Making Marriage Work (24 page)

I told him that I had thought of it, but I had so much to do that morning.

He said, “I don’t mind making it — I would love to do it for you.”

Those are the moments that make a marriage good.

Have you ever heard the expression that “sex begins at breakfast?” Considerate exchanges throughout the day do much to build a relationship. A woman finds her greatest satisfaction through attentive affection from her husband while a good sexual relationship is of great importance to a man. When a husband shows affection to his wife, she is emotionally drawn to her sexual relationship with him. By filling her needs, she in turn fills his needs.

But so often, a husband doesn’t understand how difficult it is for his wife to be physically drawn to him without the emotional attachment that is nurtured by affection. When no affection leads to no sex, and no sex leads to no affection, the couple stagnate in a war zone all because the woman doesn’t feel loved. Bottom line, love is what we do for each other.

Bottom line, love is what we do for each other.

If you ask God, He will give you creative ideas on how to bless your mate. The cost of showing loving attention is minimal to the cost of letting your relationship fall apart. Great relationships are missed just because people are too lazy to do something nice for their spouses. We have to fight against our selfishness when we don’t want to get up and move on the suggestions that God gives to us. Small gestures can add up to big differences. We need to learn to be servants to one another.

One night, I hurriedly went to get myself something to drink, wanting to get back to what I was doing, when I knew I should ask Dave if he wanted something, too. God didn’t have to say, “Joyce, ask Dave if he wants a soda.” I knew in my heart I should ask him. Our selfish nature wants to take care of only ourselves. But it’s all those little things that build strong relationships and satisfy the Lord’s instruction to “wash each other’s feet.”

If you ask God, He will give you creative ideas on how to bless your mate
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It’s humbling to say, “I’m willing to serve you. I want to serve you.” But humility is required when entering into a marriage relationship. Partners are called to sacrifice and serve each other. It’s sacrifice and service, sacrifice and service, and then more sacrifice and service. If there hasn’t been any sacrifice or service between you and your spouse, then start doing little gestures of love to demonstrate thoughtfulness. Don’t start with the attitude of, “Well, what are you doing for me? You should get me something. Why don’t you do something for me?” That would not be operating in godly principles.

After telling Simon Peter that he should wash the feet of others, just as He had done for Peter, he continued in John 13:15-17,

For I have given you this as an example, so that you should do [in your turn] what I have done to you
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I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, A servant is not greater than his master, and no one who is sent is superior to the one who sent him
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If you know these things, blessed and happy and to be envied are you if you practice them [if you act accordingly and really do them]
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If we study the Word of God, then do the things that God has already put on our hearts to do we will be blessed, happy, and even envied. We can have good marriages, but we have to be willing to sacrifice and serve. It isn’t “Happy are ye if you hear it,” but, “happy are ye if ye do it.”

PUTTING DOWN THE MONEY

To have the right perspective toward money, we need to know what the Bible says about its importance. First of all we can see that most women were born to shop! That’s why Adam had a job before he ever met Eve. God put him in the garden and told him to tend and take care of it. Once Adam had established himself at his job, God told him He was going to give him a helpnate. So Adam got a wife and she was called a female because there was a fee for having her.

Seriously, money and financial management is a major area where married people have to make sacrifices. A married person is no longer free to spend a paycheck on whatever he or she wants to buy. I believe it is safe to assume that every married couple has argued over their finances.

Not having enough money can put a tremendous amount of pressure on a marriage. Likewise, having too much money without knowledge of how to handle it, can also put tremendous pressure on a marriage. Money is important, but according to the Bible we have to be very careful that we don’t love money.

To test yourself on whether money is too important, consider how you act if something of yours gets damaged. Do you get upset if your car gets a little dent in it? First Timothy 6:10 says,
For the love of money is a root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have been led astray and have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves through with many acute [mental] pangs
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If all evil is rooted in the love of money, then we should understand why it is so important to get a godly perspective on how to handle it. We need to re-evaluate ourselves on a regular basis to determine if the love of money is taking root in us. No matter how godly we are, there is a temptation to let the things that are important to the world become overly important to us.

• Jesus was betrayed because of the love of money.

• Ananias and Saphhira lied about their money and fell dead.

• Demetrius caused a rebellion against the apostle Paul because of the loss of his money that was derived from the worship of the goddess Diana.

• Jezebel tried to kill Elijah because of the revenue she lost when her prophets were destroyed.

• For money men sell their souls; women sell their bodies.

• Governments fall when its leaders are corrupted by money.

• Men worry about money, kill for it, commit crimes, and go to prison because of it.

• Families are destroyed from the stress of having too much or not enough of it.

God places an importance on money throughout the Bible and while it has an important role in a godly home, it should never rule the believer’s household. As Christians, we are in the world, but not of it. Matthew 6:24 says we can’t serve God with all of our heart if we love money or the things that money can buy.

The Bible says in Matthew 6:33, …
seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all of these things taken together will be given you besides
. If we seek God first. He promises to take care of all the things we need.

Philippians 1:10 encourages us to learn to sense what is vital in our lives.

So that you may surely learn to sense what is vital, and approve and prize what is excellent and of real value [recognizing the highest and the best, and distinguishing the moral differences], and that you may be untainted and pure and unerring and blameless [so that with hearts sincere and certain and unsullied, you may approach] the day of Christ [not stumbling nor causing others to stumble]
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We should know what is important and place value on what is truly excellent. Parents often spend too much time trying to make money and ignore their families for years and years. Suddenly the children are grown and they find they don’t have a relationship with them. Value was misplaced on providing things for their children, when above all else was the higher prize of being with them. This used to be a problem primarily for fathers, but since we have so many mothers working outside the home, they have to be careful to avoid this same regret.

Joyce as a young girl (Age 6) with her mother

Dave Meyer in grade school

Joyce at Age 3

Dave (Age 20) serving in the United States Army

Dave (Age 20) sharpening his basketball skills

Dave and Joyce pose in church for their wedding Photo in January of 1967