Matchmakers Box Set: Matchmakers, Encore, Finding Hope (42 page)

He’d missed long talks with Sarah, and though he realized she and Madison were very different, it still gave him solace to remember the joy in it. He’d forgotten that family could be a comfort.

Madison sat quietly and watched him with her big, blue eyes, as though studying him.

“Do you know how to play chess?”

The change in conversation had him laughing aloud. “Yes. I know how to play chess.”

“Want to go in and play? We have a chess set made out of Disney characters.” Her eyes were wide, and she was already on her feet, holding out her hand for him to take.

He looked at her open hand and felt a rush of emotion that he couldn’t pin down. He’d fought for his father’s acceptance, and he’d fought for Pablo’s and the ensemble’s as well. Suddenly acceptance was all around him, and he didn’t know that he could trust it. How could he trust that Madison would want him in her life as her brother, or his mother would want the man as her son and not the boy? And Carissa, how could he accept the possibility that she was in love with him?

Life didn’t work like this. Not for him, anyway. There had to be long periods of proving yourself before you were accepted and taken in. Then again, what if they all decided they didn’t want him, like Pablo had? What if they all wanted him out of their lives when they realized he was no good for them?

It would be easier to just run away from it all again and start new. Why he’d thought taking Sophia’s offer was plausible he didn’t know. Hurt came only from those who knew you best, and she’d known him better than most. Now he looked up into the eyes of his young sister, and she held out her hand to accept him. He swallowed hard. It was just a game of chess he was committing to. It was just another day he could spend and feel it all out.

He reached for her hand and gave her a nod. “Well, who could pass that up?”

Carissa looked out over the water. They’d been over the ocean now for three hours, and the farther she flew away from Kansas City, the more hollow inside she felt.

“You have a man on your mind.” Pablo handed her a drink and then occupied the seat next to her.

“Guilty.” She accepted the drink and set it on her tray.

“Ah, the last time I flew with Sophia, she sat next to me sobbing over your father. Damn him.”

Carissa’s head popped up. She looked into the gorgeous, chocolate eyes of Pablo DiAngelo, and he laughed. “She’d never stopped loving him. Oh, she cried over him, said she hated him. Once she wished him a plague.” That made them both laugh. “But she loved him always.”

Carissa nodded and sipped the drink he’d brought. She coughed when she realized it wasn’t just orange juice. Pablo laughed. “I thought it would loosen you up.”

“I guess so,” she said, setting it back on the tray.

“Tell me about this man you love.”

“How do you know I love him?” She didn’t want to tell him who she was in love with. Thomas hadn’t spoken of Pablo much, and when he did, the conversation seemed to have a hitch. She’d also seen Pablo’s reaction when her mother had mentioned Thomas’s name.

“I know.” He patted her hand. “It wears on your face.”

“Well, I was wrong. I thought I could love him, but he doesn’t love me. I don’t think he knows how to love anyone.”

“Ah, I know a man like this.” He nodded and took her hand in his. “That man was me.” He rested his head against the back of the seat. “I loved a man so much I would have died for him. He completed me in every way. However, I wouldn’t admit it beyond the small circle of people I kept close. I’m not sure I admitted it to them either, but I was more at ease around them.”

He turned his head to look at her. “I used Sophia mercilessly.”

“Used her?” She’d never heard Sophia say such things.

“Yes. I kept her close to me so the world would think I was in love with her, and he’d walk behind us. Always behind us.” He shook his head. “But it was him I loved.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, we fought. He’d leave. I’d apologize, and we’d make up. He wanted me to tell the world I loved him, but I was too afraid to risk it. What if the world stopped loving me? I was wrong.”

Pablo sucked in a breath and continued, “The night your mother decided to return to you and your father was the night the Vatican decided we were not worthy of their audience. He got into a fight with a paparazzo and ended up in the hospital.” He took a sip of the drink he held in his other hand. “I swore to him that if he got out of that bed, I’d walk right out in front of the press and kiss him and profess my love.”

“And I remember, that’s what you did.” It had been in the papers, and she’d seen it. He’d made his statement.

Pablo nodded. “I should have done it from the moment I told him I loved him. I shouldn’t have waited until someone attacked him.” He sat silently for a moment, looking past her and out the window. Then he focused back on her. “It wasn’t easy for us after the Vatican canceled us and the world learned that I loved a man and had never had a relationship with Sophia. We all fought to keep our careers on track. The ensemble wasn’t important to me anymore. I needed to understand what was happening in my life, but there were others in the ensemble to think about. My career was fine, but Pierre wanted to only be at home and wait for me to return. I agreed to that.” His eyes were getting darker, and the lines around his lips tightened. “Then he was almost taken from me by someone I trusted and helped.” He shook his head as if to ward off the tears that had started to form in his eyes. “He’s almost blind now because of the stupidity of another…”

“I’m so sorry,” she said, softly laying her other hand on his arm.

“Oh, I’m the only one who cries about it. Pierre wears it like a badge of honor. Says that he was in that car by his own choice and it was as much his fault as that buffoon’s who landed him in the hospital. Blames the wet streets of Paris.”

He raked his fingers though his hair and let out a sigh. “Well, I still love him, and I would shout it if I needed to.” He turned his head toward Carissa. “You’ll be back soon. You tell this man you love that you love him, again, and maybe this time he’ll listen.”

“He doesn’t even know I’m gone.” She shifted her attention out the window.

Madison beat Thomas at chess four times before her father made her head upstairs and clean her room.

Parker Bennett sat down at the table, in the seat that his daughter had occupied, and rearranged the chess pieces back into place. Thomas hoped he didn’t want to play. His mind certainly wasn’t into it.

“Jane says you’ll be leaving soon.”

“I thought I’d head back in the morning.” He guessed that since Parker was his mother’s husband, that made him his father. He squirmed in his chair and then finally sat back in it fully.

“Well, I know Jane has made it perfectly clear, but you are family. You’re welcome in our home anytime.” Parker lifted his eyes toward Thomas, and he saw the sincerity in them. That was something he’d never seen in his own father’s eyes.

“I appreciate that. I really do.” He smiled as Parker sat back, draping his arm over the back of the chair, and looked at Thomas.

“She’s missed you. I almost couldn’t convince her to marry me because she missed you so much.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

Parker’s hand rose, cutting off his apology. “I’ve known your mother a long time. She’s never been happier than she has been with you here. She worried about you. She knew you were hurt.”

Thomas shifted in his chair again as Parker leaned forward and rested his arms on the table.

“Will you be going back to—I’m sorry. I’ve forgotten her name.” Parker’s silver eyebrows furrowed.

“Carissa,” he said on a sigh.

“Yes, Carissa.”

Thomas shook his head. “I’ll go back, but I don’t think she’ll have me.”

“Well, you could ask, couldn’t you?” He stood and patted Thomas on the back as he passed by.

Everyone else seemed to have faith that she’d take him back. Why didn’t he think it was possible?

He knew why. He’d done the one unthinkable thing that Carissa had assumed he’d do and he’d promised not to—he’d walked out. He’d left her after having told her he wouldn’t. When he’d called his mother, he didn’t even give a thought to telling Carissa he’d be back. Probably, he realized, because he wasn’t sure he would be. He had taken all of his belongings, hadn’t he?

A sinking feeling hit his stomach when he realized he had to go back. He’d made a commitment to Carissa’s school of music. He’d made a commitment to the students that would come into the school that he would teach them what he knew so well. He’d made a commitment to Sophia.

Whether Carissa would still love him, that would be another area to explore, and after seeing what his mother had done with her life, perhaps it was worth trying. After all, if everyone else saw good in him, maybe it was there. Maybe if he pushed away the thoughts that he was just like his father, they would go away.

Thomas sucked in a deep breath. If Carissa still loved him, maybe it would be enough. Maybe just asking for forgiveness and honoring the commitment he’d made to her would be enough to start a new life—without having to run away.

It was time for Thomas to go. He’d packed his few things and sat alone on his childhood bed. He hadn’t anticipated the rush of joy that came when he thought about his childhood, looking at all the things his mother had kept. She’d preserved something he’d thought he’d lost to bitterness and grief, but in actuality, there were good times, and that was all thanks to his mother.

“So you’re ready to go?” She materialized at the door as though he had summoned her. He nodded, and she walked toward him and sat down next to him on the bed.

Thomas breathed her in, thankful that she’d happened upon him in the cemetery because he knew he’d never have made the trip otherwise.

“Madison invited me for Thanksgiving.” He smiled as he looked into his mother’s familiar eyes. They weren’t young anymore, as they had been when he’d seen her laughing at him and Sarah playing that silly song before…

“Will you come?” Her voice shook and he knew she was on the verge of tears, but she was holding them back.

He looked away. “Yes, I’ll be here.”

Jane touched her son’s cheek and directed his eyes back to hers. “Thomas, bring her back with you. We’d love to have her, too.”

“I made a horrible mistake, Mom. I thought I couldn’t love, but seeing what you’ve built after what was taken from you…”

“It wasn’t easy, Thomas. It’s not supposed to be. And letting you go now is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” A tear fell, and she wiped it quickly away. “As a mother who has lost everything, I want to hold onto you like you’re still my little boy and keep you in this room safe and happy. I want to start all over again and make sure nothing bad ever happens to you again. But I can’t do that. You’re not a little boy anymore. You’re a man. You’re a man venturing into something very big.”

“What is that?”

“You’re in love. Not one part of it is easy, but the reward of it is great.” She reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out a small black box. “Here.”

“What’s this?” He opened it and saw a wedding ring he’d seen once when he was a small boy.

“It was my mother’s,” she said, watching him examine the ring in its box. “I told Sarah I would give it to her, but under the circumstances, I think you should give it to Carissa.”

He was a grown man, but the sentiment brought tears to his eyes and he couldn’t help shedding them. “Mom, I…”

“Love her more than you can admit. You want to keep her forever and make her happy.”

The tears that had welled in his eyes blurred his vision. She was right. He wanted Carissa forever. He wanted to make her happier than she’d ever been. She wanted her school, her career, a marriage, and four children. And he wanted to be the man who fulfilled those dreams with her.

“Thank you.” He kissed his mother on the cheek. “If she says yes, we’ll both be here for Thanksgiving.”

“We have a lot of time, Thomas. A lot of time to make up for the time we lost.”

He was glad to hear her say that. Sixteen years was a long time, but it didn’t have to be forever. Things could change. People could change. He’d finally seen it with his own eyes. You could move on from where you’d come from. Carissa had. His mother had. It was time for him to become who he wanted to be—and he wanted to be more than Carissa’s lover. He wanted to be her husband.

Carissa had heard about Pablo DiAngelo’s temper. Sophia had never kept that a secret. However, his anger today wasn't directed toward her; it was just the way he worked. The demeaning tension he caused in every musician either broke them or forced them to dig deeper and find the notes that would sound like angels singing—or, when necessary, demons and their destruction.

His wrath was worse if a note was missed or a musician didn’t know the music.

She knew her material, from years of practice inspired by admiration for Pablo DiAngelo and her mother. She’d learned every song Pablo’s ensemble had ever played so that she could play with Sophia, and they had done so routinely for eight years.

Pablo’s tantrums had the pianist in tears. His timing was off, or his entrance was too slow.

Had he done that to Thomas? Had this been why Thomas didn’t speak about his time with Pablo often?

The flutist yelled in Russian, the violinist didn’t speak Italian, and Pablo’s partner had an opinion on everything Pablo said.

She sat among them, the ensemble that Pablo DiAngelo had handpicked, in the rehearsal hall and wondered how her mother had endured such torture for ten years. Had it been different because they had all toured together for so long? Were they a family, unlike the ensemble that she played with that had been recently put together?

The thoughts weren't important when she thought about the opportunity that lay ahead. She’d never have had the chance to play for an international audience. In truth, she’d never taken the chance. She’d holed herself up in her house, taking care of Millie and Katie so that she’d never have to put herself on the line for rejection.