How the hell can I move forward from this?
When two women walked into the restroom, laughing, I moved to the handicap stall. If I was going to have a panic attack or throw up, I was going to do it in private. I leaned against the wall for support. My eyes focused on the gray ceramic tiles on the restroom floor as my mind flickered to thoughts of Nana.
It was the first time I’d thought of her during this whole mess. Subconsciously, maybe I’d put her in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to think of her because it saddened me. She would be so disappointed in me, and knowing that broke my heart. She hadn’t raised me to be this person—a person who manipulated people, a person who lied to get what she wanted. For once, I just wanted the easy way out, and in the back of my mind, I knew she wouldn’t have agreed. I looked to the ceiling, blinking back tears that I knew would surely come.
“Beth?”
It was Mrs. Plack.
Things could not get any worse.
She knocked on the handicap stall, and I was sure we were the only two in the restroom now since her voice had echoed through the stalls. There was no way I could hide in there forever, so I let her in. She gazed at me, and my eyes dropped to the floor. I couldn’t even look this lovely woman in the face.
“Honey, are you okay?”
I nodded once. When I met her eyes, they were full of sympathy but also full of warmth.
“It’s okay. There’s no need to be embarrassed. I think saving yourself for your husband is very rare nowadays.”
Please.
Someone.
Kill.
Me.
Now.
“The fact that you love him and have not given into temptation makes you a very strong-willed woman. That’s very commendable.”
Oh my word…
I lowered my gaze to the floor and nodded again. This would have been comical in any other circumstances, but the guilt is what prevailed.
She moved in to lift my chin. “I know you love him, and he loves you. I can see it. I see it when you both look at each other and when he touches you. I’ve never seen him so happy.”
Her smile was genuine, and the guilt overwhelmed my body ten times worse as I stared into her warm chestnut eyes that were so much like Kent’s.
“But, honey, don’t let him force you into doing something so soon. You two will get there. Guys will be guys.” She moved back to give me space. “At the end of the day, you two are adults, and I truly believe you’re it for him.” Her eyes were lined with unshed tears as she pulled me toward her, wrapping her arms around me. “Thanks for making him so happy. I can’t wait to plan this wedding,” she whispered.
“Me, too,” I said, shutting my eyes tightly.
As she hugged me, I should have felt relieved that Kent and I had pulled it off, but that was far from what I felt.
The ride home was quiet.
I had to break the uncomfortable silence in the air. “So, I can’t believe we’re engaged,” I said. “You were very convincing, especially the part about me being a virgin.”
He laughed once. “I thought of that on a whim. Pretty good, huh?”
“Priceless,” I replied.
“No, my father’s face was priceless. His face was not of anger. It was of realization. Yeah, he and my mother were friends for a long time, but as soon as they became romantically involved, he married her as fast as he could because she wouldn’t let him seal the deal beforehand.” Both dimples emerged. “I might not look like my father, but we are alike in more ways than I’d like to acknowledge.”
He stared at the open road in front of us. “He was starting to really get on my last nerve. He asked if getting married was your idea. I didn’t want him thinking that you wanted to get married quickly to trap me, so I told the truth—that this was my idea, that I wanted to propose, and that I wanted to get married. When my mother went to the restroom to get you, that’s when the real party began.”
Kent rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, while the other remained on the wheel. “He started rambling on about how I was irresponsible and how I couldn’t take care of a family if I didn’t hold a job. He started to tell me how money was not everything and that holding a job was part of the responsibility of being an adult. He firmly asked me to work for the company. He kind of demanded it.” He ran one hand through his hair, gripping at the tips. “After I blatantly told him no, the waiter came to our table to tell him to quiet down, and he asked us if we’d like a private room. That’s the part that was truly priceless,” he said, pressing his foot on the brake as the yellow light turned red.
If I were a parent, I’d want the same thing for my kids. I’d want them to hold a steady job and have a family of their own to grow old with.
Isn’t that what every parent wants?
And when that happened, I’d feel like I had done my job and that I’d raised my kid well. I’d feel like an accomplished parent. I couldn’t help but sympathize with Mr. Plack, who wanted what any normal parent would want for their child.
“Why don’t you just work for the company?” I prodded.
My question surprised him, and his jolly mood turned sour.
“Because I won’t,” he said as the corners of his mouth turned downward. He pressed on the gas as the light turned green.
“You’d rock it. I know you would. Your grandfather and father have already set up the groundwork. Plack Industries is a top company in its industry. I just don’t understand why you don’t want to be a part of that legacy.”
“Because I don’t,” he huffed.
I could see the whites of his knuckles as his grip tightened on the wheel.
“I mean, it would take time, but in the end, if you just learned the business from the ground up, you’d excel. You could lead the company to greatness.”
“Please, Beth, not you, too.” Kent turned to face me as he pulled the car to the right, outside of my apartment. “I have no idea how to run a company, let alone how to lead thousands of employees. Do you think it’s easy? I see my father work his butt off, day in and day out. I see him frustrated at work before coming home, only to be frustrated again the next day.”
“I’m sure he gets frustrated, but there is a level of frustration at every normal job. It’s a cycle. I know running a company can’t be easy. I mean, you are leading a whole corporation. It can’t be easy, but you’ll learn. You’ll learn, just like your father learned. You’ll have a whole team to help you, to back you up. I think if you would just try, then you’d be amazing. What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid of failure! There, I said it.”
Real fear filtered through his eyes. It was the first time I’d seen him so exposed.
“I’ve excelled at sports and school. I was sure of those things when I started. I didn’t have any doubt that I would do well. I can’t see this one, Beth. I can’t see where this road will lead me, if I take it. I’m afraid of running this great company that’s doing fine into the ground. My father and grandfather have such high hopes for what they’ve built. I can’t bear to let down that legacy.”
The image of the confident, arrogant man was no longer present. In front of me sat a typical guy afraid of normal life things, like not living up to expectations. It was the first time I realized that regarding this part of his life, he put up a front. He looked so vulnerable and lost. As many times as he’d done it for me, the only thing I wanted to do was comfort him.
I placed my hand over his. “I don’t know what you’re afraid of. You’re so capable, Kent. I know you are. If you would just try to be as great as I know you can be, as your family believes you can be, I know you can do just that. You could take this company to new heights. I know you would never, ever stop until you did just that. I believe in you.”
He was silent as I spoke, and when I finished, he placed his free hand over mine, sending sparks up my arm and down to the bottom of my toes. There was an electricity in the car, and it was so palpable that I could taste it. The connection between us was so strong that I had to close my eyes to break it. I pulled myself from his touch and reached for the door to leave. I had to get out of the car, away from him, and away from this feeling inside me.
He took hold of my hand again and pulled me toward him.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I was a good girl, and I was already spoken for. I thought it was going to happen. I thought he was going to kiss me.
And the crazy thing was that I wouldn’t stop him.
But he kissed my forehead instead. When he pulled away, he gazed at me with a look of intensity that warmed me all over.
“Good night, Beth.”
I nodded once and stepped out of the car, feeling his eyes following me into my apartment.
Wide eyes stared back at me in the full-length mirror. Only two weeks later, and Mrs. Plack had organized an engagement party. I stared at my black Alexander McQueen cocktail dress and bright red pumps, and sighed outwardly.
Taking a step toward the balcony that overlooked the backyard, I watched everyone below mingling among themselves. Cocktail tables and tents spanned the back of the Plack estate.
When Mrs. Plack had said she was throwing us a quaint engagement party, I didn’t imagine that everyone from the city and my work would be invited. She’d even surprised me by inviting Aunt Diane and Kendy. I scanned below me and looked upon Brian as he stood by Caroline. I knew this must be especially hard for him. The buzz around the office had been bad enough, and here he was, at my engagement party. Inwardly, I cringed.
I’d felt the tension rising between us as this day approached. I wondered if he’d imagined all this when I’d initially told him about the deal. Not only was I living a lie, but by choosing me, he was also living in it too.
“You look stunning.”
I turned around, and Kent loomed behind me. I wondered how long he’d been standing there, watching me. I hadn’t heard him enter.
“Thanks.” I took in his sharp black suit and skinny tie. “You look dashing yourself,” I said, giving him a melancholy smile.
He offered his hand. “Ready? Everyone has been waiting for us.”
I took a deep breath, and when his hand met mine, I found comfort in his touch once again.
When we were downstairs, I socialized with the guests. At Kent’s side, Mr. Plack introduced me to hundreds of people. All their faces were a blur, and I forgot their names the moment after I’d been introduced.
When I finally distinguished Aunt Diane and Kendy among the crowd of unknowns, I excused myself from the Plack men and made my way toward them, almost running to their familiar faces.
Kendy jumped up and down as I approached, and she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me so tightly in one of her trademarked hugs. I could barely breathe in her hold.
“I’m so happy for you, Beth Boo!” she said, using her squeaky voice.
I stifled a laugh because with all this pretending, Kendy played the part very well. I wondered if she was secretly enjoying the acting. It was Aunt Diane’s turn to engulf me into an embrace, and I squeezed her back tighter, realizing I’d missed them so much. They were the only family I had left.
Continuing to make my rounds, I tore myself away from both of them and searched for Brian. In the corner, right by the bar, I found him staring at the drink in his hand while Caroline and Jim conversed next to him. When Brian saw me, his face lit up.
“Hey, engaged one. Congrats!” Caroline said, stepping in to reach for my hand.
“You owe me one. I introduced you to your future husband,” Jim said, raising his wine glass.
“Thanks. Yeah, I owe you big time,” I said, my eyes drifting to Brian’s.
Caroline continued to talk about how grand the party was and how Karen Plack had gone over the top with the planning. I couldn’t agree more. I’d had no idea that this was what Mrs. Plack considered intimate. Caroline pointed behind me, directing my focus to Kent, who was trying to get my attention. “You’re one popular girl tonight,” she said before tipping her wine glass back.
I said my quick good-byes to Caroline and Jim.
I gave Brian a small hug and whispered discreetly, “Just a little longer.”
He said nothing as he nodded.
I maneuvered through the crowd toward Kent, who was standing on the top of the steps, holding a wine glass. When I approached him, he took my hand. When I felt his fingers against mine, I instantly relaxed.