Married Men (61 page)

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Authors: Carl Weber

BOOK: Married Men
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“That’s you speaking with Ray Johnson, isn’t it? He was down at the station when he made the call.” I didn’t look at the detective. I was too busy hoping that Allen would look my way. I needed him to understand one thing.
“Allen, I love you.”
He finally looked me in the eye.
“You fucking bitch. You don’t love me. You killed my ma.”
“Come on, Bill, let’s get her out of here.” The officer turned me toward the door. I turned back to look at Allen one last time.
“I love you, Allen.”
“Get the fuck out of my house.”
48
 
Kenya
 
I walked to the front door with an attitude. Someone was knocking on my door, and whoever it was, was about to get a piece of my mind. The knocking had become an obnoxious banging, and it was giving me a headache. Not to mention the fact that it was two in the morning and I really didn’t appreciate that I had to get up out of my warm bed to answer the door in the first place.
“Who is it?” I yawned.
“It’s me.”
I froze, trying to catch my breath. I recognized that voice right away, and my heart started racing. I flipped on the porch light and looked through the peephole. I was hoping my ears were playing tricks on me, but they weren’t. Jay was standing outside the door, looking like there was nothing wrong with him being there in the middle of the night. What the hell was he doing here? I hadn’t heard from him since the day I kicked him out three weeks ago. I knew I was going to have to deal with him sooner or later, but I would have much preferred that it be
later,
much later.
“Me, who?” I played dumb. I was trying to buy myself some time to think of a good excuse to get rid of him. When I kicked him out three weeks ago, almost everything I said was scripted. Diane and I had gone over every single scenario that might come up that morning and I was prepared for anything he might say. But now he had caught me off guard. He was the one who would probably have things prepared, and that made me nervous. Jay had a way of manipulating me that I can’t even explain. I could have my mind made up about something, but after listening to his bullshit, I’d end up doing a complete flip-flop. So the last thing I wanted was for him to come in my house trying to smooth-talk me. I might not be able to get rid of him. Shit, I might not wanna get rid of him. Truth is, even though I kicked him out, I hadn’t totally gotten over Jay. I probably never would. I’d accepted a long time ago that part of my heart would always belong to him. So getting rid of him was not going to be easy. Besides, I had other reasons for not wanting him in the house.
“It’s me. Jay! Your
husband.”
“What do you want, Jay?” My knees were shaking. I was wishing this was a dream.
“Open the door so I can come in.” He sounded so calm, so nonchalant, like he had no doubt I would do as he said. And instinctively I reached for the door. It was like he had this power over me and I had to obey him. Thank God I found the inner strength to stop myself before I opened the door.
“I’m not opening this door till you tell me what you want.” I tried to sound like I was in charge, but I knew I wasn’t.
“I wanna talk to you.”
“Talk to me about what?”
“About the kids and us.” The word “kids” hit a nerve and I got pissed. He hadn’t even called to see how they were since he’d left.
“You wanna talk to me about the kids? At two in the morning? I don’t think so.” I turned off the porch light, feeling stronger all of a sudden. “Oh, by the way. Maybe you don’t remember, but there is no
us.”
I was back in charge.
“Look, I know I shouldn’t have come by so late, but you’re up now. Can’t we talk?” I couldn’t believe he was actually groveling. It was so unlike him. Still, it didn’t move me.
“Good night, Jay. I’m going to bed.”
“Come on, Kenya. I got some money for you, too. I know you could use some money, right?” He was right. I could use some money. After paying the bills, I was broke. I turned the light back on and looked at him through the peephole. He was actually holding some money in his hand. I didn’t wanna let him in but I could sure use that money.
“Just leave the money in the mailbox, Jay. I’m not feeling well. I’ve got a headache. Why don’t you come back some other time?”
“Stop playin’ and open the door, Kenya. I know you ain’t got no headache.” I could hear the frustration in his voice as I watched him put the money back in his pocket. It was now or never. I had to put my foot down and get rid of him or we’d be doing this all night.
“No, Jay. I’m not going to open the door. You should have called before coming. Now I’d appreciate it if you’d leave.” There. I’d done it. I’d finally put my foot down. But instead of ending the discussion, I think I pissed him off even more.
“What! I gotta call to come see you? Why? You got a man over here or something?” I could hear him fiddling with the doorknob. “Open this fucking door, Kenya!” He slammed his hand against the door, scaring the shit out of me.
“No, you didn’t! No, you didn’t just accuse me of having a man over here when you’re strolling around town with some young-ass girl. Y’know what, Jay? Fuck you! And good night.” I turned off the porch light and checked the deadbolt to make sure it was secure.
“Don’t do this, Kenya. Please don’t do this. I need to talk to you.”
“Go home, Jay. Wherever that is,” I laughed, walking toward the stairs.
“I’m not gonna leave ’til you tell me to my to face that it’s over.” He started banging on the door loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear. Thank God the kids were at my mother’s. I walked back to the door and flicked on the light.
“Will you stop it?” He was getting on my damn nerves now.
“No, not until you tell me to my face that it’s over. Open this door. Or would you rather I use my key?” My heart went in my mouth when I heard his keys jingling. Shit, Diane had warned me to change the locks but I never got around to it. Lord have mercy. How did I ever get myself into this? I glanced up the stairs.
“Okay, Jay. I’ll open the door.” I said a silent prayer.
Dear Lord, if I open this door, please don’t let this man get violent
.
“I don’t want you in my house, Jay. Do you hear me?” I opened the door and stepped onto the porch. I was trying my best not to look nervous, but I was scared to death about what might happen.
“That’s fine with me. We can talk out here.” He was leaning against the porch railing using this smooth, sexy voice. The way he was smiling you woulda thought we were getting ready to go out on a date. “You’re looking good, Kenya. Real good.” He smiled flirtatiously. I’m sure he wanted me to see his dimples. He knew I’d always loved his dimples.
“Please, how good could I look? I just woke up and I’m wearing this beat-up old housecoat.”
“You see, that’s where you’re wrong.” He gave me the eye from head to toe stopping to grin in a few obvious places. “That old housecoat of yours shows off all those fine curves you got. Baby, you might not see it, but with a body like that, you’ll always look good to me. Real good.” I knew he was full of shit but I couldn’t help it. I was blushing. Jay knew just how to get to me.
“Here. These are for you.” He was holding a bouquet of roses and tried to hand them to me. I loved roses and I wanted to take them so badly, but my conscience kept reminding me that he was in love with another woman. So I pulled my hands back.
“Give them to your girlfriend, Jay,” I said sadly. “I don’t want them.” I wanted to go back in the house, but I had to get that key from him.
“Come on, baby. Why you gonna be like that? Me and her aren’t even together no more. How could I be with her when you and I are meant to be together?” He was flashing those dimples again, using that same sexy voice along with his charming bullshit. Deep down I wanted to jump up into his arms, tell him how much still loved him. How much I missed him. But instead I forced myself to remember how I felt when I came home that night and found those flowers and that card he wrote for his little mistress. And I got mad.
“Look! You said you wanted me to tell you to your face it’s over. So listen to my words very carefully. We are over, Jay. Finished. Through. Done. No more ...” I looked at the floor.
He grabbed me and pressed his lips against mine. Instead of fighting, I let him do what he did better than any man I’d ever met. I closed my eyes and let him kiss me. I let him tongue me down like there was no tomorrow. And when he finished, I sighed deeply. Being with Jay was like pregnancy. No matter how painful it was the first time, you could always be talked into doing it again.
“Well? What do you think of that?” He smiled as our lips parted.
“Mmmmm,
” I sighed, stretching my arms. “I think I’m ready for bed.”
“Well, aw‘ight. Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout.” He took a step toward his car, grinning. “Let me get my bag.”
“Wait a minute, Jay,” I stopped him. “I didn’t mean you were going to bed with me. You’re not coming in my house.” His grin faded.
“You’re joking, right?”
“No, I’m not joking,” I said seriously. “Did you really think a little kiss was going to make everything better? I loved you, Jay. Do you understand what that means? I gave you everything I had and you gave me shit. I deserve better than that. No, I demand better than that.”
“If you’re so against us being together, why’d you let me kiss you in the first place?” He folded his arms across his chest smugly.
“I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t making a mistake letting you go. Deep down, I love you, and I wanted to see if the sparks were still there.”
“Well? Were they?” He flashed those dimples at me.
I hesitated. Smiled as I thought about all the good times we’d shared.
“Yeah, there were definitely sparks there, but you know what?”
“What?” He moved in close like he was about to kiss me again.
“A spark don’t mean there’s a fire, Jay. I’m sorry but I can’t forget all the shit you’ve done. We can never be together, ’cause I’ll always have regrets and I’ll always have suspicions. So no matter how many sparks there are, they’ll always be doused out by my doubts. I’ve moved on, Jay. I think you should, too.” I was about to go back in the house but he grabbed me by the arm.
“What do you want from me, Kenya? I told you I love you.” He was upset, real upset, and his grip was starting to hurt me.
“What do I want?” I pulled myself free. “I want an apology. I want a husband that can admit when he’s wrong. I want someone who’s going to be there for me and not have women all over the world. I want someone who’s gonna say he’s sorry. You been here for fifteen fucking minutes and you still haven’t apologized for being with that Terry, or Tracy, or whatever the fuck her name is. So what I want is for you to get out of my life.” I folded my arms across my chest, figuring that I might just get the first apology of our seven-year relationship. But I’d never been so wrong in my life.
“What do I have to apologize for? You cheated on me, too.”
“You know what, Jay? Just give me my money so I can go to bed, ’cause you just don’t get it. I only cheated on you because you weren’t around and I needed to be held.” He actually looked at me as if he didn’t understand.
“I love you, Kenya. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“No Jay, those words are not enough anymore.” He reached out and grabbed me, trying to kiss me again. I resisted this time with a scream.
“Get your fucking hands off of her!” I felt myself being pulled toward the door.
“Huh? Wh-What the fuck? What’s he doing here?” Jay let me go right away as he stared at his worst nightmare come true. Standing in the doorway, wearing the robe he’d left behind was my new lover and Jay’s worst enemy, Malcolm. Jay glared at him for a second, then turned his attention back to me.
“Oh, hell no! Not him. You’re not fucking him, are you?” His wide-eyed look of confusion was now replaced by a solemn frown. He actually looked hurt, and would probably erupt at any second. The look of betrayal he gave me made me feel like shit, and I wished I could have buried my head in the sand. Malcolm placed his hand on my shoulder and pulled me toward him.
“How could you? How could you do this to me?” Jay murmured, his eyes filling with tears.
“I’m, I’m, I’m ... s-sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to find out this way,” I pleaded.
“You ain’t got to explain nothing to him, baby. We talked about this before. He doesn’t deserve you.” Malcolm wrapped his arm around me and I swear I wished I could have made him disappear. I didn’t want this type of confrontation. Damn, why couldn’t Malcolm have stayed upstairs?
“Get over here, Kenya,” Jay ordered, and I obeyed, pulling myself free of Malcolm. I took two steps and stopped right between the two of them. Thank God Malcolm didn’t demand for me to come back to him ’cause I wouldn’t have known what to do. “So that’s why you wouldn’t let me in the house. ’Cause this nigga was in my bed.” Jay shook his head in disgust.

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