Meant to Be (18 page)

He was right; there really was no reason why
we couldn’t tell my mom about us. The fact that he was an intern at
my school seemed trivial after all the things we had learned. He
was so close to my own age, I didn’t see my mom having a problem
with us dating. I suspected it would be the exact opposite. She
would probably be thrilled that I was seeing someone and not
obsessing about my “dream” guy.

It would be nice to go out on an actual date
with Mark. Plus, we could double with Sam and Shawn.

I smiled, things suddenly seemed so much
better. The dark cloud that had been hovering over our heads moved
away. We may not have found the answer to the turn our dreams have
taken, but it no longer mattered, we had each other in reality and
that was all that was important.

Sam and Shawn joined us and I glanced at my
watch.

“We have enough time to walk around the park
once.” I said.

Our conversation was much more light-
hearted, and Sam soon had us in stitches, making fun of the rich
kids at our school. She gave the best imitation of the stuck up
drama queens. “Oh my gosh! My nail polish doesn’t match my shoes or
watch. How will I ever face anyone again?” She said in a perfect
imitation of one of the
Lush Trio
.

I had to hold my sides, I was laughing so
hard.

It was nice to be around people who were on
the same wave length as me. The more time I spent with Shawn, the
more I liked him. I had put everyone’s assumptions on the hold
after my emotional melt down, but I couldn’t help noticing small
habits that we both shared. He rubbed his forehead a lot and I knew
I did too. My dad used to tease me that I would rub a hole in my
forehead if I didn’t stop rubbing it. I also noticed that he
laughed the same way that I did.

When I was in middle school, I tried to
change my laugh to be more ladylike, but it didn’t work. When I
thought something was funny, it just seemed to burst out of me.

It was an unreal experience to see someone
that shared many of my traits. Just watching him filled me with a
sense of rightness.

“I hate to break up the mood, but we seem to
have forgotten something important. What about the other four?”
Shawn asked.

He was right; we had put the others out of
our minds, but they could be ignored no longer.

“Hopefully, they’re drawn to Santa Cruz also.
If they are, then maybe we’ll run into them. I know it’s a long
shot, but the four of us found each other, so it could happen,”
Mark said.

“I know how we can try to find them,” Sam
said. “We can search the internet for children that were abandoned
around the dates we were abandoned. We now know their ages, so that
should narrow the search down. Not to mention, that you need to
talk to your dad,” she said to Mark.

“I know,” he said with a sigh. “My dad is so
freaking straight laced though, that none of this seems like him at
all. I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around the fact that he
knows about all this since I saw Shawn’s picture yesterday. I tried
calling him on his cell phone, but of course it went right to
voicemail. His secretary informed me that he’s out of town for at
least another three weeks or so, when I tried to call him this
morning. She told me in an offhand way that he is way too busy to
talk to me unless it’s an emergency, but she would pass a message
along to him,” Mark said with sarcasm lacing his every word.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, hoping
that whatever healing power we possessed would calm his anger and
hurt.

“Well, until he gets back or calls you, we
can do our own digging,” Sam said.

Once we had a game plan, the guys decided
they would walk us home. Now that we were going to tell my mom, I
was anxious to introduce Mark to her.

It only took us ten minutes to walk back to
my house.

I felt a serious case of butterflies in my
stomach as we walked up my walkway.

I wasn’t nervous; I just wanted my mom to
think Mark was as great as I thought he was.

Mark grabbed my hand as we headed up the
stairs of the front porch. Sam and Shawn opted to wait on the
porch. They wanted to give us a little privacy as I introduced Mark
to my mom.

My mom was on the couch watching a rerun
episode of CSI. We were avid watchers of all the CSI shows.

She looked up when we walked in. Her smile of
greeting turned to surprise when she saw that I was holding some
strange guys hand.

I dragged Mark further into the living room
as she stood up.

“Mom, I would like you to meet my friend,
Mark. Mark, this is my mom, Cindy Miller.

My mom reached her hand out, Mark clasped it
between his hands.

“I didn’t know you made any friends other
than Sam this past week?” She said, obviously fishing for more
information.

I decided to go for broke. It was like
pulling off a band-aid, quick and fast was the only way to go.

I plunged in.

“Mark’s a year older than me,” I started.

“A year older, how did you meet? Are you
still in school?” She asked, posing the last question to Mark.

Mark looked over at me. I knew what he was
asking with the look. I shook my head yes. We might as well get it
over with.

“I go to Krista’s school, but I’m not a
student. I’m doing my graduate thesis at her school,” he said.

I took over and filled in the rest of the
blanks for her. I told her how he had skipped grades growing up,
and was able to graduate from college last year. I told her how our
love of history had given us a common bond and that we talked about
it after school one day. Then I told her that Sam and I had run
into him and his friend yesterday at the Boardwalk.

“Does the Dean know your dating a student?”
she asked.

I thought I detected just a touch of
accusation in her voice.

“Yes, and he was not happy about it,” Mark
said truthfully.

“Mrs. Miller, I know that it is
unprofessional that I’m seeing your daughter. I have no excuse,
except that I think she is pretty special, and I would like your
permission to continue seeing her.”

“I don’t know if it’s best for Krista to date
an intern where she goes to school.”

“Mom, we’re going to keep it quiet, nobody
will know except Sam,” I said, starting to feel the first stirrings
of doubt about telling her. What would I do if my mom wouldn’t let
me see him anymore?

“I don’t think it’s a good idea Krista. He’s
an adult. He goes to work every day while you’re in school. You
still have years of schooling ahead of you,” she said.

“I’m sure you’re a nice young man, but
Krista’s never even dated. I would prefer her first boyfriend to
actually attend her school,” she said to Mark.

“I was hoping you would feel differently,”
Mark said, looking disappointed.

I couldn’t believe it. This was not the way
it was supposed to go. My mom was supposed to be okay with it. She
was supposed to be glad that I was finally interested in
someone.

“Mom, I want to see him, I love him.” The
words slipped out. I wished I could take them back. I knew
instantly that I had made a mistake, by the look on her face.

“Love him? You’ve only known him for a week,
how can you love him?” She said angrily. “I don’t want you to see
each other again.”

I was shocked.

Not see him.

My mom was crazy.

How could she think that we wouldn’t see each
other?

I became desperate. “Mom, he’s the boy in my
dreams,” I blurted out.

“The boy of your dreams, what did you do,
tell him about your dreams and he said he was the guy? Krista, it’s
a line. Of course he’s going to tell you that he’s the boy of your
dreams.”

I was in tears. “That’s not true, he has the
same dream as me,” I said sobbing.

Mark made a move to comfort me, but my mom
blocked him off.

“I think its best that you leave.”

Mark tried to protest. “Mrs. Miller, if you
would just give us a chance to explain. We’ll tell you
everything.”

“I don’t want to hear your explanations, you
preyed on my daughter’s sensitivity, and you exploited her dreams.
You need to leave
!”

I tried to protest through my tears, but it
was too late. My stupid emotions had taken over. I rushed to the
bathroom as my mom escorted the love of my life out the front
door.

I was weaker than ever after my bout of
sickness and was ashamed at the way my mom had treated Mark. I
wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to forgive her. I walked slowly
to my bed and collapsed on it.

“Oh Krista, what happened?” Sam asked as she
entered my room.

“She said we couldn’t see each other,” I said
in a dead voice.

“Why?” Sam asked bewildered.

“Because, he’s finished with high
school.”

“Krista, I know your upset, but we have to
control it. I can’t explain it, but I feel your body is getting
weaker. You have to learn how to control it. I’m going to show you
how.”

“I don’t want to learn,” I said
stubbornly.

I knew I sounded like a little kid who didn’t
get what they wanted. I was just so mad at my mom, and that my body
had betrayed me yet again. I was weaker than ever, and I was sick
of that.

Sam was having none of it. “I don’t care if
you don’t want to learn. I’m not giving you the choice. Now sit
up!” Sam said in a demanding voice that I never heard her use
before.

With a resigned sigh, I sat up and looked at
her.

“Okay, it’s simple enough. You know how you
briefly lose your breath when you kiss Mark? You need to copy that
feeling. When your emotions start to get out of control you need to
hold your breath and close your eyes. You need to deprive your
emotions of the oxygen they feed on. It will go against what your
instincts are telling you to do, because normally you suck air in
when an attack begins. You need to train your body to do the
opposite.”

It sounded simple enough and even though I
said I didn’t want to learn how, I hadn’t meant it. I was anxious
to get my emotions under control. I was sick of them dictating my
life.

I practiced for a few minutes with Sam, but
then I had to lie back down. I was exhausted from the emotional
upheaval that my body had gone through in the last twenty-four
hours.

I apologized to Sam as I drifted off to
sleep.

The dream woke me the usual way. I was able
to stifle my sobs and Sam slept on.

I headed to the bathroom, closing the door
softly behind me. I turned on the shower and stepped in. As the
water cascaded over me, I thought about how I was going to convince
my mom that Mark was the guy for me.

Last night it seemed impossible, but with the
new day, I was ready to try again. It was bad enough that we were
being separated in my dreams, but I was not going to let it happen
in real life.

I sat in my sitting area reading while I
waited for Sam to wake up. Once we were both ready for school, we
headed downstairs for round two.

My mom was already up and fixing breakfast
when we walked into the kitchen.

“Mom, can we talk about it?” I said in a
pleading voice.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I know you
think he’s you’re dream guy, but he’s just trying to manipulate
you. You’ve never dated and your still naïve when it comes to
guys.”

I felt the anger and other emotions well up
inside me. I tried Sam’s trick and held her breath. Smother them
back, I thought. It was much harder than I thought it would be and
went against every instinct I had, but miraculously it began to
work.

“You’re wrong Mom, he loves me, and if you
would just let us explain?” I said with a touch of anger in my
voice.

“I don’t want to hear explanations. I’m the
adult. I know more about the things guys do to get a pretty girl.
The subject’s closed; you’re not to see him again.”

“Mom, he’s in my history class, I’ll see him
in school. Please reconsider, you’re being unreasonable,” the
pleading tone entered my voice again.

“Krista, I forbid you to see him; you’re
grounded. I will pick you up after school, and I want your cell
phone before you go to school.”

“What about Sam?”

I could not believe how she was acting. She’d
never grounded me before. We had always gotten along. Why wouldn’t
she see reason?

“Sam can still stay over, we already told her
foster parents. Sam you don’t have to come home when I pick up
Krista in the afternoons, but I would like you back at our house by
at least six each night,” my mom said, addressing Sam for the last
part.

I felt the anger rise in me again. “You can’t
keep me away from him,” I shot at her as I turned and walked out
the door.

“Yes I can,” I heard her mumble.

I waited for Sam on the front porch. I used
Sam’s method to fight back the waves of emotions. It was a little
harder than it had been the first time.

I thought it was because a new emotion had
emerged, despair.

Sam came over and gave me a hug and a look of
sympathy.

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out and you
will see him in a little while. We’ll see what ideas the guys have.
It’s all going to work out.”

“I’m proud of you for controlling the
emotions,” Sam added.

Sam’s words cheered me up. She was right, in
a few minutes we would be at school and I would see Mark there. I
decided that I would go to his class before homeroom. I no longer
cared about keeping our relationship a secret anymore; I just
wanted to see him.

We walked briskly to school. Sam didn’t
protest the faster pace; she knew I was anxious to see Mark.

The front lawn was as crowded as ever and
everyone was buzzing. I didn’t give a second thought to what had
gotten them all gossiping so early in the morning. They probably
found out something shocking about another student and they were
busy spreading it around.