Maybe Yes (16 page)

I quickly count my outs and then calculate my odds—fifty-five percent. It’s greater than the pot odds. I double the bet on my turn.
 

Why in the hell did Killian tell that story? How did he know I was dating Eli?
 

Another card is turned over. My odds increase to sixty percent.

I look at Killian. I notice a tiny bead of sweat forming on his face. His leg is shaking under the table. He increases the bet again. He’s lying.
 

But just moments ago, the only sign was him avoiding my gaze. That was the truth. Suddenly, I remember. I remember seeing a strange, hot man having lunch with Eli. I remember going back to Eli’s apartment and studying before waiting for him to walk me to my afternoon class, like he always did—except, that day, I never made it to class. When Eli got home from that lunch, we got in the worst fight we had ever been in. Eli seemed to think I was already engaged to another man. That it would never work out with us. He broke up with me that night.
Killian was the one that told him I was engaged. Killian broke us up.
 

“All in,” I say, pushing the chips into the middle of the table.
 

I can’t stay here any longer. I don’t care about winning or losing anymore. I don’t care about flirting with Killian anymore. I just want to get out of here.
 

I see the shock on Killian’s and Grant’s faces, but they both push their chips in. Grant flips the last card, and then I flip my cards over, despite it being out of turn.
 

“Royal flush.” I glance right and then left when they both flip over their cards—a full house and a straight. “I win.”
 

I push my chair back and get up. I walk out without a word. I can’t breathe as I run down the hallway. , so I run down the stairs of the hotel building. I need to be moving. I need to get away from Killian.
 

If it wasn’t for him, I could still be with Eli. I could have chosen my own love, my own future. Instead, Killian convinced Eli to break up with me. Instead, he chose my future for me.
 

The air outside is warm and just as stifling as it was inside the hotel room. I begin the long walk back to my hotel—alone. I could call a car to pick me up, but I don’t. I prefer to be alone.
 

I make it a few steps before I look up and see Killian standing on the sidewalk, waiting for me.
Damn it!
 

The elevators must be faster than climbing down five flights of stairs in heels. I can’t walk around him. I can’t avoid him. So, I just walk to him.
 

“What just happened?” he asks.
 

“Nothing. Just we’re done. I don’t want to be friends. I definitely don’t want to marry you. And I don’t want your help. I just want to go back to being nothing.”
 

I begin walking again, and he falls in step next to me. He doesn’t say a word for an entire block. He doesn’t touch me either even though my body is begging for him to.
 

“I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”
 

I glare at him. “What is the truth?”

“The story I just told you is the truth. I was giving a presentation to a class at Yale. I knew Eli a little bit from my past, not enough to really have lunch with him, but then the opportunity came up, and I took it. I knew from your father that you were dating him. I just wanted to learn more about you, to see if you were happy with Eli. If you were, I wouldn’t approach you. I wouldn’t say anything to Eli about your father’s arrangement with me. But if you weren’t happy…well, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.
 

“When you came into that restaurant that day, you looked sad, withdrawn. Even when you kissed him, it wasn’t a kiss of passion. I couldn’t let you waste the only few years of freedom you had left on that douche bag. So, I told him the truth. Well, I told him that you and I were already engaged, and no matter what he did, you would never marry him.”
 

“He broke up with me that night because of you.” My face is fuming bright red.
 

“I only did it to help you find someone who would make you happy. I thought, if you were away from him, you would find someone else.”
 

“But I didn’t. I didn’t find someone else. You ruined the only real relationship I ever had. You are just as bad as my father. You tried to control my life!”
 

He looks shocked. We both stop walking.
 

“That was never my intention. I just wanted you to be happy, and I know you weren’t happy with Eli.”
 

“How do you know if I was happy or not? What right did you have to decide anything for me?”
 

“I know because you never smiled, not once the whole time you were around him, and you have smiled over a hundred times since you met me. I know because your eyes didn’t lust after Eli, like they lust after me.” He tucks a stray hair behind my ear. “I know because you are an amazing woman who deserves to be worshipped by the man she is with, and all Eli did that entire time was complain about how clingy and annoying you were.”
 

“I’m not clingy.”
 

“I know. Eli’s an idiot. You shouldn’t have dated him.”
 

“I know, but so are you.”
 

“You’re right. I’m an idiot, too. You should have dated someone else. You should have moved on after Eli.”
 

I shake my head. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t date when I knew it would never go anywhere, when I knew it would always leave me heartbroken, when I knew I was always meant to be with you…except I didn’t know who you were yet because you never told me.”
 

“I’m sorry.”
 

“I’m sorry, too. You shouldn’t be forced to marry me to get a position in the company you clearly deserve.”
 

He intensely stares at me, trying to understand what I’m saying, but I don’t know what I’m saying. I just want him to know that this situation is completely fucked up.
 

All I know is, I still want him.
 

I moisten my lips, begging for his lips to find mine. They do. His lips sink into mine as his hands go around my body. I moan against his lips.
 

I forget about being on a busy sidewalk on the strip. I forget about how mad at him I still am for lying to me. I forget about how mad I am at him for manipulating my life.
 

I just kiss and moan and beg.
 

His kiss is aggressive and hungry. He wants me as much as I want him. He needs this.
 

I don’t think about the fact that, in a few months, we could be walking down the aisle as man and wife, and having a one-night stand now could ruin it all. I don’t care. I just need him. I need to feel what it’s like to have a man burying himself deep inside me as we both come.
 

We finish walking back to the hotel, kissing along the way, before I realize that this is a bad idea. We can’t walk into the hotel, kissing and holding hands. Everyone who works in the casino will see us and start rumors. Those rumors will get back to my grandfather, and he will assume we have decided to marry when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
 

“Maybe we should go back to your place. I don’t want any of the staff to see us together.”
 

“This is my place.” He releases my hand as soon as we get close to the entrance. “No one will suspect if we go up to our rooms together. Our rooms are right next door to each other.”
 

“They are? Why do you live in a hotel room?”

“I feel more at home here. And having a hotel room here lets me be closer to work. I’ve had enough emergency calls that I have had to attend to in the middle of the night that it’s just easier to already be here.”
 

I nod, understanding.
 

“Why do you live in a hotel when I know you have a home only a few minutes away?” he asks.
 

“I feel at home here. I’ve always felt at home in hotels more so than at home.”
 

Killian smiles. “Your father used to say the same thing.”
 

“Come on. This time, you take the stairs, and I’ll take the elevator.”
 

He laughs. “No, we will both take the elevator.”
 

We walk into the casino, side by side, but we don’t touch. Employees notice us and nod in our direction. This time though, I feel like they can see the truth. They know we are walking upstairs to go have sex. They all know. It will be the talk of the town tomorrow.
 

My hand shakes nervously at my side, and I try my best to smile at a bartender as she walks by, but it’s weak.
 

“Relax. No one suspects a thing,” Killian whispers into my ear.
 

“Don’t do that,” I hiss. “It just makes us look more suspicious to see you talking into my ear.”

We make it to the elevator without drawing too much attention to ourselves. When the doors close, the tension between us is too much to remain frozen and not touching. Our bodies collide. Our arms wrap around each other as our lips touch in one of the best kisses of my life. I don’t know if it’s the tension that caused this kiss to be even better than the rest, or maybe it’s the underlying anger that I still feel toward him. Whatever the reason, I don’t want it to stop.
 

The elevator dings, indicating that we are stopping, that the doors are going to open soon, that we have to stop. But we can’t. We are desperate for each other, desperate to hold on to whatever this fleeting feeling is. I’m sure, as soon as we have sex, it will be gone, and we will go back to being mortal enemies. But, for now, it lasts.
 

The doors open, and Killian tears his lips from mine just in time for the woman standing there to only suspect that we were just kissing, but not long enough to have proof. I notice her smile knowingly anyway as our heavy panting gives us away as to what we were just doing. She’s not an employee though. The woman who enters the elevator has no idea who we are.
 

It doesn’t keep me from flushing a bright shade of pink though. I’ve never been caught making out with a man before, not even in high school when Eli and I were dating. We never did anything so risky to risk being caught.
 

The elevator dings again on the top floor, the floor both Killian and I have rooms on. Killian motions with his hand for me to step out first. So, I do, pushing any thoughts of Eli out of my mind. Tonight isn’t about him. I’ll deal with those memories later.
 

Tonight is about need and desire. Tonight is about me finally becoming a woman who can sleep with a man without becoming attached. Tonight is about giving in to my own desires without thoughts of the consequences. Tonight is about me. It’s about fucking.
 

I make my way to my hotel door and slip the key card in. I watch the red light flick to green. I push the handle down, opening the door. Killian’s body is quickly pushing me inside as soon as the latch on the door releases.
 

I let out a small whimper when he pushes me inside. I wasn’t expecting him to move so quickly.
 

He claims my lips with his in a brutal, carnal kiss. It’s a kiss that can’t be mistaken for anything but what it is—a desperate plea for me to give myself to him. Fuck, when he kisses me like that, giving so much of himself to me, I want nothing more than to give him everything.
 

I try to match the hunger of his kiss with my own, but my inexperienced tongue gets tangled in his. His tongue takes back control. This time, I let him do what he wants, and I just enjoy the way he molds us together with just his tongue.
 

Killian breaks away from my lips as his hand finds my hair and releases the clip holding it up. His eyes follow my curls as they bounce down my back. His hand tangles into my hair as his lips find mine again, deepening the kiss.
 

I moan as he tugs softly on my locks.
 

I’ve never been controlled by a man before. Eli is really my only experience other than Brent—if that could even be called a sexual experience. And Eli was always soft, gentle, thoughtful. He didn’t have an aggressive bone in his body, not like this man attacking me with his body.
 

Killian’s hand finds my ass, and he lifts me. I wrap my legs around his waist, feeling his hard body beneath me. He carries me to the bedroom. I moan from the movement of my already drenched pussy rubbing against him with every step.
 

He drops me on the bed before his eyes admire my body. I bite my lip as I watch his eyes take in my black bra and panties. For the first time tonight, I feel happy that I chose this see-through lace dress.
 

His eyes stay on my body as he slowly and deliberately removes my high heels. It’s one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen, but I know it will soon be replaced when he removes his clothes. When my shoes are off, I stand and turn around. I lift my hair off my neck.
 

Killian knows what I’m asking without me having to say a word. His hand finds the zipper, and he slowly pulls it down. I feel his hot breath on my neck the whole time, each breath sending shivers down my spine.

I drop my hair, and he slowly turns me around until I’m facing him. He cups my chin in his hand, and his thumb softly strokes my cheek.
 

“I need to hear you say it.”
 

His words are cryptic, but I know what he’s asking. I try to make my eyes as lust-filled as possible when I look at him. I know, no matter what I say, my words won’t be enough for him, if my body isn’t saying the same thing. And I’m not going to let him get away with just letting his lips and tongue taste me. I want more. I’m desperate for his cock to be inside me. I’m desperate to feel what a real release feels like from a man experienced in giving me what I want.