Mating Instinct: A Moon Shifter Novel (22 page)

“At least she listens to you,” Liam grumbled and Kat guessed he was only half joking.

“He wants me to work less,” December said, her focus on Kat as she started to clear the table.

“Sit,” Jayce murmured as he took over clearing away the dirty dishes. He’d also cooked—something that immensely shocked her.

Too surprised to do anything else, she did as he directed, crossing one leg over the other as she sat back down and looked at the happy couple. “Work less or not at all?”

“What do you think?” December raised an eyebrow.

Kat just shook her head. “It’s good for her to be on her feet and stay active while she’s pregnant,” she said to Liam.

His dark eyes narrowed. “Is taking her side a female thing?”

“No, it’s a best-friend thing. But it’s also true. She’d go crazy if you kept her cooped up at the ranch all the time.”

“See? I told you.” December dropped a quick kiss on her mate’s lips, earning a ghost of a smile from him.

Wanting to change the subject for December’s sake—Liam had that look in his eye that said this conversation was not over—Kat veered toward something much safer. “So I take it your baked goods have been a success?” At the store today they’d been practically sold out by the time Kat and Jayce had arrived.

December’s blue eyes brightened. “Yes. I think it’s a combination of them being good and people interested in seeing me now that I’m different.” She used air quotes as she said the word “different.”

What people might not realize was that December didn’t have many shifter abilities and wouldn’t until after the baby was born. She healed faster than a normal human, but she was still incredibly vulnerable. It wasn’t like the change had affected her personality either.

“Have you noticed a difference in attitudes toward you?” Jayce asked quietly from the sink even though Kat figured he already knew the answer.

He’d been at the store today and
nothing
got by that man. Maybe he just wanted December to vocalize it for clarification.

Moving against her mate, December nodded. “Yeah. People I thought were friends are distant, some almost hostile, but on the plus side my business has almost tripled.”

Kat idly ran her finger along the stem of her wineglass. She’d noticed some angry glares from a few customers at the store today but prayed it wouldn’t turn into a large-scale thing. The locals were angry about the recent killings and Kat couldn’t really blame them. Right now that wasn’t the most important thing on her mind though. Taking a deep breath, she decided to bite the bullet and confess to her friends what she’d done a few days ago. She’d thought about waiting, but having Jayce here gave her strength. He hadn’t judged her when she’d told him she’d taken pictures of that list from Liam. No, he’d just told her to own up to it.

“Listen, guys, I need to tell you something.” Out of the corner of her eye, Kat saw Jayce straighten and lean against the counter in front of the sink. Right about now she wished he was holding her hand, but she needed to face this on her own. Not act like a coward. She’d done a crappy thing and it was time to come clean.

December’s eyebrows drew together. “What is it?”

“The other day when I stopped by your house, I, uh . . .” She just needed to get it out. “When I asked to use your bathroom, I was lying. You had mentioned something about that list of APL members, so I went searching for it. I totally took advantage of your trust, and when I found it, I took pictures of some of the pages with my cell phone. Not all of it, but it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have violated our friendship or your home that way and I’m so ashamed. And I’m so incredibly sorry.” She looked back and forth between Liam and December. “I just hope both of you can forgive me.”

Surprise registered on both their faces, making her feel even crappier. Clasping her hands in her lap, she looked down at her white knuckles and quickly blinked away tears. As she did, she felt strong hands settle on her shoulders. She hadn’t even heard Jayce move, but there he was, supporting her. Savoring his strength, she risked looking up to find December half smiling at her.

“It’s okay, sweetie. I’m not gonna lie—it surprises me, but it’s not like this is a big unforgivable thing.” December reached out and squeezed her hand.

Kat wasn’t so sure about that.

“I’m going to have to tell Connor, Kat,” Liam said quietly. “We leave our doors unlocked and our homes open to all pack members because there’s a built-in level of trust. I know you don’t understand that now, but it’s something that’s important to the very core of what makes pack life strong, unbreakable.”

Her throat tight, she nodded, afraid that the hot tears burning her eyes were going to spill over at any moment. What Liam did next surprised her. He kissed his mate’s neck, then slid December off his lap and pulled Kat into a tight hug. “You’re part of our pack now, Kat. If you want something, all you have to do is ask,” he murmured against the top of her head. “And if you need me to spell it out, of course we forgive you.”

That did it. The tears fell freely then, but she also felt a sense of freedom. They both forgave her, and even if they trusted her, she still planned to make it up to them. With a lighter heart, she pulled back and accepted December’s embrace, then finally Jayce’s as he wrapped his arms around her from behind.

After serving dessert and talking for another couple of hours, December and Liam left and Kat found herself alone with Jayce. Something she’d been looking forward to all day. Especially since he’d made such wicked promises of mixing chocolate and sex: two of her favorite things.

But something heavy weighed on her heart and she needed time to adjust to the emotions raging through her. Things between her and Jayce were happening so fast. Being around him had turned her world upside down once again and she still didn’t know what the future between them was. He was here because of his job and training Erin. But would he be here otherwise? She didn’t think so. And she didn’t want to ask.

Kat slid the lock on the front door into place and leaned her forehead against it. Thanks to the winter air outside, it was cool against her skin. All she wanted to do was curl up under the covers, close her eyes to the outside world, and sleep. Alone. Telling Jayce that, however, wasn’t going to be fun.

Especially since he’d been so supportive tonight. She felt Jayce’s presence before strong arms slid around her, pulling her back tight against his chest. He lightly nuzzled the spot on her neck right below her ear. Right where she was ultrasensitive.

A shiver curled through her, but she fought it. “Jayce . . .”

He stiffened behind her, maybe because of her tone. Slightly lifting his head, he didn’t loosen his embrace. “Why do I think I’m not going to want to hear this?”

“I need some space tonight. Not because of you.” Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She needed to think clearly and that was impossible if she had a naked Jayce in her bed.

“Space? As in you want to sleep alone.” Not a question. A stark statement that left her feeling cold.

“Yeah.” While she might want his strong arms around her, she needed time to think. As she’d watched Liam and December’s interaction tonight, she’d felt a scratching pain deep inside her. Their communication was so easy, so natural, and they looked so damn happy together that it made her ache. Kat was so happy for her friend, but at the same time, seeing them together was a reminder that she and Jayce would never have that.

He’d said he loved her and she believed him. But his version of love and her version were two different things. He was the enforcer for the Council. And while she might not exactly want the whole white-picket-fence thing—that was a little too boring for her—she did want to settle down and have a family eventually. Not now, but she knew herself well enough to realize that she’d end up wanting more than Jayce could give her emotionally. He’d proven it before and she didn’t know if she had the strength to deal with another heartbreak from him. After what he’d told her about his brother—and what she knew about his father—she couldn’t see him
ever
giving her everything she wanted. He’d never had any examples of lasting relationships. Hell, his father and brother had both had their mates torn from them. Jayce wasn’t motivated to give all of himself to her, and part of her understood why. The longer she was with him, the harder it would be to pull away later—at this point she didn’t think she could. Damn him for making her open up her heart again.

She clenched her fingers into fists, her nails digging into her palms, making her focus on her physical discomfort and not the lancing pain in her chest as Jayce took a step back from her.

“You know where I’ll be if you need me,” he said quietly, his voice so distant it broke her heart.

Turning around, she blinked to see him already gone. He’d moved so quickly, so quietly, she wasn’t sure if he’d returned to the kitchen or gone upstairs.

For a moment she wanted to go after him, find him, and drag him to bed with her. But she held herself back. If she ran after him, she’d have no one else to blame when he eventually broke her heart again.

Chapter 15

P
ain splintered throughout her body. . . . Her ribs were broken, maybe a leg too . . . pain, so much fucking pain. She tried to cry out but her mouth was taped shut.

Apparently the bastard had gotten tired of her screams, though he’d seemed to like them enough in the beginning. Her throat was too raw to scream anymore, so it didn’t matter.

“Jayce,” she said in her mind. Why wasn’t he there? Why wasn’t he saving her? When she’d been taken from the hospital parking lot, she’d held on to hope even as this monster strung her up with rope so that her toes barely touched the ground.

Even when he’d stripped off her clothes, she’d held on to pathetic shreds of hope that Jayce would magically appear.

Now, all she wanted to do was die. Anything to stop this pain. She’d fought as best she could, but her arms were bound, her mouth was taped, and her insides hurt so damn bad she knew she had internal bleeding.

Knew it with a certainty that didn’t scare her anymore. Death was close. So close she could practically taste it. See it surrounding her. And she was so tempted to give in to it.

But why wasn’t Jayce here? Why wasn’t he helping her? He’d promised to always be there for her, no matter what. Even when she’d broken up with him. He’d told her that he would never let her down. All she had to do was call . . .

The monster with a human face walked to her again, rage mottling his features, turning his face a bright red. Rage because he was an impotent fuck. It was the only thing that gave her any sort of satisfaction. When he raised the whip again, she closed her eyes and tried to scream—

Kat’s eyes flew open to the feel of someone stroking her head. Fear jumped in her gut, a raw, clawing animal. It took a few long moments of terror for her to realize that there was no danger. Only calm, and quiet.

She wasn’t in her human form anymore. Looking up, she saw Jayce sitting on the edge of her bed, softly petting her head. As she glanced around the bed she realized her pajamas were shredded and the comforter was a tangled mess at the foot of it.

Had she been crying in her sleep? She must have been. It was the only explanation for why she’d turned into her animal form without consciously thinking about it. Her inner wolf wanted to protect her from all her pain. Too bad nothing could do that.

But something else could drown out her sorrow, even if it would be fleeting. Taking a deep breath, she let herself relax as she underwent the change back to her human form.

Jayce didn’t move, just sat there staring at her. She lightly shook her head, clearing the haziness from her vision and trying to adjust to her body once again.

“You screamed,” he said, explaining his presence. Something she’d already guessed. “What happened?” Jayce’s voice was quiet and soothing and she knew his question was about the past. About what had happened to her in that barn.

She yanked the covers up to shield her nakedness. Something dark inside her hated that he’d put himself out there for her. Telling her he loved her with no expectations. And he was being so fucking nice it broke her heart. He hadn’t been there for her when she needed him most. He hadn’t saved her!

Yet he was all concerned and damn near perfect now. She wanted to throttle him. Wanted to throttle anything at the moment if it would make the pain inside her disappear. The rage grew, twisting inside her like a living thing. Her heart hammered; her breathing turned shallow. Even though she knew it was irrational, she dropped the covers and launched herself at him. She pounded his chest with her fists.

He didn’t deserve this, but she couldn’t stop herself. It was as if she was possessed. “You weren’t there for me!” The words tore from her throat even as she hated herself for saying them, let alone thinking them. Jayce wasn’t omniscient. He might be a skilled warrior, but he couldn’t be everywhere, couldn’t fight every battle.

He swallowed hard, his face twisting into a pained expression that she’d never witnessed before. “I know, and I’m so fucking sorry. I’d have traded places with you in a second.” His deep, ragged voice rolled over her, soothing her as it simultaneously made a burning shame surge through her. Like lava, it scorched her insides and hurt worse than any torture she’d endured. The pain in his voice was an almost tangible thing, making her ache worse with each second that passed.

His complete submission to her blows stunned and stilled her. He thought he deserved to be punished. That was why he hadn’t stopped her.

She should pull away and leave him alone, but she couldn’t let him suffer like she was suffering. He didn’t deserve it, no matter the anger-injected words she’d just flung at him like sharp daggers. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and buried her face against his chest, unable to control the sobs wracking her body. She’d cried so much directly after what had happened, but she’d never allowed anyone to hold her or comfort her. Not like this. And not while she was naked and vulnerable. She’d also never told anyone what happened to her.

“He . . . didn’t rape me, but he tried. More than once.”

His body stiffened and his grip around her waist grew tighter. With one hand he stroked the length of her spine, letting her continue.

“He couldn’t get it up. It was the only thing that made his beatings bearable.” The more she spoke, the easier it was to get things out. Even if uncontrollable tears still tracked down her face, she almost felt a sense of freedom. “I don’t know how much Aiden or one of the others told you?” She formed it as a question, pausing to let him answer.

“Just that you were near death and covered in blood. He also mentioned that you likely had internal bleeding.” The hand on her waist flexed once before he returned to his preternaturally still state.

She knew the animal part of him was enraged right now. Though he didn’t make any overt moves, the air seemed to be pulsing with a scary sort of energy. Not directed at her, though; its object was her dead attacker, whom neither of them could do anything about now. Something she hated every single day.

“He beat me with a whip and touched me any way he wanted and I couldn’t do a damn thing.” Her voice broke on the last word and she realized she was trembling when Jayce started rubbing her back in circles and murmuring soothing sounds.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Kat.” His voice was just as broken as she felt inside.

Stretching out on the bed, she covered him with her body, not caring that she was naked and he was nearly so. The feel of his muscular body underneath her was an anchor she desperately needed. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” she said through her tears and sniffles.
The attack wasn’t his fault.
She knew it on an intellectual level, but her head and heart couldn’t seem to sync up. Why was she so angry that he hadn’t saved her? “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

If she’d been doing this to anyone else she would have been embarrassed for blubbering all over him, but this was Jayce. The man who’d seen her at her worst and never judged her. The man she loved but couldn’t tell. Couldn’t say three little words to him because she was too afraid.

As his hands gently stroked down her back and then directly back up, she realized he was pulling the bedding over them. He was covering her, taking care of her, and it made her want to kiss him and soothe the pain she could feel emanating off him in pulsing waves.

Lifting her head, she looked into gray eyes swirling with a sorrow she never wanted to see again. She’d put it there, which made it even worse. Biting back more tears, she cupped his cheek with one hand. “I . . . I’m sorry I blamed you. When I was abducted, I . . . I called out your name. I waited for you to come for me.” When he jerked back as if she’d physically struck him, her stomach roiled.

This wasn’t coming out the way she intended. She’d never had a problem with words before, but seeing Jayce vulnerable messed with her head and she needed to make this right. “No, I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m telling you because you’re the one person I knew—know—I can always count on. If you could have been there, I
know
you would have. I know it with every fiber of my being. I’m sorry for what I just said. I was fighting remnants of a nightmare, but I don’t blame you. Maybe I did on a subconscious level, but I don’t now. Not truly. My attacker is dead and I have nowhere to place my anger. The monster who hurt me and the APL are the only ones responsible. No matter what happens between us, please know that.”

The pain she’d witnessed in his eyes partially subsided. “I would have done anything to save you. Given up a limb, my life,
anything
. I only wish that fucker hadn’t died. I would have made him regret his very existence.” The darkness in his words sent a shudder snaking through her.

Before she could respond, he claimed her mouth in a gentle, sensual kiss completely at odds with the tough-looking man he was. He threaded strong, calloused fingers through her tangled hair, gripping her head in a move that could only be called possessive. When he rolled his hips beneath her, his erection pressing against her abdomen, she reached between them and wrapped her fingers around his cock over his boxers. He generally slept naked, so he must have thrown those on when she screamed.

Shoving the boxers down his legs took only a moment. Before he’d even shimmied fully free, she’d opened up to him, sliding herself onto his hard length. With a gasp, she settled on his cock, taking a moment to let him fill and stretch her completely.

As she did, he cupped her breasts and began strumming her nipples in rhythmic tweaks, making her inner walls clench around him. The way he worked her body was perfect, sending delicious shivers throughout her.

“You set the pace tonight, sweetheart,” he murmured.

The words made her abdomen clench. He always set the pace and it was usually hard and frantic. He wasn’t trying to take over, to dominate, something that was so ingrained in his character that it was simply who he was. She was so used to him taking the lead between the sheets. Even if she initiated things, Jayce was so damn dominant that he usually ended up on top. Not that she’d ever minded. But he wasn’t making a move to change positions.

He knew how fragile she was and he was letting her take control. He was truly letting her set the pace. Oh, this would be fun. She wanted him to feel nothing but pleasure. For the pain she’d put in his eyes only moments before and because she loved him. And because she wanted to forget her nightmare—and Jayce was the only one who could make that happen.

Lifting herself to her knees, she sucked in a breath of pure pleasure as he moved within her. She rolled her hips, repositioning herself high enough that just his head was inside her. Her inner walls clenched. She wanted him to fill her, and by the growl that emanated from him, he wanted that too.

But torturing him just a little, drawing out the pleasure for both of them, would be worth it. She had no doubt.

When Jayce’s hands found her hips and grasped them tightly, trying to force her to increase her speed, she encircled his wrists and held them above his head. Of course if he’d wanted to be free, he could have easily broken her grip, but he let her guide him.

“If you don’t keep your hands here, I’ll tie you up,” she promised.

His eyebrows rose. “Try it.” Another soft growl, this one not quite as gentle as before.

But something told her that he would let her if she wanted. “Hold on to the headboard,” she ordered in a soft whisper.

He did as she said, wrapping his fingers around the iron posts as his gray eyes darkened with need.

She ran her hands up her ribs until she cupped her own breasts, holding them just as Jayce had done too many times to count as he took her from behind. Lightly, oh so lightly, she pulled one of her nipples between her thumb and forefinger, gently rolling it.

Jayce let out a groan as his hips jerked, his cock pumping into her in a hard, uncontrolled thrust. “You’re enjoying torturing me.”

“Maybe a little.” She was also torturing herself. It would totally be worth the payoff. Still cupping one breast, she leaned back, but kept herself impaled on him, only rolling her hips in small, measured movements.

With her free hand, she trailed a slow path down her stomach, enjoying watching Jayce’s hungry eyes track her every move. Using her finger, she began stroking her clit. She tightened around him with each caress and he groaned in unison with her clenches.

The headboard shook dangerously. “Fuck, you’re trying to kill me,” he ground out, the muscles in his forearms and neck pulled tight. So powerful, yet letting her have the control.

“If I wanted to kill you . . .” She slowly lifted off him until she was completely free. Her entire body tensed, mourning the loss of him filling her, but . . . “I’d do this,” she murmured as she shimmied down his body, bringing her mouth over his hardness.

He jerked again, then seemed to get control of himself as she took his length past her lips, as deep as she could go. Instead of continuing to stroke him with the wet heat of her mouth, she licked the underside of his shaft, enjoying the tension rolling off him. He practically vibrated and she knew he was trying to keep himself from taking over.

Something that was difficult for a man like him. Continuing her teasing assault, she moved up a little higher and lightly swirled her tongue around the tip of his cock, never fully letting him past her lips.

“Do something. Please.” Jayce’s voice was a guttural growl.

It was the “please” that undid her. Pushing up, she caged his hips with her hands. “You’d really let me keep doing this all night, wouldn’t you?”

“I’ll let you do whatever you want—just do it faster.”

The man had no patience sometimes. Crawling up his body, she kissed him with a hunger she couldn’t deny as she once again opened herself to him and let him slide inside her. To her surprise he was still grasping the headboard with white knuckles and she had a feeling his fingers were going to leave permanent indentations on it.

She couldn’t tease anymore. Too many emotions and too much need hummed through her for that. Gripping his shoulders she began riding him. Her fingers dug into his hard flesh but he didn’t seem to notice.