Marie Sexton - Coda 03 - The Letter Z (4 page)

He came first, but I wasn’t far behind him. I held him for a minute, kissing his shoulders and the back of his neck.

“No,” he sighed sleepily.
“No, what?” I asked.
“No, I’m not awake.”

I laughed and got out of bed. He pulled the covers over himself and nestled down into them. “You’re going to stick to the sheets,” I teased. He didn’t answer, and he was sound asleep again before I even made it back with a towel for him to wipe off with.

I took a shower and called Angelo. I knew Zach would sleep late, and Ang would be awake and chomping at the bit to get out of the hotel. We met at the elevator and found coffee, then I took him to one of the cheaper casinos. We played a little bit of blackjack, and I taught him how to play craps. He finished with an extra thirty-five bucks and decided that was good.

We were just finishing breakfast when Jared and Zach called. We met up with them and decided to walk over to Caesar’s and fool around there until it was time for lunch. Jared and I fell into step behind Zach and Angelo. Zach had his arm around Angelo’s shoulder, and Ang had his hand in Zach’s back pocket, and any time Zach said something to Ang, he would lean down and say it into Angelo’s hair. Angelo would smile up at him, and sometimes Zach would even kiss him. It was a level of intimacy that Jared and I rarely displayed in public. Even in Vegas, some people were turning around to watch them pass. The distance between them and us seemed to grow as we walked. Without even meaning to, Jared and I were distancing ourselves from them. I wasn’t sure if it was him causing it, or me.

“They don’t care at all, do they?” I asked.

“Zach doesn’t even think about it,” Jared said. “You know how he is. He probably doesn’t even realize people are looking at him. Angelo knows, but you’re right—he doesn’t care.”

“Does it bother you?”
“That they’re like that?”
“That I’m not.”
He looked over at me with a smile. “No. Not a bit.”

Once we got into the Forum Shoppes at Caesar’s, we ended up switching places. Somehow, I ended up walking with Zach. Jared and Angelo were a couple of steps ahead of us. I was watching the crowd around us, looking for men with other men.

“What are you doing?” Zach asked me.
“Trying to pick out other couples,” I said, feeling embarrassed. “I never used to think about it, but now, every time I see two men together, I wonder if they’re
together
.” I could tell he thought that was funny. “Don’t you wonder?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “I don’t pay attention.” Which, if I had taken the time to think about it, I probably would have known. Zach didn’t really pay attention to much that went on around him.
“What are you trying to judge by?” Jared asked, obviously amused.
“Clothes.”
“You think that’s all it takes?” Angelo asked.
“Well, I think my basis for comparison might be skewed. I tend to think any guy dressed better than Jared is gay.”
Angelo gave me his lopsided smirk. “That’s half the guys in Vegas, includin’ Zach.”
“Yeah, but Zach
is
gay,” I said.
“Right,” Ang said, “but like those two guys,” he gestured toward two men wearing suits, “they’re dressed better than any of us, and they’re straight.”
“They’re wearing name badges,” I said.
“So?”
“They’re here for a conference. They have to wear those suits, so that doesn’t count.”
“Okay, genius, then what you basin’ it on?”
I shrugged, looking over at Zach for help.
“Shoes,” Zach said.
“Coats,” I said.
“Hats,” Zach added.
Jared and Angelo looked at each other in amusement but didn’t say

anything. We kept walking and after a minute, Angelo nodded toward a man walking past us with a funny lopsided hat on his head. “So you probably think that guy’s queer just ’cause of his hat?” he asked.

Zach and I looked at the guy and both of us nodded. “No way does any straight guy wear a hat like that in public,” I said.

 

Jared shook his head. “I think he was just European.”

 

Zach and I looked at each other again, and Zach laughed. “So a nice coat or a funny hat means either gay,
or
European?” he asked.

“Yeah man,” Angelo said sarcastically. “Which makes all four of us straight as fuckin’ rulers. Who’s ready to hit the strip clubs with me?”
I actually wouldn’t have objected to a strip club, but I knew Ang was joking, and Jared and Zach probably weren’t interested, so I kept my mouth shut.

“What about those two?” I asked, gesturing toward two more men walking together. “Gay, or European?”

Zach watched them walk past, then said, “European.”
“Gay,” Angelo and Jared said in unison.
“How do you know?” I asked.

Angelo and Jared looked at each other, trying to decide who would answer. It ended up being Jared. “They were each carrying more than three shopping bags,” he said, “and not one of them was from Victoria’s Secret.”

“Maybe they were buying gifts for their moms,” I said. Jared laughed. “Yeah, right. How often do you do that?” He had a point there, so I didn’t answer.

“Okay,” Zach said a minute later. He gestured at two more men who were walking past us. “Gay, or European?”

“Gay,” I said.
“European,” Angelo said to me over his shoulder.
“How do you know?”
“They were speakin’ French!”

“Okay,” Zach said to me, smiling. “I suppose that should have tipped us off.”

 

“Aren’t you supposed to have some kind of sixth sense for this?” I asked him.

Angelo snorted. “Zach’s gaydar sucks,” he said, before Zach had a chance to answer. “Worked with him for two weeks ’fore he figured out I was queer.”

That didn’t surprise me, but Jared obviously found it funny. “Are you serious?” he asked, glancing back at Zach.

“How was I supposed to know?” Zach asked.
“I didn’t know either,” I said in Zach’s defense. Jared and Angelo glanced knowingly at each other and didn’t answer us. “Not until halfway through that first day at Folk Fest.”
“Yeah,” Angelo said over his shoulder. “That’s different.”
“So how did you know?” Zach asked Angelo.
Angelo looked back at him in surprise. “What, ’bout you bein’ queer?”
“Yeah.”
Angelo’s eyebrows went up. “You’re jokin’, right?” He looked again at Jared, and they both laughed.
Zach slowed down, and I slowed down with him so that Ang and Jared pulled ahead of us a few steps. “I’m trying to decide if I should be offended,” Zach said, low enough that only I heard him. I wasn’t sure what to tell him. Angelo and Jared were still walking. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they were both laughing, and I was pretty sure it was at us. On the bright side, they had at least found some basis for solidarity between them.
Zach walked along in silence next to me, looking at the floor. Angelo and Jared were slowly pulling out even further ahead of us. Angelo was still wide-eyed at everything he saw. I couldn’t hear him, but I could tell he was talking a mile a minute, and Jared obviously found it entertaining. “What about that guy?” I said to Zach, trying to cheer him up. I nodded toward a man walking past us. He was our age, and dressed nice, wearing slacks and one of those old-fashioned looking wool coats with the double row of buttons. “Gay, or European?” I asked.
Zach looked over at the guy, just as he looked at us, and to my surprise, they both stopped dead in their tracks.
“Jonathan,” Zach said.
Of course I had been expecting him to say “gay” or “European”, so I was a little confused. “What?” I asked stupidly.
“It’s Jonathan,” Zach said.
“
Zach?
” the guy with the fancy coat said in pleasant surprise. “Is that you?” He walked over to us, beaming. Zach looked like a deer caught in the headlights; he obviously couldn’t run, but couldn’t seem to get his shit together enough to answer either. It didn’t matter. The guy—Jonathan, apparently—was still talking. “Oh my God, Zach, it’s been years.” He started to put his hand out, like he was going to shake Zach’s hand, but then at the last second he seemed to change his mind, and he grabbed Zach and hugged him. Zach was stiff in his arms, still looking shell-shocked. “I was thinking about you just the other day, Zach. It’s so good to see you.” He stepped back a bit, but still hanging on to Zach. “You look great,” he said sincerely. “You haven’t changed a bit.”
“Yeah, you too,” Zach managed to choke out. And then he stopped short, obviously unsure of what to say next.
Jonathan apparently wasn’t surprised or offended by Zach’s behavior. He let go of Zach and turned to me with his hand out. “Hi, I’m Jonathan.”
“Matt,” I said, shaking his hand.
“Nice to meet you.” He glanced between Zach and I, and I knew what was coming. “Are you—?”
“No,” Zach and I said in unison, and Jonathan’s smile got bigger.
“What are you doing in Vegas?” he asked Zach.
“Ummm…” Zach stuttered and looked over at me for help.
“Just being tourists,” I said, since Zach was apparently incapable of formulating a response.
“That’s great!” Jonathan said, turning back to Zach. “We should get together. I’d love to catch up.”
Zach didn’t even manage to stutter this time. He just stood there with his eyes wide, and I had a feeling I was going to have to answer for him again. The problem was, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to say yes or no. Then all of a sudden Jared appeared at my elbow, smiling like always, and I could have kissed him. He was so much better at this shit than I was.
“Hi,” he said to Jonathan, shaking his hand. They started doing the introduction thing, and I didn’t miss how happy Jonathan was by the fact that Jared was with me, and not with Zach. I was starting to have a very bad feeling about this. I looked around for Angelo, but he was nowhere in sight. “Listen,” Jared said to me when they were done, “Angelo and I will be in that gallery over there.” He smiled and said quietly, like it was some kind of secret, “He really likes looking at all the art. It surprises me.” It didn’t surprise me, but I didn’t have a chance to say anything, because Jonathan started talking again.
“Let’s all have dinner tonight! I’ll make us a reservation. How about six o’clock?”
“That sounds great,” Jared said, before either Zach or I could answer.
Jonathan started telling Jared where the restaurant was. I looked at Zach, and could see a hint of panic in his eyes, but he obviously had no idea how to stop this particular train wreck from happening.
And then Angelo was there, grinning like I had never seen before, and I wondered if Jonathan noticed how relieved Zach looked when his eyes landed on Ang. Angelo didn’t seem to notice Jonathan at all. “Zach, come on man. You gotta see this painting—”
“Ang, how do you feel about dinner tonight?” Jared asked, obviously trying to pull him into the conversation, but Angelo wasn’t interested.
“Yeah man, what the fuck ever,” he said with just a hint of annoyance in his voice. He was already heading back to the gallery, and I could tell Zach wanted more than anything to follow him. “Just hurry up, will ya?”
“So, five of us then?” Jonathan asked, and he was definitely a little less enthusiastic about it now.
“Yes,” I said firmly. “Angelo’s coming too.”
Jonathan’s smile returned. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll see you then.” He turned to Zach. “I can’t wait to catch up, Zach.”
“Yeah,” Zach said weakly. “Me too.”
Jared was headed back to the gallery now too. Jonathan started to walk away, but then stopped suddenly and turned back to us. “By the way, the restaurant has a dress code: business casual. It’s not too formal but,” he glanced toward the gallery where Angelo and Jared had disappeared, “you might ask your friend to clean up a bit.” I felt my heart fall inside my chest, and Zach somehow managed to look even more startled than before. Jonathan either didn’t notice, or didn’t care. “See you then.” He gave us a little wave and walked away, leaving Zach and I in an uncomfortable silence.
I watched Zach, waiting for him to get his shit together. He was staring at the floor, his eyes moving back and forth. I had a feeling he was replaying the whole scene in his head, trying to make sense of it all. He finally looked up at me with frightened eyes.
“What the hell just happened?” he asked.
“We’re apparently having dinner tonight,” I said, “with your friend.” “Oh God,” Zach moaned, putting his head in his hands. “Is he that bad?” I asked.
Zach shook his head. “He’s my ex.”
All the pieces suddenly fell into place—Zach’s stunned behavior, and Jonathan’s obvious interest. No wonder Zach looked so worried.
“Let me get this straight,” I said to him. “We’re going to dinner tonight with your boyfriend,
and
your ex?”
“I think so.”
“At the same time?”
“Apparently,” Zach whispered, in obvious distress.
“You think Angelo’s going to be okay with that?” I asked.
“No!”

I knew it wasn’t Zach’s fault. Not entirely. But I couldn’t help but be a little annoyed at him anyway. “And you have to tell Ang to ‘clean up a bit’.”

“Oh God!” Zach moaned.

 

“You can say that again,” I told him. “Better you than me.”
…Angelo

F
UNNY
how Jared and I end up walkin’ together. Not sure how it happened, but he’s talkin’ to me like he used to, and laughin’ too. When I think ’bout how awkward things have been between us ever since New Year’s, it’s kinda nice to know we can be friends again.

We’re walkin’ along, both of us laughin’ at how fuckin’ clueless Matt and Zach are, when we spot the gallery.
I never really looked at art before, but this shit blows me away. They’re paintings, and they’re awesome. Crazy, and strange, but really beautiful too. Jared says they’re like Salvador Dali. I heard that name before, but don’t really know what his shit looks like, so I don’t know if they look like this or not. All I know is, they’re amazing. They’re like snapshots out of a dream. Maybe they’re little glimpses of another world. They fly around like butterflies, and nobody notices them, ’cept this artist. He catches ’em and puts ’em on canvas for everybody to see. For the first time in my life, I understand why people will drop a shitload of money on a painting. First time in my life I wished I could do it too.

I want Zach to see it. I know he won’t get it. I know he won’t see it the way I do. But I want him to see it anyway. I don’t talk to him much ’bout real shit, like how I feel ’bout him. But I feel like if I show him this, he’ll get to see part of me—part of me I haven’t been able to show him before.

Jared’s gone back out to look for ’em. I walk to the door of the gallery and see ’em talkin’ to some dude. Jared’s shakin’ his hand, smilin’ like he always does. Zach looks like he wants to get out of there fast, and when I walk up to him, the relief on his face is obvious.