Memoirs of a Courtesan in Nineteenth-Century Paris (34 page)

I took a gold louis coin out of my purse and put it on the red near his money. The banker was yelling, ‘‘Place your bets, gentlemen, place your bets! No more bets!’

He was turning a device that everyone was intently looking at.

‘ The black loses! The red wins!’’ the banker proclaimed.

‘ So you are playing now?’’ Lagie told me.

‘‘Yes, but I have only five louis!’’

‘And ten that you have just won, that makes fifteen,’ said the decorated gentleman. ‘‘You have let it ride twice, and look, red is winning again. You have twenty louis. Are you letting them ride?’’

I really felt like picking them up, but I was being called a coward, so I let them ride.

‘‘No more bets!’’

I turned my head so I would not see. My poor twenty louis were swallowed up by the black. I met Pépine’s eyes. She gave me a faint smile and retreated behind the red wool portiere.

She had just appeared to me like the devil. Well! I am ashamed to admit this, but I invoked Satan so he could help me win my forty louis back, and when I heard, ‘‘Black loses, red wins!’’ I made such a jump, I almost knocked two people over.

I went into the other room to count my winnings.

‘ Go back in,’ said La Pépine in hushed tones, ‘ and continue playing, but bet very little. . . .’

I went back to the game.

‘Are you taking your winnings?’’ asked Lagie.

‘ Of course not!’’

Mlle Pouron congratulated me on my lucky streak, because I continued to win. I had before me two thousand francs, in gold, which was rare at that time. Then the exchange rate was a louis and ten centimes.

I was very pleased and not at all sleepy. The candles were beginning to go out. Everyone looked tired and haggard. The rouge on some women had faded. The men who were losing, and who up until then had not spoken to me, hoping to be winners, were letting their bad humor show.

I won four thousand francs. I felt sorry for Brésival. I could see him searching through his pockets, placing his hand on his forehead, and looking at everyone. I pitied him, because he seemed to be in horrible

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Roulette

pain. I asked him if he wanted a few louis. He did not just take what I was offering him, he grabbed it. In a matter of five minutes he had lost what I had just given him. I was probably going to give him more money, when La Pépine, who was bringing chocolates to the players, stepped on my foot. I stopped looking at Brésival, who continued to eye covet-ously what I had in front of me. Suddenly he furiously banged his fists on the table, producing a dull sound because the table was covered with several layers of cloth. He threw himself on the roulette wheel and tried to destroy it saying he had been robbed and he wanted his money. I had fled into the other room holding on to my money, which I certainly intended to keep. In the first place, I had not won it from him.

La Pépine was gazing at the scene with glee.

‘ Thank you very much! I am leaving.’

‘ Where do you live?’’

‘At  Place de la Madeleine. I would like for you to come see me.’

I took off, giving ten francs to the servant who opened the door for me.

     ’ 

  

I spent the next day dashing to all my merchants to bring them money.

I paid them periodically because the thought of being in debt was unbearable to me. I used them when I needed credit. I knew that they charged me double, but I liked to buy, so I said nothing.

In those days, actresses and kept women could get credit only from a few special merchants. If I had gone to Ville de Paris to buy a dress and I had said, ‘‘Deliver this to Mlle Céleste, equestrienne,’ the parcel would definitively not have left the store until full payment had been made.

Today all the department stores, like Ville de Paris, Chaussée d’Antin, Trois Quartiers, Siège de Corinthe, deliver to your residence, and, if your purchases get there while you are out, they are left and you do not get the bill until six months later.

They use all forms of temptation. If I had not been deterred by a sense of rectitude, today I would have debts amounting to three hundred thousand francs; cashmere fabric, jewelry, carriage, furniture merchants—all used to make me offers of unlimited credit.

And so I brought money to my tradesmen, in person, in !

I bought a few dresses, some undergarments, and best of all, a travel bag trimmed in silver.

My gambling profits were going to my head. All I could think about was winning more so I would have a lot of money when Lionel came back.

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23

o

La Pépine

A Handsome Sort of Ruffian—Money Is Scarce, but Gold Is Flowing!—The Lover from Le Havre—The Italian Woman Leaves Avenged and the Le Havre Citizen, Contrite

   gone by since my evening on Rue de l’Arcade, and I was continually torn between the desire to go back and my better judgment, which told me not to. The fear of being caught at this house or of losing was stopping me, but the lure of winning drew me.

At eight o’clock in the morning I was relaxing when Marie and her big nose came in to announce that a lady wanted to speak to me. At my house it was not yet customary to wait patiently.

‘Am I disturbing you?’’ said La Pépine sitting down next to my bed.

‘‘Not at all; I was thinking about you. I won a lot the other day.’

‘‘Why did you not come back?’’

‘‘I admit that it would not be a bad idea to go back. All I have left is five hundred francs.’

‘ That is too much. Never bring that much to my establishment. You must bring only one hundred francs, and, if you lose that, stop playing.’

I had been wrong; she was not trying to help the banker get his money back.

‘‘Would you like to have lunch with me?’’

‘‘Yes,’ she said, ‘ only do not let any one else in; I must not be seen at your house.’

    

I had a very elegant dining room with carved oak furniture and stained glass windows. It looked a lot like a crypt.

We sat down to eat. I was afraid of this woman. No, not really afraid that she would hurt me, but afraid of her as a person.

‘‘I am so skinny!’’ she said showing me her neck. ‘ Oh! The life I lead

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La Pépine

is killing me! Staying up every night! Trembling with fear every time someone rings at the door!’’

‘‘Why do you do this kind of work?’’

‘‘It is because I have no choice.’

‘ What! You are forced to do it?’

‘‘Yes.’’

‘‘By this man who runs the games?’’

‘‘Yes.’’

‘‘But what has he done to you?’’

‘ I met him in Italy, in my country, where my mother had a shop. He was living under an assumed name with a woman, still beautiful in spite of her age. I was eighteen then, and pretty. I fell in love. This woman found me at his house and told me, ‘Poor wretch! You are ruined. Do you know who this man is? He is a swindler. He pursued me because I was rich. He ruined me, tortured me. Today, I have nothing left, so he has to get rid of me. Watch out, if you have nothing, he will sell you!’

‘‘My lover was so successful in persuading me that it was just jealousy making her speak this way that I believed him.

‘ ‘Listen,’ he told me, ‘we cannot live like this anymore. I do not have any money. If I had some, I would take you with me. If someone could lend us money, we could leave together. Or, if I had some money, I would give some to this woman to get rid of her.’

‘ ‘My goodness,’ I told him, ‘‘if I had some, I would lend it to you, but every week my mother sends her earnings to her business manager.’

‘ ‘Oh!’’ he said. ‘Are you not the one who runs the shop, keeps the books, the one who signs?’

‘‘ ‘Yes.’

‘ ‘If you wanted. . . . But you do not love me enough . . . and besides you do not trust me.’

‘ ‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘yes, I trust you.’

‘ ‘Well then, go get the money in the name of your mother; it will be handed over to you; then I shall give it back to you in a month, you will take it back, and no one will know the difference.’

‘ ‘If it were a small amount . . . , but maybe you need a lot.’

‘ ‘Yes,’ he said with a sigh, ‘at least ten thousand francs.’

‘‘My mother called to me early in the morning. She was not well. I went to see my lover at noon. His trunks were packed. I told him to wait until the next day. My mother had not gotten up. Encouraged at the thought that she might not be able to get up for a few days, I went

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La Pépine

to see my mother’s banker and told him she had a purchase to make and would need ten thousand francs.’

‘ ‘Has your mother given you a receipt?’

‘ ‘I shall give you one, that should suffice.’

‘ ‘For the boss, possibly,’ said the cashier, ‘but he is away. I must go by the rules.’

‘ ‘Away for long?’

‘ ‘For about a week.’

‘ I went to see my lover to tell him of my defeat. I told him to wait until the next day; I would try to reach my mother.

‘ ‘Do not do that,’ he said, ‘all would be lost. Just sign the same name as your mother’s, but add widow instead of daughter. . . . I shall have returned the money to you before she gets well.’

‘‘I went up to my poor mother’s room. I asked for her signature to pay a bill someone was requesting downstairs.’

‘ ‘Whose is it?’ she asked.

‘‘I gave her some name chosen at random.

‘An hour later, I was back with my money, which he took from me before I had a chance to give it to him.

‘ On his doorstep, I saw the woman I had met a few days earlier. She said to me, ‘Listen to me, you poor child! He tells you I love him and you believe him because you see me on his doorstep. He is fooling you.

I want him to give me back some jewels he has that are mine so I can sell them to pay for my trip. I am stranded here at the hotel where I am living. I am waiting for this scoundrel’s charity to get what belongs to me. Watch out for yourself !’

‘‘My mother was feeling better. He said nothing about returning my money, and pretended he was waiting for news from Paris. My mother told me she would be able to go downstairs the next day.

‘ ‘I am going to take you to Paris,’ he told me. ‘We shall return when I have what I need.’

‘‘For ten years now I have been dragging my miserable life yoked to his. He has me do all sorts of work. I implicated myself to protect him.

Sometimes I get the urge to kill him. . . .’

‘‘Why,’ I asked, ‘ have you not left him or turned him in?’’

‘ How could I have? When I arrived in Paris, I did not know a word of French. Turn him in? Was I not even more guilty than he?’’

‘ Does he cheat at the games?’

‘‘He is quite capable of it,’ she said in hushed tones, ‘‘yet I do not

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La Pépine

know. The old man I recommended to you is a promoter; he often brings people in, and he wins a lot.’

‘‘Why do you not leave him?’’

‘ Oh!’’ she replied, ‘ because I have no resources, but soon. . . .’

  ,    !

We finished lunch and went into my bedroom.

‘‘Listen,’ she said, ‘‘I liked you the first day I saw you. Would you like to do me a favor?’’

‘‘With pleasure, if I can.’

‘‘When I escape from this man, I want to take my things with me.

Would you let me send them to you a few at a time? You will not say anything, will you?’’

I promised.

‘ Come this evening,’ she told me.

I arrived at midnight. There were even more people than the first time. The game was lively.

Money was so scarce that the government had just allowed people more time to pay their debts and had opened national workshops.

Landlords were reducing their rents by a third, pensions were worth fifty francs, pawn shops were no longer lending anything above one hundred francs, and commerce was ailing! Well! On this table were mountains of gold, silver, and bank notes. The rate of exchange for gold was fifty francs per one thousand. Every day emigration was making it even more expensive. Where had they all gotten this money, with what difficulty and at what price had each one obtained it?

Present were some old beauties from Frascati who thought all this seemed pitiful compared to what they had known. One of them, called Blais, told me, when she saw me thrilled to have won a thousand francs,

‘‘Why, little one, you rejoice over so little! During one play I have had one hundred thousand in front of me. I used to have a carriage and magnificent diamonds, and I do not remember experiencing as much joy as you over these few louis. Women are really degenerating!’’

‘‘You should have kept some of your riches,’ I replied. ‘‘I hope that when I am your age, although I have possessed less than you, I shall have more left. You should keep quiet about these treasures that have not served you well.’

This woman was living in abject poverty. She had a son in the navy who sent her the little bit of money he earned.

My gaze met Pépine’s, and her eyes were telling me to play cautiously.

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La Pépine

I had won three thousand francs. I wanted to leave, when the sound of the doorbell made everyone jump.

‘‘It is the police!’’ the gamblers said all together.

‘ Open!’’ the master of the house told a servant, and at the same time he triggered a spring. The table opened down the middle and all the money disappeared into a false bottom.

Laughter drew us out of our stupor. It was a group of young men who had forgotten that there was a special signal to be let in!

    

The next day I was walking down the boulevard when someone touched my arm and said, ‘‘Finally it is you; I have found you.’

It was the shipwreck survivor from Le Havre whom I thought I had left on the coast for good.

‘ Oh my!’’ he said. ‘ Where have you been hiding? I have been in Paris for a month; I am not a boy from the provinces anymore. You did not deceive me. Your name really is Mogador. I was told all sorts of bad things about you, but I do not care. Where do you live?’’

I did not want to give him my address, but he would not leave. Since I had to go home, he followed me. At the door I said to him.