“No. That’s not my job. It’s your job.” She gave me this superior little smirk, and I felt like smacking her.
“You stupid idiot. That’s probably why he’s crying. Get the fuck outta my way.” Somehow, instead of smacking her I contained myself to giving her a dirty look, then pushed my way past her. She was so shocked by my actions and comments that she just stood there with her mouth open. When I got in the apartment, the first thing I heard was Jonathan wailing. My mind told me to ignore him and go pack up my shit, get the hell outta there before I did get violent. But my heart told me to go check on my boy. I followed my heart.
“What’s up, little man?” He was lying in his crib, crying his eyes out, but he stopped the second he heard my voice. I smiled when I saw that he was wearing the New York Yankees pajamas I’d bought him the other day. God, I loved that kid so much. I took his medicine off the changing table and gave him a dropperful. “There you go, buddy. That should make you feel better.”
I picked him up and held him against my chest. Tears began to well in my eyes and I could feel myself getting all choked up when he started to coo. I wasn’t sure if the medicine kicked in or if he was just glad to see me, but that’s when I realized that he was my son. I didn’t need no blood test to validate that. He had my name, and I’d taken care of him since he was born, so it didn’t matter whether we shared blood or not. He was my son. I loved him, and I would continue to take care of him.
“Damn, that baby sure loves his daddy.” I could hear Rose in the doorway behind me, but I never turned around. How the hell she could just let him lay there without giving him his medicine was beyond me. I shook my head and bit my lip. I felt like packing up all our shit and running away with him. Maybe then she couldn’t ruin his life like she’d done mine.
“That damn baby has a name, Rose. It’s Jonathan. Why don’t you use it sometime? After all, he is named after your father.” I kissed Jonathan, then placed him in his crib, making sure that his pacifier was in his mouth before I turned to face Rose. “You hate him, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t hate him. He’s just an inconvenience sometimes,” she answered so nonchalantly.
“Inconvenience! That’s your baby. How can you call him an inconvenience?” I ran up to her and gave her a hearty shove, pushing her out of Jonathan’s room and onto the living room floor.
“What the fuck is your problem?” she shouted as she struggled to her feet.
“You wanna know what my problem is? You! You’re my fucking problem!” I shoved her again.
“I’m calling the police!”
“Go head! Call ’em!” I pointed to the phone. “I don’t give a shit. You’ve already ruined my life. What else can you do? You fucking whore!” I raised my hand to scare her, but Rose didn’t move.
“What did you call me?” Her voice was weak, and shock was all over her face. The whole time we’d been together, I’d never, ever called her anything but her name.
“I called you a fucking whore! And that’s what you are! A whore!”
“I’m not a whore, Allen. And don’t you ever call me that again.” She said it like it was a label she’d been trying to rid herself of a long time.
“Yes, you are! You fucked Jay. You fucked Kyle. For Christ’s sake, you even fucked Wil. You’re a fucking whore, Rose, and I hate you!” I’m not gonna lie, I was taking pleasure in the fact that Rose’s eyes were starting to tear, and she was now shaking with fear. I’d never seen this woman humbled in all the time I’d known her.
“That was a long time ago, Allen. I’m not like that anymore. I swear to God I’m not like that anymore.” She was pleading with a trembling voice as she choked on her tears. “And anything Kyle told you is a lie.” She sniffled.
“Yeah, right. Once a ho, always a ho. I feel like I should run to the doctor for an AIDS test.”
“Allen, I’m not a whore. Please, you’ve got to believe me. I stopped acting like that the day I met you.” She actually said that shit with sincerity, which pissed me off even more. So I lifted my hand in the air like I was gonna smack the shit outta her. I wasn’t gonna do it—I just wanted to see fear on her face. I was about to tell her that I was leaving her ass, and more importantly that I was taking Jonathan with me, but that’s when I heard a knock on the door.
“Don’t you fucking move!” I ordered, and she didn’t.
I peeked through the peephole.
Fuck!
One of my neighbors must’ve heard us fighting and called the cops, because two police officers were standing at my door. I took a deep breath, gesturing for Rose to get up, then opened the door.
“Can I help you?” I smiled at the two cops, praying that Rose wasn’t going to run over and tell them I’d attacked her. Thank God she had some sense and just sat on the couch.
“Mr. Jackson?” the white cop asked.
“Yes.”
“My name’s Officer Monroe, and this is my partner, Officer Rollins. Are you related to an Audrey Jackson?”
“Yes, she’s my mother. Is everything all right, Officer?” I swallowed hard.
Please God, don’t let anything be wrong with my ma.
“Mr. Jackson, there’s been an incident. We need for you to come with us.” I was trying to breathe but it was hard.
“Why? Is something wrong with my mother? What type of incident?” I was starting to hyperventilate as I waited for an answer. Both cops looked at each other, then the black cop spoke.
“Your mother was robbed and shot in front of her house a few hours ago. She’s in critical condition,” he said somberly.
“Oh God, no! Not my ma. Not my ma!” I started to pace around in a circle, imagining my mother lying in a pool of blood. I could feel Rose’s arms wrap around me, and for that brief instant I didn’t care about the things she’d done. I needed someone to hold on to me before I collapsed.
40
Jay
I’d just taken a shower and packed a small overnight bag. I was headed out the door, my arms filled with birthday presents for Tracy, when the phone rang. Tracy and I were going to spend the weekend in Atlantic City together to celebrate her birthday, and as usual I was running about an hour late. When the phone rang, I actually considered letting the machine answer it, but decided against it at the last second. I’d sent Kenya and the girls down to her parents’ place in Baltimore for the weekend and I didn’t wanna take a chance that her car had broken down or that she mighta had an accident and turned around. So I placed my bag on the floor and answered it.
“Hello?” The line was silent, so I spoke again. There was still no answer, and it reminded me of the trouble Kyle was having with Val. Only I hadn’t given my home number to anyone, not even Tracy. Finally I heard a very deep male voice.
“Your ass is dead, nigga.”
“Who the hell is this?” I reached over and pushed the button to the Caller ID. The number came up unknown.
Fuck!
I hung up the phone. That’s when I got a sudden chill. What if Tracy’s pops was playing games?
Nah, it couldn’t be him
, I reasoned, staring at the phone.
Or could it?
It wouldn’t be hard for him or his cop friends to get my home number after they found out where I lived so easily. I felt myself break out in a cold sweat. Damn, that guy was really becoming a pain in my ass. As soon as I picked up my bag, the phone rang again. I dropped the bag and snatched the receiver, yelling this time.
“Hello!”
“Jay?” A male voice spoke so quickly, there was no chance for me to recognize it.
“Who this?”
“It’s Wil. Why you answering the phone like that?”
“Somebody just called here talkin’ shit and hung up. That wasn’t you, was it?”
“No, it wasn’t me. Like I got time to play games on your phone.”
“What’s up, Wil?” His voice sounded troubled, not to mention that this was the first time he’d called my house in months. Something had to be up for him to call me at home.
“I’ve got some bad news.” His voice was so low.
“What’s up?” I braced myself.
“It’s Ma Jackson. Somebody shot her.”
“What?” I screamed.
“She’s in critical condition, Jay.” Wil’s voice cracked like he was about to cry. We were both silent, and a good thirty seconds passed before he spoke again. Me, I was tongue-tied and couldn’t speak at all. I could feel the tears, but they wouldn’t fall. My stomach knotted up and I felt nauseous as I thought about all the things Ma Jackson had done for us as kids. She’d really been there for us. When our moms had to work, Ma Jackson was the only one who was home after school. Wil, Kyle, and I spent most of our time with her during our teenage years. She’d been our den mother in Cub Scouts, taken us all to Disney World. Hell, she’d given me my first condom. She’d always been hard on Allen, I’ll be the first to admit that, but she sure as hell had been good to me.
“Jay? You there?”
“Wha-wha-what happened, Wil?” I finally calmed myself enough to speak.
“I don’t know, man. Rose called me about ten minutes ago and told me Ma got shot. She said they’d taken her to Jamaica Hospital. I called the hospital pretending to be her son and the nurse said she was in critical condition, about to be operated on. Then out of the blue she tells me it doesn’t look good and that her family better get down there. I’m in the car headed over to the hospital now. Kyle’s already on his way, too. You need to meet us there, man.”
“Okay, I’ll be there in thirty minutes. Did anyone talk to Allen? Is he all right?”
“Nah, I didn’t get to talk to him, but Rose said they’re treating him for shock.”
“Damn.” I exhaled.
“Jay?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t fuck around and make a whole bunch of stops like you usually do. This is important. Not only is this possibly the last time we get to see Ma Jackson alive, but we need to be there for Allen. He’s really gonna need us.”
Wil was right. Allen had lost his pops back in high school and it really devastated him. If he lost his mom, he’d be ready to kill himself.
“Did you hear me, Jay?”
“I’m leaving right now, Wil. The only thing I’ve gotta do is get gas.”
“Aw’ight, man. I’m counting on you to be there.” I hung up the phone and walked straight out the door to my truck.
Without thinking, I’d left behind the suitcase, flowers, all Tracy’s birthday presents, and my cell phone. For the first time since Tracy moved into the apartment, I wished I had gotten her a phone. She was gonna be pissed that I didn’t at least stop by and tell her what was going on, but her place and the highway were in totally opposite directions. And like Wil said, this was not a time to fuck around and be late.
It took me about twenty minutes to get from Jersey to Jamaica Hospital. Probably a new speed record, but by the time I got there, it was all over. Ma Jackson was dead. I knew it the second I walked into the hospital and saw Wil and Kyle’s faces. Neither one spoke, but Kyle’s eyes were bloodshot like he’d been crying.
“She’s dead, isn’t she?” I tried to stand up straight and take the news like a man, but I knew when I heard it out of their mouths, I would break down.
“Yeah, she’s gone,” Kyle nodded.
“Fuck!” I turned toward the wall and pounded my fist into it repeatedly. “This shit ain’t fair!”
“Life’s not fair, Jay. That’s why you have to make the best of it while you’re here. Ma Jackson did that, bro. She made the most of her life while she was here. That’s all we could ask.” I felt Wil reach out and pat me on the back.
“I know, but it’s still not fair,” I sniffled, wiping my face. “Where’s Allen?”
“He’s in the operating room saying goodbye to Ma,” Kyle sighed.
“Damn, how the fuck does something like this happen to a sixty-year-old woman?” I turned around to face my friends, my moment of weakness gone for now.
“You know how it is around the way. Some young boy probably shot her ’cause she wouldn’t give up her pocketbook fast enough. You know how Ma is. I mean was. She probably fought him,” Kyle said sadly.
“Yeah, Ma Jackson ain’t take no shit from no one. Knowing her, she probably laughed at the gun.” I tried to smile, but that’s when I saw Allen walk around the corner headed for the door.
“Allen,” I called out, but he ignored me and kept walking. I was about to run after him, but Kyle grabbed my arm.
“Jay, he’s having a really hard time with this. When we arrived, he fought with Wil and me when we tried to calm him down. Let him have his space. He needs to be alone. I told him we were all gonna spend the night at my place, so when he’s ready he’ll come over there. Okay?”
“Okay,” I shook my head. “Think they’ll let me see Ma Jackson?”
“I don’t know. Let’s find out.”