Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter (57 page)

Despite the optimistic note of this conclusion, despite the determined approval she gave to Pradelle's decision, Zaza couldn't keep the bitterness out of her letter; in order to set against ‘all created things' the supernatural joy ‘which at least depends on no other person in the world' it was obvious that she no longer hoped to be able to depend on anyone again. I sent an express letter to Pradelle, who wrote to her at once; she thanked me: ‘Since Saturday, thanks to you, I have been delivered from the phantoms that were tormenting me.' But the phantoms didn't leave her in peace for long, and she felt very much alone in the face of them. The very concern I felt for her happiness kept us apart, for I was furious with Pradelle, and she accused me of misjudging him; she had
chosen the path of renunciation and turned a deaf ear whenever I urged her to make a fight for her happiness. Moreover, her mother had given orders that I was not to be admitted to the house in the rue de Berri, and used all kinds of dodges to keep Zaza at home. Nevertheless we managed to have a long talk in my room, and I talked to her about my own life; the next day she sent me a note to tell me, in the warmest terms, how happy it had made her. But she added: ‘For family reasons which it would take too long to explain, I shan't be able to see you for some time. Wait a while.'

Pradelle had warned her that his brother had just left for Togoland and that for the next week he would be fully occupied in consoling his mother. Again she seemed to find it quite natural that he should sacrifice her for his mother; but I was sure that she was obsessed by fresh doubts and I felt dismayed that during the next week there would be no word from him to counteract the ‘lugubrious admonitions' doled out by Madame Mabille.

Ten days later I met her by accident in the Poccardi bar; I had been working in the Nationale, and she was doing some shopping in the neighbourhood: I accompanied her. To my great astonishment, she was bubbling over with gaiety. She had been thinking things over very carefully during the past week, and gradually everything had fallen into place in her mind and heart; she was no longer terrified even at the thought of her departure for Berlin. She would have lots of free time there, and would try to write the novel she had so long been contemplating; she would read and study: never had she felt such a longing for books. She had just rediscovered Stendhal, and admired him immensely. Her family detested him so completely that until now she had never quite succeeded in surmounting their objections to him: but while reading him again during the last few days she had finally come to understand him and love him without reserve. She felt a need to revise many of her former judgements: she had the impression that an important change had taken place inside her. She talked to me with an almost incredible warmth and exuberance; there was something frenzied in her optimism. All the same, I felt glad for her sake that she had drawn fresh reserves of strength from somewhere and I felt that she was going to be even closer to me than before. I said good-bye to her, and my hopes were high.

Four days later, I received a note from Madame Mabille: Zaza was gravely ill; she had a high temperature and frightful pains in
the head. The doctor had had her moved to a clinic at Saint-Cloud; she needed absolute quiet and solitude; she was not allowed to receive any visits: if her temperature did not come down, there was no hope for her.

I went to see Pradelle. He told me all he knew. The day after my meeting with Zaza, Madame Pradelle had been alone in the flat when there came a ring at the bell; she opened the door, and found a well-dressed young lady standing there, but who wasn't wearing a hat: in those days, this was ‘not done'. ‘Are you Jean Pradelle's mother?' the young woman asked. ‘May I speak to you?' She introduced herself and Madame Pradelle asked her to come in. Zaza stared all round her; her face was white as chalk, except for the cheeks which had patches of bright red on them. ‘Isn't Jean here?' she asked. ‘Why isn't he here? Has he gone to heaven already?' Madame Pradelle, who was frightened out of her wits, told her that he would be back soon. ‘Do you hate me, Madame?' Zaza had asked. The old lady said of course not. ‘Then why do you not want us to get married?' Madame Pradelle did her best to calm her down; she was in a less confused state when Pradelle came in a little later, but her forehead and hands were burning. ‘I'm going to take you home,' he told her. They took a taxi and while they were on the way to the rue de Berri, she asked him reproachfully: ‘Won't you give me a kiss? Why have you never kissed me?' He kissed her.

Madame Mabille put her to bed and called the doctor; she had a long talk with Pradelle: she didn't want to be the cause of her daughter's unhappiness, and she was not opposed to their marriage. Madame Pradelle wasn't against it either; she too didn't want to cause anyone unhappiness. It would all be arranged. But Zaza had a temperature of 104° and was delirious.

During the next four days in the clinic at Saint-Cloud she kept calling out for ‘my violin, Pradelle, Simone, champagne'. The fever did not abate. Her mother had the right to spend the final night with her. Zaza recognized her and knew then that she was going to the. ‘Don't cry for me, Mama darling,' she said. ‘There are outcasts in all families; I'm the outcast in ours.'

When next I saw her, in the chapel at the clinic, she was laid on a bier surrounded by candles and flowers. She was wearing a long nightdress of rough cloth. Her hair had grown, and now hung stiffly round a yellow face that was so thin, I hardly recognized her. The hands with their long, pale fingernails were folded on the crucifix, and seemed as fragile as an ancient mummy's. Madame Mabille was sobbing. ‘We have only been instruments in God's hands,' Monsieur Mabille told her.

The doctors called it meningitis, encephalitis; no one was quite sure. Had it been a contagious disease, or an accident? Or had Zaza succumbed to exhaustion and anxiety? She has often appeared to me at night, her face all yellow under a pink sun-bonnet, and seeming to gaze reproachfully at me. We had fought together against the revolting fate that had lain ahead of us, and for a long time I believed that I had paid for my own freedom with her death.

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Action Française, L'
35, 132, 257, 275, 327

Alain, 238, 239, 260, 292, 310

Alcott, Louisa M., 89–91, 104–5, 140, 209

Alix, Roland, 342

Andersen, Hans, 51

Aquinas, 234

Aragon, 234

Aristotle, 234, 337

Arland, Marcel, 187, 196, 228

Arlen, Michael, 325

Aron, Raymond, 275, 339, 344

Aulnoy, Mme d', 51

Avdicovitch, Stépha, 278–82, 284–9, 292–300, 301–6, 308, 313, 322, 332, 356

Ballet, 243, 304

Balzac, 197, 224

Bandi, 299, 300

Barbette, 309

Barrés, 186, 192, 194, 230, 231, 311

Baruzi, Jean, 262, 264, 305, 340

Baruzi, Joseph, 264

Bataille, 109, 144

Baty, 298

Beaudin, Abbé, 247

Beauvoir grandparents, 23–4, 31–2, 41, 80, 81, 103, 317, 319–20, 326

Beauvoir, Françoise de,
passim

Beauvoir, Gaston de, 25, 31, 32, 103, 190, 205, 213–16

Beauvoir, Georges de,
passim

Beauvoir, Jeanne de, 23, 97, 98, 99, 175, 178, 205, 216

Beauvoir, Marguerite de, 13, 25, 38–9, 41, 79, 89, 162, 205, 207, 215

Beauvoir, Poupette de,
passim

Beauvoir, Simone de: fear of death, 48–9, 64, 137–8, 231; diary, 188, 207, 242, 257, 288; views on marriage, 144–6; pacifism, 238; patriotism, 26–8; religion. 9, 29–30, 41, 57–8, 73–5, 88–9, 125–6, 132, 133–9, 171, 228–9, 247, 253–4, 261; knowledge of sex, 19, 38–40, 82–8, 100–1, 109–11, 161–7, 171; early writings, 52–3, 140–2, 191–2, 208, 211, 241–2, 252, 258, 263, 264

Bécassine, 51

Benda, Julien, 247

Bergson, Henri, 207–8, 234

Bernard, Tristan, 109

Bernstein, 109

Bibliothèque Cardinale, 70

Bibliothèque Nationale, 283, 304

Blanchard, 172

Block, Jean-Richard, 228

Boigue, Suzanne, 224, 225, 235–6, 247, 251, 260, 274, 288, 305, 309, 332

Boissier, Gaston, 147

Boncour, Paul, 237

Bourget, 32, 109

Bouteron, Marcel, 177

Boyer, Charles, 172

Braque, 202

Bréhier, 304–5

Bresson, Riquet, 268–70, 291–3, 315, 346

Bréville, Geneviève de, 254–5, 257–8, 355

Brunetière, 155

Brunschvig, 230, 234, 266, 304, 310, 311, 344

Caillaux, 65

Callavet, 35, 109

Candide,
237

Capus, 35, 109

Cauterets, 205

Cervantes, 304

Cézanne, 298, 309

Chadourne, Marc,
Vasco
, 263

Chantepleure, Guy, 89

Chaplin, Charles, 53, 241, 264

Châteauvillain, 146, 185

Chekhov, 304

Chevalier, Maurice, 264

Ciné-Latin, 241, 287

Cinema, 53–4, 241, 287–8, 304

Clair, René, 202

Clairaut, Pierre, 275, 281, 286–92, 297, 305, 309–12, 318–22, 327–9

Claudel, 186, 194, 195, 240, 246, 253, 290

Cocteau, Jean, 185–6, 202, 203, 243, 309, 310, 321–2

Colette, 109, 155, 176

Collège Stanislas, 32, 121, 177, 199

Colline, 160

Combes, Émile, 35

Comèdia,
35

Cooper, Fennimore, 81

Copeau, 172

Coppée, François, 178

Corneille, 112

Cours Désir (Institut Adeline Désir), 21–2, 28–9, 42, 59, 67–8, 70, 93, 95, 99, 106, 112, 116, 122, 123–4, 150–1, 155, 161, 184, 251, 263

Cours Valton, 199

Damia, 243, 320

Daniélou, Jean, 327

Daniélou, Mme, 168, 223

Daudet, Alphonse, 32, 109, 172

Daudet, Léon, 35, 257

Daumal, René, 262

Démocratie Nouvęlle, La,
132

Descartes, 223

Dickens, Charles, 130–1, 172

Divonne-les-Bains, 25, 34–5

Dostoyevsky, 195

Dreyfus, 35, 178

Du Bos, Charles, 321

Du Moulins de Labarthète family, 256–7, 278, 282

Dulac, Germaine, 304

Dullin, Charles, 172, 202, 203, 241, 298

Dumas, Georges, 261–2

Duncan, Isadora, 319

École des Chartes, 159

École Normale, 245–6, 262, 287, 309, 335

Eliot, George, 110–11, 140, 209, 323

Équipes Sociales, 173, 224–5

Esprit, L'
236

Europe,
237

Faguet, 155

Fairbanks, Douglas, 288

Fargue, 266

Farrère, 109

Fayet, Mile, 21, 22, 68

Fernandez, Ramon, 196

Fernando, 285, 289, 292, 295, 297–9, 306, 308, 332

Flers, 35,109

Fleuriot, Zénaïde, 50, 55

Foch, Marshal, 71

Foggezzaro,
Daniel Corthis,
143

Fort, Paul,
Charles VI,
152–3

Fouillée,
The Power of Ideas,
157

Foujita, 214

Fournier, Alain, 185, 186, 196, 201, 221, 222, 225, 234, 252, 263, 289, 294, 323, 339

France, Anatole, 107, 135, 189, 195

Friedmann, 236, 237

Fumet, Stanislas, 195

Funck-Brentano, 128

Gabriello, 35

Gantillon,
D
é
parts,
298

Garric, Robert, 168, 173, 179–81, 183, 184–5, 197, 198, 200, 204–6, 208, 210, 224, 225, 227, 327, 344

Gaulois, Le,
98

Gégé, 306–7, 314–15, 320

Gendron, Anne-Marie, 123, 148

Gendron, Clotilde, 148, 149, 156

Germaine, Aunt, 146, 166, 199, 201, 213, 215, 268–9, 269, 288, 348

Gide, André, 183, 186, 190, 194, 195–6, 217, 230, 244, 281, 292, 308

Giraudoux, 187, 292, 302

Gobineau, 36, 130

Goethe, 205, 304, 308

Goncourt brothers, 109, 155

Gontran, Mlle, 65, 124, 150, 229

Grand Jeu, Le,
262

Greek, 178, 240, 245

Grimm brothers, 51

Guéhenno, 327

Guérin, Eugénie de, 142

Guitry, Sacha, 35, 109

Hamelin, 234

Hegel, 230

Heine, 232

Hélène, Aunt, 24, 26, 31, 67, 77, 78, 85, 86–7, 164, 267

Helm, Brigitte, 287

Herbaud, André, 310–15, 318, 319–25, 328, 329, 331, 332, 334–40, 345

Hippolyte, Jean, 295

Hugo, Victor, 36, 106–7, 122, 197, 224

Humanit
é
,
239

Hume, 305, 310

Hylton, Jack, 336

Ibsen, Henrik, 172

Institut Catholique, 168, 173, 186

Institut Sainte-Marie, 173, 179, 204, 235, 259, 262

Ivoi, Paul d', 51

Jacob, Max, 202, 226

Jammes, Francis, 186, 202, 225, 245, 258, 290

Jarry,
Ubu-Roi
, 246

Jolson, Al, 304

Jouvet, 172, 241, 277

Joyce, James, 266

Kant, 207, 217, 223, 257, 305, 310, 314, 321

Keaton, Buster, 288, 337

La Grillière, 23–4, 25–6, 59–60, 67, 76–80, 85, 126, 129, 164, 207, 267

La Rochefoucauld, 112

Laforgue, 202, 232, 258

Lagache, Daniel, 275

Lagneau, 242

Lahr, Père, 157

Laiguillon, Ernest, 199

Laiguillon, Germaine.
See
Germaine, Aunt

Laiguillon, Jacques, 60–1, 121, 147–349 passim.

Laiguillon, Titite, 60, 121, 146–7, 163, 199, 201, 203, 215, 277, 348

Lalande, 322, 329

Lambert, Mlle, 168, 173, 183, 185, 204, 222–4, 226, 228, 229, 245, 247, 251, 259–62, 267–8, 288, 332

Lanson,
Histoire de la littérature française,
36

Laporte, 296, 304–5

Larbaud, 187

Latin, 179, 204

Laubardon, 167, 254–9, 276

Laurie, André, 51, 113

Law, 168

Layton and Johnstone, 314, 336

Lebon, Gustave, 157

Lefebvre, Henri, 236

Lehmann, Rosamund,
Dusty Answer,
357

Leibniz, 235, 266, 268, 270, 279, 334—5, 336

Lejeune, Mlle, 122–4, 150, 154, 159, 163, 168

Lemaître, Jules, 155

Lenôtre, 128

Lévi-Strauss, 294

Lili, Aunt, 9–11,13, 37, 52, 63, 64, 84, 89, 102

Louise, 5, 6, 8, 9, 11–13, 15, 16, 18–19, 21, 25, 29, 30, 37, 42, 63, 64, 84, 97, 131

Lourdes, 206–7

Ludwig, Emil, 308

Mabille, Elizabeth, 91–360
passim

Mabille, Guite, 92–3, 114–17, 120, 145, 152, 161–2, 222, 240, 249–50,
254–7, 260, 276–7, 284, 287, 289, 301–3, 330, 332–4, 353, 357, 358, 359, 360

Mabille, Lili, 115, 116, 149, 163, 222, 255–7, 278–9, 303, 304, 309, 332, 333–4, 353

Mabille, Monsieur, 92, 114–17, 133, 145, 150, 168, 204, 221, 256, 360

Mabille, Thćrèse, 167–8, 173, 182, 197

Madeleine (cousin), 24, 60, 78–9, 85–7, 89, 90, 99, 101, 109, 129, 162, 164–6, 271, 317

Madelin, 128

Magda, 268, 316, 346

Mallarmé, 121, 202

Mallet, Jean, 238, 243–4, 260, 288, 292, 299, 305, 311, 320

Malot, Hector,
Sans Famille
, 51, 130–1

Malraux, André, 223

Malvy, 65

Manet, 309

Marcel, Gabriel, 321

Marguerite, Victor, 178

Maritain, 234

Martin, Abbé, 29, 58, 73, 88, 134–5

Marx, 230

Massis, 204

Mathematics, 150, 160, 168, 173, 178, 204

Matin, Le,
35

Matisse, 202

Maupassant, Guy de, 32, 109, 189

Maurey, Max,
Le Pharmacien,
107

Mauriac, 187, 219, 230, 240, 254, 290, 309

Maurice, Uncle, 24, 66–7, 78, 85,164

Maurras, Charles, 35, 184, 257, 288, 298

Maxence, 327

Meredith, George, 294

Merleau-Ponty, 294

Meulan, 148

Meyrignac, 24, 25–6, 32, 79–82, 103, 124–6, 206–8, 216, 251, 317, 319, 345

Miller, Hans, 302, 303

Mirande, 190

Mohrange, 236

Monet, 309

Monnier, Adrienne, 186, 222, 266

Montaigne, 120

Montalembert, 258

Montherlant, 186

Morlay, Gaby, 172

Musset, Alfred de, 109

Nietzsche, 284

Nizan, 290, 309–12, 321, 325, 328, 331, 334–9, 344

Noailles, Mme de, 231

Nodier, Pierre, 236, 237, 344

Noël-Noël, 160–1

Nouvelles Litt
é
raires, Les,
290, 342

Nouvelle Revue Française,
196, 228, 229, 290, 321

Ollé-Laprune,
Moral Certainty,
157

Painting, 241, 309

Péguy, 183, 196

Perrault, Charles, 50–1

Petite Illustration, La,
109

Philosophy, 157–60, 222–3, 234, 242, 244–6, 304–6

Picasso, 202

Pitoëff, 172, 241

Plato, 234

Podrecca, 299

Poincaré, Henri, 158, 196

Politics, 129–30, 133, 236–9

Politzer, 236, 237, 339, 344

Pradelle, Jean, 245–359
passim
.

Pradelle, Mme, 359

Prévost, Jean, 196, 266

Prévost, Marcel, 32, 109

Prokofieff, 243

Proust, 187, 190, 246, 281

Quermadec, Lisa, 262–3, 275, 285, 287, 292, 296–7, 306, 308, 320, 321, 326–7, 328

Racine, 112

Radiguet, 187, 258

Rether, Antoine, 166

Renan, 35

Renoir, 309

Revue des Deux Mondes,
258

Revue des Jeunes,
183

Riaucourt, Lucien, 103, 234, 268, 293, 315

Riaucourt, Odile, 346, 348

Ribot,
Attention,
157

Riesmann, Michel, 244–5, 246, 251, 260, 264, 288, 314, 332, 340

Rigadin, 25

Rivière, Jacques, 202, 222, 263, 339

Robert (cousin), 24, 78, 79, 164, 165

Rodrigues, 294

Rolland, Romain, 238

Romains, Jules, 290

Rostand, Edmond, 35, 36, 71, 109, 121

Roulin, Abbé, 139–40

Rousseau, 335

Sacco and Vanzetti, 238

Sangnier, Marc, 132

Sanson, Father, 194–5

Sarment, Jean, 317

Sartre, Jean-Paul, 275, 309–12, 319, 321, 328, 331, 332, 334, 335–6, 337–45

Sauguet, 243

Schmid, Canon, 51, 54, 109

Schopenhauer, 231, 234

Ségur, Mme de, 19, 50, 55, 82, 105

Sertilanges, Père,
Intellectual Life,
157

Sillon, Le,
133

Simon, Michel, 241

Simone, 176

Simone, Aunt, 163

Sirmione family, 15–17, 35

Sorel, Cécile, 71

Soupault, Philippe, 263

Soutine, 298

Spinoza, 223, 305, 343

Staël, Mme de, 298

Stendhal, 311, 314, 343, 358

Stravinsky, 243, 263

Strindberg, 304

Strowski, Fortunat, 173

Studio des Ursulines, 202, 241, 287

Studio 28, 287

Sudermann, 301

Swetchine, Mme, 148

Swift,
Gulliver's Travels,
60

Sylla, 311

Taine, 36

Tessier, Valentine, 314

Theatre, 33, 34–5, 53, 54, 71, 152–3, 160–1, 177, 241, 264, 271, 288

Théricourt, Marguerite de, 102–3, 148, 156, 163–4

Tinayre, Marcelle, 144, 183

Töpffer, 51

Trécourt, Abbé, 150, 153–4, 157, 158–9, 160, 174, 223

Tucker, Sophie, 335–6

Utrillo, 314

Vailland, 262

Valéry, Paul, 186, 194, 230

Vaulabelle,
Two Restorations,
133, 229

Vautel, Clément, 35

Verhaeren, 245

Verne, Jules, 51

Veuillot, Louis, 116, 258

Vieux-Colombier, 241

Voltaire, 122

Weil, Simone, 239, 245

Weiss, Blanchette, 239–40, 244–5, 251, 265, 322

Wilson, Woodrow, 128

Yver, Colette, 104, 176

Zanta, Mlle, 160, 188

Zaza.
See
Mabille, Elizabeth

Zola, Émile, 107

Zweig, Stefan, 304