Marrying Mr Write (Mr Write Trilogy) (2 page)

I look
at the love of my life, battered and bruised and in a drug induced sleep and I can’t stop the tears that escape me. Seeing her like this kills me. I should be able to fix this, I should be able to make her better but there’s nothing that I can do.

I’m broken. Concerned for Rosie’s wellbeing and feeling that it’s my fault that she wasn’t with me this morni
ng so that I could protect her. All on top of worrying about a child that I never thought I wanted. I hold my head in my hands and cry, unashamedly and undisturbed until the tears run out.

“Jackson, wake up mate. You need to eat.”

I wake to Rafe shaking m
e gently and it takes a moment to register where I am. I’m in the hospital, in a chair next to Rosie’s bed. It wasn’t a bad dream.

“I’m ok
Rafe, I’m not leaving her.” I take Rosie’s hand, she’s still asleep and my heart feels like it’s going to collapse at the sight of her.

“Jackson, she’s going nowhere and you can’t stay here all night
. You need food and some rest, and Rosie will want her own PJs when she wakes up, so come on. You can stay with us tonight.”

R
eluctantly I stand and prepare to leave. He’s right, she’ll want her own things if she’s going to be in here a while. I kiss her gently and whisper that I love her, before leaving with Rafe and heading for Rosie’s flat.

As we reach the car I realise that I have absolutely no idea what time it is or how long I have been at the hospital. It’s dark and cool outside and the ground is wet but there’s nothing to give away the time. London is London after all; it doesn’t go to sleep after rush hour like the village that I grew up in.

I know that I was at the hospital by ten am and that visiting hours have been and gone, m
y argument with the nurses who tried to kick me out earlier on is still fresh in my memory. I look at my watch. I’m not sure how I got away with staying at the hospital until half past ten at night but I’m certain that the only reason that Rafe was allowed in at this time, was to get me out.

Rafe and I arrive at Rosie’s flat before I’ve even realised that we’ve left the hospital car park. I feel like I’m in a dream and time is passing by without me being aware of what’s going on around me.

Rafe lets us in with Rosie’s keys and I methodically move through the flat, picking up items of Rosie’s and
then putting them back down again.

“I can’t even think what she might need, my head’s all over the place
!” I sit on the sofa and rest my head in my hands, “We rowed last night Rafe, big time. If we hadn’t she might have been concentrating more.” Rosie isn’t the type to just step out into the road.

“Jackson
, it was an accident. These things happen. The docs are pretty sure she’ll be fine, it’s just going to take a bit of time and a bit of TLC”

Rafe sits
next to me on the sofa and pats me on the back in manly affection. I rub my forehead while I compose myself and head into the bedroom to pack Rosie’s bag, Rafe follows me in.

“Let me do that, you go and sit down. It’s been a long old day!” He is genuine in his sympathy for me and his concern for his sister is as clear as day.

As we head into Rafe’s flat, I’m nearly knocked off my feet by Bernie throwing her arms around me. They have rushed down from Buxton to be near Rosie. Joaquin is cooking in the kitchen with Matthew and Bernie looks drained.

“Jackson darling, are you ok?
” I don’t know how to respond but she doesn’t push me for an answer, ushering me toward the sofa and handing me a large glass of whiskey that Rafe wasted no time pouring.

“We’ll head back
to the hospital first thing; she’s going to be ok Jackson!”

The evening passes quickly. There’s not much in the way of conversation and despite not feeling particularly hungry, I manage to eat Joaquin’s food and then excuse myself when a barrage of yawns hits me like a high speed train.

A bed is pulled out from the sofa and made up at lightning speed and as I lay staring up at the ceiling I can think of nothing but the harsh words exchanged yesterday and panic about what her last words to me will be if she doesn’t wake up…

“Jackson, let me go. I can’t look at you. I don’t want you anywhere near me! I am not having an abortion Jackson, no fucking way. I’m disgusted with you. You make me sick Jackson! Let me out now!”

…She has to wake up; she has to know how sorry I am.

I woke to Matthew calling my name and shaking me gently. It took a moment to realise where I was but as soon as I did I sat bolt upright and reached for my clothes. Matthew didn’t say anything, he just picked up his car keys and we headed back to the hospital.

“How is she
?”

I ask Bernie as we approach down the corridor.
I have calmed down a little now compared to twenty minutes ago when Matthew told me that Rafe and his parents had already made their way to the hospital. But I am still annoyed that they left me asleep and came here without me, and I can’t pretend otherwise as I stare through the window into Rosie’s room.

“She’s ok,
no change apparently. I’m sorry that we left without you,” Bernie adds, sensing my mood, “We just thought you needed a bit of extra sleep honey, you need all your strength to take care of her.”

Bernie looks through the window at her husband and youngest
child. She is shaken but is one of the strongest women that I’ve ever met. She won’t shed a tear until everyone else has shed theirs. I can’t help but admire and envy her strength, and I soften at her words.

The doctor arrives to check on Rosie and administer some more drugs and I follow him into the room, with Bernie and Rafe hot on my heels.

“Are you all family? I imagine this is quite a shock for you to see her like this, but I assure you we’re doing all we can to take care of Rosetta. I’m going to give her some morphine now. We don’t want her in any unnecessary pain do we?”

“It’s just so strange, Rosie doesn’t get ill. She doesn’t even take paracetamol.” 

Bernie is rambling and my head is spinning. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears as my heated blood rushes around my body. I’m anxious at the thought of the drugs that are being pumped into her, into the baby…

“Doctor, wait! She’s pregnant
... I suppose you need to know that?” The words are out of my mouth before I can think and my soon to be in laws look at me in complete shock,

“I’m sorry everyone, I didn’t know myself until
a couple of nights ago.”

I stand back against the far wall as Bernie takes her daughter’s ha
nd in her own and begins to sob.

“Right, Thanks. I’ll erm, arrange an ultrasound”

The doctor leaves the room and everything falls silent, I can see Rafe talking to me but I can’t hear him, I can’t hear anything. The room starts to spin as Rafe rushes in my direction…

“Jackson, can you hear me mate?”

Rafe is kneeling over me as I open my eyes. As my head clears I realise that I must have passed out. I try to sit up, “Easy Jackson, go easy!”

Rafe helps me up to sitting and I lean back against the wall. I look up toward Rosie’s bed to see Joaquin and Bernie looking at me with eyes full of concern, I realise in that moment that I’m truly part of this family. They care about me, they accept and trust me and I’ve let them down, I’ve let Rosie down. This is all my fault.

“Oh goodness me, what’s happened here then?” A young nurse has entered the room with a machine on a trolley and is looking down at me curiously,

“He passed out for a moment, I think he’s ok?” Rafe looks up at her for confirmation of his suspicions,

“Oh dear it’s probably all just a bit much
to take in. Are you ok to get up in the chair and we’ll check your blood pressure?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me. Are you here to do a scan?” I don’t care about me. I just need to know if Rosie and the baby are ok,

“Yes sweetheart, are you her husband?” I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t expect this to go well,

“Fiancé. Can I stay?” I push myself up to standing and walk over to hold Rosie’s hand,

“Course you can love, not all of you though ok?” Bernie starts to usher Joaquin and Rafe out of the room as the nurse starts to speak again, “Do you want anyone to stay in with you?”

“Bernie, will y
ou stay?” I can’t do this alone.

“Of course I will son.”
Bernie looks at me with tears in her eyes and comes to stand by my side, taking my hand in hers.

Another person comes into the room and introduces herself as the sonographer but I don’t care who she is, I just want them to get on with it. I just need to know.

The nurse finishes setting up the machine and the sonographer turns to me,

“Right then, how far along is she?” The question stumps me; it’s not something that I thought to ask while I was telling her to get rid of it. I shake my head,

“I’m sorry, I don’t know
!” I try to work it out in my head, “She’s got to be at least three weeks. She doesn’t have a belly at all.”

It sounds stupid saying it
but that’s all I have to go on.

“Right, so we’re fairly early on then. We’ll see how we get on with this but we may need to do a different type of scan with her not being very far along
, ok?”

I nod and the sonographer pulls down the blankets. As she lifts Rosie’s gown carefully so as not to expose her too much, the bruising on her ribs, hip and stomach take my breath away. Bernie has to sit down but she doesn’t let go of my hand. I look up to see the sonographer exchange a glance with the nurse that makes me squeeze Rosie’s hand a little tighter.

I can’t see what she’s looking at on the screen. She squirted gel onto Rosie’s belly and is now moving some sort of wand around while she stares at a screen and clicks buttons on the machine.

It took about ten minutes before she wiped the wand clear and placed it back on the trolley before gently wiping the gel from Rosie’s skin and covering her back up.

She takes a breath and turns to me,

“Ok. You can obviously see how badly injured Rosetta is,” she pauses and Bernie starts to sob, “There is evidence of a pregnancy that is about seven to eight weeks along, but there’s no heartbeat. I’m sorry. We will need to treat Rosie to remove what’s left of the pregnancy, but given her current state, we do need the permission of her next of kin to go ahead.”

It all sounds so clinical, it’s is made worse by the silence as Bernie waits for me to answer,

“I’m not listed as Rosie’s next of kin yet Bernie.”

Even I don’t recognise my voice; it’s almost a whisper as I struggle to form words. She looks up at me and I see strong Bernie return as I try to process everything. She knows that she needs to do this for Rosie. The sense of purpose gives her the strength to stand up and leave the room with the nurse and sonographer to sign the relevant forms.

I sit in Bernie’s vacated chair as the words ‘
remove what’s left of the pregnancy’
ring in my ears. I take Rosie’s hand to my mouth and kiss it softly as sadness overwhelms me,

“Oh Rosie, ple
ase forgive me. I’m so so sorry.”

They brought Rosie around the day after the procedure and at my request they allowed me to explain to her all that had happened.

She was heartbroken of course.

I’ll never forget the sound of her sobbing for as long as I live. It was the heartbroken cry of someone completely powerless to change the past. She blamed herself for being so careless and to my complete surprise she forgave me without question.

The next couple of days were a blur of physiotherapy, pain management and recovery plans. I was only allowed in to see Rosie during visiting hours and we used that time to try and move forward but I couldn’t tell her enough how sorry I am or how much I love her. I needed her to know, to trust it.

After a day or two of us beating ourselves up, Rosie painted on a brave face a
nd said it was time to move on, but as I sit here holding her hand and preparing to take her home, I’m not sure that I can.

“
I thought I was going to lose you. I was terrified." I shake my head as the image of her lying there unconscious floods my mind,

“Jackson...” Rosie reaches for my hand to try and reassure me,

“When you left me that night you were so angry and you had every right to be. I thought that was it. I’d lost you. In the past I had never let myself think about settling down. I’d never allowed myself the daydream about playing football with my son or watching from the window as my daughter teaches herself to ride her bike.” I smile as I remember Joaquin’s story and the mental image of little determined Rosetta Alvez.

"Being with you
and being around your family makes me realise how much I do want it all. If it’s with you, I can take on the world. When you left me and then when I saw you in here in this room, with wires and bandages everywhere, I thought my world would end. I felt seventeen again. Don’t leave me Rosie, don't ever leave me. I’ll be better I promise."