Make a Right (26 page)

He made one last effort to dissuade her. “No music.”

“I’ll
sing
.”

Tuck heard Cade sigh from behind him. He looked over his shoulder—he couldn’t not—and saw the resigned look that he’d thought had been erased.

“Tuck, let it go.” Cade took him by the shoulders and held him in place. He brooked no more argument, and there was no fighting with a statue. “It’s for them. One more time before the music ends.”

“There
is
no music.”

“You know this song by heart.”

Tuck reversed the position of power and grabbed Cade, holding him too tightly and too worked up to care that he
would
leave bruises this time. “You do not get to do this to me. Understand?”

“I’m not asking for me. I’m asking for them.” Cade took up the proper waltz position, bodies decently apart. “Do it. You can do anything you put your mind to, Tuck.” He studied Tuck’s face as if looking for something there he’d either lost or just now found. “I always wished I had that gift.”

There was something else about Cade’s face now. Something Tuck didn’t understand and couldn’t look away from, and not just because he loved the man. It was the past, the present, the inside and the outside, that hidden darkness and the rare glints of joy all blended together—those parts he could recognize—but something new too. Not quite sad. Not quite hopeful.

Resigned. Like he’d been shown a puppy in the window, been told he could take it home, and the promise shrugged away when the cost was too high.

Yet when he tried to pull away, Cade wouldn’t let him. Cade had already moved them into the dance.

“It wasn’t the worst thing about me,” Cade said.

“Christ.” Every man had his limits. Tuck was good at bouncing back, but for right now he’d just reached his maximum saturation point. “Hannah, enough. Rain check, I promise.”

He took Cade by the wrist before Cade would have let him go. “I know what you’re thinking, and stop it. I’m not leaving you. Just taking a minute to process.”

Cade’s frustration rose higher. “Why aren’t you—”

“Because I promised you I wouldn’t, and I keep my promises.” He yanked Cade’s sleeve to keep him there. “It’ll be okay if you let it. Don’t run away on me now. Just—”

“Give you some time,” Cade said, mouth twisting on one side. “Yeah. I guess I deserve that, don’t I?”

Chapter Twenty-one

Megan found Tuck outside after the sun went down. He’d hunkered down alone in the grass, leaning against the side of the house. Wasn’t often that Tuck went for the quiet places. He acted first and regretted it later.

But even so, every so often a guy had to stop and think.

Ask a sister to give that guy space and time he needed to do the job right. Seriously, go ahead and ask. Tuck was only half-surprised it’d taken more than an hour for one of the girls to track him down. The other half came from seeing Megan, not Hannah.

“Any point in me telling you not to worry about this and you believing me?”

“Not really.” Megan stood over him, hands on her hips, tapping one foot. He could see the professor she’d become once she had her doctorate. She’d scare the shit out of her students.

She’d make any man proud to be her brother, blood or no. “Sit down,” Tuck said, shifting over even though he didn’t have to. Making the gesture was the whole point.

Megan folded into a more graceful seat than he had, tucking her legs up beneath her. She picked a blade of grass from the lawn and nibbled on it.

“Pesticides?” Tuck asked.

She shrugged. “Live dangerously or lie down and die.”

“Cute. And about as subtle as an anvil with ACME written across the side.”

“If you want tea and sympathy, go find Hannah. Who, by the way, is flipping out over cupcakes unbaked and tapas untapped.”

“I’ll finish them later. Promise.” Tuck crossed his heart like a kid.

“Eh. Leave the recipe books on the counter. Just in case.”

“Brat.” Tuck could see she wanted to sit closer, and the man who took care of everything was who they kept telling him he was. He made a space for Megan and let her slide under his arm.

She tucked her head on his shoulder. “You remember what I asked you, when I first found out,” she said slowly. “Where you were now. You and Cade both said ‘better.’”

“I thought we were.” Tuck turned his hand palm up. “But every time I think I know the guy, where his head’s at, he turns it upside down on me.” He scoffed. “And Cade calls
me
the wild card.”

“Transference. You’re steady as a rock. Cade’s the one who—” Megan waved tornado-style.

“That’s loving.”

“Gonna tell me it’s not true? He’s messed up, Tuck. I love him. He’s my brother as much as you are, but there’s always been shitstorms going on inside his head.”

“I never—”

“You never saw it before because you loved him,” Megan said. “Then you loved him mostly out of it. Then,
flip
. As you said.”

“And here we are.” Tuck sighed. “And then there’s Thomas. Fucking Thomas. I can’t look at the guy without wanting to punch him in the face.” He studied the old scars on his knuckles. “Behold.”

“Jeez, nice.” Megan snuggled closer. “I kind of have to admire his balls for showing up when you would. Even for Cade.”

“You would.”

Silence for a moment.

“I keep asking myself,” Tuck mused aloud, “do I want to know the truth, really the truth? Or do I just want to backtrack to before any of this happened and do it all differently? To not know there was some kind of ‘worst thing ever’ he won’t talk about?”

She regarded him thoughtfully. “Come to any answers yet?”

“I’d like for it to be easy.”

“Name me someone who wouldn’t.” She tapped his knee. “I’m guessing you’ve tried asking him.”

“Until I was blue in the face and blue in the—”

“Yeah, I don’t think you need to finish that one.” Megan wrinkled her nose. “Men! The ones who don’t want to watch me and Hannah ‘in action’ ask me, totally serious, why I fell for a girl instead of one of them. XY’s don’t
talk
.”

“Girlie, all I’ve done is talk.”

“I bet. You talked at him, he talked at you. I should have used the word
communicate
.”

“No, it was more than that,” Tuck protested. “I thought. The guy won’t, though—look, Megan. You want to know where we are now? I have no fucking clue, except that every time I get close, something happens to push us further apart.”

Her tapping grew slower. He could feel the uneasiness in her, the unhappiness he’d started weaving this whole messy tangle to try to avoid. “And?”

Tuck didn’t want to say this. Hell, he didn’t even want to think it. It was a poison that’d sneaked in somewhere and tainted him, but… There you had it, the truth he’d been keeping locked down.

“Tuck?”

He plucked a blade of grass for himself and bit too hard, sinking his teeth into his lip and tasting blood. “And even for him, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“Damn it. I was afraid you’d say that.”

“You suspected?”

She shrugged.

“I really am the stupid one.”

“Not really. You just lead with your heart. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just a hard thing with Cade.”

Tuck grunted.

The warmth of her sigh tickled his neck. “I wish I knew what to say, I do, but I know math. None of this adds up. Him keeping something from you, for this long… There’s no equation.”

“I know,” Tuck said, as quietly as he’d ever said anything. “Would it help if I added some variables? It all started when I started working a second job to save some money for a house.”

She lifted her head. “Doing what?”

“Driving a limo for an escort service. No touchy, no feely. I would never cheat on him.”

“He knows that. He has to.” She laid her hand on his knee. “And he would never cheat on
you
. I think that hurt him, you know? Your zeroing in on Thomas and thinking the worst.”

That’d never occurred to Tuck.
Fuck
. If he’d felt dumb before…

Megan stopped him from thumping his head on the veranda. “Careful, okay? Jeez.”

“Does everyone know that too?”

“No. Maybe Hannah. Probably Thomas.”

Tuck shot her a sideways glare.

“I
am
trying to help.” Megan sat up, turning about to face him, and wrapped her arms around her knees. “The variables don’t help. Driving for an escort agency? Not really classy, but it still doesn’t add up.”

“Nope. Just driving. Trying to do something nice for us. Uh…” Tuck scratched the back of his neck. Well, why not? Maybe she’d see some pattern emerging if he told her the rest. “I kept it a secret. I wanted to surprise him.”

“Hmm.” Megan chose another blade of grass.

“Would you eat a salad or something if you’re that crazy for greens?”

She poked him in the knee. “Speak for yourself. You
ate
yours and swallowed it down.”

Had he? Great. Maybe he’d develop superpowers.

“You’ve surprised him with gifts before?” Megan prodded.

“Birthdays, holidays, yeah. It’s always been okay. This time, he flipped.” Tuck raised his hands. “Everything else came toppling down like dominoes after that. Now I find out there’s this ‘worst thing ever’? I’m trying, Megs. I am. But how much is one guy supposed to take?”

“You promised him, though.”

Tuck took the grass from her. “I did. He keeps breaking them for me. I lied to him before, when I said I wasn’t pissed over the priest thing. Did you know that too, Wise One?”

Her silence told him that no, she hadn’t picked up on the unspoken for once. Mostly because no one expected it of him, he guessed.

“I was mad. I still am. If that’s not the ‘worst thing,’ then what the hell is?”

“Ask him, Tuck. Just
ask
him. Why not?”

Tuck pinched his nose. “Because.”

“Not good enough.” She discarded her blade of grass. “Why not?”

“Because…”
Hell
. “Because I’m scared that when I find out whatever it is, I won’t be able to keep my promise. But I need to know, and it’s making me crazy. That’s all. What more could there be?”

Megan shook her head. “When you two screw up, you don’t do it halfway, do you?”

Tuck shrugged, leading the way into more silence. At least he wasn’t alone for it now. He’d forgotten how much that meant, just not being alone. He wondered where Suzie-Q was.

It was because of that hush that he heard it. Them. Two voices, male, murmuring to one another on the veranda. Not knowing Tuck sat around the corner, with Megan as witness.

Cade. Thomas.

Megan sat upright, pointing a sharp warning at him. “Uh-uh. Not like this. You know better.”

“Yeah. I do.” Tuck refused to be moved. “But if this is the only way I ever get to find out, come what may, then are you really going to stop me?”

She hesitated.

“Tell me you’d do it different if this was Hannah talking to me about you.”

Megan shook her head. “No. I wouldn’t. And that’s not fair to ask.” She stood, brushing off the dirt. “But that doesn’t mean either of us should. Eavesdroppers—”

“Never hear anything good, I know. But I’d rather hear the bad and just get it over with.” He raised his hands far apart. “Whatever happens, I’d rather hear it. I’ll pay the price.”

Megan regarded him skeptically. “Are you sure it’s worth
any
cost?”

“It has to be.”

She surprised him by bending at the waist to kiss him on top of his head. “Whatever it is, Tuck…just…hell, I don’t know. Just ‘just.’”

He took her hand in a brief clasp. “I hear you, Megs.”

That was as good as she’d get out of him, and she knew it. She beat it, almost silently. Girls were as good as cats that way.

Tuck wished Suzie-Q hadn’t taken to everyone quite as eagerly. He could have used some warmth and comfort right now who wouldn’t riddle him this or riddle him that, but them was the breaks, eh?

Tuck watched her go, then bent his head, and he listened. Listened for all he was worth and for the very last that he had to give. Otherwise?
Tapped out, that’s what I am.

Just like I blew all that cash because I couldn’t behave. That’s what I did with Cade.

If there’s a price… I can’t pay. Cade’s demons win after all.

Happy wedding to my sisters, huh?

So be it.

Thomas and Cade were still talking, so that meant now or never. Tuck crawled slowly, as silently as he could to his knees and edged out, giving him just enough room to see around the corner of the house. From there he had a clear view of Cade on the near end of the veranda, but with the lamp on and himself in the shadows beyond its reach, they wouldn’t be able to see him. Cade leaned on his arms on the railing, letting it bear his weight.

“Are you all right?” Thomas asked.

Him, Tuck couldn’t see, but it made things tighten in his gut to know Thomas was there, Cade listening, when Cade had pushed him down and turned his back.

“Yes. No.” Cade rubbed at his face. “I don’t know. I’m trying to work it out. Things were going well.”

“I’d noticed. Everyone did. And then they weren’t.”

Cade made a “you see?” gesture. “God. I can’t help myself, even when I try. Why is that?”

Silence. Tuck imagined Thomas shrugging, holding his peace to nudge Cade into going on. That worked more than it didn’t, but it was a trick Tuck never had caught the knack of. Mostly.

“What am I supposed to do?” Cade turned to lean against a veranda post. He looked beyond exhausted. “There’s no easy way out.”

Tuck’s chest ached where his heart banged tommyknocker fast against his ribs.
You’re looking for a way out
? He held still, but only just.

“You should tell him,” Thomas said. Hell, apparently that was going around.

“I’ve tried. I keep trying. I can’t
get there
. And while I’m working, doing the best I can, he keeps rooting for it like some damned bulldog. That’s Tuck. He sinks his teeth in and never lets go.”

Thomas made a small rumbling noise.

“I know it’s not a bad thing. I should be grateful. If he’d only let things go… Why can’t I let things go?”