Mango Kisses (27 page)

On a Tuesday evening late in November Tiffany faced Kevin across a table at a bistro in Glebe. His shout, he’d said on the phone, a belated thank you. His call had come as a surprise. They’d communicated sporadically before he left Birrigai and she’d seen him once soon after his arrival in Sydney. After that there’d been a couple of short conversations to do with finances but nothing for the last two or three weeks. In truth he’d more or less slipped from her mind.

‘So it’s working out?’ She searched for signs of desperation or bravado in his eyes. None. He’d lost weight, stood straighter and smiled effortlessly. Almost unrecognisable in smart, arty clothes and a new hair style.

‘Couldn’t be better. I’m booked three nights a week till Christmas, at the Club Flamingo starting this Thursday. I want you to come along, of course. Two sets per night. Ten o’clock and one.’

‘Have you found a day job yet?’ Last conversation they’d had he was doing interviews and sounding confident of landing something.

‘Yes. I’m working at a gallery helping unpack and hang the exhibits. It’s part-time, which is ideal. Marianne’s friend Raoul helped me there. I love it.’ So Marianne
had
stepped in and done her bit. Was it because she would have anyway or because she’d been made to feel guilty?

The waitress deposited a water carafe and glasses then took their orders.

‘Have you lost weight?’ he asked when the girl had gone.

‘Maybe. You have.’

‘Fleur has to be careful or her frocks bulge in the wrong places. You were always beautifully slim but you’re beginning to look positively gaunt. Anything wrong?’

Tiffany poured herself water. Here was an interesting turnaround, Kevin offering help to her. They were like the picture of Dorian Grey. He flourished and bloomed while she withered and grew gaunt, haggard and ugly.

‘Working too hard,’ she said.

‘Marianne mentioned you’d missed out on the partnership. I’m sorry.’

‘It’s not your fault and I really don’t care anymore.’

The trouble was, Tiffany had discovered she didn’t care about anything much anymore. Rather like Hugh. He’d sent her a postcard from Cairns. It showed a beach at sunset. Idyllic.

Hi Tiff, come and visit us. It’s great up here. I’m working in a surf shop and loving it. Love Hugh and Lulu.

Kevin stared at her. He wasn’t sure what to say, she could tell. He didn’t know her well enough to judge the meaning behind her words.

‘What you did for me,’ he said, ‘was the kindest and most generous thing anyone ever did in my whole life. And you were a virtual stranger.’

‘That’s impossible,’ she muttered, squirming under the intensity of his gaze. ‘I didn’t do anything.’

‘You did. I was desperate. I screwed up all my courage to talk to you as Fleur. You didn’t laugh or run away that night, you took me seriously and you helped me. I’ll always love you for that.’

‘Oh.’ Now tears were following the rush of heat to her face. ‘I...I....’ She rummaged for a tissue.

‘And then Marianne came along and made her suggestion and you said I had a lovely voice and...’ He spread his hands. ‘Here we are.’ The pale eyes speared her again, far from rabbit-like now. ‘If you need help Tiffany, I’m here for you. If you want to talk, talk to me.’

‘Thank you,’ she stammered. Her new best friend. Who’d have thought? But she wasn’t the type of girl who confided her secrets and she wasn’t overwhelmed with close friends, never had been. Without Marianne who else was there? Kevin? ‘Thank you.’

‘I know you and Marianne have had a falling out and I feel hideously guilty because it was all because of me. You wanted to protect me from making a disastrous mistake and I appreciate that. I know exactly what you meant and it showed me you cared. But Marianne was right.’

The waitress plonked their meals in front of them. Kevin ground pepper all over his chicken while Tiffany stared at her mound of lettuce and sundry bits and pieces and tried to digest what he’d just said.

‘She was right about pushing you to leave Birrigai?’

‘Yes. I said that at the time, remember. I’d longed to get away and try my chances as a singer but I’d never had the guts to take the plunge. She showed me it was possible.’

‘Marianne’s not scared of anything.’

‘She’s scared of you.’

‘Rubbish!’

‘She is. Not physically. She’s frightened of not having your good opinion. She respects your judgement. She told me that herself.’

‘My good opinion?’ Tiffany almost choked on the astonishment.

‘She’s very upset.’

‘
I’m
very upset,’ cried Tiffany.

‘Could she have been the tiniest bit right?’ he asked, momentarily reminiscent of the rabbit. ‘She’s known you and your family for a long time. Outsiders often see things much more clearly than those in the situation.’ He grimaced. ‘I can vouch for that.’ When she didn’t reply but continued to stare blankly because that’s all she was capable of, he ventured another question. ‘Are you really happy doing what you’re doing?’

Tiffany’s mind churned. Happy? As opposed to what? Unhappy? She wasn’t identifiably unhappy but could she honestly say she was happy? Dissatisfied was a better description as far as work went. In limbo best described her emotional state.

‘I could be in a better situation,’ she conceded. ‘I’ve been thinking about changing jobs, going for one of the big companies.’ Saying it didn’t spark any excitement in her or in Kevin.

‘In Birrigai you looked fabulous, happy, relaxed, calm. You looked quite different after a day or so, as though you’d found your place, your niche.’

‘I was on holiday, Kevin,’ she reminded him. He was indulging in creative fantasy now. Hindsight was a wonderful thing. At the time he’d been so surly and miserable he wouldn’t have noticed if she’d climbed on to the roof of the motel and sung
Waltzing Matilda
in the nude.

‘Not completely on holiday. You were working. You were working for Miles.’

The name speared directly to her heart followed immediately by the image of his smiling face. She couldn’t resist but from long practice she managed to keep the eagerness from her voice. Miss Professional Interest emerged on cue to ask casually, ‘Did you see him before you left?’

‘He threw a big boozy farewell party at the pub for me.’ Kevin smiled. ‘I had no idea people cared. Or maybe they were just pleased to see me go.’

‘But hadn’t he left too? I tried to contact him from the office but Boris said he’d left town.’

‘He went to Brisbane in connection with all that money. My God, what an extraordinary thing that was! They say he inherited a million dollars. Miles doesn’t gossip, unfortunately.’ Kevin frowned and pursed his lips with mock severity. ‘Neither do you. How could you keep that news to yourself?’ So Marianne had kept her mouth shut too. Surprise, surprise.

‘But is he back in Birrigai now?’

‘I’ve no idea. Probably. He loves it too much to leave, although he was talking about going overseas. I heard the Grand Canyon and the pyramids tossed around. I don’t keep in touch with anyone at all. But as I was saying — in Birrigai you looked wonderful — here you’re too thin and stressed. I was shocked when I saw you come in. You’ll get sick if you’re not careful.’

Kevin toyed with the stem of his wineglass. When he continued his voice had changed, taken on a serious undertone. ‘Maybe you should reconsider what it is you really want in life. Birrigai was terrible for me but most people love it because they chose to live there. Don’t make the mistake I did and stay in the same box you started out in. You don’t have to. I discovered that thanks to you and Marianne.’

Birrigai?

‘Are you suggesting I move to Birrigai?’ Surprise made her voice burst out louder than she meant. Hadn’t she always known what she wanted in life?

He laughed. ‘If you like it there, why not?’ The smile faded. He gave a theatrical shudder. Kevin really had come out of his rabbit suit in the space of a couple of months. His confidence was staggering. ‘You looked so much happier and healthier there then here. Don’t be afraid to change, plunge into the unknown, take a leap of faith.’

‘I’ve been brought up the exact opposite.’

‘But you’re an adult now and if you’re not happy where you are...it’s your life and you have to live it, not your parents. I wish I’d understood that earlier.’

‘You sound just like Marianne.’ And Hugh who
was
living it despite their father’s attempts to straightjacket him. Was her straightjacket so much part of her she didn’t notice it was there?

Kevin grinned and attacked his baked potato. He took a mouthful and swallowed. ‘Miles asked me about you,’ he said.

‘Did he?’ Tiffany’s salad became very interesting.

‘He said to say hello if I saw you in Sydney.’

She sliced a lettuce leaf and folded it precisely on to her fork.

‘He wasn’t very happy that you’d left so abruptly.’

‘He knew I was leaving.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ said Mr Urbane. ‘Miles just isn’t used to city style professionals. He thinks everyone has time to spare, to laze about on the beach. He’ll be able to do it even more now he’s rich. Somehow it doesn’t seem fair, does it?’

‘What doesn’t?’ Tiffany relaxed. For all his insight, Kevin had completely missed the one blinding fact. Her secret was safe, her crippling attraction to Miles. Apparently the thought of a liaison between them was so outlandish it didn’t occur to anyone. Not even Marianne had suggested it, jokingly or otherwise. Xanthi had — but she’d tried to pair Marianne off with her fishing-boat owning son so any pronouncements of hers had to be considered part of a scattergun approach to matchmaking.

‘It doesn’t seem fair that someone as laid back and unambitious as Miles should inherit a swag of money which will enable him to continue to live that way without lifting a finger,’ said Kevin.

‘He told me he’d rather have had the time with his father. He never knew him.’

‘I’d rather have a million bucks than
my
father.’ Kevin pulled a face. ‘I didn’t know that about Miles. I thought Nancy was a widow.’

‘I think she allowed people to think that,’ said Tiffany carefully.

‘I thought she told me Miles’s father died. Or maybe she didn’t. Whatever. Shall we have dessert?’

Tiffany stared at the blackboard menu as another little piece of the Nancy jigsaw fell into place. A ruthless woman with strong convictions, which she wasn’t afraid to live her whole life by. Inflexible? Seemed so. The possibility of Miles’s father having a sexual orientation or preference she disapproved of and wanted to protect her son from was becoming stronger. Had Miles looked at the clothes he’d thrown away?

Tiffany drove home with Kevin’s words playing chasings in her head. Move to Birrigai. Live there. ‘Why not?’ he’d said.

Miles had told her that the nearest accountant was a drunk who lived 50 kilometres away. Jim and Sharon had eschewed the bank in the next town for Tiffany’s personal advice. The area was full of small businesses starting up or expanding and retirees buying property, all needing financial advice and assistance. Country people liked the personal touch.

She could set up her own business. Live in a house overlooking the ocean. Work from home. It was feasible, if she did an analysis of the likely client base. She’d save a lot of money on rent, transport and living would be cheaper overall. She’d breathe that fabulous sea air. And she already knew people.

By comparison the thought of work tomorrow was lead in her stomach. Lately her sleep had barely deserved the title ‘sleep’ and when she did drift off she woke with a head stuffed with soggy cottonwool and a body to match. Coming in late three mornings in a row hadn’t gone down well with Erik at all.

Tiffany bounded up the stairs to her apartment. There were things to do, plans to make, dreams to dream. She grabbed the handrail and swung on to the landing on her floor with a last burst of energy. Not dreams, actions. Do the sums. See if it could work. Fly up there and check things out. Take a Friday and Monday off work.

And all the while in the back of her mind was the image of Miles, the real reason for the dissatisfaction, the restless boredom, the sleepless nights and the lack of appetite. It was so unlike the person she and everyone else thought she was, the Tiffany who didn’t let emotional nonsense get in her way.

She had to go full frontal with the truth that Miles was the sole reason she was prepared to make life-altering changes. He was why she couldn’t concentrate anymore and why she didn’t care about income tax deductions or audits. Miles, who said he loved her and whom she had pushed away when she should have grabbed him with both hands. Offers like that don’t come along very often, maybe only once in a lifetime.

If Sam Black had asked her out she wouldn’t have hesitated as a schoolgirl. Why had she hesitated as an adult? Miles was her dream come true.

Kevin had asked was she happy. Tiffany, sitting at her dining table with healthy bank statements and her laptop before her, realised happiness didn’t even register on the scale. She was so deeply unhappy without Miles nothing else mattered in her life. If he didn’t want her when she turned up on his doorstep then that would be that, but she would have to defy all her ingrained, inbred caution and give it a go. Take the leap and hope he was still there with arms outstretched to catch her.

Chapter Fourteen

Freedom. The word popped into Miles’s head. That’s what Tiffany had told him with such eagerness that day. He heard her voice saying it, visualised her lips pronouncing the syllables, saw her beautiful blue eyes shine with the excitement of it all.

Was this the freedom money can bring? He was so free he had nothing to do and even less motivation to do it. He was so free he was floating. Nothing anchored him to the ground. No wonder the idle rich got themselves into trouble with fast women, faster cars, booze and drugs.

This life of far too much money and far too much spare time was not for the morally bankrupt or those inclined to sloth. If he’d earned the money himself would it make a difference? Probably. But never in a million years would he have earned the amount he’d inherited, certainly not by selling surf gear. And never in another million years would he have ever aspired to.