Malcolm (Book 1, The Redemption Series) (22 page)

I sit up and then stand. Malcolm grabs the edge of the blanket and lifts it to his chin. He turns onto his left side to face away from me and doesn’t say another word.

I stand there not knowing what to do, but Malcolm obviously knows exactly what he wants me to do.

“Leave,” he says.

I don’t want to leave, but I feel as though I owe him the courtesy of doing as he ordered. It was never my intention to invade his private thoughts, but I’m not sure he understands that. I think his emotions are still too raw from reliving the time he spent with Lilly to think straight. I turn my back to him and walk into the foyer. I sit down on the bottom step of the small staircase there and lean my head against the wall.

Malcolm’s last words to me inside his dream world echo between the corners of my mind over and over again.

“Lilly is the woman I gave my heart to, and you’re simply a cheap imitation of who she was. You will never mean as much to me as she does.”

What would Malcolm think of his Lilly if he knew she visited me instead of him?

The moment I saw Lilly in Malcolm’s memories I knew who she was. She was the woman I knocked down the night of my wedding party as I made my way home through the streets of Cirrus. She called herself Rayne Cole then. She was the one who told me I should fight for Malcolm because he was worth fighting for.

I simply didn’t know at the time that my fight would be against his memories of her. Memories which seemed to be so fresh to him they could have happened yesterday instead of a thousand years ago.

I close my eyes to just rest them for a moment because I feel so tired from everything that’s happened, everything I’ve learned in such a short span of time.

I faintly remember that it's still my birthday.

“Happy birthday, Anna,” I say out loud before gifting myself with the solace of sleep.

CHAPTER seventeen

I’m awoken the next morning by the smell of something being cooked close by. I feel my stomach grumble its discontent at being left completely empty and ravenously hungry. I cautiously stand up and stretch my legs out. My body feels like someone beat it during the night, but everything seems to still be working properly. I cautiously peak around the corner and find Malcolm kneeling on one knee with one arm resting against his raised leg in front of the fireplace. I lean back and take in a deep, calming breath. I have no idea what to say to him this morning. After seeing his memories of Lilly the night before, I feel like I know Malcolm better, but, it wasn’t in the way I wanted to learn more about him. I feel like I invaded his privacy, his deepest and most close kept secrets, and from the way he reacted last night, I feel sure that’s the way he feels too.

There’s nothing I can do to change what happened. I didn’t do it on purpose. I just hope he realizes that fact in the light of day.

I take another deep breath and walk around the corner to face whatever mood Malcolm might be in this morning.

I walk until I’m standing beside him.

“That smells good,” I tell him as I see the four fish he has roasting over the fire on metal skewers.

Malcolm’s silent for a while but then says, “I thought you might be hungry.”

“Where did you get the fish?”

This makes Malcolm look up at me with a raised eyebrow.

“I know you’ve lived in Cirrus all your life but surely Andre educated you.”

“Of course he educated me,” I say in defense of my papa.

“Then what lives in an ocean, Anna?” Malcolm asks a bit condescendingly.

I feel my cheeks burn. “Fish.”

Malcolm looks back at the fire. “And the empress gets a gold star for answering correctly.”

He doesn’t say anything else, and he doesn’t look like he intends to say anything else any time soon.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, feeling an uncontrollable urge to make things right between us and an apology seems like a good place to start.

Malcolm bows his head and closes his eyes.

“You couldn’t have understood what you were doing,” he says in a low voice. “I know that.”

“What did I do?” I ask, needing to know so I can prevent it from ever happening again. “How did I go into your dreams?”

“All Watchers are able to construct their dream worlds to be whatever they want them to be. Your ability to join our dreams was inherited. There’s no way you could have prevented it from happening.”

I want to ask more about what I saw and experienced inside his dream world, but I don’t want to push the matter. He’s talking to me, and I’m just grateful for that small miracle.

“You need to know something,” Malcolm says, looking back up at me. “What I said to you there at the end…on the beach…”

I hold my breath and wait for him to finish.

“I meant every word,” he tells me. “I thought it only right that you know what I said was real and not just part of a dream.”

I feel my heart twist inside my chest and suddenly hate Malcolm for making me feel this way. I want to hurt him like he’s just hurt me, and I know just how to do it.

“I’ve met Lilly before,” I tell him, selfishly hoping my next words hurt him. “I met her on my way home the night of the wedding celebration in Cirrus.”

Malcolm stands to his feet in one fluid motion and turns to me.

“That’s impossible,” he says confidently, looking at me like he thinks I’m a liar.

“She told me her name was Rayne Cole when we met,” I inform him, and I can see by the surprised expression on his face that the name instantly registers with him.

“What did she say to you?” Malcolm asks in a whisper.

“She asked about the wedding. I told her I didn’t love the emperor because I had feelings for someone else. She also gave me some advice…”

“What advice?”

“She told me I should fight for the person I did care about because he was worth fighting for.”

Malcolm shakes his head. “It couldn’t have been Lilly.”

“Why? Because she chose to come see me instead of you?” I ask. “Has she not come to you in all the years you’ve been waiting for me to be born?”

Malcolm is completely silent, giving me my answer.

I can see the hurt I’ve caused enter his eyes. His perfect Lilly isn’t quite so perfect anymore. I should feel happy because I did exactly what I set out to do with my revelation, but, instead, I feel Malcolm’s pain as he realizes the woman he gave his heart to abandoned him in more ways than one.

I take a step forward, intent on trying to comfort him, but Malcolm turns away from me and walks over to the couch where his shirt and jacket from the night before have been laid out to dry. He slips on the white undershirt and then the jacket.

“I’ll be back,” he says, and walks past the makeshift curtain I put up the night before in front of the broken glass doors.

I watch him go and feel a sting of guilt from causing him even more pain than what he’s already suffering through.

“Malcolm will be all right,” I hear a man say behind me.

I look back at the fire and see a man with dark skin and a bald head standing there. I know who he is because I saw him in Malcolm’s memories the night before.

“God?” I ask, simply needing clarification that He’s actually there and not just a wishful figment of my imagination.

God smiles at me. “Hello, Anna.”

“Why are you here?” I ask Him.

“I thought you might need a friend right about now.”

I sigh, realizing a friend is exactly what I need. But that’s not all I need from God. I need some answers too.

“Did you make me for Malcolm?” I ask, needing to know if our connection to one another is real or if I'm simply deluding myself.

“If you’re asking me if the two of you are soul mates,” God says, “then the answer to that question is yes. But, I wouldn’t say I made
you
for Malcolm.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Has it not occurred to you by now that I might have made Malcolm for
you
?”

“Made him for me?” I ask, completely confused. “Didn’t you make Malcolm before you made me?”

“Your soul was made in the Guf a very long time ago, Anna. In fact, you were one of the first souls ever created. I've known for quite some time I would need you to fulfill an important mission one day, one only you can accomplish.”

“To take back the seven seals?” I ask, not knowing of anything else I was sent to Earth to do.

“I have hope that you can also accomplish something else during your mission to retrieve the seals. I’ve been waiting longer than anyone for you to be born, Anna. I simply hope you can do something many have tried to do, including me, but failed.”

I can tell God isn't going to go into any more details about this special mission He apparently thinks only I can undertake. So, I decide to get as much information on other subjects as I can from him while He's here.

“Do you know where my papa is?” I ask. If anyone should know where my father is, it will be God.

God nods. “Yes, I know where he is, and I can tell you he’s perfectly safe for now.”

“Where is he?”

“I’m sorry. I can’t tell you that. I don’t like to interfere with the natural progression of events. You’ll find him soon enough on your own.”

“If you can’t tell me that,” I say, “can you tell me how to make Malcolm face his feelings for me?”

“I believe you’ll be able to find a way to do that on your own too, Anna.”

“And you’re sure you made Malcolm for me? Because I feel sure I wouldn’t have asked for someone so hard-headed.”

God chuckles. “Malcolm is exactly who you need. I think you know that.”

“Are you sure
he
does?”

God smiles. “He knows. He’s just fighting against the idea because of his feelings for Lilly.”

“Will he ever be able to let her go?”

God tilts his head to the side as he considers the question.

“Would you want him to let her go so easily after finding out how he truly feels about her? Would it make you feel better if he was able to completely forget his feelings for someone he’s loved for so long? Is that the type of man you would want to be with?”

I think about God’s questions and realize how crucial Malcolm’s feelings for Lilly are to who he is. Once Malcolm gives his love to someone, it isn’t just a transient event. It's forever.

“I don’t want to make him forget her,” I admit, not only to God but to myself. “I just want him to stop hiding behind his feelings for her and using them to push me away.”

“I have no doubt you will be able to make him stop hiding, Anna. He just needs some time to come to terms with what he feels when he’s with you.”

“Why hasn’t Lilly visited Malcolm like she did me the other night?”

“Lilly knew Malcolm would have a hard time letting her go. She felt it would be unfair to him for her to come back after her death. We all hoped he would move-on on his own.”

“He hasn’t,” I tell him. “Not if what I witnessed last night is any indication.”

“Have faith in your love, Anna. Have faith that it was always meant to be. Not even Malcolm’s memories of Lilly will be able to change that fact. Malcolm will come to understand that in his own time. He simply has to reach a point where he’s able to allow Lilly to be a part of his past and make you his future.”

“I don’t suppose you know how long that will take?” I ask hopefully.

God smiles. “If I know you at all, I feel sure it won’t be much longer. You have always been rather tenacious, especially when it comes to something you really want.”

“You sound like you’ve known me for a long time,” I say, finding it strange the way God talks about my past in Heaven.

“Like I said, you were one of the first souls ever created. I’ve known you for longer than this Earth has been in existence.”

“Why did you wait so long to send me here then?”

“Because it took some time to get things ready for you. It’s just like a good chess game. You have to have all your pieces in place before you bring out your queen. All of my pieces are now in play. It’s simply a matter of whether or not the game can actually be won.”

“Can’t all games be won?”

“Not necessarily. Sometimes there are no winners.”

I hear Malcolm’s heavy footfalls on the back porch outside indicating he’s about to re-enter the room.

“Keep your faith in your love for Malcolm,” God tells me. “If you need me, simply pray and I will come.”

God vanishes just as Malcolm moves the makeshift curtains hanging over the broken glass doors.

“I thought I heard you talking to someone in here,” Malcolm says as he lets the curtains fall back into place behind him, surveying the near empty room.

“I was,” I say, not seeing any reason to lie. “God came to see me.”

Malcolm looks surprised at first but then just rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

“Of course He did. Seems like everyone in Heaven wants to come down and have a little chit chat with you.”

“I’m sorry I told you about Lilly coming to see me,” I tell him, feeling a need to confess why I did it. “I wanted to hurt you, and it seemed the easiest way. I hope you can forgive me for being so selfish.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” he says with a heavy sigh. “She did by coming to see you instead of me. And I’m sorry if what I said in the dream hurt you, but it’s the truth, and I don’t want to give you any false hope about the two of us.”

“I don’t accept that.”

Malcolm looks confused.

“I don’t think you have a choice,” he says bluntly.

“I don’t accept that you can only love one person,” I tell him. “Plus, I have it on good authority that you were made for me to have Malcolm Devereaux. I think the sooner you accept that fact the happier we’ll both be.”

“Made for you?” Malcolm asks, continuing to look baffled. “You
do
realize I’m far older than you are, right?”

“My soul was one of the first ever created,” I tell him. “So, in point of fact, I’m probably older than you think. Possibly even older than you. So, you can try to hide behind your love for Lilly and push me away, but you need to know that…”

A heavy knock resounds against the front door and echoes throughout the house, effectively interrupting what was supposed to be my confession of love. I had intended to lay all my cards out on the table and not hide anything from Malcolm, but apparently a higher power didn’t think it was the right time.

Malcolm walks out of the room to the front of the house and opens the door.

“About time you got here,” Malcolm grouses to whoever knocked.

“Sorry,” I hear a familiar voice say. “It took me a while to find a safe way out of New York without drawing suspicion.”

I walk around the corner of the room towards the front of the house and see Jered step over the threshold wearing a heavy, black hooded cloak.