Me and My Sisters (46 page)

‘I envy him, though. America will be great. I wish I’d travelled more,’ Julie said.

‘I wish I’d never given up work,’ Sophie said.

‘I wish I’d moved home years ago,’ I confessed.

‘So, we’re not perfect.’ Julie laughed.

I looked at my sisters. ‘You know, the strange thing about moving back is that all the things I ran away from are the very reasons I wanted to come home.’

‘How do you mean?’ Sophie asked.

‘I ran away because Dublin was too small. I wanted a big city, bright lights, the best college, the top law degree, the finest law firm. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to get away from Mum constantly trying to mother me. I wanted to get away from being one of the Devlin sisters. I wanted to live my own life without having to answer to anyone. And you know what? It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, but it took having a baby to make me realize that I love having Mum to fuss over me, I love family lunches – and that if my dishwasher breaks down all I have to do is call Dad and he’ll come over and fix it. I love the fact that Clara will grow up surrounded by family. But, most of all, I love being one of the Devlin sisters.’

We raised our glasses and toasted ourselves.

Threescompany: MY FINAL MESSAGE

Mums,

I have some very exciting news. As of 10 January, you will be able to read my views and comments in the Irish Evening Herald every Thursday. I have you all to thank for that. Your response to my ramblings has helped me land a dream job. I’m absolutely thrilled, so thank you all very much.

I’ll be writing as Threescompany. I’ve decided to remain anonymous so I can be truly honest without hurting anyone’s feelings – or causing a family feud!

The triplets are now in school until one thirty every day – bliss! And my toddler is in play-school two mornings a week from nine till twelve, so I now have six hours a week to myself. You might think I’d use the time sensibly to get on top of my laundry, washing and cleaning. Sod that! I step over the mess, go back to bed and read my book with a cup of tea because, ladies, that is what makes me happy. I’ve waited over five years for these precious hours and I sure as hell am not going to spend them hoovering.

Am I Zen now that I have this time to myself? No. I wish I could say I was. I wish I could say I was more patient, less snappy with the boys, but I’m not. What I am, though, is happier within myself and I see now how important that is. Being a stay-at-home mum is the most challenging, thankless job there is. We mums need to ‘feed our souls’. I know it sounds a bit hippie-dippy but it’s true and it’s important. We need to find one thing that we can call our own, whether it’s planting tomatoes in the garden or going for a walk by the sea or working in a soup kitchen. It doesn’t matter what it is, it just matters that we find it and allow ourselves the time to do it.

Taking the time to do something for ourselves doesn’t mean we love our children any less. It doesn’t mean we’re not great mothers. It just means we know we need something too. We’re people. We exist as individuals. We’re not invisible.

The other thing I’ve learnt over the last year is how important family is. I wouldn’t have got through it without my sisters. I’ve given out about them in the past, and there were times when they drove me mad. But this has been a defining year for all of us. We always slag our little brother for not growing up, but we girls needed to grow up too and, thankfully, we have. The three of us have overcome big obstacles this year and have survived, bruised and battered, but the better for it.

I know that I for one am a better person since the whole palaver with my husband and the non-affair. I was becoming dissatisfied with my life, picking holes in it, wanting more, wanting a better life, a different life, a nicer life. Well, Mums, I know now that I have the life I always wanted. Is it perfect? No. Are there still days when I want to book a one-way flight to Brazil? Yes, plenty. But every night before I go to sleep, I peep into the boys’ bedrooms, and as I watch their little bodies rise and fall as they dream, I thank God for what I have and I really mean it. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Acknowledgements

I would especially like to thank Rachel Pierce, my editor, whose help and advice were invaluable to me; Patricia Deevy, for all her enthusiasm and support; Michael McLoughlin, Cliona Lewis, Patricia McVeigh, Brian Walker and all the team at Penguin Ireland for making the publishing process so enjoyable.

Thanks also to all in the Penguin UK office, especially Tom Weldon, Joanna Prior and the fantastic sales, marketing and creative teams; to my agent Marianne Gunn O’Connor who is a pleasure to know and work with; to Hazel Orme, as always, for her wonderful copy-editing; to Anwen Hooson for her hard work on the publicity front; to Mark White for his insight into the world of corporate law.

Thanks to my friends for being so honest and often hilarious about the trials and tribulations of motherhood; to Mum, Dad, Sue, Mike and my extended family for their unwavering support and loyalty. It means so much. This book is dedicated to Mike, the best brother in the world.

Thanks to my nephews, Mikey, James, Jack, Sam and Finn, and to my nieces, Cathy and Isabel – all unwitting muses for this book; to Hugo, Geordy and Amy, my inspirations and the loves of my life.

And, saving the best for last, thank you, Troy.

Finally, to all the mothers out there, I salute you!