Married by Contract (10 page)

She swiped her tears away and pointed toward Nick. “But
that’s my husband. Nick!
Nick
!”

He turned toward her voice, and the tension on his face
broke when he saw her. When the EMT approached again with the blanket, he brushed
the woman away. “Don’t you dare put that blanket on me again,” he growled,
striding over toward Jenn.

The police officer had let her go, after learning who she
was. She ran the rest of the way toward Nick, and he gathered her up in his
arms.

She was crying uninhibitedly into his shirt. She couldn’t
remember ever being so crushingly relieved in her entire life.

Nick was murmuring against her neck, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. 
I knew you’d be worried, but they wouldn’t give me a damned phone.”

She tried to say something in return, but she couldn’t quite
pull herself together enough to form words, so she ended up sobbing a few more
times into his chest.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he muttered. “It’s all right. I’m all
right. Please don’t cry.”

After a few minutes, she was finally coherent enough to pull
away from him, rubbing her eyes and giving him a sheepish smile as he released
her. “Sorry for the hysterics. I was…really scared.”

“I know you were.” He reached out to take her face in both
his hands. “But I’m okay. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Her features twisted with another wave of emotion, but she
didn’t break down again. She sniffed and wiped away the last of her tears and
looked around.

There was the EMT and two police officers standing around,
evidently waiting to talk to Nick.

“I think you’d better let them take care of things,” she
said. “If only so we can get out of here.”

Nick nodded, his eyes still scanning her face closely, like
he was looking for the signs of…something.

He took her hand as he walked back to the ambulance, making
sure she stayed at his side.

***

Three hours later, they were still
at the hospital. The doctor had finally looked at Nick and declared that all
he’d suffered was a bump on the head, one that didn’t even seem to have caused
a concussion. He also had some scratches on his face from the airbag, and a few
bruised ribs.

There were a lot of hoops to jump through, even after what
was obviously just a car accident. The elderly man driving the sedan had lost
control, crossed the opposite lane, and smashed into Nick’s driver side. But
Nick had to make reports to the police and talk to someone from his insurance
company on the phone and then hang around until the doctor gave him the
clearance to finally leave.

They were waiting for the last of the paperwork in a small
cubicle of the emergency room. Both Nick and Jenn were sitting on the hospital
bed. They weren’t talking, but he was holding her hand very tightly.

“You really didn’t have to wait with me all this time,” he
said at last.

She made a scoffing sound. “You think I was going to leave
you?”

“What about your soup?”

“I turned off the eye, so at least it hasn’t burned.”

“I’m starving,” Nick said.

“I’m hungry too. We can get something on the way back home.”

“Yeah.” He turned to search her face. “You’re all right,
aren’t you?”

“Of course.” She was actually feeling rather numb, after all
the angst earlier, but everything was all right because Nick hadn’t been
seriously injured. “You’re the one who got hurt.”

“I’m just fine.”

“Good. Then we’re both fine.” She was too numb to work
through how she’d felt earlier, when she’d been terrified that Nick might have
been taken from her for good. That would have to wait until later. Not tonight.

Tonight all she could do was sit and hold his hand.

***

They stopped at a bistro near their
apartment and got soup and sandwiches, which they ate at their kitchen counter
when they got home.

They both needed to take showers afterwards, but Jenn went
to check on him in his bedroom afterwards.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, wearing his pajama
pants. He’d obviously kept his head out of the spray since his hair wasn’t wet.

“I’m really fine, Jenn,” he said when he saw her. “I have a
little headache, and the scratches on my face are annoying, but I don’t really
feel that bad.”

“Good.” She stood in the middle of his floor in bare feet,
wearing a little nightgown, and she started to shake again. She was finally
relaxing, and the emotion was catching up with her.

She was going to have to leave before Nick saw she was on
the verge of tears. “I’m glad you’re okay. Goodnight, then.”

She’d actually turned to go when Nick approached her from
behind, taking her arm and swinging her around to face him. “You better sleep
with me tonight,” he murmured thickly.

“But don’t you need to—”

“I need to sleep with you tonight.”

She nodded. It was exactly what she needed too. She couldn’t
bear any sort of distance between them—not right now, not after what might have
happened.

Without speaking, Nick led her back to his bed, and they
crawled under the covers together. Then he rolled over and took her in his
arms.

“Am I hurting you?” she asked, hugging him back, needing to
feel his body against hers, to know that he was real and warm and living.

“Of course not. You could never hurt me, sweetheart.”

“I mean your ribs.”

“My ribs fine.”

“And your head.”

“My head is fine.”

“And your face.”

“My face is fine too.”

She hugged him more tightly, pressing her cheek against his
shoulder. She was trembling again, couldn’t seem to stop. “I thought you were
really hurt.”

“I know you did.”

“I thought you might be dead.”

“I know you did.”

“I was so scared.”

His arms tightened around her, holding her close. “I’m not
going to leave you, sweetheart. I’m never going to leave you.”

There was no way he could really make her that promise. She
knew it was just the aftermath of the crisis and an overload of emotion. But
she needed to hear it, so she took comfort in the words.

Eventually, she stopped trembling, but he still didn’t let
her go.

Jenn woke up terrified.

She had no idea where she was or what was happening, but her
heart was racing frantically, and she could barely take a full breath. She sat
up abruptly, trying to figure out why the sheets felt wrong and didn’t smell
like the lavender she laundered hers with.

It was a full minute before she realized she was in Nick’s
bedroom and remembered the events of the evening before. With a gasp, she
turned to peer at Nick in the dark to make sure he was still all right.

“D’you have a bad dream?” he asked huskily, evidently woken
by her motion.

“No. I don’t know. I just woke up scared. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I don’t even have a concussion, remember? It’s
only three in the morning. Come back to sleep.” He reached out to draw her back
down beside him.

She huddled beside him, trying to settle her pulse and
breathing. “Sorry. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I
was
dreaming.”

“You don’t have to be scared,” he murmured, wrapping both
arms around her the way he had when they’d gone to bed.

“It’s not something I can help,” she said, a little
embarrassed now that she was feeling better. “I just woke up that way.”

“It’s your unconscious getting to you.”

“Well, my unconscious is a pain in the ass.” She smiled as
she rubbed her body against his, feeling safe and warm again, now that she
could feel him beside her.

“It’s probably trying to tell you something.” He lifted a
hand to stroke her hair very gently.

“It can shut up for a little while then. It’s way too early
to get up.”

He pressed a few kisses against the top of her head, which
was the only part of her he could reach. “Definitely too early.”

She loved when he sounded like this—husky and sleepy and
fond. She’d never really considered herself the kind of person who could make
someone else sound that way, and she loved the idea that she might be after
all. With Nick.

She adjusted so her face was better aligned with his, and
she was pleased when his lips found hers. She smiled against his mouth. “I
thought we were going back to sleep.”

“That’s a good idea, but I can think of one better.”

She giggled and rolled over so she was almost on top of him,
and he pulled her head down so he could kiss her again.

Flushed and breathless as she finally pulled away, she
murmured, “We shouldn’t do too much. You’re all pitiful and injured, after
all.”

He made a low sound in his throat, although his gaze felt
very warm and soft, even in the darkened room. “Do I feel pitiful to you?”

She could feel one part of him definitely wasn’t pitiful.
He’d hardened as they kissed, and she rubbed herself against the length of him,
loving when he moaned in response. “Well,” she said slowly, squeezing her hands
between their bodies so she could get under his waistband and take him in her
hands. “Maybe if we’re very, very gentle. Don’t want to hurt any of your
injuries.”

He was about to say something in response, but he groaned
instead as she caressed his erection. His guard was evidently down tonight—maybe
because he’d just woken up—and he sounded far more uninhibited than he usually
did, like he couldn’t hold anything back.

It thrilled her, so she kept stroking him, feeling the
tension in his body grow tighter and tighter. Finally, he released a growling
sound and hauled her down into another kiss. She couldn’t keep up her caress as
she kissed him, so she tangled her hands in his thick hair as his tongue
tenderly stroked her mouth.

After a minute, he rolled them both over and fumbled with
her pajamas until she was naked, rubbing her bare skin against his. Since it
was only right that she reciprocate, she managed to get his clothes off too. She
was so caught up in feeling that it seemed perfectly natural when he parted her
legs and slowly eased himself inside her.

He was Nick. And he was alive and well and completely
focused on loving her. He was propped up on bent arms, staring down at her, his
breath fast and hot and eager. She arched her neck as he shifted inside her.
“Nick,” she gasped.

“Yes.”

He felt so good—all of it felt so good—that she arched her
whole body into him. “Nick!”

“Yes?” This time it sounded like a question, like he wanted
to hear more from her.

Her mind was so clouded with pleasure and emotion that she
couldn’t think of anything to say. So she said the first thing that came to her
lips. It happened to be the truth. She whispered, “This is what I want.”

Nick stifled a groan and leaned into another kiss. He
murmured against her lips, “This is what I want too, sweetheart. This is
everything I want.”

She loved the sound of the words, so she made a little
whimper in response, wrapping both of her arms around his neck and drawing him
deeper into the kiss.

They kept kissing as he started to thrust, rocking his body
against hers with a gentle intentionality that she didn’t often feel from him.
She kept making silly noises because it felt so good—not just to her body but
to her heart, her soul. She wrapped her legs around him tightly, wanting to
hold him as tightly as she possibly could.

His body was warm and solid beneath her hands, and she held
onto him with her arms, her legs, the most intimate parts of herself.

Eventually, his motion grew more urgent, but he never
stopped kissing her. She slid her hands down so she could feel the pumping of
his hips against hers. He was inside her, all the way inside her, touching her
everywhere.

His increased speed shook her body more, and she started to
feel the building of a climax for the first time. She tightened her legs around
him, gasping against his lips as the pleasure coalesced.

It tightened and released at almost the same time, and her
inner walls clamped down around Nick as the release pulsed all through her
body. Then he was moaning against her mouth too, losing focus on the kiss at
last as he came hard. She could feel the waves of his climax as they shuddered
all through his body and then as he released himself inside her.

That was the first time it even occurred to her that they
hadn’t used a condom.

She assured herself with the fact that she was on birth
control, and they were only using condoms because she wanted to be extra safe.
Neither of them was sleeping with anyone else.

They were fine. They were
fine
.

They were better than fine.

She’d never felt so good, so relaxed, so satisfied inside
and out, as she did right now in Nick’s arms, as his body softened on top of
her.

She loved the weight of him, like it was a special burden
for only her to carry.

She wondered if he felt the same about her.

He seemed completely drained of energy, but he eventually
managed to lift his head. He smiled down on her before he kissed her again,
very gently. “Sweetheart,” he murmured.

She smiled back, wondering how she’d made it her all her
life without feeling this way.

After a little while, he rolled off her, but he drew her
back beside him and pulled the bedding up to cover them both again. She was so
relaxed she fell back to sleep, wishing nights could always be like this.

***

When Jenn woke up again, it was
five-thirty in the morning, well past the time she normally got up. She
wouldn’t have time to run on the treadmill this morning. Not that she felt like
it.

She could barely make herself move.

She was lying on her back, and Nick was beside her on his
stomach, with one of his arms slung over her belly. It felt like he was holding
onto her, even in his sleep.

She wanted to hold onto him too.

It was at that moment that she was hit with crystal clarity
how absolutely stupid she had been. She’d thought she’d been so safe, so
practical, so careful about her relationship situation. She’d just wanted
something that would give her more of a domestic image but wouldn’t threaten
her heart.

But she had fallen for Nick anyway. She’d fallen for him
hard and fully and irrevocably. So now she would be utterly crushed when he
left her.

It might hurt even more than when her father had walked out.

She’d gotten a sense of that desolation the evening before,
when she’d thought something terrible had happened to Nick. And she wasn’t sure
she could live with it happening for real. One way or the other, he was going
to leave her in the end.

Nothing really had changed about their relationship. They’d
gotten closer in the last couple of months, and obviously they both enjoyed
having sex. But, in spite of how he’d been damaged from what he’d seen and
experienced as a soldier, he was still at heart a traditional guy who would
eventually heal enough to want a real wife, a family.

No matter how fond of her he was—and it was clear to Jenn
that he was—he wouldn’t want to be stuck with a workaholic who had never had a
healthy relationship in her life and who wasn’t even sure she wanted kids.

Money and emotional safety had been enough for him to agree
to this for five years, but it wouldn’t be enough for anything beyond that.

Occasionally, it had felt like he’d wanted more from her—and
maybe for a few moments he had—but Jenn knew it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last.
She’d basically paid for him as a husband. An arrangement like theirs could
never transform into anything real, not when it was unnatural in every way.

All of this buzzed through her mind as she lay staring up at
the ceiling, the weight of Nick’s arm across her stomach. And it was so
devastating that she was frozen by it, blinded by it.

She might never recover from Nick’s leaving her. Even now,
she could see his back as he finally walked out her door.

Rocked by shock and grief and something even deeper, Jenn
tried to relax her throat enough to breathe. She ended up making a raspy sound.

A chirp from her phone on the bedside table was the thing
that finally distracted her. She turned to look at it. A text had come in. She
summoned enough focus to reach over to read it.

It was nothing—just a note from her assistant about a
meeting she’d planned for this afternoon. Mary often texted at all hours of the
day, whenever something happened to cross her mind.

But the text gave Jenn a much-needed glimpse of a familiar
haven—something she could mostly control, something that wouldn’t break her
heart. She needed to go to work. She needed to get away from Nick. She needed
to remind herself of who she really was, who she’d always been.

Who she would be for the rest of her life.

She scrambled out of bed, sucking in air and digging her
pajamas out from under the covers. She couldn’t bear to think of how she’d been
with Nick last night. It would leave her in tears.

“What’s…the matter?” Nick mumbled from the bed, rolling over
onto his back.

Her chest ached at the sight of his bandaged head. She’d
been so close to losing him last night. She couldn’t let it happen. “Nothing.
I’ve got to go into work.”

“It’s still early. You can sleep in a little.” He sounded
more awake now, and his eyes were focused on where she stood, pulling on her
pajamas so she wouldn’t be completely naked.

“I don’t want to sleep in. Something came up at work. I’ve
got to go.”

“What came up?”

“Just a…a PR emergency. I’ve got to take care of it.” She
hated lying to him. She never lied to him. But there was nothing else she could
right now. She felt like she might completely fall apart, right as she was
standing here.

She was on her way out of the room, but she couldn’t help
but glance back and ask, “Are you feeling okay this morning?”

“Fine. Just a headache.”

She wasn’t sure what to make of his tone, but she didn’t
have the emotional freedom to process it. She raced through a shower and threw
on some clothes so she could be out the door and to her office before she
completely lost her composure.

She was almost to the front door, where she’d left her purse
and bag, when a voice from behind her stopped her. “You running away?”

She froze, a shudder starting somewhere deep inside of her.
But she pasted on a fake smile as she turned around. “Of course not.”

Nick’s expression was utterly sober as he came closer. He
was a total mess, and she saw in the morning light that there were dark, ugly bruises
on his chest. “I wasn’t hurt last night, Jenn.”

“I know you weren’t,” she said, pretending she didn’t
understand what he was saying. She couldn’t have this conversation. She just
couldn’t. “I’m really glad you’re all right.”

“But you’re still running away.”

“I’m going to work. What’s the big deal?”

“Both of us know what the big deal is. Every time things get
too good, you think you’re going to lose it so you run. You might as well admit
it, since I already know it. I can see it right now on your face.”

“That’s not what’s going on.”

“Yes, it is, Jenn.” He sounded exhausted, impatient, like he
was about to lose it himself. “Why are you standing there lying to me? I’m your
husband. I’m the one you tell the truth to, no matter what the truth is.”

She couldn’t take this. It felt like her whole life was
spiraling out of control, and there was nothing she could do to hold it
together. Wanting only to end the conversation, she snapped, “You’re my husband
because I bought and paid for you. Don’t act like this is anything else.”

And that did it. Nick gave an almost imperceptible jerk, as
if he’d been hit hard out of the blue, and the urgency on his face disappeared.
“Oh. I see.”

“I didn’t mean for that to sound so mean,” she said
hurriedly, her voice cracking at how she could only ever mess up relationships.
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired and need to get to work. We can talk later.”

“Go on then.” Nick didn’t sound normal—or anything like
himself—but she couldn’t linger to figure out what his expression meant. She
turned back toward the door, grabbing her bags and leaving as quickly as she
could.