Martin Eden (11 page)

“If I could tear it off that way, I'd be all right,” he said.

“I beg pardon?”

“I mean if I could talk easy that way, an' polite, an' all the rest.”

“Oh,” said the other, with comprehension.

“What is the best time to call? The afternoon?—not too close to meal-time? Or the evening? Or Sunday?”

“I'll tell you,” the librarian said with a brightening face. “You call her up on the telephone and find out.”

“I'll do it,” he said, picking up his books and starting away.

He turned back and asked:—

“When you're speakin' to a young lady—say, for instance, Miss Lizzie Smith—do you say ‘Miss Lizzie'? or ‘Miss Smith'?”

“Say ‘Miss Smith,' ” the librarian stated authoritatively. “Say ‘Miss Smith' always—until you come to know her better.”

So it was that Martin Eden solved the problem.

“Come down any time; I'll be at home all afternoon,” was Ruth's reply over the telephone to his stammered request as to when he could return the borrowed books.

She met him at the door herself, and her woman's eyes took in immediately the creased trousers and the certain slight but indefinable change in him for the better. Also, she was struck by his face. It was almost violent, this health of his, and it seemed to rush out of him and at her in waves of force. She felt the urge again of the desire to lean toward him for warmth, and marveled again at the effect his presence produced upon her. And he, in turn, knew again the swimming sensation of bliss when he felt the contact of her hand in greeting. The difference between them lay in that she was cool and self-possessed while his face flushed to the roots of the hair. He stumbled with his old awkwardness after her, and his shoulders swung and lurched perilously.

Once they were seated in the living room, he began to get on easily—more easily by far than he had expected. She made it easy for him; and the gracious spirit with which she did it made him love her more madly than ever. They talked first of the borrowed books, of the Swinburne he was devoted to, and of the Browning he did not understand; and she led the conversation on from subject to subject, while she pondered the problem of how she could be of help to him. She had thought of this often since their first meeting. She wanted to help him. He made a call upon her pity and tenderness that no one had ever made before, and the pity was not so much derogatory of him as maternal in her. Her pity could not be of the common sort, when the man who drew it was so much man as to shock her with maidenly fears and set her mind and pulse thrilling with strange thoughts and feelings. The old fascination of his neck was there, and there was sweetness in the thought of laying her hands upon it. It seemed still a wanton impulse, but she had grown more used to it. She did not dream that in such guise newborn love would epitomize itself. Nor did she dream that the feeling he excited in her was love. She thought she was merely interested in him as an unusual type possessing various potential excellencies, and she even felt philanthropic about it.

She did not know she desired him; but with him it was different. He knew that he loved her, and he desired her as he had never before desired anything in his life. He had loved poetry for beauty's sake; but since he met her the gates to the vast field of love-poetry had been opened wide. She had given him understanding even more than Bulfinch and Gayley. There was a line that a week before he would not have favored with a second thought—“God's own mad lover dying on a kiss”; but now it was ever insistent in his mind. He marveled at the wonder of it and the truth; and as he gazed upon her he knew that he could die gladly upon a kiss. He felt himself God's own mad lover, and no accolade of knighthood could have given him greater pride. And at last he knew the meaning of life and why he had been born.

As he gazed at her and listened, his thoughts grew daring. He reviewed all the wild delight of the pressure of her hand in his at the door, and longed for it again. His gaze wandered often toward her lips, and he yearned for them hungrily. But there was nothing gross or earthly about this yearning. It gave him exquisite delight to watch every movement and play of those lips as they enunciated the words she spoke; yet they were not ordinary lips such as all men and women had. Their substance was not mere human clay. They were lips of pure spirit, and his desire for them seemed absolutely different from the desire that had led him to other women's lips. He could kiss her lips, rest his own physical lips upon them, but it would be with the lofty and awful fervor with which one would kiss the robe of God. He was not conscious of this trans-valuation of values that had taken place in him, and was unaware that the light that shone in his eyes when he looked at her was quite the same light that shines in all men's eyes when the desire of love is upon them. He did not dream how ardent and masculine his gaze was, nor that the warm flame of it was affecting the alchemy of her spirit. Her penetrative virginity exalted and disguised his own emotions, elevating his thoughts to a star-cool chastity, and he would have been startled to learn that there was that shining out of his eyes, like warm waves, that flowed through her and kindled a kindred warmth. She was subtly perturbed by it, and more than once, though she knew not why, it disrupted her train of thought with its delicious intrusion and compelled her to grope for the remainder of ideas partly uttered. Speech was always easy with her, and these interruptions would have puzzled her had she not decided that it was because he was a remarkable type. She was very sensitive to impressions, and it was not strange, after all, that this aura of a traveler from another world should so affect her.

The problem in the background of her consciousness was how to help him, and she turned the conversation in that direction; but it was Martin who came to the point first.

“I wonder if I can get some advice from you,” he began, and received an acquiescence of willingness that made his heart bound. “You remember the other time I was here I said I couldn't talk about books an' things because I didn't know how? Well, I've ben doin' a lot of thinkin' ever since. I've ben to the library a whole lot, but most of the books I've tackled have ben over my head. Mebbe I'd better begin at the beginnin'. I ain't never had no advantages. I've worked pretty hard ever since I was a kid, an' since I've ben to the library, lookin' with new eyes at books—an' lookin' at new books, too—I've just about concluded that I ain't ben reading the right kind. You know the books you find in cattle-camps an' fo'c's'ls ain't the same you've got in this house, for instance. Well, that's the sort of readin' matter I've ben accustomed to. And yet—an' I ain't just makin' a brag of it—I've ben different from the people I've herded with. Not that I'm any better than the sailors an' cow-punchers I traveled with,—I was cow-punchin' for a short time, you know,—but I always liked books, read everything I could lay hands on, an‘—well, I guess I think differently from most of 'em.

“Now, to come to what I'm drivin' at. I was never inside a house like this. When I come a week ago, an' saw all this, an' you, an' your mother, an' brothers, an' everything—well, I liked it. I'd heard about such things an' read about such things in some of the books, an' when I looked around at your house, why, the books come true. But the thing I'm after is I liked it. I wanted it. I want it now. I want to breathe air like you get in this house—air that is filled with books, and pictures, and beautiful things, where people talk in low voices an' are clean, an' their thoughts are clean. The air I always breathed was mixed up with grub an' house-rent an' scrappin' an' booze an' that's all they talked about, too. Why, when you was crossin' the room to kiss your mother, I thought it was the most beautiful thing I ever seen. I've seen a whole lot of life, an' somehow I've seen a whole lot more of it than most of them that was with me. I like to see, an' I want to see more, an' I want to see it different.

“But I ain't got to the point yet. Here it is. I want to make my way to the kind of life you have in this house. There's more in life than booze, an' hard work, an' knockin' about. Now, how am I goin' to get it? Where do I take hold an' begin? I'm willin' to work my passage, you know, an' I can make most men sick when it comes to hard work. Once I get started, I'll work night an' day. Mebbe you think it's funny, me askin' you about all this. I know you're the last person in the world I ought to ask, but I don't know anybody else I could ask-unless it's Arthur. Mebbe I ought to ask him. If I was—”

His voice died away. His firmly planned intention had come to a halt on the verge of the horrible probability that he should have asked Arthur and that he had made a fool of himself. Ruth did not speak immediately. She was too absorbed in striving to reconcile the stumbling, uncouth speech and its simplicity of thought with what she saw in his face. She had never looked in eyes that expressed greater power. Here was a man who could do anything, was the message she read there, and it accorded ill with the weakness of his spoken thought. And for that matter so complex and quick was her own mind that she did not have a just appreciation of simplicity. And yet she had caught an impression of power in the very groping of this mind. It had seemed to her like a giant writhing and straining at the bonds that held him down. Her face was all sympathy when she did speak.

“What you need, you realize yourself, and it is education. You should go back and finish grammar school, and then go through the high school and university.”

“But that takes money,” he interrupted.

“Oh!” she cried. “I had not thought of that. But then you have relatives, somebody who could assist you?”

He shook his head.

“My father and mother are dead. I've two sisters, one married, an' the other'll get married soon, I suppose. Then I've a string of brothers,—I'm the youngest, —but they never helped nobody. They've just knocked around over the world, lookin' out for number one. The oldest died in India. Two are in South Africa now, an' another's on a whaling voyage, an' one's travelin' with a circus—he does trapeze work. An' I guess I'm just like them. I've taken care of myself since I was eleven—that's when my mother died. I've got to study by myself, I guess, an' what I want to know is where to begin.”

“I should say the first thing of all would be to get a grammar. Your grammar is—” She had intended saying “awful,” but she amended it to “is not particularly good.”

He flushed and sweated.

“I know I must talk a lot of slang an' words you don't understand. But then they're the only words I know—how to speak. I've got other words in my mind, picked ‘em up from books, but I can't pronounce 'em, so I don't use 'em.”

“It isn't what you say, so much as how you say it. You don't mind my being frank, do you? I don't want to hurt you.”

“No, no,” he cried, while he secretly blessed her for her kindness. “Fire away. I've got to know, an' I'd sooner know from you than anybody else.”

“Well, then, you say, ‘You was'; it should be, ‘You were.' You say ‘I seen' for ‘I saw.'You use the double negative—”

“What's the double negative?” he demanded; then added humbly, “You see, I don't even understand your explanations.”

“I'm afraid I didn't explain that,” she smiled. “A double negative is—let me see—well, you say ‘never helped nobody.' ‘Never' is a negative. ‘Nobody is another negative. It is a rule that two negatives make a positive. ‘Never helped nobody' means that not helping nobody, they must have helped some body.”

“That's pretty clear,” he said. “I never thought of it before. But it don't mean they must have helped somebody, does it? Seems to me that ‘never helped nobody' just naturally fails to say whether or not they helped somebody. I never thought of it before, and I'll never say it again.”

She was pleased and surprised with the quickness and surety of his mind. As soon as he had got the clue he not only understood but corrected her error.

“You'll find it all in the grammar,” she went on.

“There's something else I noticed in your speech. You say ‘don't' when you shouldn't. ‘Don't' is a contraction and stands for two words. Do you know them?”

He thought a moment, then answered, “ ‘Do not.' ”

She nodded her head, and said, “And you use ‘don't' when you mean ‘does not.' ”

He was puzzled over this, and did not get it so quickly.

“Give me an illustration,” he asked.

“Well—” She puckered her brows and pursed up her mouth as she thought, while he looked on and decided that her expression was most adorable. “ ‘It don't do to be hasty.' Change ‘don't' to ‘do not,' and it reads, ‘It do not do to be hasty,' which is perfectly absurd.”

He turned it over in his mind and considered.

“Doesn't it jar on your ear?” she suggested.

“Can't say that it does,” he replied judicially.

“Why didn't you say, ‘Can't say that it do'?” she queried.

“That sounds wrong,” he said slowly. “As for the other I can't make up my mind. I guess my ear ain't had the trainin' yours has.”

“There is no such word as ‘ain't,' ” she said, prettily emphatic.

Martin flushed again.

“And you say ‘ben' for ‘been,' ” she continued; “ ‘I come' for ‘I came'; and the way you chop your endings is something dreadful.”

“How do you mean?” He leaned forward, feeling that he ought to get down on his knees before so marvelous a mind. “How do I chop?”