Mastering Lexie (Stronghold Book 4) (27 page)

When she burst
through the door into the Lobby, Jared frowned at her.  

"Lex-"

"No,"
she said, fiercely, dashing the tears from her eyes and pointing at him, as if
ordering him to stay in place.  It felt like her emotions were starting to
go a little haywire again, even though she was doing her best to suppress
them.  She just needed to get out of here.  "I'm leaving. 
Don't try to stop me, or I swear to god, I'll start walking home if I have
to."  She looked over her shoulder at Freddy, who was manning the
desk, hand hovering over the phone and looking torn.  "Don't you
dare, Freddy.  Just get me my purse, and
then
you can call him, if
Rick or Justin haven't already."

Behind her,
she heard Jared sigh, but she knew he wouldn't stop her.  Out of all the
Sentinels, he was the soft touch.  Seeing that she was upset and wanted to
get out, he wouldn't stop her as long as she maintained enough control over her
emotions to keep from actually crying.  If he thought she was too
emotional to drive, he'd never let her leave.  Freddy looked relieved that
Justin and Rick were both also on the hook for letting Patrick know she was
escaping - and that's exactly what it felt like - so instead of picking up the
phone, he turned and grabbed her purse from the cubbies behind his chair. 

"You
shouldn't leave without talking to him," Jared said softly.

Her chin tilted
up stubbornly.  "I need to go.  He needs to know that he can't
keep doing this to me.  I'm not going to let him take me for granted while
I keep coming back for more and twist me around on strings just because I love
him."  Lessons learned from watching both Leigh and Jared's
relationships, not that she was going to rub it in Jared's face.  As long
as he didn't try to keep her there.

"Here
Lex," Freddy said, tossing her larger bag to her.  She stuffed the
smaller one, with her plug, inside of it and practically ran for the
door. 

Bursting
through the door, she bolted for her car.  It was amazing how fast she
could move in very high heels when she put her mind to it.  Maybe because
her body realized it was really important this time, and not just because she
might break her ankle.

Slamming the
car door shut, she could see the door to the club flying open as Patrick came
through.  Fuck!  The fury on his face was enough to make her pulse
stutter.  She slammed on the gas pedal, putting her car in reverse and
then shooting forward.  Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him
getting into his own car.  He wasn't seriously going to follow her home,
was he?

He did.

The entire
ride, his headlights were shining into her car.  Lexie gritted her teeth,
shoring up the defenses around her heart as she went through everything she
wanted to say to him about what a totalitarian jerk he was.  How much it
hurt that he wasn't fighting for her, the way she did for him.  How much
it hurt that he'd obviously chosen Jake over her without even knowing if a
choice needed to be made in the first place.  She really didn't think Jake
was going to have a problem with it if she and Patrick got together, she
really, really didn't.  But even if he did, she and everyone else could
point out that it wasn't his decision and that he was being a jerk. 

The arguments
piled up in her head, her knuckles turning white because she was gripping the
steering wheel so hard.  By the time she pulled into her complex and
parked, she was more than ready to face off against Master Mold.  Her
emotions were rigidly suppressed, her arguments marshalled... and the fucker
just kept on driving.  Went right past her car, back out to the main road
and left.

What the fuck? 
Had he just followed her home because he thought she might not get there
safely?  Because she was so upset from sub-drop?  

Lexie let out
a frustrated scream, pounding her fist against her dashboard as all of her
emotions welled up again.  Damn him, damn him, damn him!

******

Exhausted
already, even though it was only eleven o'clock by the time he got back to the
club, Patrick felt as though he was actually dragging his body around. 
The burden of Lexie's emotional breakdown was weighing on him.  He should
have kept control.  He shouldn't have rejected her so quickly and harshly
after she kissed him, should have been prepared for something like that. 
Lexie had been open and vulnerable, more than usual, after such an intense
scene, and he'd fucked up.

He didn't
blame her for running off the way she had - not because of his actions, but
because he realized she wasn't quite in her right mind.  Which is why he'd
followed her home, needing to make sure that she got there safely.  Olivia
had told him that Maria and Jessica had been taking care of her in the locker
room, so he was reassured that she'd been hydrated and fed.  Once she'd
started in on the candy bar, she wouldn't have stopped until it was all gone.
 

An intense
scene like that could bring up all sorts of emotions.  Follow that with a
rejection, both emotional and physical, and he'd been able to see her emotions
flood up and overwhelm her.  Not just from the scene, but from the past
years, when she'd tried to pretend that there was nothing between them but
friendship.  She'd been swamped with perceived rejection, and he fucking
hated that he hadn't been able to catch her before she'd made it to the locker
room.

If he had,
he'd have been able to take her into his office, cuddle her, explain... keep
her there until her endorphins had normalized.  Not being able to finish
aftercare was detrimental to a submissive, and even though he knew Maria and
Jessica would have done some of it, his fingers itched at being so out of
control.  Especially since she obviously still hadn't been alright when
she'd left the club.  Rick had told him that she'd quit, before she'd
left.  Hopefully she'd change her mind about that, once she calmed down.

Walking into
the lobby, Jared gave him a sympathetic look, and Freddy cowered behind the
desk.  Patrick sighed, knowing that Freddy had given Lexie her purse
first, rather than alerting Patrick to her departure.  He didn't really
have the energy to deal with it, but he needed to maintain discipline.

"Freddy,
report to Mistress Erin tomorrow for a punishment scene," he said, passing
by the desk.  He sounded more tired than stern, but the submissive still
hung his head in guilty misery.

"Yes,
Sir.  I'm sorry, Sir."

Olivia was
still sitting in his office, holding down the fort.  The Domme looked up
from his computer, giving him a half-hearted smile.

"How'd it
go?"

"I didn't
talk to her," he said, ambling over to one of the chairs sitting in front
of his desk.  He waved his hand at Olivia as she started to stand.
 "You're fine where you are, stay."  She lowered herself
back into the seat, raising one eyebrow in surprise as she did so.  For
once, he didn't feel the need to establish his position by reclaiming his
chair.  It didn't really seem to matter where he sat.  "I just
followed her home to make sure she got there safely.  I figured she could
use more time to calm down."

"Good. 
Running away from you shouldn't be rewarded with attention," Olivia
said.  Her voice wasn't exactly condemning towards Lexie, but she didn't
sound pleased either.  That kind of topping from the bottom was something
Olivia would never tolerate.  It was one thing for Lexie to need some time
to put herself back together in the locker room, another for her to split while
she was obviously still in the middle of sub-drop.

But then
again, he and Olivia had both realized that Lexie didn't know, or didn't want
to acknowledge, that was part of what had been driving her emotions
tonight.  Olivia said she'd still been denying it in the locker room,
although she hadn't been willing to relay anything else that Lexie had been
saying.  She'd just let Patrick vent out his own side, for once without
pithy comments. 

"I'm not
sure," Patrick said, rubbing his hand over his face as he slumped back
against the chair he was sitting in.  Reaching out with his foot, he
hooked it around a leg of the other chair and pulled it into position so that
he could stretch out his legs and rest his feet on it.  "I fucked up,
severing the connection between us so quickly and completely.  I should
have been gentler about it, more supportive.  I just reacted without
thinking."

Olivia threw a
rubber eraser at him, the big one that he used when he was doing the
accounting.  Scowling, he snatched it out of the air before it hit him in
the head.  "You're not perfect, Patrick, and it's time she realized
that.  Yes, you made a mistake tonight, but Lexie has a tendency to put
you up on a pedestal.  She's been fantasizing about this for so long that
she expects everything to go off without a problem, and now she's throwing a
tantrum because something didn't turn out the way she wanted it to. 
Granted, she was experiencing sub-drop, but her reaction was still extreme even
taking that into consideration.  She has all these expectations in her
head, and you're doing your best to meet them, but you can't beat yourself up
because you were taken by surprise tonight and are kicking yourself in
hindsight."

Her
reassurance only made him feel the tiniest bit better.

"I'm
still the more experienced one, and the dominant.  I should have been more
prepared."

"You can't
prepare for everything."

He didn't
really have anything to say to that, so he fell silent.  Surprisingly, so
did Olivia.  She rocked gently back and forth in his chair, watching
him.  The quiet stretched, only broken by the muted noises from the club.  

Finally, he
looked at her again, questioningly.  "So what do you think I should
do?  I have to admit, I expected a lecture and some sharply spoken advice
once I got back here."

The Domme, who
had bullied and prodded every single one of their friends during their
relationship trials, just grinned at him.  "Sorry to disappoint, but
I think you're already handling it the way you should have.  You gave her
the space she needed in the locker room, tried to ensure that she'd talk to you
before she left, followed her home when she didn't, and didn't indulge her with
extra attention for disobeying.  Honestly, right now she probably just
needs more time to calm down and to remember that you're only human."

Patrick stared
at her, completely flummoxed.

"Hold
on... I did it right?  Really?"  He couldn't help but laugh.
 "I should make an announcement... declare a national holiday. 
Olivia, the Queen of Correction, thinks I did everything right!"

"Not
everything," Olivia said, teasing him.  "Just everything after
you fucked up.  Which, I don't blame you for.  Unlike you, I am
perfectly aware that you aren't infallible and sometimes make mistakes."

"Yes,
well, thank you for that," he said dryly.  

"Just
remember, she's young," Olivia said, standing up and stretching, obviously
ready to go.  "That doesn't mean she can't make her own decisions,
but she hasn't had a really serious relationship before, because, consciously
or unconsciously, she's been waiting on you.  She's pretty grounded, but
she also has this idea of how she thinks things should go between you
two.  Don't let her push you around just because you love her, neither of
you will be happy with that in the end."  Walking around his desk,
Olivia dropped a kiss on top of his head and left him there to ponder her advice
and think about what he was going to do next.

Unfortunately,
his best plan was to wait until tomorrow before he did anything.  It was
going to be a long fucking night.

Two calls that
went unanswered and three text messages was Patrick's limit.  He'd asked
Lexie to call him back and, by the last text message, demanded that she do so,
to no avail.  Not one single fucking response.  He'd called Olivia,
who had reassured him that Lexie was alive and well, which was the only reason
he hadn't shown up at her front door to beat some sense into her bratty, little
ass.  Well, that and because he hadn't had a chance to talk to Jake yet.

When he'd
gotten home last night, he'd had an email back from Jake, saying that he'd be
able to Skype on Sunday.  Two days.  Patrick could wait two
days.  It would also give him enough time to try and figure out exactly
what he was going to say to Jake.  

Knowing that
Lexie was still pissed at him was making him restless.  He'd barely been
able to concentrate on anything all day, even though he'd tried to distract
himself by running through the membership applications and assigning
Introduction scenes.  Usually that took his entire attention, but today
he'd found himself staring off into space more than once.  He'd had to
re-read more than one application.

The hours
until her shift had ticked by far too slowly.  He'd had to turn off the
security camera feed from the Lobby to keep himself from watching to see if
she'd come in to talk to him beforehand.  Or just show up early.  So
when he finally flicked it back on, and saw Shondra sitting behind the desk
instead, his temper came roaring to life.

One of the few
true switches in the club, Shondra still jumped when he slammed open the office
door and came stomping into the Lobby.  Standing by the entrance to the
club, Will regarded him warily, and Patrick tried to reign in his anger. 
It wasn't Shondra's fault that Lexie wasn't there.

"Where's
Lexie?" he asked, as calmly as he could.  Not quite calmly enough,
going by the way Shondra eased her rolling chair a little farther away from
him.  She blinked, her expression unsettled.

"Ah...
she told me she quit and asked if I could cover her shift for tonight."
 Although she was an eager submissive, Shondra could wield a whip as mean
as any of the Dommes; he'd never heard her sound quite so uncertain
before.  Her usual confidence seemed to have deserted her as she wavered
under his glare.  Dammit, he had to get control of himself.  If
Shondra was leery of him, he could only imagine how one of his more submissive
workers would react.

Growling,
Patrick turned and stormed back into his office, feeling like a
thundercloud.  He just wished he had a few lightning bolts to throw, help
him work off some steam.  

Fuck!

So much for
Olivia's theories about Lexie calming down.  On the other hand, if this
was some kind of power play on her part, he couldn't buy into it.  That
just wasn't who he was.  He wanted to talk to her, to explain and work
things out, but he'd tried to reach out to her already today.  For all her
talk about how she was all grown up now, she was behaving like a child. 
Did she really expect him to chase after her, begging for a chance to
talk?  If she'd picked up the phone, or even just called him back, he would
have apologized for his bad reaction last night.  He'd thought her
reactions had been influenced by sub-drop, but now he wasn't so sure.

Maybe this was
a part of Lexie that he hadn't seen before - Lexie in a relationship,
manipulating things to get the response that she wanted.  If Lexie thought
that their relationship was a game, she was going to find out that she'd made a
mistake, because he wasn't playing.  Although part of him wanted to go to
her apartment right now and force her to listen to him, that wasn't the kind of
relationship he wanted to be in.  Period.  He'd kept her at bay all
these years, waiting for her to grow up, waiting to see if she was submissive,
waiting to see if they could work together as more than friends.  He
wasn't one of her little pushover boyfriends, although he'd let her push and
prod him into more than one decision that he'd been reluctant to make, more
than any other woman in his life.

But if she
wanted a relationship with him, he wasn't going to do it like this.

Misery,
frustration, anger, all welled up inside of him.  Maybe he'd let her push
him too soon.  Maybe he should have waited longer.  Let her play with
some of the other Doms in the club and discover her passions and needs on her
own, rather than wanting to have her all to himself.  But he hadn't been
able to stand the idea of someone else touching her, and so he'd taken
over.  Let her direct their relationship.  Which was how she usually was
with her boyfriends, but he’d always put his foot down with her.  Mostly.  As
much as he could within the bounds of friendship.

Now she was
pushing again, acting out to get the response from him that she wanted, rather
than meeting him halfway and talking things through.  He couldn't be in a
relationship like that.  But thinking through that logically didn't stop
it from hurting like fuck. 

******

Hunkered down
in front of her television, wearing her pajamas and watching
Supernatural
 reruns,
wasn't exactly how Lexie had planned to spend tonight.  Scowling, she
scooped up another handful of popcorn.  The movie-theater butter kind that
was so drenched in fat and salt that she could feel her arteries
shrinking.  It would probably drive Patrick nuts if he could see her right
now.

She'd gone to
work at the doctor's office today, even though she hadn't felt like it, because
anything was better than sitting around the apartment moping.  Besides, it
had given her an excuse to ignore his calls and texts.  She didn't know if
she was doing it to punish him, or because she was ashamed of how she'd behaved
last night, but either way she really didn't want to talk to him right
now.  She was too busy wallowing in her own steaming pile of shitty
misery.

Yeah, she'd
sub-dropped last night.  She'd realized that this morning when she'd woken
up and realized just how out of whack her emotions had been.  Both Patrick
and Olivia had been right, which rankled.  At the time, her swings had felt
completely valid.  Now, she just wanted to groan and bury her face in a
couch cushion whenever she thought about everything that had happened.  

She was still
pissed though, even though she understood that Patrick hadn't been trying to
invalidate her feelings by saying that she was experiencing sub-drop. 
That hadn't been the only thing that ticked her off.

The kiss had
been perfect, glorious even, and then he'd gone and ruined it.  That
pissed her off.  As did his assertion that he had to ask Jake for permission
to date her.  In the stark light of day, she'd realized that she was being
a bit unreasonable about that, because of course Patrick cared what Jake
thought and it wasn't a competition over whom he felt more for... but at the
same time, she couldn't help but think that if there was a competition, she
would lose.  Like, seriously... what if Jake said it made him too
uncomfortable?  Did that mean that Patrick would just shunt his own
feelings for her to the side, without even taking into consideration what she
wanted?  Why did Jake's feelings about their relationship take priority,
when he wouldn't be the one in the relationship?!

It was enough
to make her want to pound her fist into the arm of her little couch, but the
last time she'd done that she'd spilled popcorn everywhere.  The little
yellow and white puffs were still decorating her carpet, because if she hadn't
been able to pick them up without leaning, she hadn't bothered.  She'd
kept her apartment spotless, even though Patrick hadn't been over since the
night he'd come to see if she'd unpacked.  There was a love seat now,
which she was sitting on, and she'd even put some of her pictures up on the
walls (finally).  It had taken her less than twenty-four hours to make it
messy again, and she'd gotten a certain savage satisfaction in doing so.

Part of her
couldn't help but fantasize about how awesome it would be if Patrick showed up
on her doorstep, irate and ready to punish her for ignoring his phone calls and
texts, and then included some more punishment for her messy abode.  Of
course, another part of her felt like she'd still be pissed if he did that, but
only until he declared that she was his, no matter what Jake might want. 
It was a silly fantasy, maybe, but it made her feel all yearning and warm
inside, which helped battle the misery and the resentment.  

She couldn't
help but perk up and listen hopefully whenever she heard footsteps in the
hall.  Which was kind of silly.  He'd be at the club right now. 
Shondra had taken her shift because Lexie hadn't wanted to go in tonight and
act like everything was normal.  She knew that she'd told Leigh that's
what she would do, if things didn't work out between her and Patrick, but she
needed today to get herself under control.  If nothing else, her fantasies
told her that she was still hooked on him, and he'd probably find it all too
easy to talk her back into training, without promising anything more. 
Like giving her scraps from the table and expecting her to remain satisfied
with that.

Grr.  She
shoved another handful of buttery, melty, salty popcorn in her mouth.  It
wasn't at all what she was craving, but it was what she was getting
tonight.  Her nipples were still sore from yesterday, and they'd been a
steady reminder throughout the day of the intense scene and connection she and
Patrick had had last night.  Which meant that her mind had trouble going
anywhere else.

Dammit.  

Her phone
buzzed and her heart leapt - and then sank again as she realized it wasn't his
ringtone, it was Leigh's.  Sighing, she tried to force herself into a more
cheerful frame of mind for answering the phone.  As awesome as girls'
nights were, right now she just wanted some alone time.  If they thought
she needed cheering up, they'd descend en masse.  Olivia and Jessica had
already been bugging her throughout the day, and Maria had texted once as well,
but she'd been firm in her answer that she was fine, and that she already had
plans for tonight.  They didn't need to know exactly what those plans
were.

The only reason
she was picking up the phone now was in case Leigh needed her.

"Hey hun,
what's up?"  Good, that was normal sounding and her tone was
appropriately cheerful.  At least, she didn't sound as bad as she felt.

"Hey! 
I was just calling to see what you're up to tonight.  I'm going to a party
with a bunch of Mike's friends - Pretty Boy, not my Michael," Leigh said,
sounding excited.  "I was wondering if you might want to come and
join us?  Adam and Angel were gonna come but he got called into Stronghold
for something, and I don't know how long she's going to want to stay without
him.  He was kind of grumpy about not being able to go with her, I thought
he might feel better if there were more of us there."

That was Leigh
all over, trying to make sure everyone was happy and comfortable.  Lexie
bet it was killing Adam that Angel was going to a party without him. 

"Do you
know what Adam got called in for?" she asked, curious.  She tried to
tell herself that it was just natural curiosity and not because she was hoping
to find something out about Patrick.

"Nope,
just that someone needed him to come in to take over their shift," she
said.  Ah, disappointing.  One of the Dungeon Monitors must have
called out sick or something.  "So, do you wanna go?"

"Not
really, no offense," Lexie said, trying to sound more apologetic than she
felt.  "I'm in need of some me time."

"Is
everything okay?"  The genuine concern and ignorance in Leigh's voice
made it clear that, even if gossip was doing the rounds, it hadn't reached her
yet.  Which was nice to know.  Lexie kind of hated the idea that
everyone had already heard about her meltdown last night.

"It will
be.  I'm just not feeling up to going out tonight."

"Do you
want company?"

"No,"
Lexie said, hoping that she didn't sound too abrupt.  "Thanks
though.  Go to your party and have fun.  Flirt with some guys for
me."

Leigh giggled,
a little hesitantly.  "Maybe... I'm thinking about doing something
like that."

"Good for
you."  She tried to sound as supportive as possible, because Leigh
really did deserve to have some fun.  It was nice to hear her sounding so
positive about going to the party.  "Call me tomorrow and tell me all
about it, okay?"

"Sounds
good.  Have a good night, hun, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Hanging up the
phone, Lexie couldn't help but wonder if part of her motivation for staying in
was the vain hope that Patrick might end up on her doorstep sometime
tonight.  Although, she supposed that if she was feeling particularly
vindictive about his rejection and reasoning, the better move would be to go
out and have a fantastic time tonight and never know if he showed up or
not.  But she just wasn't feeling up for it.  Plus, if he did come
by... she didn't want to be out dancing and chatting with other people.

She wanted to
be here.

******

Patrick was
every bit as miserable as Lexie could have wished, but, unlike her, he had
company for his misery. 

"I told
you this was a bad idea," Andrew said, his voice sounding foggy and kind
of far away.  Probably because his ass was firmly planted on Patrick's
back.  "He never gets this drunk."