Meeting Destiny (34 page)

I could feel a warmth wash over me. For the first time I could feel his emotion as clear as I could anyone else’s. I knew what he was trying to say – I could feel it. Knowing what someone feels before they have the nerve to actually put it into words is never a good idea – I learned this lesson when I was five and had decided to paint my father’s car blue.

“
Me too.”

“
I’ve never been a jealous person, at least not until recently. I got all bent out of shape about you helping Paul. I knew you were doing the right thing, for the right reason, but I couldn’t help myself. I can’t stand feeling like this.”

Max didn’t look at me - here I was expecting him to come right out and tell me he was as madly in love with me as I was with him, and he was talking about Paul? Then my mind flashed to last night and Paul’s misinterpretation of my help as some sort of a come on, and the guilt began to wash over me.

When he continued it only made me feel worse, “I trust you, I just hope you get that I’ve never cared so much for anyone before, and I’m not very good at showing it – without coming off like a jerk.”

I was taken so much by surprise, which is doubly amazing given that thirty seconds ago I was sure he was going to use the, “L” word. “Max, from the first time I realized who you were, there was never a doubt in my mind that you would never have to share me with anyone.”

“
Realized who I was? I don’t understand, what do you mean?”

“
Max there’s so much I want to talk to you about.” I paused, nervous that I could potentially spoil our perfect day. There was no need to rush to start analyzing my dreams. How much was safe to say? His hand was still on my arm, and without thinking it through, I quietly added, “But it’s kind of a long story, and I know you have to get going to work.”

“
We don’t have to leave this minute. What do you mean by when you realized who I was?”

“
I told you about those dreams I had before we met?” He nodded that he remembered. “Well, it was really just one dream – the same one lots of times.”

“
So was I on the beach working on my tan or what?”

“
Before I get into the specifics on the dream I need to make sure you know that I…that I’m not making…I mean it’s not a joke…I just really…” I’d never been tongue-tied in my life.

Max stepped over his chair and scooped me up, then sat back down with me lying across him. Suddenly I had no desire to talk about the dream, about how hopelessly in love with him I felt, about anything. I wanted to pick up exactly where we had left off last night in his truck. This time my hands found a lot of exposed skin.

His hands held both my arms at my side, when he asked, “Lauren, I really want to know, what was this dream about?”

“
Before I scare you off with the dream…I think it only fair…I mean you should know…I mean I want you to know…” tongue-tied again.

“
Just say it.”

“
Max, I’m so in love with you I can’t think straight.” I can’t believe I just told him I loved him. This was his chance to bolt, but realistically hearing this was way easier to swallow than hearing the details from the dream I’ve had of him for the last four years. I’d keep looking at the ground until he reacted; if he laughed I’d pretend it was a joke.

I felt his fingers lifting my chin, and I still kept my eyes averted not wanting to be shot down. Max’s voice was gentle when he asserted, “Lauren, look at me...” I looked up and saw softness mixed with apprehension staring back at me. “Lauren, if you don’t mean it - take it back.”

Still not willing to meet his eyes and refusing to lie to him, I mumbled, “I do mean it.”

He pulled me to him in a tight embrace, silence the only thing between us. He whispered in my ear, “I need to know that I’m not imagining what you just said. My imagination has been in high gear lately, and I need to know that you really just told me that you love me.”

I nodded, not able to get a word out.

“
Lauren, I know you don’t know me very well, or at least not as well as I would like you to. But you have to understand that if it were in my power to
create
a person, more than a person - a partner, I would have created you.” My stomach started doing summersaults.

“
From the moment I saw you in the restaurant that night, my life changed. I could hardly concentrate on your injuries because I was so taken with you. That ride to the hospital was a nightmare; you’d lost so much blood and you just kept bleeding.

I was fixated on trying to stop the blood, while you didn’t seem to give your injuries a second thought. You’d just been shot, your body was leaking like a sieve and your heart started failing. When your heart stopped, I begged you to stay, did you know that?”

Max paused…I couldn’t form an answer.

“
I did heart compressions on you for twenty minutes, all the way to the operating room. All I could do was pump your heart for you, until we got to the hospital and I screamed at the doctor to get your heart going again. I don’t know how many times I called the hospital that night trying to find out where you were and how you were doing. When Dr. Gracie called me the next morning to tell me he had talked to you, and you were fine, I can tell you I didn’t think I would ever have a more significant moment in my life.”

I stared at Max in disbelief. He’d been taking things so slow and had turned down every one of my advances.

He continued, “That was until two nights later when we kissed, and it felt like gravity had let go, and you were a magnet holding me in place. I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything to scare you off, but you need to know that even though I didn’t want to wait three months to see you, I would have waited three years if I had to.”

Thinking back to my time in the hospital, I was thankful that I wasn’t hooked up to a heart monitor right now or the alarm bells would be deafening. I could feel my heart pumping. “Max, I don’t know what to say…” and truly I didn’t. My whole life I’d been so great at reading other people, I should have been able to tell that Max felt this strongly about me, and I wanted to tell him everything. I started to, but thought I’d better wait. “I couldn’t have waited three years.”

My thoughts were in a flurry. He knew that we were supposed to be together. Max felt the same draw I did. Could he have had the same dream I did? This attraction between us – how could it be so strong? Hearing his description of the night we met gave me goose bumps. I leaned closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder.

It didn’t sound like there was one note of humor in anything he had just shared. “Max, I’ve never been in love before, but this isn’t some crush. The whole time you were gone, it felt like time was standing still. I literally ached for you.”

It was Max’s turn to be silent. No reaction came for a long time; he was looking at me and I couldn’t read his expression. I’ve always been able to read anyone, even strangers who I only glimpse for a few seconds. Max was different. Other than that warmth a few minutes ago, he’d been like a blank sheet of paper – it drove me crazy to guess.

Finally, Max whispered, “At this point I’ve been trying to take it as slow as possible, not wanting to smother you. I would move a mountain one bucket of dirt at a time if you asked me to.” He took a deep breath. “The day I decided to give you some room and let you deal with the Seth situation was one of the hardest days of my life. I couldn’t get you outta my head, and I couldn’t stand to see you with Seth. I knew if I didn’t give you space I would be this enormously jealous guy who you would end up hating. So I took the easy way out - I left. But what you don’t realize is from that very first moment, I knew you were the reason for me to breath.” His amazing green eyes never dropped my gaze, and he took both my hands in his. “I don’t want to take you back to the city, I want you to stay here with me.” Max, without even a trace of apology in his voice, led me to his bedroom.

Max laid me on his bed gently and climbed in beside me. His hand was gliding over my arm and he leaned into my ear, “Lauren, I love you. I don’t know how I ever lived without you. I’m guessing that I probably wasn’t really living before you..”

If I don’t tell him now, I don’t know that I will ever have the courage to tell him in the future. “Max, can I tell you something really embarrassing?”

He kissed my shoulder, “You can tell me anything.”

“
That night in the ambulance, do you remember what I said to you?”

“
Are you kidding me? Of course I remember, I remember everything about that night. You might say that you made an impression on me.”

“
This is going to sound insane, so much so that I wasn’t sure I could ever tell you, but if I don’t tell you now, I may not ever have the nerve again.” He was paying attention, so I continued. “That dream that I had about you, before we met?” Max nodded because I had already shared that much with him. “In my dream you told me that we were each other’s destiny; that we would meet soon. You told me that we had certain things we had to accomplish while we were alive, and you and I chose each other before we were born. It was important that we be together. You told me that my courage was what would bring me to you. I know how it sounds, but I swear I’m not making it up. I wouldn’t even tell you at all except in every dream you told me that you wouldn’t remember me, that I would have to help you remember.”

He looked a little skeptical, “I don’t understand? You think you had a dream that I told you we were going to meet but I wouldn’t know you?”

“
Not exactly. I
know
I dreamed of you. The first time I had it, when I woke up I thought it was the strangest dream ever. I was so surprised by the clarity of it that I was embarrassed to share it with anyone. It was so vivid, it felt more like we had been two people talking all night long than it did any outrageous fantasy. Then I kept having it, night after night, since I was in high school. If that isn’t bad enough, that lady Rewsna I told you about? She knew all about my dream and I’ve never told anyone, ever.”

Max hesitated as if he didn’t want to offend me, then quietly asked, “So we’re supposed to be together to accomplish what?”

“
I wish I knew. You told me that my courage would bring me to you; that was how we were going to meet. So when I saw you in the restaurant that night everything clicked. I knew why I knew the robber was dangerous before he ever got to the counter. I knew the bullet was meant for me before he ever pulled the trigger.”

“
I’m not sure what you want me to do about this? Coming from anyone else I would think it a little far-fetched, but…”

“
But what? Do you know something?”

He shook his head, “Not the way you are talking about it. Even for someone so enamored with you, that’s a little hard to swallow. But I can feel an energy when I’m near you, not like anything I’ve ever felt. The night in the hospital when I first kissed you, I felt like a jolt of electricity came from you into me. I can’t describe it, but I knew there was something about you that wasn’t like anyone else. What else happened in the dream?”

He is actually asking; maybe if I just tell him the words he’ll know what they mean. “You said something about
Empathy, Trust, Virtue and….Passion
.”

“
What? What did I say about them?” These words meant no more to him than the definitions from a dictionary. His confusion was understandable. I remember the dream and I’m just as confused.

“
You told me courage would bring me to you. Not typical courage like reciting a report in front of a class, but real courage. When the thing happened at the restaurant, I wasn’t trying to be courageous, it just happened. Then when I saw you in the ambulance, I nearly panicked, not because I felt I was in any real danger, but because it was clear my dream was coming true. You held my hand in the ambulance and it was too much, my body felt like it was out of control. I know that you think it was from all the blood I lost, but I was fine until you touched me, my heart was trying to tell me who you were. When I woke up the next day, I thought the whole thing must have been my imagination. But then you came to my room and…and I knew that it really did happen and my dream was really coming true.”

I knew how irrational this sounded, and I wondered what he must be thinking. After a few seconds of silence, he asked, “So empathy, trust, virtue and passion, you don’t have any idea what that is about?”

“
You told me that I had to be courageous on my own, but that you would help me with the other four.”

A wicked smile flashed, “I’ve got to tell you that I don’t expect passion to be too difficult with you, and I am happy to oblige.”