Married Men (40 page)

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Authors: Carl Weber

BOOK: Married Men
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“I’d appreciate that, Mr. Wright. Bye.” I hung the phone up and lay down on Ma’s bed. It felt good to have a little peace for once. I’d been married to Rose about four months and it already felt like twenty years. I stayed there in that peace and quiet for nearly an hour before I got ready to head back to all of the jobs I knew Rose had waiting for me. I opened Ma’s night table drawer to find a pen to write her a note. But it wasn’t a pen I found in that drawer. It was an unopened Mail Express envelope addressed to me.
I wondered why Ma would have my mail in her nightstand instead of on the kitchen table where she’d remember to give it to me. It only took a glance at the name on the return address to answer my question. An answer that left me in stunned silence as I ripped open the package. It had been seven years since I’d seen Cinnamon Lindsey. Seven long years since the woman of my dreams walked out of my life and moved to Virginia. Yet it all seemed like it was yesterday.
Cinnamon and Ma had had a huge fight. I mean so huge it actually came down to blows. It was a Saturday night and I hadn’t been at Cinnamon’s place more than five minutes when Ma called over there demanding that I come straight home and eat dinner. Same shit she always pulled. Cinnamon was heated. She’d slaved in the kitchen making me a lasagna dinner for almost three hours. Unlike Rose, who could be placated with the promise of a new pair of shoes or a piece of jewelry, Cinnamon just wouldn’t back down when it came to Ma. It didn’t matter what I offered her. She only wanted my attention. And she didn’t wanna hear any excuses about my needy mother. As far as she was concerned, my ma had had me for thirty years and now it was her turn.
When Cinnamon and I arrived at the house, Ma hadn’t cooked a thing. I mean, she hadn’t even defrosted a hot dog. She just wanted me home so she could prove to Cinnamon who was really my boss. That really annoyed me, but Cinnamon? She was fuming and didn’t hesitate to let my ma know it. The two of them cussed each other out for the better part of ten minutes. I tried to stop them but Ma pointed her finger at me and told me to mind my business. I did what she said because things were getting too out of hand, and I figured if I got in the middle they’d both be cussin’
me
out anyway. Things got worse when Ma pushed Cinnamon and she fell on her butt. Cinnamon reached out and grabbed Ma by the blouse to break her fall. First chance Ma got she slapped Cinnamon right in her face. I could tell that Cinnamon was about to put a hurtin’ on my ma, so I grabbed her. That’s when she gave me an ultimatum.
“That’s it, Allen! I can’t take this shit no more. Either you move out of this house and in with me, or I’m moving to Maryland with my sister.” She was screaming at me but glaring at Ma.
I tried to smile, waving her off as if it was nothing. She’d given me ultimatums before, so I didn’t think she really meant this one. Plus, one look from Ma and I wasn’t budging. But true to her word, Cinnamon moved to Maryland a week later. At first I didn’t take it seriously. I never expected her to do it at all, but when she did, I just knew she’d be back any day. Any day became six months and six months became a year. I was crushed six months later when I heard she hooked up and married some guy from Fredrick, Maryland. Rumor was she even had a kid with the guy. Not too long after that I hooked up with Rose.
My hand was shaking when I took out the handwritten note and small envelope Cinnamon had placed in the Express envelope.
My dearest Allen,
I hope this letter finds you in good spirit and good health. As for me I’m blessed. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing you a letter after all these years. Well believe me, so am I. I heard through the grapevine that you were getting married in a few weeks and wanted to congratulate you. You’re a good man, Allen, and I hope you’ve found the right woman. A woman couldn’t ask for a kinder and more warm-hearted man to stand by her side than you. I know, because I’ve been regretting my decision to leave you for the last six years.
As for me, I’ve been through quite a few changes since I’ve seen you last. I’ve been married and divorced, and that wasn’t any fun. But I believe all things have their purpose. My son Evan is my life. It’s a full-time job keeping up with him. You d like him. He’s a good boy. A little timid, but he has a good heart. Kinda reminds me of you in that respect. Because of him I’ve been teaching Sunday school, which I love. And although I wasn’t spiritual when I was with you, I’ve become quite the churchgoer recently.
Well I’m going to cut this letter short. If you ever get the urge, give me a call. (410) 555-4578. I look forward to hearing from you. Oh, by the way, say hello to your mother for me (smile).
Good luck in your new life, and God bless you and your family,
Cinnamon
 
PS. I’ve enclosed some pictures. I thought you might want to see what I’ve been up to.
 
When I finished reading the letter, I checked the post-mark. It was almost six months old. Sent almost three weeks before my wedding. My heart nearly stopped when I realized what Cinnamon was up to. She was trying to stop me from getting married. That’s why it came Mail Express instead of regular mail. After all these years, could she really still be in love with me? No, she hadn’t said it in so many words, but I’d been with her from the time I was fifteen to the time I was thirty and I knew what she was trying to say.
I sighed heavily. I needed this kind of drama in my life like I needed another hole in my head. But of course, that didn’t stop me from looking at what else Cinnamon had sent me.
I set down the letter and picked up the envelope, ripping the right side open. I had to smile when I saw the first picture. It was Cinnamon sitting on a beach wearing a bikini. I could tell she’d put on a little weight in the last five years, but it looked good on her. Damn good. She’d changed her hair from the short, permed style she used to wear to long, well-kept dreads that gave her a mature kind of sexiness. The one thing that had stayed the same were her eyes. Her beautiful, light brown eyes were as mesmerizing as ever and even in a photo they took my breath away.
As I flipped through the pictures, I stopped at a picture of her holding a small boy. There was no way she could deny him. He had her eyes. Seeing the two of them together made me wonder about what could have been between us so many years before. There was a time I expected to be having a son of my own with Cinnamon. I looked at a few more photos until I found what looked like a family portrait of Cinnamon, her son, and a dark-skinned man. So that was him. That was the man she got with after me. He wasn’t a bad-looking brother at all, though I couldn’t help but notice the kid looked nothing like him. Maybe he was the new man since the divorce. Nothing was written on the back to explain the picture. Somehow, I just felt I had to know who these people were, so I decided to do something bold. Besides, I wanted to know the real reason she wrote to me. I picked up the phone and dialed the number in the letter.
“Hello?” I recognized her voice right away, and suddenly all the courage I had when I first dialed her number was gone. “Hello?” she said again. I felt like my vocal cords were paralyzed. I was about hang up when she said, “Allen, is that you?”
When I heard her say my name, my entire body froze. I tried not to breathe. How the hell did she know it was me?
“Allen, I know it’s you. I can see your mother’s number on my Caller ID.” Yep, she’d busted me all right and there were two options. Hang up or talk to her. I decided to take the chance.
“Hi, Cinnamon. How you doin’?” I said nervously. I could hear her let out a long sigh.
“I’m fine, Allen. But do me a favor.”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t do that anymore. When you didn’t say anything, I started thinking your mother had gotten ahold of my letter and opened it.” I had to chuckle. If she only knew how close to the truth she was. “So what brought this call on? I was expecting to get this call a few months ago. I figured by now you just didn’t wanna speak to me.”
“Well, to be honest, I just found your letter today.”
She laughed, “Lemme guess, your mother never gave it to you?”
“Yeah.” I gave a fake laugh. Not because I thought it was funny but because it was so damn sad. “I found it in her night table drawer about five minutes ago, unopened.”
“Unopened, huh? I’m impressed. I woulda bet she’d opened it.”
“Me too.”
“So did you see the picture of my little boy?” I could hear the pride in her voice.
“Yeah, I saw it. He’s a real handsome young man.”
“Isn’t he? I guess you’re going to be having kids yourself pretty soon?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Congratulations on your marriage. How’s things going?”
I hesitated. I don’t know why, but I just didn’t wanna tell her things were going well.
“Things are all right, I guess. I’m going to be a father in a few months and I’m excited about that.”
“Oh, Allen, that is great. I’m so happy for you. You are going to be such a good dad.” She sounded sincerely excited.
“You think so?”
“I know so,” she said confidently. “So tell me, how are you taking care of this family of yours? Are you still in school?”
“No, I finally graduated. I work at Nickelodeon now as assistant director of one of the human resource departments.”
She said she was impressed, then told me about her job at Johns Hopkins University as the hospital head of the social work department, and I was equally impressed. I talked to Cinnamon for the better part of two hours about everything from Rose to the old neighborhood to the failure of her marriage. We probably would have never hung up if it weren’t bedtime for her son. I gave her my office number and we promised to keep in touch and talk soon.
After we hung up, I sat there thinking about Cinnamon and what could have been. As much as I loved Rose, I knew in my heart that Cinnamon was my soul mate. I had made a huge mistake six years ago letting her walk out my life. I can’t even say I felt guilty about thinking these things, even though I was married to someone else.
My thoughts were interrupted by Ma’s loud call. I heard her fiddling with her keys at the bottom of the stairs, so I placed the letter and the pictures in the Express envelope and headed down to see her.
“Hey, baby, you eat?” Ma was smiling until she saw the Express Mail envelope in my hand. “What you doin’ with that? That was in my night table drawer. Boy, I know you ain’t been going through my things.” She pointed a bony finger in my face.
“Ma, how come you never gave this to me?”
“ ’Cause you didn’t need it.” Her answer was matter-of-fact, and she turned her back to let me know she was finished discussing that envelope. “Now, do you want me to fix you something to eat?”
I didn’t answer. I just followed her into the kitchen. Ma went into the fridge and pulled out a ham, which she set in the center of the table. Then she grabbed a knife from the counter and started carving.
“Ma, will you answer me? Why didn’t you give this to me?”
“ ’Cause that damn Cinnamon ain’t up to no good, that’s why!”
“She was congratulating me on getting married.” I reached for the envelope and pulled out her letter. I tried to hand it to her, but she ignored me as she reached into the oven for a frying pan. I was so angry that she wouldn’t at least look at the letter that I stood up and headed for the front door.
“Where you goin’?” She yelled from behind me. I didn’t answer her. “I’m fixin’ you somethin’ to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Boy, if you don’t turn your ass around and march back in this kitchen, I‘ma knock you upside your head with this fryin’ pan.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. Enough was enough. This had to stop right here and now. I turned around and glared at my mother. “You’re not gonna do anything to me. I’m a grown damn man. I don’t even live in your house anymore. And another thing, I’m sick and tired of you—”
BLAM!!!
“You don’t talk to me that way.” Ma swung that frying pan, missing my head by only inches. But the vase on the shelf next to me wasn’t so lucky. She’d smashed it to smithereens and was about to try to do the same to me again when the phone rang. I raised one hand to protect myself as I picked up the phone with the other.
“Hello,” I answered it, watching Ma carefully.
“Allen?” It was Rose and she sounded like she’d been crying.
“Rose, baby, what’s wrong?”
“I think you need to come home right away.”
“Why, what’s the matter?”
“My water just broke. I’m gonna have the baby.”
“Oh shit! I’ll be right there.”
“Okay, but hurry. I’m starting to have contractions.” I hung the phone up and rubbed my eyes. I was scared, real scared. Rose was only six months pregnant, and if her water broke, the baby was going to be born premature, which usually meant complications. I’d read enough child-rearing and delivery books in the last few months to know premature babies could have brain damage, cerebral palsy, and a host of other problems. I started praying frantically for the health of my child.

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