Making Choices (Black Shamrocks MC Book 2) (12 page)

Probably Beast’s, the way it’s looking.

I nod in agreement.

Fuck that. The two women I love are in the hands of one of the rats who worked with the Mavericks to attempt the patch over of our Club. If anything, we should be sending more brothers out, not bringing them in.

“Fuck this shit. Let’s go find Smoke. See what the fuck he knows.”

I push my thoughts about loving two women—two missing women who are in who the fuck knows how much danger—from my head. Now is not the time to examine the depth of my feelings for JJ, considering she’s probably going to run for the hills when we find her.

Pulling the front door shut behind us, we jog down to where our bikes are parked on the road. As I follow Mad Dog’s weaving trail through the busy streets, I can’t stop the panic that’s trying to choke me from taking hold. I’ve never been one to put a heap of stock in gut feelings, but my stomach’s churning with anxiety.

The voice in my head is telling me that Beast’s up to something.

He’s the last person I’d suspect of fucking over the Club.

His father was a driving force behind its creation, for crying out loud.

Yet try as I might, I can’t push away my suspicions.

JJ

Present Day

A
fter being thrown through the door, Maddi stumbles into the room we’re being held in and falls to the ground, rousing me from my light dozing. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but I didn’t sleep last night or the night before.

Exhaustion is something I’m used to with my hectic intern schedule, but the last forty-eight hours have been something else.

Something I would give every dollar in my bank account to never go through again.

Noticing that she’s bleeding from a cut to her lip, and that her top’s almost torn from her bruised upper body, my automatic response as a doctor is to jump to my feet to help her.

Dizziness overtakes me, followed by rapidly rising nausea.

Leaning one hand on the nearest wall, I swallow a few times, steadying myself before I make my way to her.

“Maddi, where are you hurt?” I question her as I roll her all the way onto her back.

Groaning, she opens her eyes and tries to smile. “I’m all right. Just give me a minute.”

Squatting on my haunches, I run my eyes down her body.

In addition to her bleeding lip, she has bruising to her neck, and her left eye is swollen. She can still open her eye, and although her top is ripped, she doesn’t appear to have any injuries that I need to tend to immediately.

“Come on. Let’s get you on the bed.” I hold my hands out to her and help her to her feet.

To be honest, she’s probably steadier on her feet than I am, because the second I stand, I’m overcome by dizziness and the urge to vomit again.

Depositing her quickly on the bed, I run to the bathroom and puke in the basin.

Rinsing my mouth out with the musty-smelling water that runs with reluctance from the tap, I splash some over my face, and stare at myself in the dirty mirror. My face is pale, my eyes bloodshot, and my hair is a disaster. I’m bone weary, the aftereffects of the ether lingering longer than I would have expected. I’ve been wilting for the last few weeks, and last night has sapped the last of my stamina by the looks of it.

Groaning as my stomach churns again, I make myself breath through it. The last thing I need is to succumb to the sickness that’s been stalking me for the last couple months.

Once I’m confident that I’m steady on my feet, I walk back into the bedroom.

Maddi’s pushed herself upright, staring at me with worry-filled eyes.

“Are you okay?” she asks, drawing her eyebrows together as she takes in my state.

“I haven’t eaten since lunchtime yesterday. My blood sugar’s dropping.”

I drop onto the bed, wrapping the gross blanket around myself. My previous objections to using it pushed aside. I feel clammy, sweaty but cold at the same time, and this blanket is the only thing I have to make myself feel comfortable.

“What happened out there?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you...” Maddi trails off, closing her eyes and shutting me out.

I thought we’d made some headway before she was dragged away. Obviously, I’m still on the outside when it comes to knowing what’s going on.

“Try me,” I urge.

“Do you ever want to pack up and run away from your life?”

I wasn’t expecting her to ask me a question, particularly this one, and I’m thrown off guard when I answer her truthfully without thought.

“All the damn time.”

“Why?”

Pinning her a pointed look, I stay quiet.

We don’t need to discuss me. It’s her Club that got me into trouble, so she should be filling me in with what happened, not picking apart my life.

Rolling her eyes at me, she smirks.

“I know you don’t like me. I know
why
you don’t like me. And I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t like me either if I was in your shoes.” Her smile grows wider as she registers the surprise on my face. “I’m actually a pretty nice person, you know? I think you and I could be friends, if you’d let us.”

My hackles rise.

“I’m not the sort who becomes besties with the woman the man I’m in love with loves instead of me. I’m a little strange like that.”

She snorts at me. My heartbeat pounds in my ears at her rude dismissal of my declaration.

Did I just tell my competition that I’m in love with Lucas?

I hadn’t even admitted the possibility to myself, yet here I am giving her the heads up.

Actually, lets back up. My feelings don’t matter since I’m telling him where to stick his ultimatum once I get out of this hellhole.

Why do I keep forgetting that I’ve already decided to end it?

“See, that’s why we’d be good friends. You run at the mouth as much as I do.” She laughs, wincing and grabbing her side as she does.

I slide down the bed until I’m next to her and pull up her shredded shirt, despite her protests, so I can check her side. I’m shocked when I find a huge tattoo covering her abdomen and one side of her torso. I didn’t take her for the type to have such a large tattoo.

I knew she had one—a tastefully sized one between her shoulder blades. I wasn’t impressed when Lucas mentioned that Mad Dog has a matching one, and that it proclaims her as his Old Lady. They’ve been broken up the whole time I’ve known them, so to me it seems to me like a stupid decision that’s coming back to haunt her.

Lucas had been pretty offended when I’d told him that, telling me that the women in the club consider it an honor to wear their “Old Man’s” ink, and that he’d love to find a woman to wear his one day.

Peering at the tattoo, I have to admit it’s very well done and suits her to a T. My mouth falls open when I notice various scars within the design. I can tell straight away that they’re surgery scars, and I realize that’s why she has the tattoo—to hide her scarring.

Before I can take too much more notice, Maddi slaps my hand out of the way and pulls down her shirt.

“I’m fine,” she tells me tightly. “My ribs are sore, that’s all.”

I can’t help myself. I have to ask, “What happened to you? You must’ve had a lot of surgeries to have that many scars.”

Blowing so hard that her fringe lifts away from her forehead, she narrows her eyes at me. “I told you my ex tried to kill me. The scars are from that.”

I draw in a sharp breath. I counted at least six decent-sized scars. That’s a lot of damage inflicted by her ex.

“I’d like you to forget that you saw them.”

“Okay, I will. I’m so sorry,” I agree straightaway. I’m not going to ask her about them when it’s obviously painful for her.

An awkward silence overtakes us, one that I feel I should be the one to break.

Thinking back to the question she asked me earlier, I decide to let her in a little bit.

“I want to run away from my life because I’m sick of trying to please everyone but myself. It doesn’t matter what I choose, it never seems to be right. It’s killing me.”

That’s more truth than I’ve told anyone except Gwen and Lucas.

It feels strangely refreshing to have let it out.

“What about you?”

Looking at me with her big, blue eyes, she purses her lips in thought.

“I want to run away because the people I’m supposed to be able to trust always end up being the ones who let me down. I’m always a pawn in
someone’s
game, and I always end up being the one who’s hurt.”

“That’s very cryptic,” I quip, laughter in my voice. She’s as good at being evasive as I am.

“No more than you were,” she shoots back at me.

We both collapse in laughter. She’s right. I might’ve felt better about letting her in, but I doubt she could make heads or tails of what I was alluding to.

“Ow, it hurts,” she tells me, tears running down her face as she continues laughing even as she holds her side. Regaining her composure before I do, she stares at me for a moment.

“Timber loves you too. He’s just hung up on old stuff. Really painful stuff. But he’ll get there. We talked about it last night, and he’s slowly sorting his head out.”

I’m left with my mouth hanging open at her words. I assumed after what I overheard last night, that I’d be fighting a losing battle for Lucas against her—not receiving her blessing and love advice from her.

“He’s in love with you. I’d hardly call that old stuff.” I shrug. “It doesn’t matter anyway. This whole situation’s just proven to me how different we are. It was never going to work.”

Snagging the pillow from next to me, Maddi puts it under her head, and lies down on the bed.

“Not with that attitude it won’t.”

She’s always got to have the last say.

Infuriating cow.

She has no idea what she’s talking about. She was born into the Shamrocks, so she’s unable to see how the rest of the world views them. My family wouldn’t forgive me if I had a relationship with someone like Lucas.

I come from a family that respects the law, not one who thinks the rules don’t apply to them.

“You wouldn’t understand. My family’s different to yours. You’re lucky,” I mumble, shooting daggers at her head. She can’t see me because she’s shut her eyes. I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to do it if she had them open. I’ve just seen her bring two fully-grown men to their knees by herself.

“Why wouldn’t I understand?” she questions tersely. “I live with the repercussions of my pop’s choice to start the Shamrocks every damn day. Do you think it’s easy for me to act as a defense lawyer when my dad’s renowned for being the leader of a high profile outlaw Motorcycle Club? And my ex-fiancé’s a ranking member as well? Do you think it’s easy for me to hold my head high in the courtroom when the front page of the newspaper had a full-page article about the Club that day? Do you think it’s easy for Joel to go to physical rehab and know that the only reason he’s crippled is because of the Club and my mistake? Do you think it was easy for Benji to find a team willing to take a risk on an outlaw biker’s son, no matter how talented he is? You’re the one who wouldn’t understand. We didn’t have a choice. You do!”

Rolling onto her side, she points one of her long fingers at me, the sharp, French-manicured nail appearing threatening. “You have the choice between dealing with the shit that comes from loving one of the brothers or running away. You have a choice to fight for Timber’s love. He’s one of the best men I know. He’d
kill
for you, just like Mik would kill for me. You’re the lucky one. You just don’t understand that because you’re too scared to see it.”

“I’m not scared.
I’m smart
. It doesn’t make sense for someone like me to love someone like Lucas. I have plans—a career, and a father who expects certain things from me. It’s not as simple as you make it. Look at us.” I wave my hand around the dingy room we’re in. “Look where we are. We’ve been kidnapped because of your dangerous Club—”

My voice has risen embarrassingly, my breathing erratic as I attempt to make her understand my choices.

“I was raped by a politician’s son. A person who comes from a family
like yours
. Beaten, abused, and blackmailed. He had my little brother tortured and crippled. He threatened to ruin Benji’s career. He tried to have my family killed, and he tried to keep me as his. The only thing that kept all of us alive was the Club.”

I recoil at the vehemence in her voice.

Her eyes are hard as she dishes out
her
truth to me.

“Shit happens in life. Doesn’t matter if you’re connected to the Club or not—life sucks sometimes. Get used to it. This time we’re in a shitty situation because of the Club. Next time, it could be the Club that saves us. I know what Timber did at the hospital for you with your boss. You don’t get to pick when the Shamrocks can be useful and when they’re not. You take the good with the bad.”

Punching the pillow under her head, Maddi rolls over, leaving me looking at her back.

I don’t know what to make of her tirade.

She’s right, but she’s also wrong.

Her world scares me to death.

My feelings for Lucas scare me to death.

My father’s reaction scares me to death.