MAKE ME A MATCH (Running Wild) (18 page)

The less things change, the more they remain the same

Eric watched her nearly sideswipe a car on her way out of the lot. He should have given her hot sweet tea or something. He was feeling a little shaky himself. That had been—he searched for a suitable word. Explosive? Phenomenal? Feeling weak in the knees and low in vocabulary, he tottered back into the office.

“So, boss.” Gladys was waiting, black eyes snapping, mouth pursed into a tight knot, arms crossed on her skinny chest. “Finally, a lady with a brain on her, and you treat her same as that Nema treated you.”

He opened his mouth to object, but he had to admit that he’d had sex with Nema in his office, on his desk. Numerous times, in fact, which of course Gladys knew about, thanks to Henry.

“Like Sex in the City around here,” Gladys hissed.

He couldn’t really argue that. Nema used to turn up in a raincoat with nothing on underneath, and she’d never said two words to Gladys. She hadn’t said many more to him, come to think of it.

“This one’s smart, funny, little bit plump so probably good cook. Got some money, gonna have a business. Likes you even when she’s known you long time. Your problem is you don’t know good thing when she turns up, boss. I think you need to talk to that Doctor Phil guy on Oprah, he counsels sex addicts.”

He tried his best glare, but it didn’t work on Gladys. “Tessa’s nothing like Nema.”

“Maybe she not, but you are,” Gladys snorted. “Maybe it’s true nobody changes, they just get more like themselves.”

God. He was surrounded by wackos. Did Gladys and Anna have long conversations when he wasn’t around? Probably. He slunk off to his office. It smelled strongly of musk, and he enjoyed it for a while and then opened the window to clear his head.

Sex was good. Sex was necessary for good health. He hadn’t had any since Nema walked out, so it was past time. He was no addict. He picked up the stuff that had gotten knocked off the desk and closed the lid on the condom container.

Sex with Tessa was way over the top on the Richter, in fact. But it had been pretty spectacular with Nema in the beginning, too, before—

Before what? Before he’d ended up feeling used, feeling as if he were just an appendage attached to a penis. He never wanted to feel that way again. He didn’t want to make anybody else feel that way either.

Tessa made him laugh, she surprised him, she intrigued him, she made him think. She also made him terminally horny, but that was good, wasn’t it? He felt hot all over again thinking about those navy panties, but once he really got his brain functioning, he started feeling not so good about the sex on the desk.

Maybe he was getting old, but he was starting to want more than just sex these days. Well, with Tessa, anyway. He could talk to her; she was funny and smart and open and caring. Sure, he wanted sex with her. Who wouldn’t? But it looked as if, for some glitch known only to the female mind, the two might be mutually exclusive: friends or lovers, was that the way it worked? Come to think of it, he hadn’t really had any female friends, apart from his sisters.

Maybe the sex thing should go on the back burner for a little while. He didn’t want to be just another notch on her bedpost.

On Sunday afternoon he drove Karen to the airport, and it dawned on Eric on the drive home that for the first time in years, he was a little strung out about a date. He’d told Tessa Tuesday wasn’t a date, but it was, and she had that bad impression of him from the cowboy thing. And maybe from the other thing, too. He’d stick to the friendship thing on Tuesday.

He called The French Laundry and reserved a table by the window. He checked the long-range weather report. If it was going to rain, the fair wasn’t the place to go, and Vancouver was having one of its wet summers.

The prognosis was sunny with possible showers. What the hell did that mean? He’d have to play it by ear, see how it looked. If it rained, he’d have to come up with Plan B, whatever that was. Just in case, he bought a new big, black umbrella and stowed it in the trunk of his van.

Sunday evening he cleaned the Volkswagen inside and out, washing, waxing, vacuuming, even emptying out the glove box and the console, which was a lucky thing because he found a black lace bra stuffed in there.

Nema again. She’d enjoyed stripping off clothing while they were parked in traffic. He’d hated to rain on her parade, but each time she did it he got really nervous and yelled at her to quit it. He had visions of the cops arresting him for aiding and abetting nudity. He dropped the bra in a Goodwill box when nobody was looking and drove away fast.

That potential catastrophe made him think about his apartment.

What if Tessa asked to see where he lived? He wasn’t going to have sex with her, but what if there was more lacy stuff under the bed or somewhere else he never looked and she did? It took seven phone calls and a hearty bribe to get a cleaning service to come and clean the place on short notice, and then the three women almost walked out when they got a good look around. The stacks of metal and the welding torch seemed to get to them.

It cost him double their usual wage to get them to stay, and when he found out what their usual wage was, it made him wonder if setting up a cleaning service designed for desperate singles shouldn’t be his next smart business move.

He didn’t want to be late, so he went for the kids twenty minutes early.

Sophie met him at the door looking frazzled.

“Eric, those nephews of yours just peed off the balcony onto the heads of the people who live directly downstairs. They were going to a wedding, and believe me, they weren’t amused. I offered to pay for dry-cleaning their clothes, but they said that this was vandalism, and that I’m obviously not fit to have children living with me, and they’re calling Social Services. I hate to make you the bad guy, but would you speak to the boys for me? I was so mad I couldn’t go near them without wanting to beat them. And they laughed.”

“Where are they?”

“In their bedroom. And for god’s sake don’t threaten them with staying home. I’m not ready and I have to make this meeting. The docs are deciding whether to strike.”

“Okay.” Eric glanced at his watch. If this took long, he’d be late picking Tessa up. He went into the bedroom.

Simon was playing with his D.S., and Ian was seeing how high he could bounce on the bed.

“Hi, Uncle Eric.” Simon sounded happy, fulfilled, and totally unconcerned.

“What kind of bullshit is this peeing thing, young man?”

Simon clapped a horrified hand over his mouth. “You’re not supposed to swear at us. Mummy says swears are not allowed.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not supposed to pee off Auntie Sophie’s balcony, either. I want you to apologize to her, and I want your word that you’re gonna behave yourself from here on in, or else.”

“Or else what?”

The cockiness in the kid’s voice was unbelievable.

“Or else I confiscate the toys you like the best.”

“Okay, Uncle Eric. I promise.”

“You better be a man of your word, Simon. Because if you’re not, that D.S. is coming to live with me. Same goes for Leap Pad.”

“I’m really sorry, Uncle Eric.”

He sounded as if he was this time.

Eric went through the same drill with Ian, except that Ian was a lot tougher customer. Threatened with the loss of his toys, he said, “I don’t care. You can have them if you want.”

“You won’t feel that way when you have nothing to play with.”

“I’ll just tell the policeman you’re ’busing me.” The kid was diabolical.

“Where did you hear about abuse?”

“At my baby-sitter. She said always tell the police if we were getting ’bused.” His chin wobbled and he whined, “When is my mommy coming for me? I wanna go to my house.”

Eric caved. He took the kid in his arms and held him close.

“Mommy’s gonna send you a letter really soon.”

“With the mailman?”

“Yup.”

For some reason that seemed to mollify Ian, and he promised he wouldn’t pee anywhere except in the toilet.

By the time he’d wrestled the kids into their shoes, found jackets and the action figure Ian wouldn’t leave behind, and waited fifteen minutes while Simon had a leisurely bowel movement, Eric had fifteen minutes left to get to Tessa’s, and it was a twenty-minute drive.

He considered calling and telling her he was running late, but he decided not to. He’d chance running a few red lights before he’d give her the impression he didn’t figure being on time was important.

Except he couldn’t run lights, not with the kids in the van. He drove with caution, using the time to lecture Simon and Ian on how they were to behave, no whining, no complaining, no deliberate burping. No farting.

That still left time to think about Tessa and wonder if she was thinking about his desk the way he’d been all day, although she didn’t have to work on it the way he did. He wondered what to say to her when they met, whether she’d be self-conscious. He’d make an extra effort to put her at ease.

They’d all have a great time, he assured himself. The kids would be worn out early, and they’d take them home and then have dinner at the Laundry. They’d talk, and then he’d ask her up to see his creations in his clean and tidy apartment. She’d actually seemed to like the stuff he had in his office. He couldn’t wait to show her Dog. That would be it, though. No sex, even though it made him sweat to remember how she’d wrapped those long legs around him.

When he got to her office, he rang the bell and waited for what seemed a long time. She wouldn’t have given up on him and gone home, would she? Ten minutes late wasn’t that bad.

The outside door finally opened, and he hauled the boys on the elevator and up to her office, but Tessa wasn’t there. A woman in black leather pants that accentuated astonishing hips and a black T- shirt that said BIKER CHICK in gold glitter was sitting behind her desk. She had haircut in a brush cut and dyed a funny shade of orangey red. She also had a lot of mascara and purple lipstick.

Eric stared at her. He figured he ought to know her, but he couldn’t for the life of him think who the hell she was.

The best laid plans of mice and men

She remembered him, though. “Eric Stewart, right?”

And suddenly it clicked.

“Mrs. McBride, how are you?” God above, it was Tessa’s mother, looking as if she’d taken up with the Hell’s Angels. He remembered her now, she’d had on an apron and a blue housedress last time he’d seen her, and her hair had been up in rollers under a chiffon scarf. She’d given him this same disapproving look, as if he had snot stuck to his nose.

Her gaze went to the boys, cowering behind him, and she smiled.

“Are these fine fellows your sons, Eric?”

“No, no, they’re my nephews. Ian, Simon, this is Mrs. McBride, what do you say?”

Ian stared up at her. “Are you a witch?”

Eric quickly said, “Is Tessa ready to go?”

“She’s in the bathroom, she’ll be right out.”

The buzzer rang, and Maria pushed the appropriate button. When the door opened Tessa’s father, Walter, came in. He smiled and stuck out his hand, and Eric took it.

“Hey, great to see you again, Eric, how’s it going?”

Eric liked Walter McBride. Before he and Maria divorced, the older man had always taken time to talk. Walter, too, was wearing leathers, and he must have had them custom made because the waistband fit neatly around his sizable potbelly. His hair, mostly white and thinning on top, was pulled back into a skinny ponytail tied with a leather thong. He jerked a thumb at the door.

“Did you happen to see my mean machine out in the street? I was just out checking on her, you can’t be too careful nowadays.”

Eric hadn’t noticed, but it seemed polite not to say so. “That bike yours? She’s a real beauty.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Walter beamed. “Maria and I were out for a spin, thought we’d drop in and say hi to Tess.”

As if her father had paged her, Tessa came out of the bathroom.

Eric tried to make eye contact. He gave her what he thought was a reassuring smile.

She scowled at him. “You’re late, Eric. Hey, guys, how’s it going?”

Simon took that literally. “It’s going pretty bad, Tessa. We peed on Aunt Sophie’s neighbors, and they all got really mad. Uncle Eric did, too, he said he’s gonna take all our toys away if we do it again. And we can’t fart.”

“Some people have no sense of humor.”

“You look great, Tess. Ready to go?” She had on soft gray pants and a hot pink, silky jacket thing. Under it was something tight and black and low cut, so the tops of her breasts just about showed. And now he knew exactly what they looked like, which didn’t do much for his blood pressure. He was still trying to figure out what the protocol was with her parents when she said, “We’re off, Mom, and I have to lock the office.”

“Time we were on the road anyhow. Don’t want to be out on the open road if that rainstorm hits,” Walter said.

“Rain?” The sun had been shining all day, and Eric had more or less forgotten about possible showers. He felt a twinge of foreboding. “It’s not gonna rain, it can’t. We’re going to the fairgrounds, there’s a carnival on.”

For some reason, Tessa shot daggers at him for revealing that.

“Supposed to have showers later on this evening. But maybe we’ll be lucky and it’ll pass right over,” Walter said. “Carnival, huh? That’s a thought, haven’t been to one in years myself. Wanna go to the carnival, Maria?”

“Not if it’s gonna rain,” she said. “Tessa, you should be wearing something more than that flimsy jacket. ”

Tessa ignored her. She was already in the elevator, the boy’s hands in hers. When they reached the ground floor, she whizzed them through the door and down the street. She said over her shoulder, “Are you coming, Eric?”

He said a fast good-bye to her parents and caught up with her beside the van. She was stowing the kids in the back.

“Hurry up, Eric. Let’s just get out of here before they decide to come with us.”

He hurried, and when they were a couple blocks away and there was no sign of a motorcycle behind them, she slumped back against the seat and let out a huge sigh.

“Can you believe that scene? Did you see my mother’s hair? And those pants, she really shouldn’t wear those pants. If that’s what menopause does to you, I’m having a sex change before it happens.”

Simon said, “What’s a sex change?”

Tessa shot Eric a horrified look.

He gave his head a reassuring shake and said to Simon, “It’s just an operation people sometimes have.”

“Because they’re sick?”

“No, it’s called elective surgery, which means they decide to have it.”

“Are you gonna get one?”

“Nope.”

“Can I have one when I’m big?”

“Only if you really, really want to,” Eric said. “Now, you guys be quiet for a while so Tessa and I can talk.”

Silence, back and front.

“Your folks look happy, Tess.” He didn’t know what else to say; they were sort of beyond description.

“Happy?
Happy
? They’re senile. They ride around on that death machine, they hold hands all the time. They seem to have moved in together, having totally forgotten how really well that worked the first time they tried it. I’ve spent years of my life listening to them rant and rave about each other, and now this.”

“Maybe it’ll wear off when winter comes, snow and ice, and they can’t ride the bike anymore. Maybe the novelty will wear off.” It had with him, countless times. He wondered how long it was going to take with Tessa.

“Yeah, maybe. But that’s a long ways off, and in the meantime, I keep worrying that Mom’s going to get preg—” She stopped abruptly.

“Uncle Eric, we’re not farting,” Simon announced in a righteous tone.

“My daddy died,” Ian commented.

“I heard,” Tessa said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Auntie Sophie told Auntie Anna it was a blessing in disguise. I know blessing from church, but what’s disguise, Uncle Eric?”

“It’s the opposite of dose guys. Now how about counting red cars for me? Ten cents for every red car you spot.”

They got into it, and Eric started to relax, but it only lasted until they approached the fair grounds. Parking was obviously going to be a problem. Eric circled block after block in widening circles. Even the kids selling space in their backyards had nothing left.

“I’m going to drop you and the kids at the gates, Tessa. I’ll be along as soon as I find parking.” He handed Simon twenty dollars. “You be the gentleman and pay at the gate for me, okay, sport? I’ll meet you by the hot dog stand just inside.”

“Okay.”

Eric dropped them, and finally located a parking space eleven blocks away. He locked the van, and he’d trotted six blocks when it started to spit rain and he remembered the brand-new umbrella he’d left in the back of the van. He sprinted the last few blocks, hoping his deodorant was as good as the ads claimed. It was only sprinkling when he reached the entrance gates.

“Good night for the fair,” the ticket vendor said. “Not too crowded, I guess people are scared it’s gonna rain.”

“It’s not,” Eric declared, handing over the money for the ticket. “It’s stopped, it was just a shower.”

“Hope you’re right.”

He saw them from a ways off. Simon was talking as fast as his mouth could work, and Tessa was laughing, so maybe the kid wasn’t saying anything really horrendous for once. The boys already had balloons. Ian was twirling around with his.

Eric’s chest expanded and he thought, Damn, I’m happy, and then he thought, this is what it would feel like to have a family of my own. It lasted a moment until he came to his senses.

Get a grip, Stewart. Take an aspirin and lie down till the idea goes away
.

“I love the smell of popcorn,” Tessa said when he reached them. “The taste, too.” Her eyes were shining, and her curls sparkled with raindrops.

“We’ll have to get some, then.” Eric bought it, and they wandered from one concession to the next, munching. He won a teddy bear and a beach ball throwing rings, and he felt like a hero because Tessa applauded.

The boys lost handfuls of quarters on the nickel toss and the digger machine. They went on Mad Mouse’s Wild Ride and the Corkscrew. Eric bought foot-long hot dogs, and when Tessa got mustard on her chin, he waited until the boys weren’t looking and then leaned over and licked it off. She didn’t pull away, so he figured she didn’t mind.

“You’ve got a sexy chin,” he whispered. “I noticed that Saturday.” He really needed to know how she felt about that.

“I’ll bet you say that to all the women you do on that desk.”

He should have had a snappy comeback to that, but instead he felt his face get hot. She couldn’t have talked to Gladys, could she?

They rode the tilt-a-whirl, and the octopus, but Tessa took Simon with her and Eric took Ian, so there was no chance to hold her close when she got scared and screamed. Simon was doing that for him. Who’d have thought he’d end up jealous of his five-year-old nephew?

Simon said, “Can we go on the roller coaster next?”

“I want the Ferris wheel,” Ian argued. “I’m scared of the roller coaster.”

Eric was secretly grateful. He wasn’t exactly scared of the thing. He just didn’t like being that far out of control.

“I get to sit by Tessa,” Ian declared as they lined up, and Eric felt like arguing the point, but decided against it. He’d get his chance at Tessa’s attention when the boys were safely home with Sophie.

Strapped in beside Eric, Simon talked nonstop all the way to the top. Tessa and Ian were in the next car, and after admiring the view for a while, it dawned on Eric that they’d been sitting up there looking at it for quite a long time.

He wasn’t the only one who thought so. People behind and ahead of them started to holler at the attendants on the ground, and soon it was pretty obvious that something was stuck.

Simon yelled out, “It’s broke, Ian, we’re gonna fall down.”

Ian let out a bloodcurdling scream.

“No, we’re not,” Eric said, although at that moment he wasn’t too sure himself. “Be quiet, Simon. Don’t scare your brother that way.”

It was too late. Ian was howling, and Tessa was leaning over him.

There was a breeze and the seats rocked. It was cold so high up, and as if that wasn’t enough, it started to rain again, not just a little. A lot. A cloudburst.

“What an adventure,” Tessa called to them, but her voice wobbled.

Some guy on the ground with a bullhorn apologized and said that there was nothing to be concerned about, just a slight problem with the gears, mechanics were working on it. Two teenage girls three chairs away started to scream, and a woman with a good pair of lungs hollered that she had to get down, she was afraid of heights, which made Eric wonder what the hell she was doing on the Ferris wheel in the first place.

The rain accelerated into a deluge. The seat rocked more and more as the wind increased. The rain became a torrent. Simon and Ian were wearing waterproof hoodies, and Eric’s jacket kept the rain off, but Tessa was getting drenched. Her hair was smashed flat to her head, and her face was soaked when she turned around to look up at him. She tried to smile, but her eyes were scared.

“We’re gonna die, I know we’re gonna die,” a man was shouting, and now Simon started wailing in earnest.

Somebody else hollered, “Shut up, you’re scarin’ my kid.”

Eric felt like maybe he was going to freeze to death or drown, whichever came first.

Tessa called in a small, scared voice, “Eric, do you think these things are hooked on tight?”

“Absolutely. They have to comply with safety regulations. They check them everyday.” She’d never know he was lying. At least they’d die together, the four of them. He was glad that Tessa was the last woman he’d ever have sex with. For the first time, he really understood what closure meant.