” Cookie’s face fell. “I’m
sorry, Major.”

“You got nothin’ to apologize for, soldier. You done good.”
Karnage placed a reassuring hand on Cookie’s shoulder. “How do I
kill this thing, Cookie? Tell me how to destroy it.”

“You can’t,” Cookie said. “You can’t destroy . . . energy, but you
can disperse it . . . convert it to other forms . . .”

“Disperse it?” Karnage said. “You mean like with an explosion?”

“An explosion might do it,” Cookie said. “If it’s big enough.”

“How big?”

“Spragmos LV75 rocket . . . should do it,” Cookie said.

“You wouldn’t happen to have one of those lying around, would
you?”

Cookie smiled. “Vel?”

Velasquez jerked a thumb to a darkened alcove. “Got everything
you’ll need over here.”

Karnage looked down at Cookie. “You been plannin’ this a while,
haven’t you?”

“I’m tryin’, Major . . . tryin’ to do everything I can. It’s so hard.
It’s so . . .” Cookie closed his eyes. He opened them again in a few
minutes. “You need to go, Major . . . need to hurry. The Intelligence
. . . it’s dormant right now . . . lying in hibernation . . . inside the
Nucleus . . . until a host can be prepared.”

“If it’s lyin’ dormant, then what’s runnin’ the invasion?”

“The Intelligence,” Cookie said. “It’s so smart it can do it in its
sleep . . . doesn’t take any effort . . . like breathing. When it wakes
. . . that’s why you have to hurry, Major . . . have to stop it before it
finds a host . . .”

“What’s the host you keep talkin’ about?”

“It takes a new body whenever it arrives at a new world . . .
always something local . . . easier to adjust . . . more adapted to our
atmosphere . . .”

Another oscillation of green stabbed down into Cookie’s head.
Cookie’s mouth opened in a silent scream. Karnage shouted up at
the tube. “Quit fryin’ his brain, you squiggly bastards!”

The green dissipated, and Cookie lay silently frowning, his
pupils fluttering back and forth beneath his shut eyelids. Finally,
his eyes creaked open, and he licked his chapped lips. “. . . it adapts
everything . . . takes bits and pieces of it all . . . creates something
new . . . something that’ll accept both lifeforms . . . a middle ground
. . .”

“A merger,” Karnage said with a scowl.

Cookie smiled. “Yeah . . . the squidbugs . . . they can’t survive
outside for long . . . that’s why they smoke . . . acts like a filter . . .
keeps our clean air out . . . for now . . . until they change . . . until they
merge it all . . . until they merge us . . . until they merge themselves
. . .”

“Why change themselves? Why not just change us to match
them?”

“The Intelligence doesn’t care . . . does what it needs to do to
keep going . . . to survive . . . the squidbugs . . . everything . . . they
all change from world to world . . . Intelligence adjusts their forms
. . . to make them ideal . . . incorporates whatever it finds . . . fits it
all in . . . like me . . . like you . . . it wanted you, Major, for its host . . .
it picked you . . . most suitable . . . right genetics . . . that’s why they
wanted you for so long . . . why they hunted you . . . they were gonna
change you . . . give you to the squidbugs . . . make you suitable for
the Intelligence . . . but I stopped ’em, Major . . . I played a little . . .
shell game . . . I made ’em think you weren’t right . . . weren’t suitable
. . . I gave ’em someone else. . . .” Cookie’s face fell. “I’m sorry, Major
. . . I’m so sorry . . . if I had known, I wouldn’t have . . . how could I
know?”

“What Cookie? What didn’t you know?”

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