Meant To Be (13 page)

“What?”

“I’ve been having these dreams since the accident, Tyler. Sam seems to think they’re visions. Premonitions of the future and I don’t care if you think I’m crazy, because it’s true. I saw you having sex with her on your desk at work. That’s where it happened that first time, isn’t it? Why do you think I asked you about her when we were at the park. I know, Tyler, because I saw it, and let me guess, you did it again the day of Jayden’s recital. She was the reason you let us down by standing us up, and you probably would have again the day I showed up at your work.” She wrapped her arms around herself, and looked away from him. “I saw the car on the way home from the mall and had a gut feeling that something bad was about to unfold. That’s why I’d sent Jayden to Sam’s and walked in alone. Thank God, I walked in alone.” She shivered. “So how far off am I?”

“I’m sorry, Jenna.” He had a pleading look, as if he hoped for mercy. “The biggest regret by far, is doing what I did. Please, just give me a chance to prove to you that I will never make that mistake twice. Give me the rest of my life to prove this to you, please.”

“Not making the same mistake twice? Are you kidding me?” She couldn’t believe the nerve of him. “From what I can count, you’ve made that mistake more than twice. You did every time you slept with her, and God knows who else. The trust is gone, and if you don’t have that, you have nothing. Satisfied?”

She was angry again. “Dear God, Jayden is at home devastated with fear that he’s going to lose me, because here I am in the hospital, yet again. It wasn’t your fault the first time, Tyler, but it is your fault this time. Your little stunt has terrified him, and you’ve destroyed me. I hope it was worth it.”

“Jenna, no.” He began to sob. “Please, Jenna. I’m so sorry, please.”

She cried harder, refusing to acknowledge her shock at seeing his tears, and with his begging, her heart shattered even more. Loving Tyler hurt too much. She hadn’t stopped despite it all, but she was too tired to fight. There was nothing left for them, and she knew then exactly what she wanted. This was one betrayal she couldn’t get past.

“
I love you, Tyler.” She said faintly, too emotional for it to come out any louder. “And I probably always will despite everything, but I know what I want now, what I have to do.”

She pulled him closer, kissed him fully on the mouth and cried out in anguish when she pushed him away.

“Anything, Jenna.”

She looked into his eyes, seeing a flicker of hope inside them. Wincing with what she had to reveal, she finally came out with it. “I want a divorce.”

She could think of no other option. His infidelity had ruined everything, taking away half of her life in the process. Tyler and Jayden had been her entire life for as long as she could remember, and now she had to let her marriage go. Tyler had known exactly what he was doing and because of it, she’d lost a child and all of her trust in him.

She owed it to herself to move forward, and although hard, she needed to do this if she ever wanted a chance at happiness again.

“
No, anything but that, Jenna, please, just not that.”

It was pointless arguing over it, her mind was made up. He was in denial and refused to believe what she was telling him. With constant pleading, he joined her on the bed, cuddling close while he cried. It didn’t last long. Her parents and Sam walked in with shock evident when they gasped.

She’d assumed it was because they’d never seen Tyler so emotional and, in truth, neither had she.

“What’s going on here?” Sam asked.

“She’s leaving me,” Tyler whispered. “She wants a divorce.”

Frozen until that moment, the sight of him and the sounds of his pleas were making Jenna nauseous. “Dad, I need Tyler to leave. Could you please help me out with that?”

“
Come on, son. Let’s give Jenna some time.”

Obeying, Tyler reluctantly followed. “Jenna, please,” he begged one last time before he was escorted out of sight.

Her mother and Sam rushed to comfort her, and she did something then that made her feel like she was five again. Tired of talking, she leaped forward as soon as her mother was close enough to reach. Hugging her close, she sobbed, letting it all out.

What a nightmare that day was.

Chapter Twelve

When released first thing the next morning, the staff almost looked relieved to see her go. The previous night’s drama caused headaches for more than just her, she guessed.

Her parents picked up Jayden and brought him to Sam’s. He took a run for it as soon as he saw her and landed straight in Jenna’s open arms, sobbing his heart out.

“
I’ll never leave you again,” she vowed. “I promise you.”

Sam extended an offer for Jayden and Jenna to stay as long as they wanted, and that got her mother going, of course. “That’s not necessary, but thanks anyway. Jenna and Jayden will be coming back with us.”

That shocked Jenna. She hadn’t expected her mother to argue or be rude. “No, Mom. I love you, but I’m not going anywhere. I refuse to run away. Jayden’s got school now, and I can’t just pull him out like that. I’m staying, and I have enough to deal with so please just understand.”

* * * *

A week went by after that horrible day. It was time to stop sulking and start living, time for Jayden to try living like a normal child. He’d been traumatized yet again and developed a separation from Jenna anxiety, yet another thing she could thank Tyler for.

Right then her biggest problem was retrieving her car. It was still parked in front of the house. She was afraid to go after it and chance seeing Tyler, afraid to start a scene, afraid she might change her mind, that he’d be able to persuade her to do so. She was vulnerable, emotional, and drained. She held Jayden close, trying hard to keep her emotions in check on the short walk there. Buckling him in his car seat as fast as possible to get the hell away, she could feel Tyler watching her.

Backing away quickly, she glanced up and saw Tyler standing in the doorway, his eyes pleading and his expression pained. Her heart tore just a little more. She’d known Tyler half of her life, had been with him almost the same amount of time and, damn it, she still loved him despite what he’d done. She couldn’t forgive him, but still loved.

Pathetic, she thought, but she had to stay strong, determined and forced herself to turn her back on him to leave. After dropping Jayden off at school, she looked for a good divorce lawyer to get things going before she lost her backbone. When asked the reason, she was only able to come up with one word, betrayal. Others came to mind afterward, but most were inappropriate to use in a court room. She cried the whole way back to pick up Jayden. This was it, her actions that afternoon had made everything final, but instead of feeling relieved, she hurt more. It just didn’t seem to end. How could one person claim to love you so much and do what he did? What was it with men? Did they have some secret class called Manipulation 101?

She wondered and could swear sometimes that they were born with this special gene, because they sure had a good way of making you feel bad when you hadn’t done anything wrong, or maybe that was just Tyler. Sighing heavily at her thoughts, she pushed them away. It was time to revaluate things, time to figure out what she was going to do now that she didn’t have Tyler. She hadn’t worked in over four years, letting go of her job before Jayden was born. Options were limited, but she needed an income and had to figure out how she could make a living while still being able to be at home with Jayden.

Another two weeks passed. Jayden was off to school, and Jenna decided to take a leap by going home again. With pulse pounding, heart racing, and hands shaking, she was finally able to breathe again seeing that his car was nowhere in sight. Knowing that she couldn’t avoid Tyler forever, it just seemed easier to cope in the meantime with out of sight, out of mind.

As she walked in, she felt like she was having a panic attack. She felt hot suddenly, her heart felt like it was ready to leap from her chest, her hands shook, and she was sweating.

“
Hello,” she called out to ensure it was empty.

No answer.

Trying to steady her breathing, she stopped at the stairs and turned toward the nightmare from a few weeks earlier. Now empty, the living room still looked like it had on that day.

Magazines from the coffee table scattered on the floor. Alex had knocked them over as Tyler threw her off. Closing her eyes when they started to water, a sudden burst of anger mixed with a pure rush of adrenaline consumed her as she charged for the kitchen.

She had the largest knife that she could find in her hands and made her way back to the living room.

“
In my house!” she screamed. “On my fucking couch!”

She stabbed and shredded it while shrieking and crying, finally able to release some of the rage. Jenna backed up, admiring her temporary lapse in sanity. Boy, it felt good. She hated that bitch for what she did, but hated herself more for not being able to hate Tyler just as much.

She screamed again, letting the knife drop from her hands and realized that she needed the visual out of her sight. That couch represented Tyler’s betrayal and all of the loss that she’d endured. Charging forward, it lifted easily, and she was able to pull it to the curb to be put with the rest of the trash. Thank God for the effects of an adrenaline rush, knowing and not caring that she’d probably be sore later. It felt too good to worry about the stares she’d received from the neighbors or the consequences that may come later. The new renovation was good, making her smile as she re-entered the house. Imagining Tyler’s expression at seeing a destroyed couch on the curb, the smile turned into a laugh. So much for him not knowing she stopped by.

She was upstairs, filling another suitcase when she realized that she was tired and missed being at home. She sat on the bed, admiring the picture from the night stand. She picked it up, running her fingers lovingly over the image. It was of the three of them at a happier time. Jayden had been around two at the time. They were on the beach, and Jayden sat in front of them with a shovel and pail. Jenna was laughing while wrapped inside Tyler’s arms. Tyler’s face was partially covered with his lips at her throat. He was smirking and looked like a man absolutely infatuated. Looking at it only made her wonder more about what had gone wrong? Was there something lacking in her that caused Tyler to stray?

Sighing, she threw it in the suitcase. That one was a keeper, a reminder of happier times, and she told herself that she’d pull it out every time the urge to strangle Tyler for what he did came along.

She jumped at the sound of Tyler’s voice.

“
I see you’re taking the picture. I look at it every night, a constant reminder of what I’ve done to you, and the way we once were. I’ll never forgive myself for it.”

He moved passed the doorway, not stopping until he sat beside her on the bed. “Jenna, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, reaching up to touch her but pulled back before he did.

Too emotional to voice her agreement, she believed that he was sorry. He loved Jayden so much, and she knew that he would have never intentionally hurt him, at least. She leaned forward, hating that she needed him in that moment, needing to be held. Wrapping her arms around him tight, she sobbed her grief into his shoulder.

The loss of trust and Tyler’s betrayal had been the hardest to cope with out of the whole situation. Intentional or not, she’d held him responsible for it all and couldn’t let that go.

“
I know what I’ve done is inexcusable. I understand that.” he whispered. “You were right to blame me. I just wish I could take it back. Hell, this was my first attempt at going back to work, and I couldn’t even make it through the day.” He held up a large envelope. “They just served me with the divorce papers.”

Her eyes widened. Glancing at the envelope quickly, she’d saw for the first time that he had tears rolling down his cheeks. “Not only am I losing my wife, but I feel like I’m losing my best friend too. You’ve been that to me for years. I need you to know that, and I also need to know if you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me?”