Margaret Brownley (38 page)

She wandered onto the balcony. From where she stood, she could see the mountains that separated her from Logan.
You were always strong
, Logan had once told her.
I’d bet on it
. She closed her eyes.
Oh, Logan… now that you’re gone
…

She closed her eyes and poured her heart out to God.  It looked like she was going to have to depend on God alone to pull her though the days and weeks ahead.

A tap at the door announced Thornton’s return, and she hurried to let him in, holding the door open while he maneuvered a silver tea tray into the room.

“The proprietor was kind enough to arrange for bread and cheese.” He tossed her a package. “I picked up a few things for Noel at the general store.”

Libby tore open the package. Inside were squares of linen and a warm woolen blanket.

“I’m afraid that’s all they had for infants,” Thornton said. “We’ll have to wait until we reach Sacramento City to purchase more.”

“It’ll do for now,” Libby said,

“Anything is better than that ugly outfit he’s wearing,” he said, referring to the buckskin suit.

“It’s not ugly!” The words were out before she could temper the sudden anger that ignited within her.

He looked startled and then apologetic. “I didn’t mean to say anything to upset you.”

He looked so contrite she immediately regretted her hasty words. “I’m sorry, it’s been a very long day and I’m tired.”

“There’s no need to apologize, my love.” He poured her a cup of tea. “Here you are. This will make you feel better.”

Surprised by the familiarity of his address, she accepted the china cup and saucer without a word.  Awkward silence passed between them before she asked, “Did you make our travel arrangements?”

Thornton sat down in the chair opposite hers. “I did. However, I had a slight problem.”

Libby’s cup froze halfway to her mouth. “Which was?”

“There’s a shortage of space on all departing ships.”

“Really? I find that hard to believe. I thought it was coming to California that was the problem, not leaving it.”

“From what I was told, many men are giving up and going home. They’ve had enough.”

“Maybe gold fever is about to end,” she said.

“As long as there’s gold to be had, I’m afraid there will always be gold fever.”

She studied him. “So were you not able to book our passage?”

Thornton hesitated a moment. “I was able to attain a private cabin, at great cost, as you can imagine.”

“I’ll reimburse you, of course.  I don’t expect you to pay our way.”

“That won’t be necessary,” he said.

Regarding him over the brim of her cup, she asked, “You could only book one cabin?”

Thornton cleared his throat and tugged on his collar. “If you’d rather that I not travel with you….?”

“Well…I…”

He stared at her accusingly. “If I recall, you had no qualms about living with St. John all those weeks.”

“I had no choice,” she said, her voice taut.

Thornton sat back as if he knew he’d overstepped his boundaries. “Libby, I didn’t mean to suggest… Perhaps you’d rather that I stay behind and wait for the next available ship.”

Libby set the teacup on the tray. “I know you’re anxious to return to Boston for business. Perhaps you should travel ahead.”

She sensed his hesitation. A shadow played across his brow, suggesting an inner conflict. “I couldn’t bear to think of you and Noel alone in the city. Nor for that matter traveling aboard a ship without benefit of a male protector.”

“I don’t need protection.” She didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but she still smarted from his earlier reference to Logan.

“I daresay that many of the ship’s passengers haven’t seen a woman in a year or two.”

“What do you propose we do, Thornton? Wait until such time that we can book two cabins?”

“I’m afraid that would take longer than either of us care to wait.” He cleared his throat. “I do have another solution.”

“I would be most anxious to hear it.”

“I hope you don’t think me too forward, but under the circumstances…”

Her patience was about at its limit. “Please feel free to speak your mind.”

“Very well, if you insist. If you would agree to becoming my wife, we can then feel free to travel in one cabin.”

The proposal wasn’t completely unexpected, although she thought he’d wait until they’d arrived in Boston before speaking so boldly. What was unexpected was how trapped she suddenly felt. “Your wife?” she stammered, stalling for time.

She tried not to show how little the idea appealed to her, indeed, repulsed her, but apparently she failed, for his face flared red.

“I know it’s only been a year since your husband died. I planned to wait until we reached Boston before making my intentions known. But under the circumstances, it makes sense to find a preacher to marry us at once.”

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s only one thing you can say, Libby. Please say that you will marry me. It would simplify our travel arrangements.”

She glanced at Noel, painfully aware that what was said in that room over the next few minutes would have a profound impact on his future. “Travel convenience hardly seems like a reason to marry.”

Thornton followed her gaze. “Please don’t misunderstand, Libby. My intentions have always been to ask for your hand in marriage. Under normal circumstances, I would have waited for a more appropriate time.” When she made no reply, he added, “I can assure you that I would be a proper father to Noel. He will be groomed for the family business just as if he were my own flesh and blood.”

What he was offering was no small thing. Noel’s future was a major concern to her. Without the benefit of marriage, her prospects were slim, indeed, if not altogether nonexistent.

“So you see, marrying me is best for both of you.”

Under normal circumstances she might have agreed with him. A woman with a child and no means of support. The fact that she had so few options hit her with cold reality. She’d thought so much about going home, but had not considered what she would do once she got there. With no real marketable skills, her prospects looked grim, indeed, but no more so than the thought of being married to a man she didn’t love.

There was every reason to accept Thornton’s offer—and every reason to decline.

Her mind made up she sat forward, beseeching him to understand. “Please don’t think that I don’t appreciate everything you’re trying to do.”

“Don’t say anything more.” He stood. “We shouldn’t be talking about this tonight. You’re tired. I’m tired. We’ve both been through a terrible ordeal. I’ll let you get some sleep and we’ll discuss this in the morning.”

“Tomorrow won’t change how I feel,” she said. “I’m sorry, Thornton, but I don’t want to give you false hope.”

Thornton’s face darkened. “It’s Logan, isn’t it?”

“Please, Thornton—“

“Isn’t it?” His loud sharp voice bounced from wall to wall, waking Noel. “Answer me!”

Stunned by the change in him, she nodded, unable to find her voice. Suddenly she felt very much afraid.

He looked at her incredulously. “But why? What does he have to offer you? What could you possibly see in him?” His voice rose above Noel’s piercing cry. “The man has nothing. 
Is
nothing.”

She scooped Noel off the bed and held him close. A sudden silence filled the room, playing against her already taut nerves. “I love him.” It was the most direct explanation she could give,

“He’s no good for you, Libby! I can offer you so much more. A house, Libby. Bigger than any on Bunker Hill. You’ll be the envy of every woman in Boston. I can take you to the theater. We’ll travel abroad. Think of it. Libby, I can give you everything your heart desires.”

She listened to him and felt a sense of sadness to think that she might have been tempted in the past by what he had to offer. But not now, not after what she’d been through these last several months, not after experiencing widowhood. She now knew how precious life was, how short.

“I’m sorry, Thornton. I really am sorry.”

He straightened. “Is there any way I can persuade you to change your mind?”

She shook her head.

To his credit, he accepted her decision with gentlemanly grace. He bid her good night and left. Although she was relieved that he chose not to pursue the matter further, it saddened her that he thought love was something to barter for. She wondered if he was capable of feeling true love. Perhaps she should envy more than pity him. For surely he would never have to feel the torture she now felt.

And indeed, it was torture. The thought of Logan on the trail alone haunted her. She worried about his leg and prayed it wouldn’t be too cold. She worried about him meeting with hostile Indians or wild animals. She closed her eyes.
God, please protect him.

The morning dawned warm and sunny, with not a cloud in the sky.

Heart heavy it took every bit of effort to get through her morning ablutions. She dressed Noel in his buckskin outfit that she had brushed and aired before retiring. It looked almost as good as new. She knew how Thornton hated, it, but it was such a practical, not to mention darling, outfit that the bunting he purchased paled in comparison. 

The general store was two doors from the hotel. Libby reached the store just as Sharkey and Big Sam were coming out.

Big Sam grinned and made goo-goo sounds for Noel’s benefit. He took Noel and lifted him in his arms.

Libby watched her son’s face melt into a toothless smile as he looked up at the beaming black face.  It was a smile that he never accorded Thornton and this further convinced her that she had made the right decision in turning down his marriage proposal.

“He’s going to miss the both of you.”

“No more than we’re a-gonna miss him,” Sharkey said.

“What’s your plan, Miz Libby?” Big Sam asked.

“I’m going to book passage on the stage to Sacramento. Are either of you going in that direction?’

Big Sam and Sharkey exchanged glances.

Sharkey tugged on an earlobe. “We’ve been a-talking, Big Sam and me, and we decided to go back to Calico Corners.”

Libby looked from one to the other. “But there’s nothing left.”

“That don’t mean we can’t rebuild.” Big Sam said. “I still have my gold nugget. It should be enough to purchase lumber and tools to build us a mighty nice town. Mighty nice indeed. Maybe you and Noel will come back and visit us one day.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Who else is going back with you?”

“Most everyone who’s got a sens’ble bone in his body,” Sharkey said. “McGuire, Shakespeare, Genesis, Cast-Iron…”

She laughed. “I don’t believe it. Cast-Iron?”

Big Sam grinned. “Even Benjamin, if he behaves himself.”

“Hap, too, if he ever gets himself away from the general store,” Sharkey added.

Libby shook her head in wonder. “I wish I could be there with all of you.”

“You’ll be there in spirit, Miz Libby. ‘Cause you’re the one that taught us what a hometown is all about.”

“Now, now,” Sharkey said, throwing his arms around her slender shoulders, “don’t you go a-cryin’.”

“I can’t help it,” she sobbed, her tears soaking his flannel shirt.

Big Sam slipped an arm around her waist and the three of them, four counting Noel, stood huddled on the boardwalk, oblivious to the curious stares of passersby.

After the three of them had said their good-byes, Libby slipped inside the general store, her eyes still blurred with tears. She was greeted by a pleasant woman by the name of Sarah Tuckford, whose mass of copper curls was matched only by the number of freckles on her face. Sarah was the wife of the store’s proprietor.

“Why, you poor thing. You must be Libby. I’ve heard all about you. What a terrible ordeal you’ve been through. These mining towns are nothing but fire traps, if you ask me.” She cooed at Noel. “What a precious darling baby!” She took Noel from Libby’s arms.

Hap’s scolding voice could be heard. “I’ve never seen such disorganized merchandise in my life!”

Embarrassed, Libby gave Sarah an apologetic smile. “You should have seen the terrible condition of his first shop.”

Sarah discounted Hap’s complaints with a wave of her hand. “Harry will handle him. He’s used to difficult customers. Now, tell me about that dreadful fire.”

“Indeed, it was quite dreadful,” Libby agreed. “I’m afraid we lost everything.”

Sarah studied Libby’s buckskin dress and Libby suddenly felt self-conscious. “What I’m looking for is something to travel in. I don’t think my family would appreciate me showing up in Boston dressed in buckskin.”

“We’ll find something for you to wear. Come upstairs with me.” Holding Noel over her shoulder, she led the way through a narrow door and up a flight of stairs to the private apartment on the second floor, where she and her husband resided.