Authors: Kate Shepherd
MC BIKER ROMANCE: Bad Boy Romance: BETRAYED: (New Adult Motorcycle Club Navy SEAL Romance) (Contemporary Military Romance Thriller) (57 page)
Vivien
“You have been so slack in your duties, today. I don’t understand how you are so tired, Vivien,” my mother, Evangeline, said.
“I’m not sure either, Mother. I have felt hot and sluggish all day. Several days, in fact. Still, all my work is complete. There is little to fuss about so long as the job gets done, correct?” I asked, hoping Mother’s wrath could be spared.
“I suppose,” she said. “There is something to be said for the manner in which things are done. You have been distracted and keeping odd hours for some time, and now you are having to stop and start, such that a half day’s work requires a full day from you. You are never home in time to help with supper, meager as it is.”
“Yes, Mother,” I said.
Mother was in the mood to fuss, so I let her. If I had been able to discuss the reason for my odd hours the past two years, I knew Mother would feel we should take advantage somehow. Evangeline did not aspire to be wealthy by any means, but she did want more from life than the peasantry she was born into. She wanted more for me as well.
I was just happy knowing that I had a roof over our heads, food in my belly, and love in my heart – even if that love was from a man who could never fully be mine, the Duke of Vestavia.
“All your sluggishness is catching up to you as well. You are starting to look quite plump. Everything about you looks bigger. Wouldn’t you like to find a husband?” Evangeline asked, changing into her nightgown.
Vivien looked down at herself.
“A husband is certainly not my first priority,” I said. “Do you really think I am becoming plump?”
“Without a doubt,” was the response.
I ran my hands down my body. I had not yet changed into my nightgown.
“I’ll remove this bucket of dirty water and get some fresh for us to start the day with tomorrow,” I said, taking the large bucket.
I dumped it as I was walking. When I reached the spigot, I filled the bucket with fresh water and tried to get a good view of my reflection. It was a challenge, but I could see my face was more round and my bosom seemed fuller.
“Well, as long as my love thinks a little extra weight suits me, I have no complaints,” I said softly to myself.
I picked up the pail and made my way back into the house. I poured water in the bathing bowl in the bedroom and into the bucket in the kitchen. Then, I made one more trip. I needed to refill the bucket with water to have on hand.
As I filled the bucket once more, I let my mind wander to what the duke might be doing at the same moment. I daydreamt so long that the water spilled over the edge of the bucket at my feet.
“My water,” I gasped, putting one hand to my mouth and the other to my stomach.
I stopped the spigot and then, as I was leaned over, I really considered my body. I thought about the spill of water at my feet.
For two years, my secret romance had been filled with private meetings for quality time and lovemaking when possible. I tried to count how much time had passed since my visits with the Duke had been interrupted by menstruation. I wasn’t positive if it had been five weeks or six, but either was too long. Any lapse in my womanly calendar would only mean trouble for Ferdinand, if anyone knew he was the father, and struggle for me as an unwed mother.
Mother.
My own mother would surely seek compensation to keep or be rid of the child if she knew its father was part of the nobility. If I didn’t name any father at all, Mother would curse me and the child as a burden and kick us out of our modest home.
“Perhaps it is nothing, only a delay,” I said to myself.
I knew that was most likely wrong. The duke and I had not been as careful recently. He and the duchess had been unable to have children. More and more he blamed himself for them not having a child in their marriage. They had made efforts early on in their marriage, but he said they both lost the desire to try for something like that when they felt no romantic desire for each other.
“Perhaps this will be good news to him,” I said, continuing my debate with myself.
Then I remembered how some women I had heard of who had romances with the peerage disappeared when circumstances were not in their favor or became public.
“I don’t think Ferdi would do such a thing. Not to me. Still, perhaps I better visit a doctor. Until then, best not to say anything to anyone,” I said to myself.
I gave a small nod to myself and carried the second bucket of water back inside. I wondered if the type of work I did would cause complications if I was pregnant. I was a servant in the home of the Viscount and Viscountess Apogee, a scullery maid. My mother worked in the kitchen. She was one of the cooks.
Once the water was taken care of, I changed into my nightgown and lay in bed, across the room from Mother. I rolled to lie on my side facing the wall, and again tried to count the weeks and days since I last menstruated on my fingers.
It would be a challenge to find an excuse to leave work or have free time to visit a doctor. If my suspicions were correct, I would need to see a doctor who was known to keep a secret well.
Possibly a doctor who removed problems such as mine.
Ferdinand
“Are you sure you would not like to spend the morning in town?” Rosalind offered once more.
“Yes, dearest, I am sure. The earlier we arrive to these things, the sooner I can imbibe. That, your company, and the entertainment are the only things that make all the pomp and circumstance of court tolerable,” I said.
We were having breakfast – the kitchen had prepared sliced ham, fresh bread, a large bowl of fruit, a few pastries, and cream.
“Well, I have just a few arrangements to make and we can leave whenever you are ready. If you want to go sooner rather than later, I can have a lunch packed for us and we can stop and picnic along the way,” Rosalind said.
“That sounds divine,” I replied sincerely.
We each ate a little more, then retired with attendants to bathe and dress. The carriage began the journey midmorning. Once we reached a nice glen near the halfway point, we stopped to eat.
“I think the problem is that I feel unfulfilled,” I said, thinking aloud.
She finished the bite she was chewing with a hand over her mouth, swallowed, and thought on my comment.
Then she asked, “How so, dear?”
“Well, I know there are improvements throughout the kingdom and our ideas, well, your ideas, have had a large hand in that, but something is lacking. I feel like I have not accomplished anything I actually want,” I said, setting my food down with disinterest.
Rosalind set her food down as well and waved an attendant to come clear away their picnic. She and I sat on our blanket a moment longer.
“What is it you would like to accomplish? What do you want out of life? We have station, wealth, pedigree, and influence. Whatever you want can be yours,” she encouraged.
“No, I don’t think it can,” I said with a shake of my head.
“Why not, dear?” she questioned.
“Everything you named, we both have by birth. It is all birthright. I want to feel I have earned something. I want to know the feeling a man has when a hard day’s work is appreciated and rewarded by the fruits of his own labors,” I said, giving the matter more thought.
I lay back on the blanket, folded my hands under my head, and gazed at the clouds rolling across the sky.
“Well, you have done a great many things that your people appreciate, but I do see what you mean. Of all my skills, there are days when I think it would be interesting to cook something for myself or even wash a bit of laundry and chat with other women over things as mundane as household chores,” she said, leaning on her elbow beside me, but looking at the ground.
“So you do understand,” I said excitedly. “You have wanted a taste of normalcy, too.”
“I did not say that. I have wondered what it would be like. Each time I have, though, I take a good look at a peasant woman or servant girl. I think of the troubles she experiences as well. I am content to only imagine. I feel I am better off having had a life of privilege. In some distant future, though, I hope for a day when women have more options and control in the lives they lead,” she said, plucking a few blades of grass.
She opened her palm and blew the grass away. Most of it fell quickly, but a couple of blades caught the breeze and rode the wind out of sight.
“You are so progressive. I think your ideas will come to pass, eventually. I hope they do, anyway. Women like you have been second players to men like myself for some time. You were born my equal in title, but if women like you, with strong opinions balanced by such empathy and understanding, could speak more freely instead of just privately with their husbands or regurgitating their husband’s opinions, things in our land might improve more rapidly,” I said honestly.
I sat back up and took a long look at my wife.
“I wish we could have fallen in love,” I said, looking at her still.
She had been looking at the nature around us.
“That would have been nice, but I don’t think we were meant to. We were meant to bring out something else in each other. I enjoy that just as much as the idea of any romance. A truly good friend in our circle is worth more than any riches. Besides, there are many types of love,” she said.
We shared a quick peck and returned to the carriage to continue our journey.
Vivien
I had never cleaned the mess of breakfast so quickly. I had not realized that the viscount and viscountess would be leaving for the castle, so the work day was a light load. They left before lunch and would not be returning for dinner. When I was done cleaning, the kitchen would close for the day.
If I could avoid bumping into Mother, I believed I could make my way to a distant doctor and back by evening.
All I had left to do was scrub the floors. While I was making good progress, I lost time hiding each time I heard footsteps, trying to avoid my mother. It was only her once.
“Well, she is moving much faster today,” Evangeline had said.
That had been nearly half an hour ago, so she would be back to check on me again soon. I hurried to finish and went to the stables. I was able to pay one of the stable boys to lend me a horse for the afternoon. No one would notice unless I did not have it back by nightfall.
I had taken a little bread from the kitchen and some water. All I needed now was to reach the next town and a discreet physician.
The ride was bumpy, but I arrived in one piece. As I reached the edge of town a few women were carrying crops back in baskets. I slowed the horse to a stop near them.
“Can we help you?” asked the shorter, rounder, and bustier of the two.
“That is my hope. I need to find a physician here. One who is willing to be paid for silence if a situation calls for it,” I said.
The two women looked at each other. Then the taller and thinner of the two stepped closer to me and the horse.
“There is someone here you can see. If you continue on this road and make a left when you reach the market you will reach a physician after only a few businesses. If you have a matter that needs to stay private, tell him you’ve ‘come to see about a tonic for an ailing relative who has been sick.’ When he asks ‘how long’ tell him how long you think you may have had your
problem
,” she said.
“Thank you, ladies, that is most helpful,” I said.
I continued the ride at a walking pace. When I reached the market, I turned left. I had not gone very far after turning before seeing a man come out of a business with an elderly woman holding a bottle.
“And you say I just need to have a spoonful three times a day?” the old woman was asking.
“Yes, you should start to see improvement in a day or so, but continue the remedy until the bottle is gone for lasting effect,” the man said.
He gave her a small wave and before he could return inside his business I called to him.
“Sir, are you the physician?” I asked.
“Yes. Do you require treatment for some ailment?” he asked.
“Yes, I have an ailing relative who has been sick for some time,” I replied as instructed.
“How long would you say the trouble has persisted,” he asked, stepping closer and lowering his voice.
I got off the horse and tied it just in front of his door. Then I leaned in close, speaking just barely above a whisper.
“Five, maybe six weeks,” I said.
“I see. Let’s step inside,” he said, placing one hand behind me without actually touching me.
He guided me into his shop and closed the door, which had been left open by the previous client, behind us.
“So, you have missed one menstruation? Worth noting, but not necessarily cause for alarm. You could be late or otherwise delayed without being pregnant,” he said.
I nodded, but my face showed this was not enough to calm my concerns.
“Well I could examine you, but a few questions are usually enough to determine what is going on. Have you had any sickness? Do you feel nauseated or have you been vomiting?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Are you experiencing fatigue?” he continued.
“I’m tired all the time. Mother says my work has slowed and that I am getting chubbier. It is true, I have gained some weight. I can see it in my reflection that my face and buttocks are more round and my breasts seem to be plumper,” I said.
“What about smell?” he asked.
“Smell?” I repeated.
“Yes, most women note a heightened sense of smell,” he replied.
I thought for a moment. Part of the reason chores had been taking longer is that aside from feeling tired, certain foods in the kitchen seemed so pungent to now. I often couldn’t wash more than a few dishes at a time without feeling I needed a breath of fresh air.
“Oh, dear,” I said.
“So, you just needed to confirm what you already knew,” the old doctor said kindly. “No charge unless there is something else you need.”
“Not at the moment, however, if I needed to come back…” I said.
“Yes,” he said, raising an eyebrow.
“If I spoke to the father and needed to make a decision about the baby…” I let the rest of the question trail off.
I couldn’t dare say it out loud. The idea of losing the child of the man I loved, regardless of our circumstance, was simply too much.
The doctor nodded in understanding.
“If you need to be seen again for this matter, the fee would be modest. I find that women coming back for certain services have enough on their plate without me burdening them financially,” he said.
“Thank you. I suppose that is the best consolation should steps have to be taken,” I said with a small, polite smile and nod.
“Keep in mind, if you need to see me again, there are some risks for you. I will do everything in my care for a smooth procedure, but sometimes things happen,” the old doctor said.
I thought on these last words for a moment. I had heard horror stories.
“Understood,” I said.
I excused myself and began the ride back to the Apogees. I had more time than expected before dark, but rode swiftly anyway. I wanted to get back home before my mother. I needed time to think, and possibly cry in peace.
