Mary Ellen Courtney - Hannah Spring 02 - Spring Moon (29 page)

“Scared?” asked Ed.

“How could you tell?”

“You’re clutching the armrest like you did when that hack pilot in India tried to kill us. I’ll get us there okay.”

“I hate to say this, Ed, but you drive like a New Yorker.”

“I am a New Yorker. I haven’t gone over a cliff yet.”

“Touché.”

He got us there and we ordered coffee. My hand shook when I drank.

“How bad is it?” he asked.

“Not bad. It’s just. I haven’t been away from home. It’s kind of overwhelming. My therapist mentioned PTSD, but she doesn’t think I have it. Not bad.”

“I had it after Vietnam. They called it
all fucked up from the war
.”

“Was that the official diagnosis?”

“Close. Guys going through plate glass windows and hiding under tables over firecrackers. Putting a chokehold on their wife over the kitchen sink. Gouging eyes over the last bar stool.
All fucked up from the war.
”

“I thought you flew bombers.”

“It wasn’t any easier to figure out what to bomb from the air than it was who to shoot on the ground. Innocent people died.”

“I’m sorry, Ed.”

“Not your fault, Sweetheart. You weren’t even born yet. You’ll get through this.”

“Have you? You were just following orders.”

“I walled it off. Most guys do if they’re lucky. The unlucky ones drink. Drugs now.”

“Did Margaret know?”

“I had nightmares for a while. Did some crying over what I’d seen. What I’d seen myself do.”

“Do you still think about it?”

“Almost never.”

“Really?”

“Once a day maybe. I don’t dwell. Jon said you crashed because you didn’t want an innocent person coming the other way to get hurt.”

“Probably stupid in hindsight. It wasn’t like I really thought about it. There wasn’t time. Nobody else thinks it was a good plan.”

“They admire it, Sweetheart. Everyone admires the right action.”

“I don’t know about Jon. We lost a baby.”

“Especially Jon.”

Our breakfast arrived and we spent quiet time eating in each other’s company. We’d eaten so many meals over the years, it was better than family. I listened in on the conversation at the table next to us. The couple wasn’t having a good relationship day. A waitress flipped off the back of a lousy tipper, then asked another waitress, “What’s a penny tip mean again?” A busboy dropped a load of silverware on the floor, then sorted it right back into the bins. I looked at my fork, clean enough. Ed watched me watch.

“Feel good to be out?” he asked.

“Yes. You want to hear a great story?”

I told him about Mom and pre-uncle, post-uncle David. He laughed out loud when I got to Jon’s idea for a wedding invitation.

“Can you just see it?” I asked. “Total disaster. I can’t believe Jon even thought it.”

“He bought the cat plaque.”

“Yeah, that whole cat thing. Mom was a cat the whole time, she didn’t have any trouble finding men.”

“She didn’t find one who stuck, until Arthur,” he said.

“There is that. But she got sober. You remember my men with two names phase?”

“I’ll never forget the drug runner with the investment banker cover,” he said. “He had some great suits.”

“Yeah, he cleaned up good. I was always looking for a bad boy Mom would like. Turns out I married one.”

I told him about Jon painting the guy and sending him to the airport. He thought it was a light sentence.

“How’s Meggie after the incident?” he asked.

“She seems fine. She loves being home with a personal attendant. Have you and Nancy been having a good time?”

“Great time. Lots of golf. She collects Christmas ornaments. She enjoys looking for those.”

Collects Christmas ornaments in Hawaii? Ed was watching my face.

“It’s okay, Sweetheart,” he said. “I enjoy her company.”

“I think it’s great,” I said.

“Margaret and I always said the biggest compliment we could give each other would be to find someone right away. I waited too long. I hope she’s not insulted.”

“She’s a hard act to follow.”

“Comparing is deadly. Nancy is a lovely lady.”

“Do you love her?”

“It’s different, but I do. It’s good.”

“Do the kids like her?”

“Everyone gets along fine.”

“Marty liked her,” I said.

I told him about lunch in milk soaked clothes. I went straight into the cemetery story. He’d heard many stories like that over the years. He was laughing flat out when I described cleaning and buffing headstones.

“It sounds just like you and Margaret when you got going,” he said. “Nothing could stop you in pursuit of your vision. She would be so proud of the way you’re raising the kids.”

“I wish she lived to meet them. She didn’t think I could do it.”

“She knew. Let’s run our errands.”

We walked over to the drugstore.

“You go ahead and get what you need,” he said. “I’ll go get the WD-40.”

The drug store was like a mini-Walmart. I wandered up and down aisles feeling overwhelmed by it all. All they had were stiff plastic wallets with
Hawaii
in gold plastic letters stuck to the front. I grabbed one.

I’d checked out before I remembered I was going to look for tattoo strips for Meggie. I wanted to take her a treat like a normal day. I approached a young woman who was on the floor sorting and refilling the area with the super cheap cosmetics. Make-up people love the cheap stuff. It sticks. I felt a surge of normalcy just thinking about work on top of breakfast with Ed.

“I used to work with professionals who swore by the dollar lipstick,” I said to the young woman’s back.

She twisted around to look up at me. She’d used the products to excess. Her eyes were so heavily lined and shadowed it was hard to see her eyes. I knew a woman in Alanon who wore her make up like that to cover the black eyes her husband gave her. The young girl’s eyes slid away under black hoods. It was Sandy, the helper from the preschool.

“What happened to you?” I asked.

“I got fired,” she said.

“Of course you did. You hit a child.”

She stayed on her knees, head turned away. I stood over her.

“Why are you wearing so much make up?” I asked.

“I like it this way,” she said.

“Well, you have a beautiful face without it,” I said.

A bruise was yellowing on her cheekbone. I didn’t have a clue what the protocol was for the situation.

“I was looking for some of those tattoo strips for Margaret.”

She nodded and led me back to the area by the wallets and other low-end tourist crap. She slid a pile of strips off a hook and got the last one, it was whales. She handed it to me without making eye contact.

“She likes pink whales,” she said.

Her overdeveloped jaw was locked from not talking, my throat closed up over her pain.

“You can talk to the counselor at school,” I said. “She can help you.”

“You need anything else?” she asked.

“No.”

She shrugged and walked away. I was too drained to go through the check out line again. I slid the tattoos back on the rack, then wished I hadn’t when I saw her watching me. I knew she’d hit Meggie, but I still felt the urge to hug her, take her home and wash her face.

I walked outside. Ed wasn’t there. I stepped clear of the door and stood still, disoriented. I leaned against the wall. I was spinning. He finally appeared with a bag and we started home. I called Jon.

“Sandy from the preschool works at the drugstore now,” I said.

“They better lock up the drugs,” he said. “Did she give you any shit?”

Ed looked at me with concern.

“No. Not at all. She knew Meggie likes whales.”

“Then she knows she’s crazy for trikes.”

“It looked like she had a black eye. It was hard to tell under all the make-up, she never wore make-up.”

“Boyfriend probably did it.”

“She’s only sixteen. I think her father did it. I told her to talk to the school counselor.”

“She dropped out of school. I talked to Kawasaki this morning. You can’t get involved.”

“Don’t you care? She’ll hit her own kids. It just keeps going. Sometimes it only takes a little to make a difference. Lots of people gave me a little along the way.”

“Jackie was an alcoholic, H. She wasn’t beating you. I don’t want this dragged home.”

“What if she were one of your daughters?” I asked.

“How could she be?” he asked. “You told her to see the counselor, that’s more than most people would do.”

“I feel bad for her.”

“You need to drop it, H. You could end up causing her more problems. Please don’t start going over there and trying to be her friend. She’s not Amy. She hit Megs.”

“I know.”

“You don’t have any idea what’s going on with her. I’ll ask Kawasaki.”

I disconnected and turned to Ed.

“I helped Amy,” I said

“You didn’t have a choice,” he said.

“Neither did she.”

“She could have disappeared into India, never to be seen again. She could have complained to her producer uncle and gotten you fired. She could have done any number of things.”

“Jon says I could cause her more problems,” I said.

“He’s right. Unless you’re prepared to go all in for her, you could make it worse.”

“Margaret went all in for me.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything.

“I know you’re right,” I said. “It just makes me so sad.”

He reached over and took my hand, mangled finger and all.

“Be sad for yourself for a change.”

We pulled into the driveway and watched Meggie doing her trikecapades. She was something. I got out and Ed stayed in the car.

“You want to come in?” I asked. “Go for a walk?”

“No. Get some rest. We’ll see you for dinner.”

He handed out the bag with the WD-40.

“Thanks for taking me out, Ed.”

“Sit this girl out, Sweetheart. You have enough going on.”

It felt okay when Ed turned out of view. I cheered Meggie on while I pulled dead plants out of pots and stacked them along the house. It felt great to be out in the sunshine working. Wiki came out trying to open string cheese for Meggie.

“There’s a wahine waiting for you,” she said. “Old friend. Jon is on his way.”

Karin! It would be just like her to show up unannounced. Ed and Jon probably kept her as a prize for going back out in the world. She’d take me out in the world. She’d understand about Sandy.

I threw down my purse and rushed to the lanai. It wasn’t Karin. The woman was holding Chance while Meli looked on. It took a beat before I realized who it was; she looked older in person.

“Hello, Hannah,” said Celeste. “He’s handsome. Looks just like Jon.”

I took Chance from her, handed him to Meli and told her to take him out back with Meggie. I turned back to Celeste.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I was just in the neighborhood, thought I’d stop in.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You skipped Chana’s graduation to avoid us. What do you want?”

“Where’s Jon?”

“He’s on his way. Why are you here?”

“I just thought it was time we met. We’ll be family when our daughter marries your nephew. I’d like it to be nice for her.”

“We all want it to be nice for them. Showing up unannounced is not the way to start.”

Jon’s car pulled up and his feet pounded up the ramp. He threw his keys on the kitchen counter and was breathing fire by the time he got to the lanai. Celeste stood up but she didn’t make a move toward him.

“Hello, Jon,” she said. “Not working late? That was always convenient.”

“What are you doing showing up here, Celeste?”

“You used to call me Celie.”

“Knock off the bullshit,” he said.

Wiki and Meli were standing in the kitchen door with the kids. I pushed them outside and locked it behind them. Celeste was crying when I got back.

“I got a job in Kapa’a,” she said. “I was just out this way looking for a place to live.”

“You come this side of Kapa’a and I’ll burn your place down,” he said.

“You always were good with bonfires, Jon,” she said.

“Someone had to take care of her,” he said.

“I took care of her,” she said.

“No. You didn’t,” he said. “Showing up here isn’t taking care of her either. It’s always about you.”

“I was young,” she said. “I never got to go to college.”

“You were never too young to look out for yourself,” he said.

“Hannah does all right. She got you to have more children after all those years.”

“I wanted children with Hannah.”

“You went along with kids to keep him?” she asked me. “Just wait. He’ll take them and leave you behind, like me.”

I thought Jon might punch her. I knew he’d gotten in her face a few times when they were married. Now I could see how they operated, it was crazy.

“I want this over,” I said. “Celeste, you need to leave. Stay away from here. Whatever you two need to do, do it somewhere else.”

I left them and went out in back to get my hands on my children. I set off down the beach with Meli and Wiki trailing behind. Chance wore the sharp smell of Celeste’s mainland perfume.

The screen door slammed. Jon stood on the steps watching us walk away. Somehow I’d pulled it together when I was standing there, but I was shaking.

Meggie bounced and tugged on my bad shoulder. Chance clung like a spider monkey. We walked on. Meli answered her phone to Jon’s voice.

“I don’t want to talk to him,” I said.

Meli listened for a few seconds and disconnected.

“He’s canceling dinner tonight,” she said.

I didn’t want Celeste to have that kind of power over us.

“Call him back and tell him I want the dinner,” I said.

“Use my phone,” she said.

“Call him,” I said.

She called him and delivered the message.

“He says you call him yourself,” she said. “He’ll be home at six for a swim.”

Damn it! I couldn’t shake the guy. I started to cry. Then stopped in my tracks and sobbed. Meggie froze mid-hop and looked at me, and then she started to cry. Chance broke away from adoring Meli’s face and he started to cry. I started walking again and they fell in behind.