Mania and the Executioner (33 page)

“Alright well I need to go pick up Lila’s present so I’ll be back in about two hours and then we will leave.”
I say.

“What? So when Cole goes to Tir
na nOg, he’s jumping through time? But we talked to each other when he was in Tir na nOg the other day!” Cheza expounds.

“The only thing I can guess is that the connection was also delayed through the gate. I’m not really sure how it works, no one does. What I said was just the current theory that the Egyptian god
of knowledge, Thoth, came up with.” Tia explains.

“What? Didn’t the gods create them?
Oh, and bye Cole.” Cheza says in passing.

“
Some gods have enough power to create their own worlds, but as far as I know, all the major ones have always been there.” Tia says.

I grab the keys and drive all the way to the pet store (
because I don’t want the possibility of causing another incident for Natasha) only to find out that they aren’t open. What kind of pet store isn’t open on the weekends? So I head back home to find the girls ready and waiting.

“What happened to the gift?” Cheza asks.

“The store was closed for some reason. Anyway, let’s get going.” I tell them.

I port us to Tir
na nOg and then to Aine’s foyer when I realize something. If the store is closed, then I’ll just go catch one! If I remember right, chinchillas are from the Andes.

“Hey, you guys go on ahead; I just realized another place that I can get Lila’s present so I should be back within an hour.” I say.

“Alright, don’t take too long or Lila will be upset!” Natasha says.

“Well I wouldn’t want to make the birthday girl sad s
o I’ll be back soon!” I say before porting to the gate and then back home.

I take out my phone and
search Wikipedia for information on chinchillas as I run inside and grab the syringes. I read that they have been seen in Machu Picchu and that chinchillas are nocturnal; just one more instinct that I’ll rewrite. I check a world clock and see that it is already 7pm in Peru; perfect! I hope my helmet can still do that night vision thing. I find a picture of Machu Picchu, hoping that porting can work like this.

“I feel like Christian Bale!” I squeal aloud when
I see that I’m in Machu Picchu.

“No wait, Christian Bale is Batman. I feel like…uhhh…what’s his name? He plays the father of those slightly incestuous twins in
the prequel trilogy where he bangs Natalie Portman…Hayden Christensen! I swear, if I end up catching my kids making out or something worse, I’m going to go through this little ‘Jason’ moment all over again!” I say to a stunned tourist couple that is camping. “I’m making a
Jumper
reference…it’s okay if you didn’t see it, it wasn’t very good. Now I’m off to find a chinchilla!”

I flip my helmet on and I start running around Machu Picchu looking for a chinchilla. It takes me roughly half of an hour
, but I find small herd of them, maybe eleven.

(You may wish to make a cage first)

“Right…probably going to need one of those.”

I pull out my switchblade and
cut my left arm open. I swipe my right hand across it and proceed to make the handle form in my right hand, imagining a wire cage forming under it.
(4.8 Liters)

(Now catch the youngest one. This one’s instincts will be easiest to override and I should be able to manage it without you falling unconscious)

I chase after the herd, aiming for the smallest one I can find, but damn are they fast! And they keep jumping on top of walls and stuff to evade me! It takes me fifteen minutes before I can catch the little bugger and stuff him in the cage (after identifying him as male). I set the cage on a rock, pull out a syringe, take the cap off, and stick the cap and the other syringes back in my pocket. I withdraw 1cc of blood from my neck (because it’s the only vein I can reach with both hands without taking off my pants) and I inject it into the chinchilla.

“Alright!
Now I just need to get you to Li—” I say aloud before I’m interrupted by some of the ground slipping out from underneath me as I tumble backwards down the slope of a cliff. Thankfully, Airi engages my helmet so I won’t crack my skull open like a melon. The bad news is that I am still falling off of a cliff and I’m pretty sure I just felt my leg breaking.

…

I wake up at the bottom of the cliff some time later. I pull out my phone and see that it is already 7:43pm back home.

“COLE! Are you alright!? Where are you!? I’ve been worried sick!” Cheza screams in my mind.

“Sorry Cheza, I had a minor accident. I’ll be there in a second.” I reply.

I quickly climb to the top of the cliff, grab the cage with my left hand
(while realizing how lucky I am that a bird didn’t fly off with it) and touch my triskele with my right. I arrive at the gate and port to Aine’s foyer, but the only noise I hear is coming from outside. My left arm is starting to hurt so I grab the cage with my right hand as I walk out the front door. I see a rather large table set up with Lila at the head, a campfire off to the right, and a full bar to the left, along with a band. Natasha is by the bar with Cheza, who is looking at me angrily until her eyes widen for some reason.

“Hey everybody, sorry I’m so late! I, uh…tripped up a bit…or down.” I announce to the group of
around seventy people, mostly adults, as I walk down the marble staircase. I ignore the stares and a gasp as I walk up to Lila.

“Happy birthday Lila!
This is your present!” I say as I hold up the cage with the brown and grey chinchilla inside. “He will get bigger than the ones that were at the pet store; roughly the same size as those puppies.” Lila and her friends are staring wide-eyed and then I realize what I’ve forgotten.

“Oh sorry, I
guess I forgot to take this off.” I say as the helmet retracts and my voice returns to normal. It sort of worries me that I didn’t notice the helmet was on.

“COLE WHAT THE HELL H
APPENED TO YOU!?” Lila shrieks.

“What do you mean?” I ask perplexed.

“COLE! LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING ARM!” Natasha shouts from behind me. I look at my left arm and see that both my radius and my ulna are sticking out of the skin at my elbow.

“
Whoa…Excuse me for a second.” I say as I set the cage on the table and then I walk around the left side of the large white house.

“Airi, what’s going on?”

(I was preoccupied with fixing your shattered femur earlier. Also, the bone is protruding too far for me to heal it as is. You must reset the bone)

“I was afraid you were going to say that.”

I put the bone against the side of the house and I ram the entire left side of my body against the wall. I get the effect I was looking for as my vision blurs for a moment upon hearing a sickening crunch. The sound was loud enough to get a large portion of the party to go “Ooh…”

“Alright, I really, really need a drink. Like the strong
est one there is.” I say after walking back to the party.

“Ay
e lad, here you go. We were just about to have a toast!” Dagda says while handing me a champagne glass with some kind of bubbly pink liquid that almost seems to glow. “To Lila, Happy birthday!”

“CH
EERS!” The partygoers exclaim and everyone takes a drink, or a chug in my case.

“HA HA HA!
We’ve got one more boyo!” Dagda exclaims as a waiter comes over with another glass. “And lastly, to Cole, the newest member o’ the Tuatha De Danann!”

“CHEERS” I shout
and chug the glass before choking on the last bit as what Dagda said sets in.

“Did you just say that I’m a member of the Tuatha De Danann?” I ask
, confounded as the party restarts.

“I did
!” Dagda exclaims.

“Well alright then! So long as I can have more of whatever was in these glasses! This stuff is fantastic! Natasha, Cheza! You both need to try this stuff
, like now! GARCON! Please get those two ladies over there a couple of drinks!” I exclaim.

“T
hat’s a special fairy brew; very few humans have ever had it.” He informs me.

“Well it is fantastic! Thanks! Now I should
probably go mingle a bit!” I say and walk off.

I’m not stumbling quite yet, but the night has only just begun. I talk to a few people before I make my way over to Lila and her friends.

“Hey Lila, how are you enjoying your party?” I ask.

“It is far more amusing now that you’re here
, Cole.” Lila says with a smile as she stands out of her chair and gives me a hug. “I love my present!”

“Why don’t you take him out? This little guy is special so you shouldn’t have to worry about him running away.” I tell her.

“I can!?” she asks excitedly.

I take the chinchilla
out of the cage and hand him to her. Lila holds him to her chest and he nuzzles in before falling asleep. All three girls just look at him and go “Aww!”

“I’m going to name him Colton! Oh,
Cole, these are my friends: Aimee and Megan.” Lila says while gesturing to each of them.

I notice that both the blonde and brunette are quite a bit taller than Lila
and they actually look fourteen; maybe being short is only a Peri thing.

“It is nice to meet
you ladies.” I say with a slight head nod.

“It is nice to meet you too Cole! We’ve heard a lot about you!” The blonde Aimee says.

“Like a lot, a lot! Lila never shuts up about you haha!” The curly brunette Megan says.

“YOU GUYS!” Lila squeals as the girls giggle.

“Don’t worry Lila; it’s not like it’s a secret or anything!” I tell her.

“IT’S NOT!?” Lila shrieks, reaching dolphin decibels.

“Of course not; I’m not that imperceptive, Lila!” I say.

“
Wow, this is embarrassing…” Lila says quietly while petting Colton.

“I mean, I know I’m awesome! It’s only natural that you’d want
to talk about me!” I exclaim and Lila’s friends giggle. “Alright well I’m going to go chat with people!”

“Okay, I’ll see you later Cole!
Oh, and congrats on becoming a god!” Lila exclaims.

“B
ecoming a god? Please Lila, I have always been a god among men haha!” I say heartily and walk off.

“How can you trust someone like that around Lila?” I overhear a fairy woman ask Aine.

“Cole brought Lila back to me, and from what I’ve heard, he took three swords in the chest doing so. Not to mention how he protected Lila from Dagda’s soldiers when he was under the impression that they were trying to hurt her. I trust Cole implicitly.” Aine replies.

“I still wouldn’t trust him around Aimee…” The woman says as I stop listening.

I mingle for a little while, trying to show everyone that the newest member of the Tuatha De Danann doesn’t torture people on a regular…
daily
basis. Hopefully this will improve the public opinion of me a little.

“So how does it feel becoming part of the
Tuatha De?” Brighid asks after approaching me from behind.

“I’m not really sure…I don’t think it has sunk in quite yet.” I reply.

“Don’t worry, it’s not like you have any responsibilities or anything; you’re just kind of being a place holder for the god of love and youth. I mean, you fit the youth part perfectly!” Brighid teases.

“Hey
!…How did this happen anyway?” I ask.

“Well the other day, after the demonstration of your ability, my father called a meeting. All of the Tuatha De voted and the majority decided to vote you in since you already have most of the power that we have
and there was a vacancy anyway.” Brighid explains.

“I see; I was kind of wondering what had made
Dagda bail on our training on Wednesday.” I say.

“Well I’m going to socialize more and try to get people to feel a little less uneasy around me.” I tell her.

“Sorry Cole, but that probably won’t happen. You are a pretty intimidating guy, to gods and mortals alike. Hell, even I’d be scared of you if I hadn’t learned so much from your response to my practical joke. I know you aren’t a quick tempered person that goes around torturing people for enjoyment, but that is currently your image to most.” Brighid blatantly explains.

“Yeah, I know…but it’s better than doing nothing at
all. I’ll see you later Brighid.” I say as I leave. I walk around the party some more before I go to check on Natasha and Cheza.

“Hey guys
, what’s up?” I ask as I sit down next to them.

“Not much. You were right by the way; these drinks are totally awesome!” Natasha exclaims.

“I know right? So are you two having fun?” I inquire.

“Yeah, we were getting hit on ear
lier though. It was interesting, we told them that we were lesbians and that got them to back off for a while, but then they came back. Then we just dropped your name and they all scattered like flies!” Cheza exclaims.