Master (9 page)

Anna collapsed on the floor. Her body heaved with great dry
sobs.
Cade
watched and wanted to cry with her. He was
supposed to be a Master and read people. But his wife, the only person he'd lie
down and die for, and he'd never read that.

"Oh, love." He lifted her back into his arms.
"No, don't struggle. Just let me hold you. I failed you, didn't I? The one
person who means more than anything else to me in the world and I failed you.
Why didn't I know? I'm supposed to be a Master, one who can recognize signs,
and I missed this one." He kissed the top of her head. What he wanted to
do was fuck her senseless, promise her anything she wanted, and be the man for
her. However, a little glimmer of common sense poked into his brain. He was
what he was.
Cade
knew he would be no man at all if
he denied his needs and his talents.

The soft kiss to his cheek was like a butterfly's wings.
"You didn't fail me,
Cade
. I failed you. You
were always open and upfront with what you wanted and liked. I chose to pretend
I was happy. I didn't tell you what I wanted and needed. But I can't do it.
God, I wish I could. The number of times I've wanted to come back and say, yes
okay, take me with you. Tie me, scribe me, or whatever. But I couldn't.
Because to freeze and see how I'd hurt you?
Well, that would
kill me. So I went and stayed away."

She scrambled off his lap, but instead of walking away, Anna
knelt at his feet and bowed her head to him.

"This has never sat easy with me,
Cade
,
not whilst people are watching. It's humiliating, and I hated it every time I
did it for you.
And to strip off in front of others?
It made me feel sick. I loved you so much that I was willing to try. And oh
god, I tried. But that last time?
When you wanted to demo
with me.
Mix
Shibari
and wax play? I couldn't.
It should be private, for us alone. I'm not an exhibitionist, and I hated it. I
couldn't bear showing you how much it was wrong for me, not when I knew how
right it was for you. So I went."

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"
Cade
was appalled that she hadn't communicated her fears to
him. "We could have talked it over and taken it gradually until you were
comfortable." He tipped her chin up and listened to himself. What did he
sound like?
All him, not her.
Caden
McCourt was ashamed of himself.

"Look at me, Anna. Am I such an ogre?" How on
earth could he redeem himself? For the first time in a very long while
Cade
realized he was frightened. His world was spinning on
its axis, and he was terribly scared when it settled it wouldn't be as he hoped
for.

The pain in her eyes sent sharp stabs of guilt skittering
through him.

"Don't be silly." She stretched up and touched his
cheek. It was a benediction of sorts. "It was never you. It's me. I was
jealous and not prepared to share you. With anyone or anything, and I know
that's not healthy. I thought that by coming here tonight and asking Athol to
baby me I could at least get over some of my hang-ups. Be able to read some of
those hot novels everyone is raving about instead of coming out in hives when
their titles are mentioned. Well, the best laid plans, etcetera. Now I
know."

With a sigh she lowered her hand, tightened her arms around
his middle and then relaxed. And
Caden
understood it
was the end. It was her way of saying goodbye, and as far as she was concerned,
it was over.

It was like a fist in his stomach. There and then
Cade
decided he wasn't going to give up without a fight.
He'd let her walk away without a struggle all those years ago, but not now.

"No, you don't know. You know nothing. You won't let
yourself. Your mind is zipped tighter than a virgin's pussy. Hell, Anna, you
didn't even give us a chance to sort something out, and here you are running
again. Well, my love, I've got news for you. You're going to wake up and see
just what I am. How the hell I lived with someone for five years who kept so
much from me is a scary, sobering thought. But if you're so sure I have nothing
to give you,
then
prove it. Either watch me or sub for
me.
If not tonight, then soon at my club.
Show me we
have nothing, and I'll let you go. But walk away and I'll fight you every step
of the way. After all it's your word against mine that we’re estranged. I was
with you the other night. Such a touching reunion, you were magnificent."
His stomach heaved at the deception.
Cade
had never
ever forced a woman to do anything, but he was mad.
More
angry than he'd ever been.
He'd been judged and condemned and known
nothing about it. "And I had witnesses.
Linsey
,
Athol, hell, even the taxi driver. I'm bloody sure I'm not being convicted
again without a trial."

Anna stared at him steadily for long enough to make him want
to squirm. Then she stood up.

"Go to hell."

Well that was plain enough. However, no way was she having
the last word.

“Don't forget the picture," he said as she walked to
the door. She stopped and turned. The look of contempt she gave him was, in his
mind, definitely deserved. He didn't much like himself.

"Publish and be damned. And get ready to be dragged
through every court in
Britain
.
You say you love me?" She
laughed,
a high-pitched
shrill noise that grated on his nerves. It was like chalk over a blackboard, harsh
and teeth-clenching. "Fine sort of love you have. Well all I can say is if
showing my body off gets your rocks off, then just go for it. That was then,
this is now, and oh shit…" Her voice broke. "Fuck you,
Caden
, just fuck it all." She ran out of the room and
banged the door shut behind her.

Cade
stared at the door as if he
hoped it would open again and Anna would come in, laughing and joking it was
all a mistake.
Yeah, and
London
bridge is for sale—again. Not
gonna
happen.

The door did open, but it was
Linsey
.
She looked worried.

"
Er
,
Cade
?
You have a demo due in ten minutes."

It was the last thing he felt like doing, but
sod
it, he'd
ballsed
everything
else up, he wasn't going to screw this also. He stood up and tucked his shirt
into his trousers. He'd no idea when it had come adrift.

"Yeah."
Cade
ran his hands through his hair.
"Coming."

Chapter Seven

Anna held her elbows to stop her hands shaking. She walked
across the great room and kept her head down, not looking at anyone, and
determined to get outside before she broke down and bawled like a baby.
So much for laying her demons to rest.
All she'd done was
stir
them up and piss off her friends. What she'd done to
Caden
she daren't analyze.

She bumped into someone and muttered sorry. It seemed whoever
she hit wasn't prepared to accept it. Her shoulders were gripped in a clasp
that brought tears to her arms.

"Watch where you're going, sub." She didn't
recognize the voice, but the tone was oh so familiar. She sighed. It might be
the place for a Dom, but for heaven's sake couldn't the powers that be have
given her a clear route out?

"Get lost."

The hold on her tightened, and she whimpered. "You're
hurting me."

"Rude, bratty subs deserve to be shown who's the
boss."

Anna looked up at stared at the tall, silver-haired man in
front of her. She had no idea who he was, but he needed putting straight.
"Let go of me before I retaliate." A white-hot anger filled her. She
felt the hairs on her arm go to full 'stand up and be counted' alert. "I,"
she said slowly, enunciating with care, "I am not a sub, and if I was I
wouldn't be yours. Now let the hell go before I end your career as a Dom by
giving you two broken arms and mangled balls."

 
Her words must have
surprised him, because he let go and took a step back.

"Sorry, hen." The voice became pure
Glasgow
.
"My mistake."
He smiled and held his hand out.
"Hamish Alexander. Are you a newbie?"

Anna couldn't help but smile back. He'd changed from all
dominant to a charming man, but she didn't believe that persona any more than
she believed in little green men from Mars. "No, I'm a disinterested
bystander on her way out. Enjoy your evening." She went to move on. He
stopped her with an arm in front of her. Anna didn't feel threatened by the
blatant show of dominance, just amused.
Well,
that's one step in the right direction. I don't want to throw up—yet.
"Excuse me. I've a car to catch, and I need to shampoo the dog." His
arm dropped as he stood back and chuckled.

"Both our losses, I believe," he murmured.
"If you change your mind, just ask for me here."

Anna nodded; she wasn't prepared to carry on the
interchange. It wasn't as if she'd ever any intention of changing her mind, but
if she had Hamish, charming as he was, he wouldn't be the one she changed it
for.

She opened the door and stepped into the foyer. Fiona looked
up from the desk. What she saw in Anna's eyes, Anna couldn't fathom a guess,
but Fiona shot up from her seat as if she'd been ejected and walked over to
her, before encompassing her in a bear hug.

"Oh dear, not good?"

Anna shook her head and felt tears slide down her cheeks.
She hadn't known she was crying.
"Understatement of the
year.
The only positive thing is I didn't throw up.
Apart
from that?
Well, let's just say as experiments go
it's
back to the drawing board." She shuddered and wiped her cheek with her
hand. "I feel such a bloody idiot. I mean all I needed to do was stop
inside. I didn't have to leave the bar even. Just stop for an hour. Such a
little thing and I couldn't even manage that."

"Why?” Fiona guided her to the desk and pushed her into
the chair behind it.

Anna shook her head.
"Oh lord, too
complicated to explain."

Fiona perched on the edge of the desk and handed a bottle of
water to Anna.
"Drink."

Her tone demanded obedience. Anna twisted the lid off and
drank. "Thanks." She put the bottle on the desk. "I'd better
go."

"Stay there. Don't move. I'll get Athol to drive you
home."

"No, don't." Anna put her hand on Fiona's arm.
"I've let him down, and you know maybe he's needed inside." Anna had
no idea if that was true or not, but she couldn't face him at that moment.
"I'll be fine. I'll go home and try to sort myself out."

Fiona shook her head. "No way, hon.
You're
not driving. If you don't want Athol, I'll ask him to cover, and I'll take you
home myself."

 
"Look,
Fi
, seriously I'm okay. Athol will be busy no doubt, and
anyway, I have to sort myself out."

 
Fiona glared at her.
"So, Anna, are you a
Domme
?
Because
you sure as hell aren't behaving like a sub."

"What?” Anna started to laugh. She recognized the edge
of hysteria in it and clamped her lips together and clasped her hands.
Hysterics was the last thing she wanted. She could imagine the picture.
Caden
scening
inside and her creating a different scene outside.
Not to be thought of.

Fiona took hold of her hands. "I'm missing something
here. Look, love, no way can you drive, and I don't think you should be by
yourself. I'm going to ring a friend to come and get you and take you to our
place for the night. Please?"

Ann shook her head. "I'll be fine at home, and I have a
dog to take care of. But you're right, I won't drive, I'll take a cab. Um, can
you make sure my car is okay please, it's out the back?"

Fiona looked at her for a long moment.
"Compromise.
Lizzie will drive you home, and I'll come out when I finish. I might not be
your
Domme
, but no responsible
Domme
would leave you alone. No arguments. And
Domme
apart,
you're a friend, albeit one with secrets."

It was nice to be
cossetted
. Anna
nodded and closed her eyes. "As long as I'm away before Ca … he ...
er
, oh shit, get me out of here soon, please."

Fiona did as she'd asked. Within fifteen minutes Anna found
herself a passenger in her own car being driven home by a tiny blonde who
deferred to Fiona as if she were god. Which in Lizzie's eyes, Anna
acknowledged, she probably was.

"So, not your thing then?"
Lizzie asked as she drove out
of town. "I must admit it's not mine either. I leave the display crap to
Fiona. What we do is for us and us alone. No way am I putting my wobbly bits on
display."