Married By Christmas (29 page)

‘So you’re saying that I’m less pretty than you?’ Liv pretended to be offended.

As the three women laughed, just for a moment Anna felt the happiness bubbling in her chest and she got the feeling that everything was going to be all right after all. She was going to marry Tom, just as she had dreamed of, and the rest of her life would be one peaceful, beautiful flat horizon, without a single corner or bend in the road for anything unexpected to hide behind.

And then dead-fish-eyed cousin Kathryn put her head round the door, and proved that life never went that way.

‘The wedding band bloke is here to see you, something about the set list?’ she lisped through her crooked teeth. ‘I said Tom was dealing with that, but apparently he needs to talk to you about your song choice. Something to do with Joni Mitchell’s “River”?’

Anna stopped smiling. ‘Tell him to fuck off,’ she said, turning her back on Kathryn. ‘Go on, tell him to fuck off and don’t come back.’

‘That’s a bit extreme,’ Liv said, as Charisma snorted a laugh of surprise. ‘Do you want me to go and see him? Or at least tell him to see Tom. I must say, he’s here early, I didn’t think the band arrived till five.’

‘It’s not the band,’ Anna snapped. She lowered her voice and hissed in Liv’s ear, ‘It’s Miles.’

‘Miles, what’s Miles doing here?’ Liv forgot to whisper.

‘Shit,’ Charisma said. ‘Miles is here. Now this is what I call a wedding.’

‘Who’s Miles?’ Kathryn asked.

‘Just tell him to FUCK OFF,’ Anna said.

‘If you want to be so rude you can tell him yourself, I’m sending him in.’ Kathryn pouted and, before Anna could stop her, she was gone.

‘What does Miles want?’ Liv asked her. ‘Today of all days!’

‘I don’t know!’ Anna exclaimed. ‘How the hell would know?’

‘Well, you know enough to want him to fuck off, so what is it you think he’s here for? Did something happen between you in New York? Were you lying to me all along, because if you’ve cheated on Tom …?’

‘No!’ Anna insisted. ‘Nothing actually happened. We didn’t do anything. All we did was hang out and talk and … and … he talked about kissing me, about what it would be like and how much he’d like to, but we didn’t actually kiss. And then he said he wasn’t going to ask me not to marry Tom and he left and that’s it, so I don’t know why he is here now.’

‘Maybe he wants to talk about having sex with you,’ Charisma said. ‘I wouldn’t mind listening to that.’

‘And do you have feelings for him?’ Liv demanded.

‘No!’ Anna said. ‘No, I don’t think so. I know I don’t think so. He got me muddled up, but then I came back and I got things straight and I don’t want him to muddle me up again, so go out there and do your duty as my bridesmaid and tell him to fuck off!’

Anna whirled round to find Miles in the doorway, dressed in his trademark tatty jeans and boots, a battered leather biker jacket and his windswept hair giving the impression that he’d just arrived on a Harley.

‘Miles!’ Anna exclaimed, stamping her foot so that her full skirt rustled and fluffed. ‘Why are you here?’

‘You look amazing,’ Mile said, with a lopsided grin. ‘Wow, that is some dress. You look like a really beautiful toilet roll fairy.’

Charisma laughed out loud, and Liv had to cover her mouth. It was only Anna who did not crack a smile.

‘Go away!’ she told him, pointing at the door. ‘Fuck off!’

‘No.’ He shook his head, coming into the room. ‘Look, I was in Texas,
Texas
, when I realised. And I have taken three planes for the last two days, and seriously risked my very new, very dream job to come here and say to you what I should have said to you in New York and didn’t. Every day since you left, I’ve been replaying over and over the things I said, and the things you said and wondering why I couldn’t just put it down to experience and move on, and then I got it. And I asked for forty-eight hours off a job I’d barely started and flew pretty much the wrong way round the world to get here, now at this precise moment, to say it right, before it is too late. So if you want me to go, you will have to throw me out.’

Anna looked from Liv to Charisma, who were waiting with bated breath.

‘Give us a moment, please,’ she said.

‘What!’ Charisma exclaimed. ‘No way!’

‘Liv! Please?’

Caught between her loyalty to Anna, and her very real need to know what the hell was going on, Liv decided she wouldn’t find out unless she let Anna say whatever it was she had to say to Miles. She grabbed Charisma’s hand and tugged her towards the door.

‘Anna,’ she said just before she left, ‘you have five minutes to get your make-up on before you are due to leave for the church.’

‘And that’s a forty-minute job to get you looking halfway decent, at least,’ Charisma added.

‘I know. I’ll be two minutes, I promise you.’ Anna sent Liv a pleading look, and reluctantly, her face full of concern, Liv began to close the door.

‘Tom is the finest man I know,’ she said, just as she drew it shut. ‘Remember that.’

‘Get on with it then!’ Anna gestured impatiently at Miles.

‘You are much less impressed by my grand romantic gesture than I thought you would be,’ Miles said.

‘Is that what it is? A grand romantic gesture?’ Anna asked him. ‘Why, Miles? Why are you here, when … you and I, we are nothing to each other?’

‘That’s not true,’ Miles said. ‘We are something to each other. We might not know that we are meant to be, we might not be sure that there isn’t another person in the whole world for us, yet. But, Anna, the early signs are very good.’

‘“The early signs are very good”,’ Anna repeated. ‘Miles, this is my wedding day!’

‘I know, and I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think …’

‘That I should throw all of this away and see how dating you goes, while you’re on a world tour, and I’m working in London. Is that what you’re proposing?’

‘When you put it like that it doesn’t seem so appealing …’ Miles began, running his fingers through his hair, searching for the right thing to say.

‘Look, Miles,’ Anna said, ‘you and me in New York, it was … it was wonderful, actually. Being with you was … well, I was different with you. And I liked the person I was. And maybe, maybe if you hadn’t bought me that kiwi cocktail, and maybe if we’d actually gotten round to talking to each other that evening, then perhaps who knows, things might have been different. But we didn’t. We missed our moment. New York was just a … a detour … a pit stop. And now I’m getting married and you are going on tour and there is nothing else to be said.’

Miles stood perfectly still for a moment, and Anna watched as the determination and adrenalin seeped out of his body.

‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘What am I doing here?’

‘Well, there you go then,’ Anna said, surprised by just how deeply the ease with which he gave up his foolish quest stung her, but glad at least that now she knew.

‘I mean, why did I come all this way if I wasn’t prepared to go for it and say how I feel for once, instead of hedging my bets, sitting on the fence, playing it safe? This is no time to play it safe. This is the rest of our lives.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Anna asked him.

Taking two swift steps forwards, Miles took Anna’s hand and dropped to his knees.

‘What the …!’ Anna exclaimed.

‘I love you, Anna,’ Miles said, stopping her in her tracks. ‘I can’t claim to have loved you from the moment we met – the time I nearly killed you – but definitely from the second you sang with me onstage, and you were so terrible – I’ve definitely loved you since then. I tried not to fall in love with you, I tried really hard. I mean you’re complicated, and I’ve got this job and, oh yeah, you’re getting married in twenty minutes. But it’s happened, and I’m not going to lie about it or try and be cool any more. I love you, Anna. So don’t marry Tom. Get out of that dress, come to Texas with me, come on tour with me, never ever leave my side again. I know I should have said all this in New York but I’m saying it now. I love you, Anna, don’t marry Tom. Come with me.’

Anna snatched her hand from Miles and took two tottering steps backwards until her thighs collided with the bed and she sat down with a thump.

‘Miles,’ she said, finding that she wanted to say his name over and over again, but forcing herself not to. ‘You have to go. I’m leaving to get married in four minutes and …’

‘Don’t send me away because you need make-up,’ Miles said, still on his knees. ‘You don’t need make-up, you look stunning just as you are.’

‘I’m not sending you away because I need make-up,’ Anna said. ‘I’m sending you away because a year ago I promised to marry a man who I … I love and respect. And who apart from forgetting to mention his first wife, has never done me any wrong. He will be a good husband to me, and a great father to my children and I know exactly what our life together will be like. It will be good, and calm, and friendly, and secure and … I can’t back out on him now Miles. I just can’t. I’ not brave enough.’

‘You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met,’ Miles replied, but Anna shook her head.

‘Even though you love me too?’ Miles said.

‘I never said that,’ Anna told him, but even as she said it, she reached forwards to touch his face. ‘I never said I love you.’

Miles got up. ‘OK, I’m going,’ he said. ‘It’s fine, I get it. Maybe you need some time for all this to sink in. My flight leaves in just under two hours. So, I’ll be at Luton Airport until then, that’s when I catch a connecting flight to Paris. You know where to find me and if you don’t come then I’ll know how you feel. And I’ll know that at least I told you everything that was in my heart. Goodbye, Anna.’

‘Goodbye, Miles,’ Anna said in a very small voice.

‘You won’t come, will you?’ Miles asked her, his voice thick with emotion.

‘No,’ Anna said. ‘I won’t come.’

Anna sat very still on the bed after he went, and looked towards the window where the snow floated downwards, flake after flake. She was alone in her snow globe now.

Chapter Seventeen

Liv was pacing up and down the vestibule, the little room to the side of the church where Anna was arranging her veil. The sleigh had pulled her and Anna, Angela and Ray the short distance through the snow to the church, much to the delight of the local villagers, especially the children who’d clapped and cheered them all as they went past. Anna, looking radiant after having decided to leave her hair long and loose around her shoulders, and with just a touch of glitter on her eyelids, was perfectly calm and serene. It was thanks in no small part to the little white pill that Angela had made her take just before she climbed into the sleigh. She claimed it was just a herbal stress remedy, but ever since Anna had digested it she had felt wonderfully floaty, like she was filled with helium.

It was when they were ushered into a side room by Tom’s dad, due to some unknown delay that Liv really realised how decidedly un-Anna-like she was being – so Zen. Tom’s dad, who looked like he was putting a decidedly brave face on things, told Anna not to worry, which normally would have been enough to send her into a spin of panic. But oddly, being shown into the vestibule and told she’d have to wait for her wedding to begin because of some unnamed hitch didn’t seem to worry Anna at all.

‘Look at it coming down, be careful what you wish for,’ Anna said, referring to the weather outside the stained glass window, where the driving snow was fast thickening on the narrow lanes that led to the church so they would quite soon be impassable. She’d sent the sleigh back to pick up as many guests as possible in a shuttle service from the hotel, and the rest were begging and borrowing wellies from the local villages and trudging here on foot. ‘I tell you what though, I wish I hadn’t had that last coffee, I could really do with a pee.’

‘Do you think it’s Miles?’ Liv asked her, wondering why Anna wasn’t freaking out more, desperate to know what it was Miles had said and what Anna had said back to him. ‘Do you think he found Tom and told him about you and him?’

Anna shook her head, rolling her eyes. ‘There is no me and him, Liv, nothing happened. Nothing real.’

‘He said he loved you!’ Liv had managed to crowbar that piece of information out of a surprisingly mild Anna when she returned to the room. ‘That’s massive!’

‘It’s not, because it’s irrelevant,’ Anna said. ‘I realised it when he was standing there saying all that stuff. I realised, it doesn’t matter what he says because I am marrying Tom today, just like I’ve planned to since I was a little girl, and nothing is going to change that. Nothing.’

‘So you don’t love Miles,’ Liv asked her.

Anna shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t marry Tom if I did.’

Liv nodded, feeling a little deflated. Just for a moment she had thought that perhaps her Christmas wish might come true after all, but now she just felt guilty and sordid for even thinking that Anna might want to marry another man apart from Tom, let alone for wishing it would happen.

‘Great news!’ Charisma arrived in a full-length faux fur leopard-skin coat she had found on one of her many shopping trips since she’d arrived. ‘I sexually intimidated the farmer guys in the pub into getting out their tractors, there’s a whole fleet of them on their way here with your guests now. It’s so sweet. I may sleep with one of them later, I don’t know his name, but he has the cutest ass. And if I’m not a bridesmaid now then there’s no justice in the world.’

‘Anna!’ One of the ushers, a guy called Jim, from Tom’s five-a-side pub team, stuck his head round the door. ‘He’s ready, the church is half full, do you want to kick off or wait for the rest of your supporters?’

‘I guess we’d better get it done,’ Anna said. ‘Canapés are due to be served in an hour, wouldn’t want them to go cold …’

Then this had to be the right thing, Liv decided, as she picked up her bouquet, smoothed her cranberry silk dress down over her hips and followed the bride to the top of the aisle where she would be giving herself away. If Anna and Tom had got to this moment, despite secret wives, impromptu trips to New York, declarations of love from rock stars in waiting, terrible weather and everything else, then this wedding had to be the right thing, it was written in the stars, it was fate. And when, in years to come, she watched Tom and Anna grow into their lives together, then at least she would be able to know that despite the terrible ache in her heart as Anna began to walk alone down the aisle, she had been right to do nothing to keep the man she loved from marrying her best friend.

The church was filled with the scent of lilies and lit with what seemed like a thousand candles, and it was so dark outside that it almost seemed like a night-time wedding. As the organist played ‘Winter Wonderland’, it didn’t matter that the church wasn’t completely full; everyone who was there, including their mum and dad, was beaming from ear to ear, and, as Anna progressed, the door behind them kept opening and closing, bringing in a little cold flurry of snow each time, as the church filled with latecomers behind her. Just over Anna’s shoulder Liv could see the back of Tom’s head, staring towards the altar. He did not turn around to look at Anna, nerves probably, or perhaps he was worried he’d become overemotional and cry. Swallowing her own sob, Liv pressed her lips together and lifted her chin. This was the right thing, all the fates agreed, it was time to accept it.

It wasn’t until the very last second that Tom turned around and for one split second, before he looked at Anna, his eye caught hers and Liv could not believe what she saw there.

‘Oh no,’ she whispered.

‘Dearly beloved …’ Tom’s father began.

‘Dad,’ Tom said.

‘We are gathered here on this very special day, the eve of the birth of Jesus Christ, to celebrate …’

‘Dad,’ Tom repeated.

‘Now, son, we talked about this.’

Liv watched in disbelief as Anna, seemingly completely oblivious to what was happening, stood at Tom’s side waiting patiently for the ceremony to begin.

‘No,’ Tom said. ‘This isn’t right. This is … it’s our lives, Anna.’

Liv shook her head as Tom took Anna’s hand.

‘Anna, we need to talk.’

‘Tom.’ Tom’s dad was firmer this time.

‘Now?’ Anna asked him, mildly. ‘Or afterwards? There should be about twenty minutes of alone time, while the guests are congregating in the ballroom, if they can get back there in this weather that is.’

‘Now,’ Tom spoke quietly, leaning his head towards Anna, but at her shoulder Liv could hear every word.

‘Anna, why didn’t I fly to New York, like you did?’

‘Because you are a lazy-arsed sod,’ Anna said. ‘But that’s OK,’ she added quickly, ‘because you’re
my
lazy-arsed sod. Also you thought I was crazy and you were right. It should never have worked out, but it did.’

‘That’s not why,’ Tom said. ‘And I didn’t tell you about Charisma until the last minute because I forgot I was married. Liv talked me into getting on a plane to come after you for a reason. And last night I finally worked out what it was.’

Anna blinked at him as what was happening slowly began to dawn on her. ‘You’re about to jilt me at the altar, aren’t you?’

‘Yes,’ Tom said, sending a gasp around the swelling congregation.

Tom flinched, probably preparing himself to be beaten senseless with a hand-tied bouquet of roses, but instead Anna just laughed, laughed so hard that if she could have bent in the middle wearing that corset she would have doubled up with giggles.

‘Brilliant,’ she said, staring up at the vaulted ceiling of the church. ‘Really priceless. You are chucking me. That really is special.’

‘Tom!’ Liv pushed in front of her friend. ‘What the hell are you doing? You are going to break Anna’s heart! You know how much this means to her!’

‘Yes,’ Tom said, ‘I do, which is why I can’t go through with this. She shouldn’t marry me, I don’t love her.

Well, I do, but not the way that I love you, Liv.’ Another gasp rushed around the church. The congregation were enthralled, a whispered commentary hastily bringing those who were still arriving up to speed.

‘Thomas Collins,’ the vicar snapped at his son. ‘You will not make a mockery of marriage in my church!’

‘I’m not, Dad, I’m doing the opposite of that,’ Tom insisted, tears standing bright in his eyes. ‘I’m putting marriage before all of this, and I’m putting the life of a woman I truly love, and her happiness, over making the mistake of marrying a man who loves someone else.’ Tom turned to Anna. ‘Because I do love you, Anna. The first night I met you, I was dazzled by you, and as I got to know you I loved you more and more, but I think you know too, it’s not the way it should be between us. And I’ve been trying to figure out for a while now what the problem is. For a while I thought it might be that I still wanted to be married to Charisma, but then when I saw her again, I realised that wasn’t it. And when you went to New York, I thought that I must be such a fool to have doubts about marrying a woman like you. I mean you are incredible, but I didn’t chase after you. I wasn’t even that jealous about Miles. I only hit him because it seemed like I should be jealous. You found Charisma and everything worked out and I thought this has to mean we’re meant to be married, but that doubt I had, it didn’t go away. And when I woke up this morning I knew why. It’s not you I should be waiting for at the end of this aisle. It’s her.’

Tom nodded at Liv, who felt her knees buckle underneath her and was only saved from falling by Charisma, who caught her under the arms and helped her steady herself.

‘It was Liv all along,’ Tom said. ‘It’s always her I turn to, who I talk to. Always Liv I make laugh, always Liv who makes me feel like I am the best man I can be. I don’t want to hurt you, Anna, but it should be her standing there in that dress now, and not you.’

‘She does look amazing in this dress,’ Anna said, thoughtfully, surprised to find that for some reason being jilted at the altar by the man she’d never been sure she was good enough for was not nearly as awful as she had imagined it might be. In fact, curiously, Anna felt a sudden rush of affection for him, stronger than any she had had for months, because it was Tom, her dear friend Tom, who had the guts to do the right thing and set them both free.

‘Anna!’ Finding her voice at last, Liv grabbed hold of her friend’s hand. ‘Do something, say something – hit him! If you don’t hit him I will.’

Anna shrugged and in response Liv slapped Tom so hard that his head snapped backwards.

‘How can you?’ Liv shouted at him furiously, dimly aware that the congregation were on the edges of their seats. ‘How bloody dare you pick this moment to decide that you made the wrong choice! A year and a half of Anna’s life, my life, you’ve wasted with your stupid man brain, and … and … now you think you can just lay waste all of this … this … weddingy stuff and then little old meek me will be all swoony and want to run off with you? Well, I’ve got news for you, Tom Collins. I’m the kind of woman who puts her friends first, and you and me ain’t ever gonna happen.’

‘Oh no, it’s fine, you have him,’ Anna said, taking off her veil.

‘What!’ Liv exclaimed, as Anna tossed her bouquet to a delighted Charisma, slipped off her satin heels and popped her stockinged feet into a pair of green wellies, which were tucked under a pew.

‘You love Tom, Liv,’ Anna said. ‘You more or less said so yourself, and he loves you. And you know what? I count myself lucky that both of you, my dear, dear friends, have loved me enough to get us to this point of near total calamity and to stop us from going through with it. You are clearly meant to be together, of course you are. I see that now.’ Anna paused, a slow smile spreading over her face as she realised with sudden dizzying clarity that fate would have its way, no matter how much you colour co-ordinated. ‘Which isn’t to say I regret the time we had together, Tom. You helped me get to the most crucial and important part of my life plan, the part I thought would set me free from the past for ever, and you know what? It has. I am free, because now I know that plans, and lists, and colour-coded socks don’t make a blind bit of difference when it comes to controlling what life has in store for you. And this
is
the happiest day of my life because suddenly I get it, I can rip up my life plan and start again and you know what? The world will not end.’

Anna turned to the riveted guests.

‘There’s going to be a really great party at the manor today, please do go and dance and eat and get drunk on me and Tom. And don’t feel bad for us, really, because we are both going to be fine.’ She stood on her tiptoes to find the sleigh driver waiting at the back of the church. ‘Can your reindeer get me to Luton Airport in under thirty minutes?’

‘Well, if there’s no other traffic on the road we can try.’

‘Right, then,’ Anna said. ‘I’m off to take a chance, wish me luck.’

She paused, reaching out both hands to touch Liv and Tom on the arm.

‘I love you two, you love each other. One day we will laugh about this. But, Liv, make him suffer for a little bit first.’

And with a swish of tulle, and a jingle of bells, Anna ran up the aisle, prepared to risk everything, including her heart, on a man she’d never even kissed.

*

It turns out that given the right weather conditions, a free road, an expert driver and a decent sleigh, reindeer can make pretty good time. Maybe not quite as quick as the team that deliver all the toys around the world overnight, but quick enough for Anna’s hair to whip out behind her as she sailed along the country lanes, screaming the whole way as she clung on to her seat for dear life, with snow churning up in her red raw face, her skirts billowing around her in a sub-zero gust of wind. There was a moment, when they turned a sharp bend at maximum velocity, that might have sent Anna tumbling like a lace-trimmed snowball through the air, if she hadn’t clung so tightly on to the railing, feeling her lower body momentarily suspended in mid-air, as she came face to face with a tractor still ferrying guests to the church. For one terrifying second Anna wondered if the last thing she would ever see would be the look of astonished horror on the tractor driver’s ruddy face, and then, with about as quick a reaction as was possible at the fifteen-miles-per-hour maximum speed, he drove the great green beast out of the way of the oncoming traffic and into a ditch. A fleeting image of Tom’s Aunt Nancy’s undergarments flashed by as the impact tipped her backwards in the trailer. The expertly driven reindeer team galloped through the tiny gap that was left, pulling ahead as if they sensed that the race was truly on.