Marriage Can Be Murder -- Every Wife Has A Story (A Carol and Jim Andrews Baby Boomer Mystery) (34 page)

I must have shifted in my chair and woke up Lucy, because the next thing I knew, I heard a low growl.

Then, all hell broke loose.

Lucy started pawing at the computer screen, barking and growling. She was completely out of control.

“What’s the matter with you, Luce?” I said. “You’ve never acted like this before.”

Mary Alice and Nancy backed away from her. “She won’t hurt you,” I said. “But she certainly is upset.”

The next thing I knew, Ethel – that’s right, Ethel, who never makes a move without Lucy’s permission – began tearing around the house, running from room to room like a nut case.

“Stop her,” screamed Nancy. “She’s got Bob’s sketch in her mouth. I don’t have any copies.”

Lucy jumped off my lap and took off after Ethel, barking her fool head off. It was like the canine version of the Keystone Cops.

And the four of us took off after the dogs. I finally cornered them both in my bedroom, where they were hiding under the bed.

“All right, you two,” I said, “out of there. And give me that paper.” Ethel gave it up, but not without a growl. Lucy just sat there and looked at me.

Now, here comes the really crazy part. I knew, beyond any doubt, that they were both trying to tell me something important. And, doofus that I was, I didn’t understand what it was.

Lucy took off again and headed toward the office. She hopped up in my chair and faced the computer. The Whaling Museum picture was still on the screen. And she began to growl. Then howl. Then growl again.

I was stumped.

“I guess we all needed a little exercise,” said Claire, collapsing onto the sofa. Mary Alice and Nancy were too out of breath to speak. But at least Nancy had the sketch back, intact. Thank goodness.

Ohmygosh. I suddenly got it.

There was only one person in the world who made the dogs react that way. Jenny’s old boyfriend. Jeff.

Chapter 41

I plan to live long enough to be an embarrassment to my grandchildren.

It’s time to set the record straight, especially for those of you who may have read the front page story in
The Fairport News
or saw the dogs and me on
Wake Up New England
. By the way, that old saying that the television camera adds five pounds to anybody is a complete lie. In my case, it was at least 25. And in all the wrong places. The only thing that looked good on television was my hair, because Deanna insisted on coming to the studio with me to be sure of that.

She did draw the line at primping Lucy and Ethel, though.

It’s true that my faithful posse and I, in our haste to get to the Fairport College campus to warn Jenny (I knew that she was teaching a night class and would have her cell phone turned off), we accidentally clipped the statue of the school mascot that (until then) was positioned at the school’s main gate. Claire insisted on driving, and her night vision isn’t very good.

I’m sure that the stag statue can be repaired, and I always thought it was an eyesore, anyway. Maybe nobody will notice that he’s now missing his right front leg. I think he looks better that way.

And another thing I want to clarify is that none of us – well, none of the humans, anyway – had anything to do with chasing that maintenance man into the woods.

What
really
happened is that the dogs insisted on coming with us, and it was easier to just clip their leashes on and put them in the back seat with me and Mary Alice than to leave them howling and barking in my house. When we got to the school parking lot, we spotted Jenny’s car right away. It really stands out – it’s a bright red Mini Cooper (pre- wedding present from Mark). Pretty snappy.

When I opened the back door of Claire’s car, Lucy leaped out before I could catch her, with Ethel close on her heels. (Do dogs have heels? I don’t know.) Anyway, Lucy raced over to Jenny’s car barking like a maniac at a man who was crouched down by the front door of the Mini Cooper. He took off, with the dogs right after him.

English cockers are great trackers (forget about bloodhounds; my money’s on English cocker noses every time), and cornered the man by one of the dumpsters. I hope I don’t have to tell you that it was Jeff. You’re so smart, you must have figured that out by yourself.

Incidentally, you’re probably wondering why we didn’t call the police before we took off on our campus adventure. In my own defense, I did place an emergency call to Mark, but it went to his voice mail. By the time he got to the college, the campus security guards had locked Jeff up in one of their patrol cars.

Thank goodness one of the guards was a woman. She didn’t even blink an eye when the four of us started talking at the same time, trying to explain what had happened.

Of course, Jim read me the riot act for running to the college without letting him know what was up. Blah, blah, blah. He didn’t buy my argument that I knew interrupting him in the middle of a board of education budget hearing was something he’d never forgive me for.

I know he has a long list of things to add to my Honey- Don’t list. I’m worried that one of them will be, “Honey, don’t tell everybody in the world about our private business.”

You don’t think I’ll listen to that one, do you?

Jenny was shocked to find out that Jeff had been stalking her for a long time. When she broke off the relationship and came back East, he really popped his cork, as the saying goes. He vowed that if he couldn’t have her, nobody could. And set about making that happen.

Jenny made it easy for him, though, without realizing it. First of all, she never changed her Facebook log-in information, so Jeff knew her password and could always get into her account. Plus, she posted too much about her personal life online, so it was child’s play for Jeff to know where she was, what she was doing, and when she would be the most vulnerable.

She’s learned a valuable lesson about personal security, and so have I. It turned out that Bert and Ernie were a pair of harmless romantics who’d cast themselves in the role of Jenny’s admirers/protectors. Sort of like geriatric Knights of the Round Table. It apparently never occurred to them that their actions could be considered threatening.

Go figure.

I’m not allowed to tell you any more about Jenny and Mark’s wedding, per Jim’s instructions. (Hey, sometimes I have to let him have the last word.) Suffice it to say that the ceremony did come off, without any additional dead bodies or other hitches to spoil the occasion. It was a very small wedding, just the way the bride and groom wanted. As far as the location is concerned, my lips are sealed. Except to say that it was on an island, with no palm trees, and the weather was clear but cold.

Jenny was a gorgeous bride. She had taken my wedding dress from the attic, unbeknownst to me, and had it altered to fit her. I was so surprised and thrilled to see her in my dress that I couldn’t speak. Jim told me if I had that reaction, maybe Jenny should never take the dress off.

What a kidder.

Lucy and Ethel have become local celebrities, thanks to their television appearance. Whenever I take them for a walk now, it seems like everybody wants to say hello to them. And often, believe it or not, to be photographed with them.

The only trouble is, most people can’t tell one from the other, and Lucy is getting tired of being called by the wrong name. I’m thinking of having special dog sweaters made for each of them, with the initial “L” on Lucy’s and “E” on Ethel’s. What do you think?

Oh, and both dogs are hinting they’d like a Fan page on Facebook. I’m not sure that’s a good idea. After all, I’d have to do all the posting for them, and I have way too much to do already, researching the article I’m writing on cyberstalking.

I haven’t definitely ruled it out, though. I hate it when the girls sulk. As for Mike, we didn’t hear from him for the whole month before the wedding. In fact, I never got a response to my frantic e-mail asking for his help. I’ve had to accept that this is the way he chooses to deal with a tough problem. He goes into what he calls “radio silence” until the situation is resolved. He’s a man now, and he doesn’t rely on Mommy and Daddy to solve his problems any more.

Of course, it darn near kills me not to badger him. But I suck it up. I hope you’re all proud of me.

Mike came to the wedding alone. Neither Jim nor I asked him any questions about Marlee’s whereabouts. All he told us was that what happened was for the best and he didn’t want to discuss it. Period.

I was sure I knew where Marlee had gone, and why. But I vowed I wouldn’t bring it up and prove myself right. A part of me wondered if they were ever really married. But, for once, I just let it go.

As far as what happened at the Grey Gull Inn the night Tiffani died, the police are still trying to put all the pieces together. It helped the case when Skip Wallace (remember him, the co-owner of the inn?) came forward and admitted that he and Tiffani had a late night rendezvous planned in his suite. I could speculate that Tiffani decided to play dress up and arrive at his suite wearing a sexy peignoir and a lacy wedding veil. (Not that I would dream of making suggestions to the Nantucket police, of course. They probably wouldn’t listen to me, anyway.)

But…in case anybody should happen to ask me my opinion, I’m guessing that Jeff was hiding upstairs at the inn, waiting for his chance to harm Jenny. In the dark, he mistook Tiffani for Jenny and pushed her down the stairs. And that was the end of poor Tiffani.

Truly, it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. And guilty about my relief that it was Tiffani who died, not Jenny.

In other news, Bob Green was released from jail, and he and Nancy are dating. That’s right, dating. I don’t know if they’ll ever reconcile and be a married couple again, but I’ve decided that, too, is none of my business.

Maybe there’s hope for me yet.

Destination Wedding Hints from a Professional Wedding Planner

By Jamie Bohlin, Cape Cod Celebrations

When planning your wedding, the destination is one of the first things to consider. Do you want to stay local or travel to an island or favorite childhood vacation spot? Use the following questionnaire to help you decide if planning a wedding outside of your zip code would work for you, your fiancé, your budget and your loved ones.

How far away are you from your destination location?
Can you drive there, or do you have to take a plane, train or boat? Considering the time, cost and stress, travel can play a big role in your planning process.