Maya Banks (28 page)

"You're safe with me," he gritted out. "Never not used a condom. You?"

He hoped to hell she wouldn't be offended by his asking. Some women got all huffy, as if you questioning their history made them flaming whores or something.

"Nope. Well, once, but I was in a committed relationship." A flash of pain shone briefly in her eyes but was chased away as soon as it arrived. "It was a few years ago. I've been tested since then."

"Birth control?"

She looked puzzled by his question. But then they had been talking about anal sex.

"I ask because I'd give my left nut if you'd let me have that sweet little pussy of yours bareback just once, a few seconds, but given how excited I am at the prospect, I wouldn't want you to do it unless you were protected against pregnancy, if you know what I mean."

She laughed, shaking against his belly. Then she leaned down and kissed him. "If you come, that means I have to start all over again, and it means you have to stay in those cuffs longer."

He grunted. "That's not exactly an incentive not to blow my load as soon as I get inside you."

Grinning, she sat back and reached down with both hands to circle his dick. He shuddered and closed his eyes. When she rose above him, he forced his eyes open again, wanting to see himself disappear into her tight sheath.

The head nudged her entrance and he clenched his fists with the effort it took not to surge upward and bury himself in her satiny warmth.

Instead he let her dictate the pace, and God almighty it cost him. He was going to lose his mind before this was over with.

He watched in fascination as a host of reactions crossed her face. She sank lower, taking more of him, biting her lips with extreme concentration. Was it as mind-bending for her as it was for him?

For a moment he simply marveled in the exotic feel of her swollen tissues clasping tightly around him, sucking him deeper. He'd never look at condoms quite the same way again.

Up and down, slowly and gently, as if she knew just how close he was to erupting. She controlled the pace, never allowing him to go too far over the edge. The woman was a goddess. The women in his past? All girls. This ... this was a woman who knew how to please a man. And man did she look beautiful doing it.

She closed around him again, taking him as deep as she could and then she rested there, allowing him to remain buried inside her.

"Oh hell," he whispered when he felt her convulse around him, the tiny muscles in her vagina working him like a vise. "I thought that shit was a myth."

She smiled the warm, sultry smile worthy of the goddess label he'd assigned her. Then to his utter dismay, she rose up, releasing him from her depths. He moaned in disappointment when she got off the bed.

"Be right back. Need to get the KY."

"Hurry," he rasped.

"It'll give you time to come down some," she said with a grin as she stroked him once with her hand.

"Not bloody likely," he muttered.

She returned a moment later with a tube of KY and straddled him again just below his balls. He probably looked utterly ridiculous, cuffed to the bed, flat on his back with his dick waving in the wind like a damn flag. But he could get over it because the way she looked at him told him she saw something else entirely. And that gave him hope.

She squeezed a liberal amount of lube onto her fingers and considerately rubbed her hands together to warm it before she rubbed it over his dick.

The slick sensation of her hands gliding so effortlessly over his cock made his eyes roll back into his head. And when she arched up over him again and positioned him at her anus, he had to start imagining ice. Lots and lots of ice. Covered up in ice. Anything to assuage the inferno that swept over him.

Slowly she bore down and the tip of his dick spread her, opening her as gently as a flower. He held his breath and waited with burning impatience as she adjusted to his size.

"Not too fast, honey," he whispered. "Don't hurt yourself."

She smiled and gripped him a little tighter as she opened up more around him. Finally he felt her resistance give way and he slid into her snug warmth. She took him all the way to the balls, and he lost the ability to breathe.

"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously because if she wasn't, he wasn't going to be. Please, please let her be okay because he needed her to move.

"Mmmm."

She uttered that same purr of contentment she had earlier, and he knew it was going to be all right.

He arched his hips, loving the way he went just a little deeper and how she opened more for him. For a long while she remained still, his cock buried so far up her ass that his balls strained against her tush.

"This is the first time I've ever done this in this position," she said ruefully.

"You're doing fantastic," he breathed. "Just move a little. Mmmm, just like that," he said when she eased up just a bit.

"You like my ass?" she asked teasingly.

"I
love
your ass."

She leaned forward until her breasts swayed intoxicatingly over his chest. "What about my breasts?"

"You're teasing a helpless man, honey. I want to touch them so bad. I want to
taste
them. You have the most gorgeous breasts on a woman I've ever seen."

"And my pussy?" she whispered.

Goddamn. He closed his eyes and took several short breaths that reminded him of all those damn Lamaze advertisements.

"I wanna live in your pussy," he gritted out.

She laughed and settled over him again like a hot glove. Then she grew somber, her hot gaze sliding over him like a razor's edge.

"You're so beautiful, Nathan. Do you have any idea how much I loved giving you massages?"

"Then why the hell did you quit?" he burst out.

She gave him a sad smile. "Because you never saw me."

"That's a load of bullshit. How can any living, breathing male not notice you?"

She rose and sank down, leisurely, rippling over his cock, squeezing him for all he was worth.

"We'll talk about this later," he said in a pained voice. "This isn't the time."

"Agreed," she said huskily. "I want you to come inside me. I want to feel you hot and liquid in my ass."

"Jesus. Move, honey, I'm coming. Damn it."

She took mercy on him and began riding his thrusts, her ass bouncing off his thighs with a loud slap. The rise came swift, gathering like lightning. A bolt of white-hot electricity seared up his dick and exploded outward.

She clutched greedily at him, taking everything he gave her. Hell if she didn't demand more, riding him hard and fast. He loved that about her. No wimpy woman was this. She took what she wanted. She was fierce.

When he couldn't take any more stimulation, he pleaded for mercy. She didn't even tease. She sank onto his chest with an exhausted sigh.

He pulled against the cuffs in irritation. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to stroke her back and say absurdly sweet things to her. Well, he couldn't touch her so he'd have to make due with the sweet stuff.

"Julie?"

She stirred against him, lifting her head so that he saw her dark, sleepy eyes.

"I love you."

Her eyes went round with surprise. Her mouth opened then shut again.

Shit. He hoped he hadn't just made a huge mistake.

Chapter 31

J
ulie's stomach was in knots. Not just one of those nervous little twitches. She felt like she was going to puke. All because the man said he loved her.

She paced anxiously around the bedroom, stopping to listen every once in a while. Nathan was still in the shower, a fact she was grateful for.

What did she say? What did she do?

She wanted a man that looked at her like Damon looked at Serena. She wanted a man who looked at her with that "everything" glint in his eye.

Well, Nathan had looked at
her
that way. Just before he'd said he loved her. And it terrified her.

She was a coward. An absolute screaming ninny for what she was about to do, but she needed to get out. This wasn't something she could just bumble through. This was important. This was it. This was one of those moments that an entire life path formed around, and if she fucked it up, it would affect the rest of her life.

Okay, she could definitely cut some of the melodrama, but it was true. Nathan had looked at her with forever in his eyes, and she'd wanted to give him those words back. Wanted it badly, but she'd caught herself. He deserved more than just an obligatory utterance. She couldn't—wouldn't—say it just because he'd said it to her. No, by God, she'd mean it.

Did she mean it?

She let out a soft moan. She wished she could believe it. Believe
him.
What if he was just caught up in the moment? What if he did what all other men did and got tired of her strong personality and left her for someone more meek and feminine?

Sweat beaded her forehead as her nausea grew. Was she good enough for Nathan?

Oh God, she did
not
just think that. She was not doubting her self-worth because of a man. She raised a trembling hand to her forehead and knew she had to get out of there before Nathan got out of the shower and she made a royal mess of things.

Before she lost her nerve, she hurried to the bathroom door and knocked. Before waiting for an answer, she hollered through the wood.

"I have to, uh, go out, Nathan. I don't know when I'll be back. You can let yourself out. I'll, uh, see you. I'll call you. Yeah, I'll do that."

She heard a harsh expletive and the crash of the medicine cabinet, but she was bolting for the front door like the scared rabbit she was.

When she spied Nathan's keys on the bar, she had to laugh at her stupidity. She didn't have a car. Her rental was still at Serena's. And she was standing here like an idiot.

Making a split-second decision, she grabbed the keys and flew out the door. Seconds later, she threw herself into the driver's seat and jammed the keys into the ignition. She cranked it and fumbled with the gearshift then put it in reverse.

As she backed away, Nathan came running out of her apartment with just a towel around his waist. He looked pissed, even more so when he saw her in his truck.

"Julie, goddamn it!" he yelled.

She punched the accelerator and left the parking lot, her hands shaking. Okay, not smart. Really not smart. She was too humiliated to turn around and go back though. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Instinctively she went in the direction of Serena's house. It was Serena she needed to talk to right now. Serena had had doubts about Damon and their relationship. She would understand Julie's conflict, and maybe between the two of them they could figure out what Julie's problem was.

Faith was different. She'd known Gray was the man for her from the very beginning, and she'd gone after him with single-minded determination.

Just like . . .

Julie groaned and tightened her hands around the steering wheel.

Just like she'd known that Nathan was the one for her. And now that she'd gotten what she wanted, she was doing her best to screw it up. Just like she did all her other relationships.

Stupid.

As she pulled up to Damon's house, tears swam in her eyes, which only served to piss her off more.

Serena was waiting for her at the door when she pulled up and parked in the circle drive. Had Nathan called her?

No words were exchanged when Julie trudged up to the entrance. Serena took one look at her and pulled her into a giant hug.

"Come in. You look terrible."
 

"I feel terrible," Julie choked out.

"Aw, hon, it can't be that bad."
 

Serena led her into the living room and coaxed her down onto the couch. Sam as well as the housekeeper hovered in the distance, anxious looks on their faces.

"Give us a while and see that we're not disturbed," Serena said softly. "I'll call if we need anything."

When they were alone, Serena took Julie's hands and squeezed. "Okay, tell me what happened and why you're driving Nathan's truck when he's not in it."

Julie took a big gulp of air and spilled the entire story. From the absolutely awesome sex—not leaving any details out—to Nathan's declaration of love and of Julie discovering that she just might love Nathan back. Hell, there was no
maybe.
It positively scared her how strongly she felt for this man.

"What are you afraid of, Julie?" Serena asked, sympathy ringing in her voice.

Julie gave her a watery smile. "I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything, you know? I'm a confident woman. I own my own business. But he ... he makes me want things I've never wanted. No, scratch that. He makes me
hope
for things I've always wanted."

"So what's the problem?"

"Remember when you struggled so much with your relationship with Damon? Coming to terms with it? You told me you were so afraid of not being what he needed, of disappointing him."

Serena's eyes softened. "Yeah. I'm still afraid. I've just decided not to let my fears ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I wish I could be like you," Julie said sadly. "Goddamn it, Serena. I'm terrified. Terrified."

"That he'll leave you?" Serena asked gently.

Julie wavered for a moment, her breath coming out all shaky like she was a hair from crying. She hated that. Hated coming off like a weak-kneed, emotional twit.

"I'm afraid ... I'm afraid he'll wake up one morning and the very things that first attracted him to me will be the very things that turn him away."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"I'm a bitch, Serena."

"No, you're not!"

"I am. I'm blunt, forceful, headstrong and confident. People often say they admire me, or they appreciate people who say it straight, who keep it real. And for a while they do, until all the new and shiny wears off and suddenly they don't like me so much anymore. I become caustic and abrasive. The things they liked about me now turn them away. And men? They're the worst. A strong, confident woman is sexy to them, but then they become intimidated by me and they think I'm wearing the pants in the relationship."