Masked (2010) (22 page)

lynn miller would talk to me at resess and she said that i would grow out of being strange looking she was wrong abot that it got a lot worst but I gess that was just her nice talking and she was always talking nice even abot those stupid girls who called her metal leg and cripple crutch.

they would say that and i would want to hit them but again i would remember what my mom said abot my butt and i would shut up but i would think think think abot hitting them and maybe they might look ugly for a while and lynn miller would be the prettyest girl in Lu Sutton Elementary and then she could make fun of them for that and i would laff and laff.

i asked my mom abot it and she said maybe this lynn girl likes you alvin maybe she wants to be your girlfriend and i just nodded but inside i thot abot how moms love there kids so much they dont know what is real becuz there is no world where even a nice bird girl like lynn miller would want a peckerhead for a boyfriend never no never sorry mom i am sorry mom that world is not a real place anywear.

so one day it was at lunch and i was eating by myself i got so hungry that i had to have two lunch boxes and that was another name for me hungry heffer which i still dont know what that means for sure JOURNAL. but it must be hilaryous becuz the boys would laff and laff. some times i would eat lunch with arnie who was the CUSTODIAN and was big and a little bit slow like me and that
was the best becuz no one would talk at all. arnie was cleaning up wear a kid barfed the school lunch corn chip chili basket and so he was not there at first or things would have been different my hole life maybe.

i gess i should say that i had an arch enemy back then who was matt savoy. the girls would talk to matt savoy like he was a movie star and talk abot his icy blue eyes and his famly was rich rich rich but all i saw was his mean. day and night matt savoy was mean. most of the boys were only mean wen other boys were around but matt would be mean even if it was just him and me in the hall way or bath room. he once threw wet toilet paper at me wen I was at the URINAL doing number one and wen i turned around he laffed and said nice pecker becker and i gess that was the funniest thing ever becuz he told the hole school and for a long time everyone said nice pecker becker every time they saw me. nice pecker becker nice pecker becker all day every day for a long long time. and matt savoy laffing like a crazy kid HA HA HA always HA HA HA.

i new that there was bad in the world becuz matt savoy taut me that with his eyes and how he would laff and i did not think he was good looking at all even tho he had icy blue eyes that looked like a blue razberry slushy at the darby street grocery.

i tried not to let matt savoy see anything i liked becuz i new he would destroy it i just new it some how. i acted like my star wars lunch box was stupid becuz i new he would throw it over the fence or in the creek. i used plane markers not the kind that smell like cherry becuz matt savoy kept stealing them and breaking them and hocking loogies on me wen i tried to get them back and one time i pet the class hamster and it was gone the next day and matt savoy told me he flushed it after he wiped with it and I believe him too and even miss condero who is so smart abot everything talks to matt savoy like he is better than anyone and so that is why it is only two good females in the world and not three. i think even lynn miller liked his icy blue eyes but i vowed never to drink a blue razberry slushy and told myself it would taste like poison and one sip would kill me like lava in my throte.

this part is bad so get ready i think its the worst story ever told.

we had monkey bars in our big sandbox at resess they were too short for me so of corse there was a lot of jokes abot me being an ape but so what after a year of nice pecker becker that did not seem so bad. lynn miller was excused from the monkey bars and most of our sports becuz she was cripple crutch the kids said and i gess that was mean but also true and no ones fault not even matt savoy. but one day i saw matt savoy talking to some of the meaner girls like i said i thot the girls were much meaner but maybe i was wrong and they were showing off for matt becuz this is what happened.

some of the girls like tabitha and rachel and emma said lynn should try and use the monkey bars and they would help and they felt bad for being mean and they would help. that is the part that is bad becuz lynn new they were mean but still wanted so bad to be there friend and wanted so bad to be I dont know what the word is but like them a little bit I gess. I dont know why this JOURNAL is supposed to make me feel better becuz i get sick thinking abot it.

i wanted to say don’t do it lynn but i wanted to see her smile so i just shut up and ate my sandwich and the three girls helped hoyst her up and they promised to help her down wen she got tired they promised that is the saddest thing the way they promised. so she is hanging there and smiling she didnt weigh anything so she is hanging there and she starts to get scared becuz her leg if she falls will break real easy and she is crying and i am afraid to help becuz all the kids are laffing and they will laff at me too and say i am in love with lynn miller which i was but no one could ever know becuz i wont be able to live if they find that out.

she starts crying and then she is really bawling and what happens but matt savoy with his parents money and his blue razberry eyes comes up from behind and pulls her panties all the way down to her shiny black shoes. she was so surprised she didnt know what to do and even some of the mean girls seemed to gasp and rachel looked like she would cry and maybe there was some thing in there hearts still even though i dowt it. it was windy an her dress wount
stay down in the wind. no one said anything for a minit even i was too shocked and i turned away it was horrible horrible.

wen i turned back i saw matt looking at lynn real hard with his slushy eyes. he had a strange look like he wanted to do some thing even more worst but didnt know how. once you pants somebuddy that is about all you can do rite? but he was smiling but it reminded me of a alligator or a snake or some thing. Then he started laffing. Just laffing laffing laffing like a little girl naked and crying was the funnyest thing that ever could be and i new he liked it he liked her crying. HA HA HA says matt savoy.

everyone started laffing. everyone. they crowded around so the teacher mister lutero could not see. and matt savoy with his rich parents and perfect teeth started calling her crutch crotch crutch crotch crutch crotch and she could not take it no more and she dropped she dropped she dropped from the monkey bars and I heared her leg snap like a carrot in a salad from all the way across the sandbox. The sand was little rocks really but rite underneath was hard cement and who thot up that idea I can not imagin.

that is wen I new there was bad in the world and I new I would never get away from matt savoy unless I did some thing abot it. I new that lynn miller would never get away from matt savoy unless I did some thing abot it. nice pecker becker lasted a year but I new crutch crotch would never leave her even if she went to live on gilligans island.

so i dicided to do some thing. i went to lynn miller and I pulled down her dress but her leg was hurt so bad and bent so wrong that she just screamed louder and i dont really remember what happened very well but I do remember that i pulled the metal monkey bar out of the ground cement and all and i gave matt savoy a few wacks with it and i have to say it did make me feel a lot better to see him lose abot haff of those perfect teeth. there was a lot of blood and i almost screamed that i wondered if it smelled like cherry like my markers that he ruined but i was too mad to talk. the teacher started to scream at me and I remember he said stop that stop that you god dam THUG and so i took a wack at him too and didnt
feel one bit bad becuz he taught pee ee and wasnt very nice to lynn even before her leg cracked. i didnt care abot juvie or my butt or anything i just was mad.

miss condero came out crying and she asked me to put down the metal toob and she looked really scared and i looked at the end of it and saw some thing that looked like it might be matt savoys nose and i thot that was not very good news for mr slushy eyes matt savoy and maybe the girls will have some funny names to call him like no nose savoy or mr half a face and that did make me feel a lot calmer. i thot if lynn miller could see what he looked like now maybe her leg might hurt a little less and that made going to juvie worth it butt and all.

arnie came and saw what i had done and i think he almost smiled but then he said good god alvin you sure gave this kid the BUSINESS and i said i gess i did and i put down the pipe and waited for them to help lynn I wouldnt let anyone touch her til the AMBULANCE came and then i said i gess its juvie for me and boy was i rite.

im tired and i hate this remember. more abot juvie tomorow JOURNAL.

the hole butt thing was not true. maybe some of the guys got there butts looked at but no one looked at mine not even in the shower. i would have been in third grade too yung for juvie but i was so big they made a SPECIAL ALLOWANCE. my mom came to see me and she was always bringing cookies a batch for everyone and a batch for me. she said I should pray hard and work with the COUNSELORS which i did but partly it was becuz i wanted them cookies. so in some ways juvie was way better than Lu Sutton Elementary all in all.

there was some gangs that tryed to get me to fight or to join or to cry but i told them i would give them all the BUSINESS and punched a big hole in a brik wall and they backed off. I did get a COUNSELOR and after talking to me one time he said i had LA
TENT SOCIOPATHIC TENDENCIES so i looked that up in my DICTIONARY and laffed becuz for a smart guy he was awful DEVELOPMENTALLY DISABLED.

one of my bunk mates was a red haired kid called stormy now i dont trust no red haired kids but he was all rite he would stop people making fun of me and he said i was smarter than I thot and dont ever listen to haters. i liked stormy. he was small and got picked on before we came friends but not after i hit that wall. he ran the place pretty much. he could get cigarettes and sometimes apple wine and naked picture books. i didnt look at the naked picture books becuz they made me think of little bird girls crying in the sandbox.

a few things happened. arnie came to visit and he said that they had a new playground all round plastic over a big foam mat and that you could not break a leg on it if you fell from a ZEPPELIN which did not make any sense to me but he laffed so i laffed. miss condero came but she mostly cried and i could tell she was scared so i made like i had the texas trots and left and i think she was glad even tho she new i was lying. my mom every thursday came with cookies cookies cookies.

til one thursday she did not come and the gards told stormy why and stormy told me that she died. the gards were afraid to tell me even with all their guns and riot gear. thats how i new stormy was my friend. he said it was a hit and run driver and she did not feel no pain and she was in heaven now and I asked a lot of questions abot that and stormy anserd them all even tho i had a milyun. he talked abot how my mom was playing the harp and was happy and watching over me and I thot that was weird because my mom could not even sing could not even tap her foot in time but sometimes i sware i thot i heared the harp music. stormy boosted some cookies from a crying fat kid and we ate those and i listened for the harp music all night long.

i had a job and that job was laundry after cleaning some of those shorts I dont know why anyone wants to see anyones butt that is for sure.

abot two years after i got a letter which was weerd becuz i never got mail from anybuddy ever but this letter had my name on it alvin becker in pretty handwriting. i looked at the return address and it said LYNN MILLER and i almost cryed rite there.

i did not open it for two days just kept holding it and looking at it stormy said hey alvin whyncha open that god damn thing already and i said i cant i cant i just cant.

finally i did. it didnt say i hate you alvin and it didnt say i love you alvin. it just said that she was going to a new school now and her leg was the same after some SURGERY but that she would never walk rite after she broke it that one time i told you abot remember? she said she rode a pony on her birthday and that her new apartment had a swimming pool so she could do therapy which is like sports for cripples I gess. she said she had a cat named fancy. every thing she said sounded really nice to me.

she said she thot abot me and she hopes i am well and she is sorry to here abot my mom and then i did cry and stormy yells everyone out of the room god damn it he needs some PRIVACY. i dont read books but i read that letter prolly a milyun times or maybe more. stormy helped me rite back and i said i was fine and my friend stormy was helping and i thot abot her too and i asked how she was and i made stormy underline it like how are you
really???

i got a letter a few days later and it had a drawing of her walking without a brace in some grass and all she wrote was that she relized there were a lot of matt savoys and they were everywear and you could never escape all the matt savoys of the world.