Marriage Seasons 03 - Falling for You Again (35 page)

•
Springtime
in marriage is a time of new beginnings, new patterns of life, new ways of listening, and new ways of loving.

•
Summer
couples share deep commitment, satisfaction, and security in each other’s love.

•
Fall
brings a sense of unwanted change, and nagging emptiness appears.

•
Winter
means difficulty. Marriage is harder in this season of cold silence and bitter winds.

1. In
Falling for You Again
, which season of the year is it in Deepwater Cove, Missouri? Which season of marriage do you think Esther and Charlie Moore are experiencing? What are the signs that let you know?

2. At the start of the book, Esther has a car accident. What changes does this event bring about in her life? How does the accident affect Charlie? What do their reactions tell you about their marriage?

3. Charlie and Esther have had a long marriage. What have they done to make their relationship successful? In what ways have they failed to keep the marriage strong?

4. In this story we learn that long ago, Esther formed a friendship with the Moores’ neighbor George Snyder. What was good about this relationship? What was unhealthy? Do you think husbands or wives should have close friends of the opposite sex? Why or why not?

5. Patsy and Pete are having a hard time with their relationship. What do you think each wants from the other? Why is it hard for Patsy to feel comfortable accepting her feelings for Pete? Why does Pete believe he is unworthy of Patsy?

6. In this story, Pete forms a very special relationship with Jesus Christ. Who helps him in his journey toward faith? Who hinders him? How does Pete finally figure out the biblical concepts of “fishing for men” and being “born again”?

7. Charlie tells Brad, “Any man can walk into a tavern and land himself a one-night stand. But you’ve married yourself a sweet little lady who used to think you hung the moon. You really want to be a man? Pull yourself together and hang that moon back in the sky for your wife” (page 210). How can one partner in a marriage do this for the other?

8. Charlie and Esther have strong opinions about the part of their marriage that takes place “in the bedroom.” How do Charlie and Esther each feel about the other’s attitude toward sexuality? What does each wish had been different throughout their nearly fifty years together? How do they act toward each other in this important area? Is it all right to feel one way and act another in marriage? Why or why not?

9. What are Jennifer Hansen’s goals in life? How is she trying to achieve them? In what way does Jennifer express her faith in Christ? What is it about Cody that appeals to her? Something happened to Jennifer on her trip to Mexico. What do you suppose it was? Does God’s will for a person’s life ever change?

10. Strategy 1 in
The Four Seasons of Marriage
challenges couples to deal with past failures. Do past failures doom a person to fail in the future? How can we keep from making the same mistakes again and again? When Esther came to terms with her inappropriate relationship with George Snyder, what do you think of the way she handled it? Do you think she should have done something different?

11. Strategy 2 reminds couples of the importance of choosing a winning attitude. Dr. Chapman claims that a negative, critical attitude pushes you toward the coldness of winter whereas a positive attitude, which looks for the best in your spouse and affirms it, leads to the warmth of spring and summer. Esther struggles with her negative attitude toward Charlie. She describes it as a dark cloud that wraps around her. Was her attitude caused by her mental deterioration, or has she always been negative and critical? Does it matter? Who tells Esther about her negative outlook? How does she try to break the cycle of negativity toward Charlie? Does she succeed or fail?

12. Strategy 3 in
The Four Seasons of Marriage
encourages couples to discover and speak each other’s primary love language. The five love languages are (1) words of affirmation, (2) acts of service, (3) receiving gifts, (4) physical touch, and (5) quality time. Charlie’s love language is quality time. With whom do we see him “speaking” his love language? Esther’s love language is receiving gifts. Is Charlie aware of this? Has he been able to speak her love language well during their marriage?

13. Charlie Moore is very good at empathetic listening—Strategy 4 in
The Four Seasons of Marriage.
Practical ways to do this include (1) listening with an attitude of understanding (not judgment); (2) withholding judgment on the other person’s ideas; (3) affirming the other person, even when you disagree with his or her ideas; and (4) sharing your own ideas only after the other person feels understood. How does Charlie practice empathetic listening with Esther? with Brad? How might you use empathetic listening with your spouse or another loved one regarding an area of disagreement in your relationship?

14. Do you know anything about autism? In this book, the character of Cody is childlike in his faith and understanding. But he is maturing in many ways too. Recall some of the truths he speaks and how they affect the other characters. What was your favorite “Cody moment”?

15. The people in Deepwater Cove spend a lot of time together—celebrating life, mourning death, and doing a great deal of talking! Can you think of ways to add meaning to your own life by reaching out to others? Is there someone you know who would benefit from your friendship? Can you be bold yet vulnerable enough to talk openly and honestly? Try it! You’ll be amazed at what may happen.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Catherine Palmer lives in Missouri with her husband, Tim, and sons, Geoffrey and Andrei. She is a graduate of Southwest Baptist University and holds a master’s degree in English from Baylor University. Her first book was published in 1988. Since then she has published over forty novels and won numerous awards for her writing, including the Christy Award—the highest honor in Christian fiction—in 2001 for
A Touch of Betrayal
. In 2004, she was given the Career Achievement Award for Inspirational Romance by
Romantic Times BOOKreviews
magazine. More than 2 million copies of Catherine’s novels are currently in print.

Dr. Gary Chapman is the author of
The Four Seasons of Marriage,
the perennial best seller
The Five Love Languages
(over 4 million copies sold), and numerous other marriage and family books. He is a senior associate pastor, an internationally known speaker, and the host of
A Growing Marriage,
a syndicated radio program heard on more than 100 stations across North America. He and his wife, Karolyn, live in North Carolina.

FOUR SEASONS

Winter turns to Spring

B
rad dipped a spoon into the box of chocolate ice cream tucked under his arm like a football. Ashley was undressing—always a favorite activity for him to observe—only now the puppy kept nipping at the legs of her black slacks or snatching a sock and racing around the bedroom with it.

“Stop him!” she said finally, turning on her husband. “I’m too tired for this. You have to lock him in another room. And put down some newspapers, too.”

“Lock him up? Are you kidding?” The image of the dog crouched alone in a corner brought back memories of Brad’s own childhood punishments—dark closets, his father’s belt, a slap across the face. “He doesn’t mean anything by it, Ash. He’s just playing with you.”

“I don’t want to play, Brad. I want to go to sleep.”

“Yeah, you never want to play anymore. I figured that out months ago.”

She shot him a dark look as he set the ice cream box on the dresser and picked up the puppy. “And don’t let him lick your spoon like that,” she added. “Chocolate is poisonous to dogs.”

“You don’t think I know how to take care of him, do you?” He put the dog on the floor and sank down onto the edge of their bed. “Admit it.”

“Brad, all I’m saying is dogs can die from eating chocolate.”

“But you said we could keep him, right?”

“I don’t care what you do with him. Just don’t let him chew on me. And you’d better give him a bath. Tonight. He’s probably got fleas and ticks and worms and who knows what else. You’ll need to get him neutered, too, or he’ll run all over the neighborhood looking for females. If he digs in someone’s yard, they’ll be furious. I guess you’re planning to foot the vet bill out of your paycheck.”

Brad stared at his wife. She was letting down her hair, a cascade of thick red-gold waves that tumbled to her waist. Any other time, he would have been unable to resist throwing his arms around her, easing her onto the bed, and kissing her all over. But now Ashley wadded up her slacks and hurled them into a plastic basket in the bottom of the closet. Boy, she was in a fine mood.

“If he’s our dog,” Brad said, “we’ll pay for him together. That’s what married people do, remember?”

“
I’m
not the one who has forgotten he’s married. I don’t hang out at a bar with my high school buddies, drinking beer all night and staring at girls. I work two jobs so I can pay the bills we owe. The bank already repossessed your truck. What do you want me to do next—sell the junker I’ve owned since my sophomore year in high school?”

She balled up her shirt and threw it into the closet. Uncertain how to respond to this tirade against him, Brad studied the puppy. The dog had sunk his tiny teeth into the toe of Brad’s sock and was backing up in a mighty effort to tug it off. Though he wanted to grin at the little rascal, Brad knew there was nothing amusing about Ashley’s accusations.

After all these months of marriage, they still hadn’t figured out how to blend their incomes. When they were getting along, they agreed to put everything into one account and pay bills from it. But when they got angry, both decided their own paychecks were private. Money flowed and ebbed at the bank. Mostly ebbed. Credit card charges gradually mounted, and the company kept upping the interest rate while requiring timely payments to avoid hefty late fees. Worst of all, the mortgage check often failed to make it into the mail on time.

“Listen, Ashley, you’re the one who’s always ordering supplies for your bead business.” Brad gave in and let the puppy have his sock. “I don’t know why you blame me for all our problems. You’ve run the credit card up so high we’ll never get it down. And you don’t give a rip about our utility bills. I came home tonight and found every light in the house blazing like it was Christmas.”

“Christmas?”

At that, she bit her lower lip and jerked on her favorite blue-flowered flannel nightgown—a garment he hated with a passion. Without speaking, she turned on her heel and headed for the living room. With a
yawp!
of delight, the puppy scampered after her.

Brad looked down at his one bare foot. He had no idea what to do. What could a man even say to a woman like this? Ashley was so emotional. If she wasn’t laughing, she was crying or angry. Usually he couldn’t even begin to figure out why.

“These are the papers you’ll need to put down whenever you leave the house,” his wife said, reentering the room with a stack of advertising tabloids in one hand and a bowl of water in the other. “And don’t you dare let him into the new room. That’s the only good thing we have. I don’t want that dog chewing it up.”

“
That dog?
What are you so mad about, Ashley?” Brad stood and followed her into the bathroom. “You should be happy. I didn’t go to Larry’s tonight. I didn’t drink a single beer or look at any woman except my wife—who put on her dumpiest gown just in case I might be feeling a tiny bit of what’s left of my desire for her. In fact, I came into an empty house with nothing to eat but some kind of leftover junk out of the freezer. I don’t see what I’ve done that’s so awful.”

“You
exist
, Bradley Hanes!”

She paused, her back to him, and stiffened. A sob echoed off the tiled walls. With a loud sniffle, she dropped to her knees and set the bowl of water by the sink. Then she began spreading the papers across the floor.

Fighting the anger that roared through his chest at her declaration of disgust for him, Brad saw a tear fall from Ashley’s cheek onto the ad sheet. Then another. She leaned her back against the bathroom wall, curled her knees to her chest, and buried her head in her arms. As her shoulders shook, Brad hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans and stared at her. How had he managed to be so stupid as to
marry
that huddled mass of hair, tears, and ratty old nightgown?

“I’m sorry.” The muffled words emerged from Ashley and gradually began to seep into Brad’s consciousness. She inhaled deeply. “I’m so sorry, Brad. I shouldn’t have said that. I just can’t believe our marriage is … I can’t believe we … oh no! A flea!”

She bolted up off the floor, her index finger and thumb squeezed together. Covering her eyes with her free hand, she held the other out in his direction. “It’s a flea, Brad! It was on my arm. I don’t know what to do with it! Oh, yuck. This is disgusting. Here, take it. Take it, take it!”

He reached out for the miniscule pest. The moment Ashley opened her fingers, the flea vanished. Brad looked down to find the puppy staring up at him, tongue hanging out as he panted happily.