Make Me Desperate (3 page)

He ignored the sarcastic voice in his head.

“If I have to cancel any of our meetings in the future, I’ll call myself,” he found himself saying before she could deny him.

Her pretty, reddened lips—the ones he’d just debauched mercilessly—parted.

“Say yes, Harper.”

“I can say ‘yes’ on my own,” she told him with a flash of irritation, but her fixed stare on his mouth was an invitation.

He kissed her gently, coaxing away her impatience with him.
Harper’s mouth.
It had driven him to distraction when he’d been a boy. Clearly, it had the power to make him crazy as a man.

“Are you, then? Saying yes,” he asked against her mouth.

“
Yes
,” she whispered. She swallowed thickly. “I . . . can’t seem to help myself.”

“I know the feeling.”

He lowered his head again, drawn by her scent. Her taste. A moment later, he released his hold on her reluctantly.

“I should go,” she repeated.

“You go first. I’ll wait here for a bit, and then leave when the coast is clear.”

She took a moment to splash some water on her face and wash her hands. He noticed her anxious expression in the mirror as she smoothed her tousled hair.

“You look beautiful,” he said sincerely.

Her startled gaze flew to his. Their stare held in the mirror for a few seconds before she ducked her head, turned, and left the bathroom.

Why had he done it? Why had he wanted her to risk something big, like her job, in order to be with him? It was wrong, clearly, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

His expression looked grim and cold in the mirror.

It was his childhood longing—it was Jake Tharp—that was controlling him again, Jacob acknowledged as he washed his hands and splashed some water on his face. After that day at the courthouse, Harper had gone with her parents—the perfect, beautiful reunited little family—and left him alone.

Of course he’d known it was the only logical thing a twelve-year-old girl could do. She couldn’t do whatever she wanted. She was subject to the will and whim of her parents.

But had she at least
wanted
to keep their connection, like she’d claimed she had?

During Regina’s latest crisis in Napa, he’d spent some time with Dr. Fielding, her psychiatrist. Jacob had asked Fielding in a casual manner about hypnosis.

“Could a hypnotist make a patient completely forget their trauma?”

Dr. Fielding’s answer had been that a skilled hypnotist could distance a patient from memories of the trauma, make them feel less distinct and emotionally overwhelming, thereby lessening the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

“Could a hypnotist make someone completely forget a positive relationship? A friend, for instance?”

Dr. Fielding’s answer:
“Very unlikely. A hypnotist can’t make a patient do something that the patient isn’t otherwise inclined to do.”

Jacob wiped off his face with a towel and faced the door, mentally donning the cold strength of his public armor.

Something that the patient isn’t otherwise inclined to do.

There stood the crux of the issue. If Harper had forgotten him under the influence of treatment from her father, then she’d done so because part of her wanted to.

Maybe she’d
needed
to, to free herself from memories of Emmitt Tharp, she had to forget Jake Tharp, as well. It pained him, thinking of
all
the memories being swept away, the ugly ones along with the sweet.

Twenty Years Ago

It was pitch black in the cave that night. He couldn’t see or feel her, but all Jake could think about was Harper McFadden’s body lying a few inches from his on the hard earth. He wanted to say something to her, but his mind kept going blank as to
what
.

“It’s cold,” she whispered.

He sat up slightly. “Are you catching something? Your nose sounds stopped up.”

“Probably from stress. My dad says you’re more likely to get sick if you’re under stress. And it’s freezing in here. Can’t we start the fire up again?”

Jake had insisted they dampen their campfire after they’d eaten their dinner of soup and Pop-Tarts. They’d shared the soup out of the can. He’d only brought one spoon. He’d been glad to learn that Harper didn’t seem to think it was gross to share it with him.

He eased back down onto his back. “We shouldn’t have a fire, unless we really need it for cooking. It’s risky. You can see a match glowing for hundreds of feet on a night as dark as this one.”

“Your uncle would have to be in the entrance of the cave to see the light, wouldn’t he?”

“Yeah. I’m not saying it’s likely anyone would see. Just better to be sure.”

The idea of Emmitt standing silently at the entrance of the cave, listening to their hushed voices, creeped him out. She didn’t reply, but he sensed her shudder. Maybe she’d thought of the same thing. Or maybe she was just freezing. It
was
chilly out for August. The temperature had fallen into the sixties with nightfall, and would probably go lower. Plus the dirt-covered limestone floor and the air in the cave were naturally cooler than outdoors.

He’d brought a total of four camp blankets, two in each backpack. They’d put down one each for them to lie on, and each of them had one to cover them. He wanted to suggest they could share the same blankets, but he was too nervous to say it out loud.

“How come you live with your uncle?” she whispered.

“My mom’s dead.”

“What from?”

“Cancer. I don’t hardly remember her. She died when I was four. We lived with Grandma Rose ’til then. My mom and Grandma Rose got along, even though Mom wasn’t her real daughter, only her daughter-in-law. Then Mom died, and Grandma Rose got too sick to take care of me. She’s got a bad heart. Damaged valves. She gets real weak. There was nowhere to put me but with child services or with Emmitt.”

He heard her shift in the darkness, and knew she faced him. The cheek nearest to her tingled, like his skin knew she was watching him in the darkness.

“What about your dad?” she whispered.

“Gone. He’s got bad blood.”

“You mean he was sick?”

“No. Just bad. Like Emmitt. Evil,” Jake replied darkly. “Grandma Rose says she doesn’t know where her boys got it from.”

“You shouldn’t worry that you’ll be like them.”

He twisted his head. “I’m not worried about that! I ain’t nothing like them.”

“I know. Glad
you
know, too,” she shot back, and he sensed her rustling again, trying to get comfortable on the hard ground. “My father says that both your genes and your life experiences go into making you who you are, but there’s always the X factor.”

Jake came up on his elbow, interested. “The X factor?”

“Yeah. An unknown factor. I don’t know why they call it the X factor,” she whispered.

“I do. I mean . . . maybe I do. Because
X
is the unknown. Like in math. When you solve equations, you solve for
X
.”

“That’s algebra, isn’t it? We don’t start it until next year. What grade are you going into?”

“Eighth.”

“Oh, I thought you were younger.”

He grimaced. “I’m going into eighth, but they let me take eighth-grade math last year. This year, I’ll take ninth-grade algebra. Advanced class,” he said, trying to bandage his wounded pride. Had she thought he was younger than her?

“I hate math,” she said.

“I love it. I mean . . . I don’t
love
it,” he amended, embarrassed. “But it’s okay. And I’m good at it. What do you like at school?”

“English,” she replied eagerly. “Do you like to read?”

“Yeah. I just read
Dune
. Did you read that?” he asked, heartened at how easy it was starting to feel, talking to her.

“Yeah. I love sci-fi. Fantasy, too. Did you read
Lord of the Rings
?”

“No. I will if you think it’s good. I have a library card. Well, I
did
,” he added under his breath. He’d had to give an address to get a library card. When Emmitt discovered the card in his bedroom, he’d gone stark-raving mad at the idea of Jake putting down the location of his secret mountain property on a legal document. It hadn’t mattered that Jake had insisted he’d put down Grandma Rose’s address, like he always did for school registration. Jake didn’t even know if Emmitt
had
a postal address. Emmitt had been too far gone in his rage at that point, however, to listen to reason.

“I have
The Lord of the Rings
,
The Hobbit,
and most of the
Dune
books in my bookcase in my room,” Harper said. “My mom says I’ll have enough books to start my own library soon.”

Jake tried to imagine Harper’s room. He bet it was nice, filled with photos and things she liked. But he really couldn’t imagine the details of a girl’s room, let alone a rich, city girl’s room. He just thought it’d make him feel warm to be in it, just like it made him feel nice to be with her.

“Harper?”

“Yeah?”

“What did your dad mean? About the X factor?”

“Oh . . . I think it’s just that nature is tricky . . . hard to predict. Just when you think that you’d understand how someone was going to turn out, nature turns things upside down. Like when a person is born to these great parents and has a nice upbringing and
bam
: They turn out to be a total jerk. Or when someone has really rotten parents or a horrible childhood, but turns out smart and nice. Dad says it happens more than psychiatric journals admit.”

“Really? I mean . . . nature does that?”

“Something does. That’s why Dad calls it the X factor.”

He experienced an overwhelming, inexplicable need to hug Harper McFadden. Embarrassed by his rush of feelings, he remained very still and silent.

“Jake?” she asked after a pause.

“Yeah?” he said, rolling his head on his backpack. He sensed her hesitation.

“What do you think your uncle was planning on doing to me?” she asked in a very small voice.

“I don’t know exactly,” he evaded.

“Yes you do.”

“I think he wanted to hurt you.” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Did he? Already? After he snatched you, and brought you to his place?”

“He hit my head really hard. When I woke up, there was a sack over my head and he was ripping off my clothes.” Her voice had gotten so quiet, he almost couldn’t hear her. “His hands . . . the way he was touching me, it was like he didn’t even think I was a human being. Like I was a piece of meat or—”

“Garbage,” Jake finished dully. “Did he force himself on you?” he asked at last, dreading her answer.

“Rape me, you mean?” she whispered. “No.”

He exhaled in relief.

“But he took all my clothes. He . . . he saw me naked and treated me so rough, bruising me up with his hands.” Something about her voice made him think she was close to tears.

“He’s horrible.”

“He’s going to go to prison, for what he did,” she said, sounding fierce and miserable at once.

“Yeah,” Jake agreed, even though he seriously doubted anything could stop Emmitt from doing exactly what he wanted, let alone a local police presence that Emmitt regularly paid off or ran circles around.

“So . . . do you think that’s why he did it? Because he planned to . . . rape me later? You said he was going to give me to someone else. Were
they
going to rape me?”

“I don’t want to say, Harper.”

“Tell me. I deserve to know, even if it is horrible. I’m not a little kid. Don’t treat me like one.”

“It happened before.”

“You mean . . . he brought another girl there?”

“Yeah,” he replied, his voice just above a whisper.

“What happened? Did you help her get away, like you did me?”

“Damn it, will you go to sleep, Harper?”

“
Jake
, I just wondered—”

“Just shut up! Give me a break, okay? I was a little kid. I was eleven years old, and when I did try to talk to that other girl, Emmitt caught me at it, and he—”

He broke off, horrified to realize the truth had almost all come spilling out of him, that he’d almost just revealed something so deeply shameful to
her
, of all people. One second, they’d been talking calmly, and the next, his weakness had been in the spotlight. He swiped his hands over his cheeks angrily, thankful for the darkness so that Harper wouldn’t see him crying like a baby. Neither of them spoke for a moment as he got a hold of himself, and his breathing evened.

“It must have been awful. I’m sorry for asking you so many questions,” she said finally.

“It’s okay,” he mumbled, deeply ashamed of his outburst.

“Do you really think he’ll kill you if he finds us?” she whispered, and he heard the tremor of fear in her voice.

“Maybe not. Maybe he’ll just beat me. It’ll be okay. I’m used to that.”

“That sucks.”

“I can take it.”

“Not the beating. That you’re used to it.”

Another silence descended, one in which Jake became even more hyperaware of her than he had been before. It was like some kind of invisible cord joined him to her.

“Jake?”

“Yeah?” he replied tentatively.

“Do you want to share the blankets? We could put two of them under us that way, and two on top. We could get close together. Share body heat. That’s a thing, right?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. It was most definitely a
thing.
“Okay.”

He rose from the hard floor, the prospect of Harper’s body pressed next to his making him weak.

Present Day

The young, capable-looking young man that had parked Harper’s car on the night of the cocktail party was the one to come and collect her that night from her town house. Harper opened her front door before he had a chance to knock.

“Hello,” Harper said, stepping over the threshold and closing her door behind her. “It’s Jim, isn’t it?”

“That’s right,” the chauffer said, seeming pleased that she’d recalled his name.

He seated her in the backseat of a dark blue Mercedes sedan a moment later.

“Quite a hot spell we’ve been having, isn’t it?” Jim asked her politely from the front seat of the sedan as he pulled out of her complex a moment later.

“Yeah. Tahoe Shores will be packed for Labor Day, I imagine, with weather like this.”

She saw Jim nod as he drove. “Yeah, people will be arriving in droves tomorrow. The barge came today. Always a big deal this time of year.”

“Barge?” Harper asked curiously.

Jim met her gaze briefly in the rearview mirror. “The barge that will set off Mr. Latimer’s fireworks?”

She shook her head, smiling. “I’m new to Tahoe Shores. I’m not sure I know what—”

“Mr. Latimer puts off an awesome fireworks display, both on the Fourth of July and Labor Day. Everybody thinks it’s better than anything any of the local towns put on, even Reno or San Francisco. People flock to the beaches around here to see it.”

“Oh . . . that’s nice of him.”

“Yeah,” Jim chuckled at her understatement. “He’s a really generous guy. Despite it all.”

“Despite it all?” Harper asked, interested in what a young employee would actually think of Latimer. Was he referring to Jacob’s supposed shadowy past, and the potential need for him to do a lot of positive public relations and philanthropy, in order to make up for it?

“Despite all his money and everything, he’s a good guy,” Jim explained. “I didn’t know what to expect when I first drove him—Ms. Shields was the one to hire me, so I hadn’t met him until then. But he’s never been anything but nice to me. He really knows a lot about cars and engines and stuff, too, for someone so . . . you know . . .”

Jim faded off, and Harper didn’t press him to elaborate. She had the impression his youthful enthusiasm had gotten away from him, and that he’d been given strict orders never to be loose-lipped—especially about Latimer himself—with anyone he drove. Had Jacob learned about car engines as well as the workings of boats from the man he’d mentioned the other night on the yacht, the one he’d worked for when he was a teenager?

Like on the night she’d attended the cocktail party, Elizabeth Shields greeted her on the front steps of the Latimer mansion. She was dressed more casually tonight, but every bit as professionally, in a feminine white blouse and dark blue skirt that emphasized her trim figure. They greeted each other with polite friendliness.

“Jacob is still in a meeting, but will be with you shortly,” Elizabeth said briskly as she opened one of the heavy pine doors for Harper. She led Harper into the enormous, windowed great room. “He asked me to put you in the den until—” She broke off suddenly, and Harper realized why. Jacob and another man had just walked through the terrace doors on the far side of the great room. Harper saw Jacob’s gaze land on her. Everyone froze for a few seconds. The tall, gray-haired man noticed them, too, but no one said anything for a tense moment.

“Just follow me, then,” Elizabeth said in a muted tone to Harper after the awkward pause. A little bewildered, Harper jerked her gaze off Jacob and began to follow Elizabeth in the direction of the staircase and the corridor behind it.

“Harper.”

Harper stopped and turned. Jacob was stalking across the long stretch of the great room. He looked
good
, wearing a silver-gray suit, white shirt, and black tie. The coolness of the colors of his apparel seemed to set off the vibrant, warm tones of his bronzed skin and hazel eyes. From the corner of her vision, Harper noticed that Elizabeth had halted, as well.

“I was just finishing up,” Jacob said as he neared her.

“Don’t let me bother you,” Harper assured. “I’m happy to wait.” She smiled politely at the older gentleman when he trailed behind Jacob, approaching them. She recognized him as the United States secretary of defense, Stewart Overton.
Well, here’s confirmation of Ruth’s speculations about Jacob and Lattice still being involved with the Department of Defense.
Jacob glanced back at Overton.

“Harper McFadden, this is Stewart,” he said.

“Stewart Overton,” the man said, stepping toward Harper with his hand extended.

Jacob’s shoulder twitched in a
whatever works for you
gesture. Clearly, Jacob hadn’t expected the secretary of defense to reveal his full name.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Harper said, shaking hands. “Jacob has a lovely view here, doesn’t he?”

“Magnificent. We were just enjoying it. Best view of the lake I’ve ever seen.”

“Harper works for our local paper
,
but she used to be a reporter for the
San Francisco Chronicle,”
Elizabeth said tensely.

A silence settled.
Awkward
. Jacob gave Elizabeth a repressive glance, scowling, while Overton assessed Harper with a sharpened gaze.

“Well, Jacob knows how to keep his own house,” Overton said with an air of a man who had just made a decision. “I know he wouldn’t invite anyone into it who didn’t know the rules. Jacob? We’ll be in touch?” Overton boomed, briskly shaking Jacob’s hand. “No, Elizabeth, I can see myself up to the helipad. My pilot is waiting,” he said when Elizabeth began to hurry in his direction.

For a few seconds after Overton left the room, the three of them didn’t speak. Harper glanced uneasily from Elizabeth—who looked worried—to Jacob, who was still scowling slightly at his assistant. For a few seconds, she wondered if he was about to call out Elizabeth in front of her—Harper—but then—

“How about a swim before dinner?” he asked Harper suddenly.

“I didn’t bring a suit.”

“We have suits. In the pool house, right, Elizabeth?”

“Uh, yes.”

Jacob didn’t notice, because he was looking at Harper, but Elizabeth’s brow was knitted in consternation along with something else: disapproval. Elizabeth didn’t think Jacob should have allowed Harper and Stewart Overton to come into contact in his home. She disapproved of Jacob for allowing it. Apparently, she believed Harper shouldn’t be trusted, and that Jacob was being indiscreet—even foolish?—in allowing her to see too much of the secret inner workings of Jacob’s “house” as Overton had stealthily put it.

“Then we’re all set,” Jacob said, reaching for Harper’s hand. His jaw looked tense, and he was obviously irritated at what had occurred during the brief, charged exchange, but he clearly didn’t plan to address it with Elizabeth presently.

“Jacob, what should I tell Lisa about your dinner?” Elizabeth called.

“Nothing,” he replied without turning around. “I’ve told her to go home. So should you. We’ll fend for ourselves for dinner.”

Harper walked with him through the glass doors and out onto the magnificent terrace, going over in her head what had just occurred. The distinctive whistling, harsh chopping noise of a helicopter reached her ears. She paused on the second level of the terrace and looked back up at the mansion.

“I didn’t know you had a helipad up there.”

“Yeah.” He tightened his hold on her hand and urged her down the next flight of steps. “It comes in handy.”

“Jacob . . . I’m sorry, if I interrupted something—”

“You didn’t interrupt anything. He was leaving. I invited you here,” Jacob said firmly without turning around.

“Elizabeth wasn’t pleased that I came into contact with the secretary of defense in your home.”

Jacob paused slightly and glanced over his shoulder. “So. You recognized him,” he said with an air of resigned inevitability. He resumed leading her down the steps.

“I told you I wouldn’t leak anything I learned about you,” she said, coming up next to them as they reached the pool level and walked toward the pool house.

He frowned. “I wouldn’t be asking you here if I wasn’t confident of that at this point,” he said. “And it’s not a big deal, anyway. I just do some consulting work with him sometimes.”

Harper thought she shouldn’t mention that most people would consider him giving advice to a high-level cabinet member a pretty major deal.

“Maybe you should assure Elizabeth, then. That I’m not here in the capacity of reporter.”

They paused outside a glass door. In the distance, she heard the rough chopping sound of the helicopter rising in the air. Wind from the blades ruffled the bangs of Jacob’s burnished hair. Despite the novelty of a helicopter taking off just yards away, Harper couldn’t take her eyes off him.

“No,” he murmured, his rich, deep voice running over her skin and making it tingle. His agate eyes were heavy-lidded and a seduction all on their own. “That’s not why you’re here, is it?”

She swayed closer to him. Wind swirled around them, and the chopper noise grew fainter by the second. Why did he have to smell so good all the time? Just a nose full of his scent, and graphic memories bombarded her brain about their raunchy tryst in the
Gazette
’s
bathroom hours ago.

She cleared her throat and lowered her head, bullying her brain into focusing. “You
should
say something to her. Elizabeth, I mean. She seems concerned about me. And you.”

“Don’t worry about Elizabeth. I’m not.”

He lifted her chin, and their mouths fused in a taut, hot kiss. By the time she opened her eyes a moment later, the helicopter sound was a distant hum.

“Hi,” he breathed against her upturned lips a moment later. “I didn’t get a chance to greet you properly.”

She smiled. “That’s because you were meeting with the United States secretary of defense. I’ll forgive you. This time.”

He smiled and kissed her once more before stepping back.

“This is the women’s side,” he said, nodding at the pool house entrance behind them. “Suits are kept in the cupboard next to the showers. There are usually several brand-new ones in there for guests. I’ll meet you out here in a minute?”

“Okay,” she said, feeling a little light-headed and euphoric from his kiss. The idyllic surroundings. The prospect of spending the evening with him . . .

All
of it.

She felt a little self-conscious when she exited the pool house a few minutes later. Jacob had been right: there were several suits available. There were bikinis and maillots in a range of sizes. Harper had been determined to choose one that still had tags on it, however; one that was clearly unworn. She didn’t at all like the idea of wearing one of Jacob’s former lover’s swimsuits.

The only one with tags that was in her size was a cute dark blue bikini, but it was brief.
Very
brief. She felt like her breasts were exploding out of the top of it, and the bottoms were tiny. Thank God she’d shaved this evening. To make matters worse, she couldn’t find any cover-ups. She grabbed a thick white towel from a cupboard and held it in front of her midriff self-consciously as she exited.

Jacob was waiting for her, wearing nothing but a pair of black trunks that rode low on his trim hips, leaving the entire breathtaking landscape of his bronzed, cut torso exposed. He stood in the bright sun with his arms crossed below his chest, his stance lazy. Her gaze dropped down longingly over the thin strip of fine, light brown hair that went from his taut belly button and disappeared below the trunks.

“All set,” she said with fake cheeriness as she approached him. In a second flat, he ripped away her attempt at modesty by whisking the towel out of her hands.

“Jac—”

“Wow,” he said, checking her out appreciatively. “You look
amazingly
good in that,” he said, his stare now on her overflowing cleavage.

“Down boy,” she muttered, embarrassed but flattered, too. He laughed, white teeth flashing. She started in the direction of the pool, but he caught her hand.

“Let’s go to the lake,” he said, laughter still lingering on his lips, a sparkle in his eyes. Her heart gave a little jump. He was the most attractive man she’d ever imagined, let alone met . . . or allowed outrageous liberties sexually.

“Okay,” she agreed.

He led her down to a sandy beach that was enclosed on two sides by massive, stacked granite boulders. The water in the natural enclosure was calmer than it was further out. It shone in Harper’s eyes like a shimmering liquid sapphire.

“Do you want to take some boards out?” Jacob asked her.

“Boards?”

He pointed to several surfboards stored on a rack, along with a kayak.

“I don’t surf.”

“They aren’t surfboards,” he said. “They’re paddleboards.” She followed him over to the rack, watching as he lifted down one of the boards, his back muscles flexing and his gleaming golden brown skin snagging her attention “You can’t surf on Lake Tahoe. Not enough waves. But it’s perfect for paddleboards,” he said, standing the board up in front of her and waiting until she reached to hold it. “You’ve never done it?”

“No,” Harper admitted, checking out the board with interest while he turned to pull down another one. It was larger than a surfboard, she realized. “I’ve seen people doing it, though. Is it hard?”

“The hardest part is standing on it. It’s tricky, until you get used to it. Takes a lot of balance. You up for trying it?”

She glanced down at the brief little bikini top she wore and breasts that threatened to break free of their confinement at any moment. When she met his stare, she saw humor glittering in his eyes. “You know very well what’s going to happen if I try to stand up on one of these things wearing this bikini,” she said condemningly.

“I have faith,” he said, grinning.

Something rushed through her. For a few seconds, Harper just stood in place, even when he headed toward the shore, a paddleboard tucked under one arm and a paddle in the opposite hand. He’d looked so young there for a moment, so uninhibited.

So beautiful.