Marriage Made on Paper (11 page)

“Any plans for tonight?” she asked, her high heels clicking on the wooden floor as she moved across the room, keeping her distance from him as she settled onto the low couch.

“We’re treating the board to a traditional dinner on the beach. Complete with traditional dancing.”

“I love that idea. Will you be doing it for regular guests, too?”

He nodded. “Yes. When I first visited Thailand I was backpacking with friends, no luxury resorts or anything. We ate in the marketplaces and avoided the tourist traps. I want to bring that element into the resort. Luxury, but with a chance to experience the culture.”

She shot him a severe look, her lush lips pulled into a tight line. “We’re putting that in the press release when the resort opens. I don’t understand why you’re so reluctant to give the public some information about the good things that you do.”

He let out an exasperated sigh. “As you said, Lily, they call it a private life for a reason. I don’t see the
point in sharing every aspect of myself with the press. I don’t talk about the fact that I raised Maddy because I’m afraid it would embarrass her. She feels like she must have been unlovable for our parents to neglect her like they did, and I’m not about to let the public know the circumstances of her life. It isn’t fair to her.”

“And the other things? The sanctuary? Your respect for the Thai culture?”

“Personal.”

“But it’s not really. It relates back to your business, to your image. And really, why not let people know you’re actually a decent person?”

He laughed. “My parents made so many charitable contributions they were hailed as the most generous couple in the San Diego area. They have plaques on schools and hospitals. It didn’t make them good people.”

Gage knew, better than most, that public image and private image were not the same thing. His parents were the most self-absorbed, selfish people he’d ever encountered, and that included every one of his past mistresses.

All of the flash, all of the grand gestures, meant very little when the only thing behind it was a desire for more publicity. His parents didn’t care about anyone, or anything, beyond their own ambitions. He’d worked all of his young adult years to establish his business. He’d been so determined to impress them with who he’d become.

He’d made his first million, his first two million, and still he’d waited. Finally he’d stopped caring. Probably on the day Maddy called, telling him she hadn’t eaten for three days, not because his parents were too poor to provide her with food, but because they were so busy
living their very important lives they’d forgotten their daughter. That was also the day he’d brought his sister to live with him.

“The fact that my parents were willing to spare the time to write a check to boost their likability, to gain more business, didn’t make them good, or giving, or caring,” he growled, rage coursing through him at the memory. “I don’t play that game.”

He didn’t know what it was about Lily that made him say those kinds of things. She made him want to explain. If it were any other woman, any other employee, he simply would have let them think what they wanted, no explanation offered. But she wasn’t just another woman, and she wasn’t just an employee, either. He wasn’t certain how he felt about her falling outside of those clear, distinct categories.

“I understand that. I understand how much parents can motivate what you do and don’t do.” She looked up, meeting his gaze for the first time since they’d kissed on the beach. “My mother … growing up with her was difficult. Her relationships and all the drama they came with were the most important things to her. They consumed her and I hated it. I hated seeing her so controlled by this twisted emotion that she called love that made her do and accept the most horrible things.”

“That’s why you don’t do relationships.”

She nodded in confirmation. “That’s why I don’t do relationships. Ever. I don’t want to turn into that. I don’t want anyone or anything controlling me like that.”

“I wouldn’t, Lily, you know that. I don’t do the toxic relationship thing. Women I date are free to be their own people. I’m not looking to force anyone to fit into my lifestyle, because I’m not looking to add anyone to my life permanently.”

Lily bit her bottom lip until it hurt. She was tempted, again, so very tempted, to take Gage up on his offer. She’d come out of the bedroom with the best of intentions, her protective shield in place, ready and willing to resist him and carry on like she always had. But that was impossible. She
knew
now. She knew about the power of desire.

Wanting sexual satisfaction was entirely different than wanting another person. It wasn’t simply about wanting to reach the peak of pleasure, it was about wanting to touch him, taste him, explore him. It wasn’t about just wanting a man. That would have been much easier to cope with. This was about wanting one man specifically. She wanted Gage. No one else.

But the fear wasn’t gone. Being with him was complicated, and not just because he was her boss. Sleeping with him would mean no barriers. There would be no way for her to stay in control the whole time. She knew that just from one kiss. Ironic since she’d always thought that when she did choose to have sex with a man her problem would be forcing herself to give up her control.

She’d imagined she would find it impossible to reach orgasm because she would be too concerned about being vulnerable, out of control. She hadn’t anticipated the man being able to rob her of it as neatly and quickly as Gage was able to.

When he was touching her, she
wanted
to surrender, wanted to simply allow him to sweep her off her feet and take her on the journey her body was begging to go on. And that was frightening.

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “Give me until after the dinner tonight,” she said. “I’ll decide by then.”

Gage’s expression didn’t change, his firm jaw set, his eyes unreadable. “Decide?”

“Whether or not I’m ready for a fling,” she said then added, “a fling with you.”

“I didn’t imagine you meant with one of our distinguished members of the board,” he said, his voice husky.

She laughed shakily. “I wanted to make sure. I know how people can spin things. I work with the media, remember?”

He leaned in, so close she could feel his breath fanning over her cheek. She closed her eyes as a shiver slithered through her body, starting in her shoulders and spreading everywhere, leaving her nipples tight and aching, her body wet with wanting him.

“This isn’t really your thing, is it? You’re not a fling kind of girl.”

Her eyes fluttered open, reality crowding all the lovely arousal that had been making her feel warm and languid and brave. “You don’t think so?”

Of course she wasn’t. She was a twenty-seven-year-old virgin, but that admission wasn’t about to escape her lips. She didn’t want him thinking he was special, or that there was something wrong with her, or that she was suddenly going to start salivating whenever she saw a diamond ring. This wasn’t emotional for her, not really, this was about physical need.

She trusted Gage, in a certain respect, but that was the only emotion involved. Still she’d had the opportunity to observe how Gage was in relationships. He wasn’t controlling, or manipulative. He was honest about what he wanted and both parties in the relationship ended up satisfied in more ways than one. That was what she wanted, all she wanted.

And she had to do this. She had to take control of her life, her body, her sexuality. Now that she realized how much of her life had been controlled by her mother’s actions, now that she saw just how much power she gave to the many men that had paraded through her mother’s life, to the drama and the fights and the tears, she knew she had to move beyond it. This was her chance. If she was brave enough to take it.

“I haven’t had time to have one since coming to work for you.” The honest truth, even if it was misleading.

“Just don’t forget that it’s only a fling. Women can be emotional about sex and if it’s been a while for you …”

She met his gaze, her heart pounding hard. “Gage, have I ever seemed like the kind of person who doesn’t know her own mind? Let me worry about it. I promise you, I don’t have one single repressed fantasy about love and happily ever after anywhere inside of me. I’m far too practical.” She stood from the couch, trying to keep her expression cool, trying to ignore her rapidly beating pulse. “And anyway, it’s only a fling. I’ll probably forget about it in a few years’ time.”

Gage crossed the room, his expression intense. He bent down and hooked his arm around her waist, bringing her into a standing position, hauling her up against him. “You won’t forget me, Lily,” he said, his voice rough.

He leaned down, his mouth urgent on hers. There was nothing slow about this kiss, nothing like the kiss they’d shared on the beach. This was fire and urgency. This wasn’t a slow tasting, this was a feast. She parted her lips for him, meeting his tongue thrust for thrust, lacing her fingers through his short dark hair, pulling him even harder against her.

His big hand cupped her bottom, bringing her tightly against his body, letting her feel the hard ridge of his erection pressing against her stomach.

He pulled away from her suddenly, his breathing harsh, his chest rising and falling. When he withdrew completely and stepped away from her she was afraid she might melt to the floor without his arms to support her.

She put a hand on her lips, feeling how hot and swollen they were.

“After the dinner, tell me what you want,” he said gruffly. “Be very sure.”

“I know what I want now,” she said with a boldness she didn’t feel. “Do you want me? I mean
me,
not just sex.” She didn’t know why, but that seemed important. She didn’t want him picturing one of his little blonde heiresses while he was in bed with her. That was a matter of pride.

He took hold of her wrist and pressed her hand against his chest, against his raging heartbeat. “Does that feel like I want you?”

“Yes,” she whispered. She looked down and saw, very clearly, the outline of his rigid erection pressing against his jeans. She swallowed. There was no room for her to be timid. He wouldn’t want a shy little virgin in his bed, that much was obvious from the type of women he chose to date. Which meant she’d have to be a confident virgin, a virgin who could fake more experience than she had. Well, experience she might not have, but she had desire.

She slid her hand down his chest, moved her palm to cover the hard ridge of his arousal. He let his head fall back, his breath hissing between his teeth. “So does this,” she said.

“Careful,” he groaned. “Or neither of us will be making it to dinner.”

A sliver of pleasure wound its way through her, along with a surge of adrenaline. This was a new kind of power, power she hadn’t anticipated. She’d assumed, because of the way her mother behaved, that when it came to sex, men held all the cards. But she knew now that wasn’t true. Right now, holding him in her hand, she was in control. She was the one driving him crazy with desire, pushing him beyond his control.

“Well, we can’t have that. I’m really looking forward to dinner.”

He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her neck, to where her pulse was fluttering rapidly. “I’m looking forward to dessert.”

The flickering light from the bonfire, the lingering heat from the day, combined with the slow, seductive music, made Lily feel like she was under a spell. Maybe she was, because she had no idea what sort of magic had bewitched her into thinking she could have a no-strings relationship with Gage. But even now she wasn’t afraid, not even after having time to reflect on what it would mean for her. What it might make her feel.

She wanted him. Why should her dysfunctional childhood keep her from having something she wanted? She’d never given it that sort of power in any other area of her life. In fact, she’d been determined to overcome it no matter what. But when it came to men, she’d let it hold her back.

It wasn’t as though there were any missed opportunities she regretted, no men she wished she’d been able to take the chance on. But if she didn’t find out what it was like with Gage, she knew she would regret that.
It would be a holiday romance. Not even a romance, it would be nothing but holiday sex. She would find out what it was like, satisfy her curiosity, satisfy the flame that burned low in her body, and move on. And so would he.

They were adults, there was no reason they couldn’t be adult about it. No reason at all.

She looked at Gage, at the way the orange flames highlighted his sharp cheekbones and angular jaw. He was such a gorgeous man, and she’d kissed his perfect lips. Anticipation made her feel restless, edgy. Needy.

Soon she would know what he looked like without clothes covering his amazing body. Soon, every part of him would be hers. To explore, to touch, to taste.

“I think this is an amazing investment opportunity you have here, Mr. Forrester,” one of the board members, she wasn’t sure which one, said.

“It is,” she said, sitting up straighter. “And what Gage is doing here goes well beyond simple tourism. He’s offering a true, authentic experience, with as little or as much luxury as the guest would like to experience.”

The older man gave Gage a sly smile. “Not a bad idea, Forrester, getting your PR specialist so sweetened up.”

Gage scooted closer to Lily, looping his arm around her waist. “Lily has more professional integrity than anyone I’ve ever met. Myself included. Our relationship has nothing to do with the quality of her work. I’d recommend her business to anyone.”

Lily was shocked to hear Gage give her such an emphatic endorsement, and she said as much when the members of the board were either too intoxicated to pay attention, or had gone back to their rooms.

“It’s true,” Gage said, shrugging. “You’re great at
what you do. My attraction to you has nothing to do with how well you do your job.”

“And when our relationship is over you’re planning on pawning me off? Professionally speaking, I mean.” She hated the insecurity in her voice, hated the slight quiver that made her sound weak. What did it matter if he was planning on letting her go? As long as her next job paid as well, it didn’t matter whether she stayed with Forrestation or not. She’d done a wonderful job for his company, and there was ample evidence of that.