Melted & Shattered (22 page)

“I’m not anti-Mexico. Why don’t you go to Morelia? They have great schools.”

“What? Dude. It’s a done deal. I signed on the dotted line. I’m going to Monterrey. Fuckin' deal with it.”

I pushed him aside and went to wash my face in the
bathroom. I didn’t have any more energy to argue. I was brushing my teeth when he came to the bathroom, leaning against the door frame.

“Let me at least take you. I have family there. I’ll make sure you’re set up in a safe place.”

“I’m renting a room by the university. I’ll be fine,” I told him while brushing my teeth.

“I can drive us. Save you money on a flight.”

“I have money,” I said while flossing.

José
crossed his arms. Like a statue, he stood unmoving and blocking the bathroom door.

“I’m going to bed. We can talk about this tomorrow.” Or not, but I was done for the night.
José wasn’t though, because he stayed in the doorway. “Move.” He shook his head. “Get out of my fucking way!” I yelled. I was tired and irritable.

“No. I’ll drive you,” he said, his voice raising. “I’ll drive you
.
Punto. No más del tema.
” He said this in Spanish with a slicing hand gesture. That hand gesture was universal. My mother used it, and it meant she was done with the conversation.

“Fine,” I said through gritted teeth. Being yelled at in Spanish was somehow worse than in English, especially coming from
José. I got the gist of it. He was done talking.
Punto
. Period. The rest didn’t matter. “Now will you move so I can take my ass to bed?”

José
turned and headed for the door. My shoulders slumped, thinking
what a day
when José stated before pulling my front door closed, “We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Oh my fucking
God. I fell into bed. Since I’d made the decision to go to Mexico, I’d slept much better. Maybe because I had a plan of action. Maybe because I’d been exhausted from dealing with everyone's reactions. Whatever it was, I didn’t care. I was just glad to sleep without tears, even if the nightmares remained.

Chapter 15

José, indeed, called the next day for the information about when I needed to be in Monterrey. He said he’d pick me up on Friday and we’d be there by Saturday. I told him I couldn’t get the key to the room I was renting until Monday, plus I wanted to hang with Chris and Aaron Saturday night. Though unrelenting in his insistence on driving me, he gave in to leaving on Sunday.

Wednesday I was at
the Center. As expected, the kids were sad that I’d be leaving, but they were excited for me as well. Penny brought a map of Mexico, Central, and South America that we hung on a bulletin board in the program room. She had little flag push pins with everyone’s name on one, including mine. Each teen put the pin where they were from. Most were born where their pin went, except Ramón and one other teen that were born in LA, so they put their pin where their parents were from. It was fascinating to see all the different places the teens were from. Many were from Guanajuato and the Guadalajara area. There were some from the northern states, and Angelica was the only one from Veracruz, all the way in the southern part of Mexico. I put my flag on Monterrey, less than two hundred miles south of Laredo, Texas. I asked Penny for another flag push pin and had Genesis put it where Sabinas was located. It was a little over fifty miles away from where I'd be studying. I was excited to see it on a map. Fernie said it was close, but I didn’t realize that close. If I could get a car, I could drive there on the weekends.

As promised, Penny had all the accoutrements for a scrapbook. There were pictures laid out, and I found myself tearing up when I realized how many of them I was in.
There were pictures of us at the museum, arcade, movie theatre, McDonald’s, and many other places we’d visited. In each of them, I was smiling brightly, surrounded by my teens all who looked happy. Happy. We were happy. I stared at the pictures, almost feeling as if there was no way that person in them was me. Remembering those times, I realized I was happy in every single picture. The anxiety I had about my first field trip was quickly replaced with anxiousness and excitement. I began looking forward to these times with my teens, times when we could goof off, and I could be a bit of a kid myself. 

It was hard looking at the ones Fe
rnie was in with me, as it made me miss him and pissed off that he was separated from his parents and siblings. I was dreading my last trip to County to visit him, knowing after that, I’d be visiting him in Mexico. Not that there was anything wrong with Mexico, but his parents’, like José’s, left for a reason. I still couldn’t get over the fact that he may never be able to come back.

“It’s OK, Elle.” Genesis came up and put her arm around my shoulder
. It was a bit of a reach for her since I was seven inches taller, so she stood on her tippy-toes holding me close. She knew more than any other teen why it was so hard for me to see pictures of Fernie, and I think she felt the same. It was unfortunate, but the night at the drug house had forged a bond between Genesis, Fernie, and I that could never be broken.

“Thanks. I’m going to miss you guys. You get it, though, right? Why I need a change of scenery to get my head on straight?” Teens being teens didn’t ask why I was goi
ng or how I was paying for it, they were just excited for me. Genesis had to know there was more to the story, and I wanted to gauge how much she picked up on.

“Yeah, I get it because I’m jealous.”

“That I get to see Fernie?”

“No.” She held her sleeve to her eye at the mention of Fernie’s name.
I passed her a napkin from my pocket, which she took and dabbed at her eyes. “I mean, yeah, but I’m more jealous that you get to leave. You know, get out of here and forget this whole summer.”

I put my arm around her shoulders, much easier for me to do standing taller than her, and consoled her the only way I knew how—
with silence. What was there to say? I had options Genesis may never have. I wasn’t going to tell her everything would be fine, or that she’d have options one day. That would've been a lie, and I liked the jeans I had on, preferring they didn't catch on fire. She leaned her head on my shoulder and wiped her eyes, making sure to salvage her eye liner and mascara. We stood there until she was able to get it together and go back with the other teens who were working on Fernie’s scrapbook.

I stopped in to Applebee’s before I came to pick up food for the teens. I didn’t feel like cooking and wasn’t going to make them eat pizza
, what Penny ordered when I wasn’t there to cook. Stopping at Applebee’s was also my chance to say goodbye to the other cooks. I timed it so I only had one hour. It was a strategic move so I didn’t get sucked into staying forever and getting drunk at the bar. The kids loved the chicken alfredo pasta, so I had Larry hook me up with a batch. Kevin even let me have it for free, which was out of his usual stingy character.

Penny made plates of food for the teens, while I supervised the making of the scrapbook pages. Marcos told a story about his childhood in Durango, and the others followed suit with their own stories. Some didn’t remember
much, as they were brought to the States when they were toddlers. Others were a bit older, ten or twelve, and were able to recount their trip across La Frontera—the Mexican/American border. The strength of their accents told me how young they’d been brought here. It seemed the earlier they came, the less of an accent they had. I wondered if I’d ever lose my English accent when I spoke Spanish. Well, I guess I’d have to actually master the language before I needed to worry about my accent.
One day at a time, Elle.

When we were finished, I had a beautiful scrapbook to take to Fernie, and the floor was covered in glitter. I stared at
it, thinking I should offer to help clean it up, but also thinking it was a terrible idea to let the teens loose with so much glitter. I got sentimental about Penny, the tiny ball of energy bursting with shine and sparkles, who welcomed me to the Center with open arms. I was lost in thought when the bus arrived and the teens started hugging me before running to the bus. I’d almost forgotten Fernie’s letter for Genesis. I ran after her.

“Here,” I said out of breath. “From Fernie. I’d wait until you get home to read it.”

Her eyes filled with tears again, and she threw her arms around my waist, squeezing tight. “Thank you for everything, Elle.”

“Oh, don’t cry. I’ll be back by Christmas.” How many times had I said th
at now? Back by Christmas.

Genesis got on the mini-bus, and I went downstairs to help Penny clean. She was sweeping glitter and crying. Oh my. I was kinda over everyone crying. She wiped her eyes as soon as I walked in.

“Want some help?”

“No, it’s OK. You shouldn’t clean on your last night here.”

“I’m not being shipped off to Iraq, I’m studying abroad for one semester. I’ll be back by Christmas.”

“I know. I’m just going to miss you, as will
the teens. They’ve really taken a liking to you.”

“I’ll miss you too, and the teens. Here give me the broom. I’ll sweep up
the glitter if you’ll do dishes. How about that for a compromise?”

She nodded and went to scrub plates in the sink. I started sweeping and instantly regretted offering. I left
the Center sparking like a disco ball, or one of Aaron’s friends from Dynasty. Man, this shit was going to get all over the Monte...

******

Saturday night, Aaron and I arrived at Chris’ house in the afternoon. I had all my bags packed at home so I could just get up and go Sunday. José was picking me up at eight in the morning. Much earlier than I’d prefer to wake up, but we had an eighteen hour drive ahead of us. I Facebooked with Fernie, and he said his grandma would let us stop in Sabinas for the night. Then Monday morning I’d go get the keys to my room, and handle business on campus.

Chris, Aaron, and I were in our usual places. Me and Aaron sprawled out on either end of the sectional, and Chris in the recliner. A pizza box, Hennessey, Patrón, and a bottle of Merlot were scattered around the coffee table and floor. I wasn’t getting hammered, but I did a couple celebratory shots with Chris and Aaron.

“That Patrón gonna be here when I get back, or you gonna drink it?” I asked Chris, knowing she preferred the dark liquors, but unlike me was open to anything.

“I’ll save you some. The Henny’ll be long gone.”

“Shit. That Henny’ll be long gone before I even set foot on Mexican soil,” I joked.

“Fuck,” Chris whispered. I looked over to see tears sliding down her face.

“Oh, no. She’s gonna blow,” Aaron teased. I looked at him with an evil expression on my face.

Sorry
he mouthed.

“
I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cry.” She fanned her eyes, unsuccessfully trying to get the tears to stop. “I’m just going to be so lonely without you. I feel like I barely got you back and now you’re leaving.” Chris gave up, and wiped the mascara trailing down her face with a Domino’s napkin. I pulled more out of my pocket and handed them to her.

“It’s OK, girl. I’ll be home by Christmas. You’ll get to spend more time at
Dynasty.”

Chris burst out crying harder. Shit. What did I say wrong? I looked at Aaron for the answer, but he just
held his palms out, turned up to express he was as clueless as me.

“What’s wrong?” I moved off the sectional and kneeled in front of Chris.

Through hiccupping sobs she said, “I’ll never find someone to fuck at Dynasty. It’s all Queens.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Oh, honey, I’m sure Aaron will go to some straight bars with you.” I turned to Aaron, who was looking at me like I’d just scalded him with hot water. If ever there was a time for dagger eyes, this was it. I shot them straight at Aaron.
Bulls eye.

“Alright
, alright. I’ll go to the straight bars. We’ll alternate weekends.”

“See, that’s,” I counted in my head, “less than eight nights at
Dynasty.” I turned to Aaron. “And eight nights at the straight bar of Chris’ choice.” He tried to give me dagger eyes, but I held my hand up like a shield and mouthed
say it
.

“
Yay, eight straight nights.” He gave the fakest smile ever known to man (or woman).

Chris dried her eyes and grabbed her purse. She dug
around in it. I knew any minute she was going to pull a lamp out. I held my breath. I’d settle for a potted plant, but I really wanted that lamp.

“I know you told me to get rid of this stuff, but I couldn’t.” She passed me the bracelet and necklace J made me. What the hell? This wasn’t a lamp or a potted plant. “Are you mad?”

“No,” I sighed. “I’m glad you kept them. What about the jacket and the vase?” I asked her to get rid of those too.

“Wellllll,” Chris started. She got up and came back from her bed
room with the jacket. “Come on, it’s the shit. I don’t have any sentimental attachment to it, plus, it fits.”

“You bitch!” But I hugged her, since she was right, t
he jacket was the shit. “What about the vase?”

She went back into her room and came out with a wrapped box. “I didn’t have any use for the vase, and Aaron said it was worth a
lot, so—”

Aaron cut her off. “We pawned it.”

I threw my head back and laughed. “You pawned the vase? For real?”

“Yeah. One of t
he times I left you with Larry, me and Aaron pawned it and bought you this, not that you’ll need it now,” she said, her voice trailing off at the end.

I tore the paper off the box and opened it. “The Wampa hat!”

“Yeah, you haven’t stopped talking about it since you read that book.”

“The Addicted to You series,” I filled her in.

“Sure,” Chris said, not having a clue how awesome Lily's Wampa hat was since she wasn’t a reader like me.

“I tried to talk her out of it.” I stared at Aaron. That bastard tried to stand in the way of me and
my Wampa hat? “It’s atrocious, and I knew you’d wear it all winter.”

I put the hat on my
head and gave Aaron the finger. But wait a minute... “That vase was worth over five hundred dollars. You had to of gotten more money from it than what the hat cost.”

“We did.” I looked at Chris to continue. “What?”

“Chris, you know what!”

“Fine. Me and Aaron split the money.”

“And did what with it?” I asked them both.

“I bough
t weed and alcohol,” Chris said with a shrug.

“Se
x swing.” Chris and I both turned to Aaron. How did he say shit like that so casually? “What? They’re expensive. And I needed one that could hold a lot of weight. You know I like the beefy guys.”

“Fuckin
' A.” That was the only response possible for a statement like that.

“What?” Aaron asked again, as if buying a high weight sex swing was an everyday occurrence.

There was really nothing to be said after that. We ate and drank a bit more, laughed a lot and cried a little too. Finally, I forced myself to say goodbye and head home. I wasn’t fucked up, but I was pretty tipsy, and I was driving in the morning. José didn’t know it yet, so I needed to be on my game. I got home and fell into bed. No tears. No nightmares. Just quiet, blissful, sleep.