Mansfield Ranch (11 page)

“It was this side of Friday night when you were kissing me. What’s the deal today?”

“Okay. I admit it. I’m attracted to you, slightly, but—”

“See? I knew you were!”

“But it doesn’t mean that I trust you. Or that I believe you and I are meant to be together. Or that I’d even want to hang out with you.”

He held up a hand. “Whoa, wait. Slow down. What do you mean, you can’t trust me? Do you honestly not believe I’m genuine?”

“Why do you like me, Harrison?”

“For a hundred reasons, reasons that are constantly growing, too, I might add. For instance, there’s—”

“No. I don’t want you to answer me. Not really. I just don’t think we get along.”

He threw his hands in the air and shook his head. “I’ve lost my mind. Are you happy now? You asked me earlier, and I didn’t answer you—well,
now
you’ve got your answer. Yes. Yes, Lilly Price, I’ve completely lost my mind. Why else would I be standing here in this hallway, with a half-eaten lunch waiting for me in the cafeteria, if I wasn’t out of my mind?”

“Precisely why this whole conversation is useless and silly.”

“Precisely why I feel like I’ve aged five years in the past few weeks.”

“Seriously?” I wanted to laugh, but it was so pathetic that I couldn’t. I just didn’t trust him. There was something about this guy and his all-at-once attraction to me. Something about the way he treated life and everyone in it as if we were all a big game. I needed stability. I needed reality. I needed someone strong, someone who truly cared about me. Not Harrison.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Look, just think about auditioning, okay? I could really use a friend right now.” He gave me a look. “I know what you’re thinking, but you’ve made it clear how you feel. I’ll take my chances as your friend.” He put his hands in his pockets. “So, will you?”

I groaned. “No. No way.”

“Please?”

“Ugh. Friends don’t force their friends into doing stuff they’re not comfortable doing. True friends allow their friends to do whatever they choose. And respect that choice.”

He laughed. “What planet are you from? All the girls I know force each other to do all sorts of weird things when they don’t want to. Even go to the restroom together.”

I smiled and opened the library door. “Yeah, well, I prefer to live on my own terms. And getting up in front of the whole city of Farmington to make a fool out of myself isn’t one of them. You’ll have to live with our friendship being a bit more stable than that.”

He looked at me a moment. I was on the threshold, with the door open, about to go in. Then he looked down at his shoes. “Okay.” He shrugged. “No worries. I thought it would be something you’d be interested in. My bad.” He glanced back at me. “Have a good day.” With that, he strolled down the hall.

My stomach clenched.

Why did I feel like such a jerk?

Chapter Thirteen: Farmington Drama

I was still feeling a bit guilty about not auditioning four days later when Sean surprised me while I was doing the dishes.

“So I wanted to talk to you for a minute. Do you have some time?” he asked as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

I smiled and handed him a dishtowel. “Start drying.”

He chuckled and set to work drying the larger pans that wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher.

“What’s up?” I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. Sean rarely treated me so formally, so I knew it was probably something more serious. I just hoped it wasn’t a repeat of Saturday.

He took a deep breath. “Sorry, just trying to sort out how best to ask you.”

A little fissure of warning went through me. “Ask me about what?”

He put the largest pot in the cupboard and then glanced over. “So you know that play Alexis and Lauren are doing?”

My hands stilled in the soapy water. “Yeah, what of it?”

“Well, I sort of auditioned too.”

“What?” My eyes met his. I might complain about acting, but Sean absolutely abhors it. It’s seriously one of the things he’s most terrified of—anything that has to do with getting on stage and being in front of an audience. “Are you kidding?”

“Ha. I wish.”

I picked up a washcloth and began cleaning a glass lid. “Well, did you make it into the cast?”

He nodded. “Yeah, actually I did. I’m—uh, I’m Harold Hill.”

I dropped the lid. It clattered atrociously in the empty side of the sink, but thankfully it didn’t break. “Wait. You’re Harold Hill? As in, the main guy? The actual music man?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I know. What were they thinking, right?”

“Sean!” I turned around and hugged him with all my sloshy dish-soap mess. “I’m so happy for you! Holy cow. You must’ve rocked those auditions!” And then I began to chatter. “I mean, I always knew you could sing, but I didn’t ever really think that you’d be brave enough to—wow. How amazing, really. I’m just stunned.”

“I can tell—you’re totally speechless.” He grinned.

“Hey! Watch it.” I flicked a bit of water at him.

“So, yeah. That’s my new life for the next eight weeks, I guess. All my free time will be wrapped up in this musical.”

“So, what convinced you to audition? I never would’ve seen this coming.”

“It’s more like
who
convinced me, not
what
. And, uh, it was Julia Crawford, of course.”

“Ah, yes. That makes sense.” My heart dropped a little, but I was able to hide it pretty easily. “So you’ll be in the play with her, eh? What part did she get?”

He laughed. “Guess.”

I didn’t have to. I already knew. The leading lady. “Marian the librarian.”

“Yeah! Can you believe it? I was freaked out and excited, too. I mean, since my character is going to have to kiss the librarian, I’m just happy it’s someone I know.”

Was it wrong to kick myself for not auditioning? I picked up the lid and rinsed it off. “That’s cool. Yeah, I could see how that’d make anyone uncomfortable.” Ugh. This
conversation
was making me uncomfortable. I just wanted to leave. Go anywhere. “When do rehearsals start?”

He took the lid and began to dry it. “Actually, that’s why I came in to talk to you. We’re not sure.”

“Okay . . .” I picked up a smaller saucepan and began to wash it.

“Mainly because they still don’t have enough people in the play.”

I scrubbed harder and closed my eyes. “And what does that have to do with me?”

“I was wondering if you’d consider—I mean, just
consider
auditioning for a part in the chorus.”

Of course. Because it wouldn’t be torture enough to be on stage doing something I completely dreaded while watching Harrison be a dork—now I needed a front-row seat to watch Sean fall in love with another girl. I winced. Why did he think this would be something I’d like to do?

When I didn’t respond, he said, “Look, I know acting isn’t your most favorite thing—”

I gave him a look.

He chuckled nervously. “Okay, you hate it. But I’m really trying here. And I think it’d be good for both of us. You know, to get out of our comfort zones and attempt new things and just support the community.”

“You are so lame. You know that, right? Support the community. Really?” I turned around and folded my arms. “Just be straight with me.”

He reached around me and grabbed the saucepan, and then began to dry it. “Fine.” Without meeting my eyes, he said, “I need to see if there’s something between Julia and me, something that will help me forget about . . . about other people.” He glanced at me and then back at the pot. “And everyone says how you get close to people when you do plays with them, so when she asked me to audition, I thought it’d be a good idea.”

“And now that there’s not enough people, they may cancel the show?”

He shrugged and put the pan away. “Yeah.”

“So you need me to do this to help you fall in love with someone else.” Was he really this big of a jerk? Really?

When his eyes met mine, they were haunted. “No, I need a friend right now. I’m trying desperately to deal with this and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job. And I would feel a hundred times better up on that stage if you were there with me.”

“Oh, you’re evil.”

He stepped forward and took my hand. “No, I’m serious. I know this is hard. I know this is hard for everyone, but could you consider helping me? Just think about it.”

I pulled my hand away and rubbed my face.

“Please?” he said.

“If I were stupid enough to do this, what would it take away from me besides my dignity?”

“Nothing. You could ride with me to rehearsals and I’ll help you memorize any lines you have and I promise, this will be the easiest thing for you. You won’t even realize you’ve added something new to your schedule.”

Liar
.

“Will you at least think about it? Just think. You don’t have to decide until tomorrow, because they’re doing one last audition then, but would you consider it?”

“What about Alexis and Lauren?”

“I think they’ll be driving to practice with Harrison.”

“No, I mean, do you think they’d be okay with me auditioning for the play?”

He laughed. “If it meant they could perform, yes. You better believe it. They were already trying to decide how best to convince you to do it when I said I’d come in and talk to you privately.”

“Oh.” I felt like two inches small.

He hugged me and then sighed. “I swear, if you do this for me—er, us—you’ll be the best ever. I mean, you’re already the best, but you’ll be even better.”

Dork. I attempted to smile. “Thanks.”

“Thank you, Lilly. I know it may not seem like it, but I do know how hard this is for you. And I’m grateful you’re even willing to think about it. You’re wonderful.”

“Yeah.” I pushed away from him and busied myself by adding soap to the dishwasher and starting it. “I’ll let you know tonight what I decide.”

He put the towel on the counter. “Great.”

This was all just too awkward for me. “Well, I’ve got some homework and then I’m gonna ride Princess Buttercup for a bit. So I’ll see ya.”

“Hey, do you want company on that ride?” He looked eager.

“Um, no. I need some time to think. But maybe tomorrow.”

Sean’s face dropped. In all the years I’d lived here, I’d never turned him down when he asked to join me. My heart hurt so much, I didn’t think I could face him right then. No matter how upset he became. I needed time alone. A lot of time.

***

As I rode with Princess Buttercup out in Mansfield Ranch’s south pasture, I allowed my pride to wash away. How much of this hurt was because I’d been rejected by Sean and was now jealous? And how much of this was because I was actually terrified to get on stage?

When Harrison asked me to audition, it was easy to tell him no. I knew he would survive just fine on his own. And even though I’m positive Sean would survive on his own too, I’d miss him. I
already
missed him. Being on this ride, knowing he would’ve come if I’d let him, made me miss him more. What was wrong with me, anyway? Why couldn’t I be happy for him? He got the lead in the musical, for crying out loud. Who does that?

I sighed and pulled in on the reins. Sean was pretty much amazing. He just was. Not only was he talented, but he was also nice and courteous and attentive. I’m sure he’d make the perfect boyfriend. Heaven knew he made an above-perfect brother. I frowned.

My heart was breaking in two. Until now, I didn’t realize how hard it would be to know I couldn’t have him. To know he was purposely attempting to fall for someone else. Someone beautiful and kind and wonderful, like him.

I climbed down from the horse and walked over to a nearby tree, allowing Princess Buttercup to chew on the bits of green grass still poking up from the chilly ground. Sitting down, I hugged my knees and rested my head on my arms. This was seriously too dramatic for me. Life wasn’t supposed to be this hard, was it?

If I auditioned for this musical, I’d be in the back as one of the chorus, and I’d be practically invisible to the audience since they’d be watching the main characters. And if I did this, I’d make Sean happy. I’d make my sisters happy. I’d make Julia happy. Heck, I’d even make Harrison happy.
So why am I having such a hard time with this decision?

Because I’ll be miserable.

I sighed.

Misery is only in your attitude, though. I knew that. If I choose to be happy, I know I will be. If I choose to enjoy myself and learn something new, I will. But if I choose to be upset and waste days of my life being upset, that’s my choice too.

It was that easy. There was simply no reason to be grumpy about it.

Then I thought about how many things Sean had done for me. How many times did he think of me and cheer me up and care about me? He’d always been there for me. If I couldn’t do something for him now, when he asked me to, then I didn’t deserve his friendship, let alone his love.

I took a deep breath.
So much for my pride
. It looked like I’d just decided to eat humble pie. A lot of it.

And I’ll be happy eating it, too. Dang it!

Chapter Fourteen: Pride Comes Before the Fall

“Wait up, Mrs. Crawford!” Harrison called out on my way to English. I decided to slow down for him, knowing how bad it would be if I didn’t. He’d no doubt shout down the halls and unmercifully tease me.

“What?” I asked with a huff, just in case he thought this was something I was happy about.

He grinned. “I’m growing on you already.”

I rolled my eyes and picked up the pace.

He matched it easily. “So, word’s out you’re auditioning tonight.”

“Yes.” I looked straight ahead.

“And your brother was the one to convince you to do it, eh?”

I stopped. “He’s not my brother.”

Harrison’s eyebrows rose as he halted. “Either way, it’s good to know your weak spots.” He tapped his forehead and began to walk away. “I’ll have to remember that for later.”