Mania (14 page)

Nineteen
Jack

After driving to a nearby picnic area, I parked the van. I climbed out and took a seat on the van's back bumper, trying to get my emotions under control. Parker was in more danger every minute that I couldn't save him. Maybe I'd made the wrong decision. Maybe trying to get the new formula together first wasn't the best plan.

Maybe I was wasting time when I should've already been trying to find a different way to get to him. I wished Libby would wake up and tell us what she'd learned, but I definitely didn't want to interrupt them.

My lungs felt tight and hot. It was like fire was filling them instead of oxygen. I leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees and trying to calm down. I was stronger than this. I had to be stronger. Dad trusted me to be … he'd trusted me to take care of Parker and to solve this formula puzzle.

I pushed aside the aching loneliness that thoughts of Dad always left me with and tried to focus. For now, the only thing I could do was spend tonight in Wendy's dreams and hope they held more answers than our conversation had provided.

As I sat up straight and leaned against the cold metal of the van, I realized Chloe had gotten out and was standing in front of me. Most people couldn't sneak up on me like that. She had dark glasses on, too, and I wondered if she already knew what I was thinking and had protected me from making eye contact with her just in case.

“Have you decided?” Chloe's voice was low, and I wasn't sure if she was trying not to wake up Libby in the van or just attempting to keep the conversation quiet enough that the few other people hanging out in the park this late couldn't hear us. Then Finn climbed out of the van and walked back to lean against it on my left side.

“Decided what?” My voice and body were both starting to match up with the level of my total exhaustion inside. I'd wanted to watch Libby's dreams tonight and get some real sleep, have her help heal me … but that wasn't looking like an option right now.

“What we should do now,” Finn said, raising his eyebrow and looking at Chloe in confirmation. She nodded and they both waited for my answer.

I'd grown used to being put in charge. Dad had trained me to lead most of my life. I wasn't afraid of it. The only thing that scared me was the thought that Parker was at risk. Losing him would be too much for me when I already had so little left.

“We have two choices,” I said. “I can go into Wendy's dreams tonight and see if she's hiding anything.” Standing up, I stretched my back. “Or I can accept this for the dead end it seems to be, wake Libby up, and go after Parker … like I probably would've preferred to do from the beginning.”

“Why do you always use this word ‘I'?” Finn said lightly, even though his stare could burn metal. “I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Chloe giggled, grinned widely at Finn, shook her fist, and said, “Inconceivable!”

I shook my head, trying to force their words into any sort of sense, and then Chloe turned back to face me. “It's from a movie, don't worry about it. But I vote option one. You don't even know where they have him.”

“I'm awake.” Libby's voice came from inside the van. I looked up and saw her staring out at us. She moved toward the front to climb out, and I met her before she was even out the door. She looked pale even under her olive skin. And she still appeared devastated, but much better and saner than she had been before she'd slept.

“Are you okay?” I asked, and then wished I could bite my tongue and immediately steal the words back. Of course she wasn't. Neither was I.

She pretended I hadn't spoken, and I was grateful. “Your brother was there. He was okay … ”

A massive swelling of hope rose up in my chest and I saw Finn's face spread with a wide smile.

“What did he tell you?” I asked her, starting to worry that her reason for looking so grim could be tied to Parker and not Marisol.

“He refused to tell me where they have him. He asked me to tell you there are heavily armed guards everywhere, Jack.” Libby reached out to hold my hand, her eyes filled with nothing but misery.

“So?” I shrugged, adjusting my dark sunglasses tighter against my face with my free hand. “I've dealt with situations like that before.”

“I know, but he still wouldn't tell me. He said it would be nearly impossible for you to get to him without being caught.”

“Why is he so stubborn?” I groaned and stepped back, shoving my hands into my pockets.

“There's more, Jack.”

I heard tears in her voice and my heartbeat stuttered. She reached out for my arm and I almost pulled away. I knew there was more she had to say, but from the look on her face, I was terrified to hear it.

“He said to tell you not to come. He said it's too dangerous, that he'll be okay and you should stay focused on figuring out the new formula.” She trembled all over. “But then they pulled him out of my dream and broke the connection. I'm not sure what they did to him, but I f-felt him go, Jack.”

An icy rush of fear went down my spine and I jerked my arm out of her grip. “No. It's impossible for you to be sure.”

Libby moved to the bumper and slumped down on it. She didn't even notice that Chloe stood only a few feet in front of her. That alone showed how devastated Libby was from what she'd seen. That alone showed me that she believed Parker was dead … and that made my body shake with a wave of paralyzing fear and loss from the inside out.

Libby's words were hesitant when she spoke again. “I was still connected to him. He wasn't fully free from the dream. It felt like … it felt like much more than just a break from our connection. I wanted you to know what I felt. But you're right. I can't be sure that he's dead … that it wasn't just … ”

“Okay.” I walked to the front of the van and took a seat on the grass. No one joined me, but I could hear Finn asking Libby questions. He sounded terrified. He sounded like I felt.

Parker couldn't be gone already … they said they would trade him. According to their plan, they had to keep him alive.

I gripped the grass between my fingers and ripped it from the ground. If they didn't keep that promise, then screw the formula … I would kill them all.

Chloe sat down beside me and I nearly jumped. Somehow we felt even farther away from finding the formula than we had this morning. Parker wouldn't tell me where he was and now I wasn't even sure if he was alive to be saved. My hand trembled. The blades of grass I'd already ripped free flew out in a passing breeze and landed all over Chloe's lap.

“Sorry.”

Her eyes widened so much that I could sense it even behind the sunglasses. She seemed genuinely surprised. “You don't need to be sorry. Why are you sorry?”

“A million reasons … I'm sorry that I don't know what to do. I'm sorry that I may never finish the formula like I promised you. And I'm sorry that your brother is an ass and I'll probably have to kill him.”

My hands balled into fists and I rushed to go on before she could tell me not to. I wasn't sure if she would, but still, I couldn't hear anyone defend Cooper right now. “You should probably leave us now.”

Chloe's face fell like the crest of a wave. “Why, Jack? Where am I suppo—”

“Why?” My voice was too loud, and she stiffened, so I lowered it before I kept going. “Seriously, Chloe? How can you ask me why? It's unlikely that I can even make the formula, so there's no point in you sticking around here. Your brother might be killing my brother as we speak. Your dad was responsible for everything bad in my life. And you—you knew this about your dad from the beginning and never told me. Where do we even go from here?”

I turned my back, but she shifted around in front of me. “When exactly should I have told you about my family, Jack? When I was pretending to be Finn? No … that wouldn't have made sense. What about after I helped you and betrayed everyone I've ever known? I only went back to see them once and
even then
I'd been trying to help you. I told them Parker was your brother and you were just trying to save your family. I asked them to understand that and leave you alone. The next time I came back, they'd moved out of the Benton base and didn't even tell me where they went. They all blamed
me
for the explosion and losing Eclipse, Jack. Should I have told you then? Should I have volunteered the piece of information that would've made you kill me or kick me out of Parker's house? Should I have done that right then … when I had
no o
ne
else left to turn to?”

When I didn't respond, the silence between us filled with the huffing sound of her uneven breaths. Her eyes filled with tears, but she never allowed them to fall.

“Every time I thought of telling you … ” Chloe stopped and pulled in a long breath. Resting her hands on her knees, she faced me directly. Her stance, her expression, her body—everything about her overflowed with honesty. “There never was a time when you wouldn't have reacted this same way. There's never a good time to tell a friend you're the daughter of someone they hate, someone who destroyed their life. They don't make cards for that.”

I watched her. It was like she'd been poised, waiting to talk about the truth, and now I'd finally given her the chance to get it all out. I couldn't help but wonder how anyone as crazy and brave and unexplainable as Chloe could possibly have come from a monster like Steve Campbell. If genetics play any role in who we become, her mom must've been incredible.

I couldn't help but return the small smile she gave me. Even if she had a point, none of this changed anything. Knowing that Cooper might have already killed Parker brought home what it meant to be dealing with Steve Campbell's kids. I'd thought maybe Chloe could help, but I was wrong. “It doesn't really matter. I can't have you with me.”

“Why not?” She was starting to sound less devastated and more argumentative. Finally, a Chloe I knew how to relate to.

“Because of
who you are
.” I emphasize the last three words, exasperated. “I'm not saying you're like them, but you're still one of them. How do I trust someone whose dad brought together the enemies I've been fighting against my entire life?”

“Don't you see?” Chloe scooted closer to me, but when I leaned back, she stopped and stared up at me. Her short hair fell back against her ears. “That's exactly what you are to me, Jack. Are you saying that I can't trust you?”

There was something so magnetic about her, but I forced myself not to be drawn in. “Considering I had a knife to your throat only a few hours ago, I'd probably say that you shouldn't.”

She didn't move. “You wouldn't have hurt me. I know it and so do you.”

“Did Cooper know it?” I asked.

Chloe grimaced, and I could instantly see how much pain my question caused her.

“I'm sorry.”

She didn't answer, but she scooted a few inches back.

I went on. “I'm sorry about all of it, Chloe. Whether I should believe it or not, my gut tells me you aren't like them. I'm grateful you helped Parker to set Finn free and … ”

“You think I did it for them?” she asked softly as she bent forward, studying the ground between us.

As her words sank in, I was surprised to pick up on a secondary meaning. But we hadn't even really gotten along at the time … she didn't mean …

“You didn't do it … for me?” My words were so quiet I could barely hear them, and I knew I'd misunderstood immediately when her head whipped up, her mouth curved into an expression stuck halfway between shock and amusement.

My spine stiffened and I shifted my weight onto my knees, preparing to get up. “Got it. Not for me.”

“Jack.” Chloe grabbed my hand and the contact felt like being hooked to a static machine—all the tiny hairs on my arm felt like they stood on end. It froze me in place as I turned back toward her and forced myself not to let the sensation show on my face.

“Chloe, you just need to find somewhere else to go, okay? I'm not sure I can trust Cooper to keep Parker alive. I don't know if I can trust you to even be here right now. He is too important.” I felt stupid. I hated feeling stupid.

“Jack, listen to me.” The frustration in her voice made me stop everything and listen. “I didn't do it for any of you, but the reasons,
my
reasons, for helping set Finn free instead of fighting it might matter to you … they meant everything to me.”

“I'm listening.”

“Being in Finn's head while on Eclipse like that … it was different than ever before. Normally, when I take a Dreamer, I can access bits and pieces of information that I need: bank PINs, names, stuff like that. But Eclipse changed the connection. With Finn, it was like he became pure emotion and memory. My dad spent years convincing us all of
his
truth, you know—brainwashing us. He always taught us that we were more than normal people, we were like gods … we were
evolved
.” Her words sounded choked out and surprisingly repulsed as she spoke her last sentence. It was the way I'd have imagined myself sounding if I'd been saying those words.

“But I'd always believed him, Jack,” she said. “I believed he knew better than me and that he was right. He was our leader and my father. Everyone else believed him; why wouldn't I? But with Finn … the connection felt so different, I could see immediately that my dad had been so wrong.”

I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting Chloe to say, but it hadn't been this.

She lowered her voice and continued. “Finn cares so deeply about everyone—his parents, Addie, Parker. I witnessed firsthand just how much they would all do for each other. I've never seen a Taker sacrifice for someone like that. Never.” Chloe ran her hands up the back of her neck and pulled on the bottom of her short hair as she looked away from me. “My own kind sacrificed me to an experiment that easily could have killed me. They used me like a lab rat to test a drug that would help them steal other people's lives, Jack. I didn't want to be the test subject for an experimental drug and I hated that they made that decision for me. I had to choose whether to fight for the way I'd lived—the way my family taught me to be—or to choose something new, something terrifyingly different. I wanted what Finn had in his life, and it was hard to deal with the idea that I'd stolen that from him, willingly or not.”