Meant to Be Yours: New Adult BBW College Romance (Derek and Jaike Book 2) (14 page)

He had done that to her. He had promised Jaike he was worth trusting, had sworn he would never hurt her but in the end, he had broken his word and because of it, he had ended up breaking her, too.

When the guard finished with his report, Derek commanded him to stay there. “Call me if anything’s up, thanks.” As soon as he was done with the call, he checked his inbox and exhaled when he saw the incoming message from his father’s staff.

He downloaded the report, and his face whitened with pain as he started to discover the truth about Jaike’s background.

As he read about Anthony Carras, he began to piece the clues together. He began to understand what drove Angelo to play the role of a guardian angel in her life. Now, he understood all the fears Jaike had struggled to conquer by saying yes to be his Sub and accepting him as her Dom. Now, he understood he had little chance of getting her back.

But because he was not the type to give up, he called her phone anyway.
 

Please.

Please.
 

Please just let me hear the sound of your voice.

****

Jaike’s phone began to ring in the middle of the night. Even without looking at it, she knew instinctively who it was. Her rational side told her she should ignore it, but because she was her mother’s daughter, she found herself crawling towards the bedside table and reaching for her bag. She shook out its contents, and her phone was the first thing to tumble out.

Her fingers trembled as she reached for it and answered the call. “Hello?”

Derek’s breath hissed in relief when he heard Jaike’s voice. “Thank God you answered.”

Her eyes began to ache as the tears started to form.

Over the line, he heard her begin to cry and an expletive escaped Derek. “I’m sorry, Jaike,” he said hoarsely. “Please, please don’t cry. Let me explain.”

But still she cried.

“God, Jaike, let me come to you,” he begged. “Let me comfort you. I love you. I love you. I truly love you.” He drew a deep shaking breath. “This morning, I came back to school. I wanted to give you your organizer, and that’s when I saw you…”

He waited for her to say something, but when she didn’t, he doggedly persevered, wanting Jaike to know the truth, every horrible bit of it. “I saw you with Valencia. He held your hand and you let him. I thought…I thought you’ve been playing with me all this time and that I was just your rebound.” He swallowed. “I wanted to give you a chance, so I texted you—”

She whispered, “I lied. I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. I thought I should explain it to you in person because if you were hurt by it, I w-wanted…” She broke off, choking. “I w-wanted to be there to comfort you.”

Derek’s throat constricted at the words. “I’m sorry. I was so fucking jealous…there was a part of me that always questioned whether someone could really love me and…God, when I saw you with Valencia…” His eyes closed as he remembered the agony he felt at seeing Jaike with another man. “
I snapped.
I have loved you for so long, Jaike. You were – are – my soul mate, the only girl made for me. It killed me to see you two together, and all I could think of then was revenge.” Humiliation seeped into his voice, and he gripped his phone hard as he made his confession. “I knew your pride and independence were what mattered to you the most, so I did what I could to destroy it.”

Derek’s words washed over her like a cure she no longer needed. She was numb all over, her heart encased in unbreakable ice. A heart that didn’t feel would never be hurt, and that was all she wanted. She would never let another man break her again.
Never again
.
Never.
It was all she could think of.

And because that was what she wanted, she said very clearly to Derek, “Thank you for explaining your actions, Derek. I forgive you. But I never want to see you again. I never want to talk to you again.”

****

When Angelo went to check on Jaike the next morning, he was stunned and alarmed to find her gone from his bedroom. Taking the stairs two at a time, he came to an abrupt halt when he found her seated in his living room. She had changed into one of the outfits she had in stock in his home, clothes he hadn’t been able to bear throwing away.
 

She stood up immediately at the sight of him, and right away he knew that Jaike had changed. Something was different about her – and whatever it was, it wasn’t a good thing.

“Thank you for letting me stay overnight at your place.”

The moment she spoke, Angelo knew what was wrong. It was like the Jaike he had known all these years had disappeared, the Jaike who had been a wonderful and enjoyable mass of contradictions, strong but vulnerable at the same time, shy but brave, solitary but compassionate. That Jaike was gone. The Jaike before him was cold, her heart no longer sad but not happy, either.

“You know you don’t have to leave.”

She shook her head. “I can’t be near you, Angelo. Not right now. I care for you, and it makes me…weak. I don’t want to be weak anymore.” A smile briefly flashed on her lips, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m sorry, Angelo. I just need to be alone right now. Thank you again. I appreciate all the help you’ve given me.”

This time, when she left, he didn’t stop her.

Chapter Twelve

When she and Derek had been with each other, it was as if time flew. But now that she was alone, she realized that time moved at a different place when a person’s heart wasn’t exactly…intact.
 

The first thing she did when she got home was send a message to Derek to have his things taken away while she stayed at Marcy’s place.
 

He had called her the moment he received her message.

She answered it, but only because she had something to say. “Please respect my wishes, Derek. I don’t want anything in my home to remind me of you. I hope you understand that.” She paused. “And please, please don’t call me again.” She hung up before he could answer and afterwards, she stared at her phone for a long moment.

She was waiting for herself to break down in tears, but she didn’t.

That was good
, Jaike told herself. Maybe one day, she could stop herself from remembering, too.

But more days passed, and still she remembered.
 

She would be in her shower and she’d remember the times he ran a bath for her. She’d be eating alone at her table and she’d remember the time he prepared breakfast for her. She’d walk to school and she would remember the time he woke up early to accompany her.
 

Everywhere she went…everyone she talked to…everything she saw…

Why couldn’t she forget him?

Why?

****

“If you really can’t bear to go back to your place, you should think of selling it,” Marcy suggested as they stepped inside the elevator that would whizz them up to her fourth-floor room at Margaret Hall.

“I can’t. It’s not mine. It’s Angelo’s.” She had finally opened up to Marcy and told her everything, from what she had witnessed of her mother’s toxic relationship with her lover – and what she, too, had ended up doing for Derek in the name of love. She had half-expected her best friend to change after her confession, but she didn’t. In fact, a good thing had come out of it, with Marcy being more forgiving towards Angelo.

Marcy rolled her eyes at her friend’s answer. “It’s not like he’s going to take it back from you. The guy’s
still
in love with you, for heaven’s sake.”

Jaike flushed. “He’s not in love with me, okay? He was just guilty about what I went through, which is stupid of course. He was never to blame for what my mom and his uncle did.”

Marcy began, “I know you’re still in your man-hating phase—”

She said stiffly, “It’s
not
a phase.”

Marcy shook her shoulders. “
It is.
” Her voice gentled. “It’s been
weeks,
Jaike. And no matter what you do, you can’t make yourself forget him, can you?”

Jaike didn’t answer. She didn’t want to.

The elevator doors opened and Jaike quickly stepped out, hoping it would put an end to the conversation. But it didn’t.

Marcy spun her friend around to face her. “Listen to me. I know Derek Christopoulos did a shitty thing. He probably did the shittiest thing a man could do to his girlfriend, and I’m not going to argue about that. But Jaike, you need to remember one thing. He did that fucked-up thing because he thought you betrayed him.”

“But I didn’t,” Jaike cried out.

“You’re missing the picture,” Marcy cried back. “He did it because he has always loved you and he was
hurt.
He’s not like Anthony Carras, who never loved your mother. He’s not even like Angelo, who didn’t have the guts to tell you about his feelings and risk your rejection. Derek loved you from the start – and we both know he’ll love you forever. He messed up, we all know that, but is it worth throwing away your happiness?”

“It is.” She didn’t even have to think about it. “It is, Marcy, because if it happens again, I really will go crazy. I won’t just kill myself like Diana did.” She closed her eyes, trying to shake the images of her mother’s lifeless body hanging from the ceiling out of her mind, but it was pointless. That was yet another thing she wouldn’t ever forget. “I’d probably end up killing him, too.”

“Then kill me.”

That voice—

Jaike spun around and saw Derek step out of the shadows. It was the first time she had seen him since…that time. He was thinner now, paler, like he had been sick. He was still gorgeous, but his usual vitality was nowhere to be seen, and the wicked amusement that usually gleamed in his glorious blue-gray eyes was gone as well.

“Can we talk?”

Jaike’s head snapped towards Marcy, about to beg her friend to help her escape, but Marcy was already shaking her head.
 

“You have to talk to him sooner or later.” Marcy wanted to cry at the way Jaike looked at her. It was as if Jaike felt Marcy was abandoning her. “Just talk to him and I promise, if things still don’t work out, I’ll never talk to you about him again. I’ll be the first to kick his ass if he tries to come near you.”
 

She drew her friend close for a quick, tight hug, and she started to cry when she felt how frozen with fear Jaike was. “Please, Jaike. Please just talk to him once. I just want to see you start living again.”

Marcy pulled away before Jaike could answer and a second later, her friend had disappeared inside her unit. Just like that, she was alone with Derek.
 

Behind her, she heard Derek speak again, his tone low and humble like she had never heard from him before. “Please, Jaike. I just want to talk.”

She wrapped her arms around herself.
Please, please stay intact.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she uttered the prayer inside her mind, knowing that if she allowed Derek to break her heart again, there wouldn’t be any way to mend it afterwards.

“Jaike?”

She forced herself to face him again, her breath catching the moment their gazes clashed. It hurt. Oh God, how it hurt to look at him again. Everything about
that night
came back and her heart started to crack.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped out when he saw the unimaginable pain flashing in Jaike’s dark eyes. She looked so damn beautiful, like an angel of light after having spent an eternity in darkness. He wanted to snatch her into his arms and tell her over and over that he loved her and he would never hurt her again.

But words were cheap, and it was a humiliating lesson he himself had taught her the night he broke her heart. He knew that now, too, and this time he was determined to let his own actions speak for himself.

“I’m sorry that even knowing how much I’ve hurt you, I’m still selfishly trying to get you back. I’m sorry that even knowing you deserve someone better than me – someone like Angelo Valencia, I still want you to be mine.”

When he paused, she forced herself to look at him and ask, “Is that all?” She saw him flinch at the coldness of her tone and told herself he deserved it.

“It’s not. I also want to tell you I love you. I love you so fucking much I know the day that I forgive myself will never come. I love you so much it would be my greatest happiness to be a slave to you and make it up to you. I love you so much that I know no other man could ever match my feelings for you. Or even come fucking close to how I feel about you.”