Memories of Another Day (39 page)

Daniel introduced us and there was an awkward pause when they heard my name, so I excused myself and walked down to the end of the ward. They remained there about fifteen minutes. Then they left, walking silently back down the ward, never once looking back to see me. I went back to Daniel.

There was an expression on his face I had never seen before. As if all the muscles had turned to stone and only his eyes were alive, burning with a coal-black anger. There were papers lying on the bed sheet in front of him, but his big hands were clutched into fists so tight that I thought the knuckles would burst through the taut white skin. After a few moments, he picked up one of the papers and held it toward me, with hands he could hardly restrain from trembling.

It was on the stationery of the Steelworkers Organizing Committee. In view of his past and valuable services, the executive board had agreed not to accept his letter of resignation dated before his injury. Instead, they had voted to retire him with one month's severance pay and a pension of twenty-five dollars a week for a two-year period beginning thereafter. In addition, they would assume the hospital expenses over and above what was supplied by the public services and wished him every success in whatever future

endeavor he might undertake. It was signed by Philip Murray.

I looked at him. There was nothing I could say.

* * The strike is lost, ' * he said. * * You know that. "

/ nodded.

''Ten dead on Memorial Day in Chicago; less, than a month later, twelve dead in Youngstown, over a hundred men crippled and injured; and now iVs over. They walk away from it, while the men drift back to work like beaten dogs. We'll get them next time. Meanwhile they go back and play their games of power, and the men who went on the line for them, bled for them and died for them are nothing but junk. To be thrown away like a lemon squeezed dry for which they have no further use.' *

His eyes had gone from coal black to glacial. His voice had a passion I had never heard before. "They think Vm finished. That I won't walk again, that I won't function. And that's another mistake they can chalk up to their credit. Just like the strike they should never have begun. A strike they knew they could not win."

His eyes tore into mine. "I'm going to walk again. And you're going to help me."

I nodded,

"The first thing you have to do is get me out of this place where the only word you hear is 'Sorry.' "

"Where will we go?" I asked.

His voice was suddenly very soft. "Home."

July 16, 1937

We got off the train at Fitchville. I left him sitting in a wheelchair surrounded by valises on the station platform while I went down the street and bought a '35 Dodge touring car for two hundred and ninety-five dollars. Then we drove up the back roads far into the hills to the place he called home. It was not even a ramshackle cabin anymore. It was a blackened,

burned'Out hulk. He stared at it impassively for a moment, then turned to me.

'^Tomorrow morning, you go back into town, hire the four biggest colored men you can find at a dollar a day and found. Then go over to the general store and buy each man a hammer, a saw, an axe, some lumber and a barrel of twopenny nails. Then get enough victuals to keep them for a week. Beans, fatback, coffee and sugar. Get whatever you like for us.''

He saw the expression in my eyes when he turned to look at me. ''Don't worry," he said. ''It's going to be all right."

"You sure you want to do this, Daniel?" I asked. '*We can still take Uncle Tom up on his offer." It had been just a few days ago that Uncle Tom had agreed to pay for all the therapy, but only on the condition that Daniel sign an agreement whereby he would never work in the union movement again.

Daniel had refused. "No more deals with anyone. For or against the unions. I'm keeping my options open. The only man I trust is me."

He ignored my question. "We'll sleep in the car tonight. Tomorrow we'll move into the house after the men clean it up."

He stretched out on the back seat as comfortably as he could. I used the front seat because it was easier for my legs to go under the steering wheel. Sometime during the night I woke up. He was sitting on the back seat, looking out at the house. When he heard me, he turned his face to me.

' 'Are you all right?" I asked.

He nodded. "Will you do me a favor?"

"Of course. What?"

"Think you can manage to sit on my face?"

"Only if you let me suck you afterward,"

For the first time in a long while I heard him laugh. That was when I knew it would really be all

right. He held out his arms toward me. '*Come here, baby/' he said. *'We*re home.**

August 28, 1937

Dr. Pincus, the orthopedist, finished his examination. All afternoon, he had tapped and probed and checked. He had watched Daniel walking. With crutches. Then on the long runway of parallel bars, moving his legs stiffly, but moving them neverthless, while supporting himself with his arms. Then on crutches again, with a brick tied under each shoe to give them extra weight so that greater effort was needed to make each leg take a step. Finally the ex-amination was completed and Daniel stretched, exhausted, while Ulla began to massage and knead his legs from thigh to toe.

The doctor walked out into the field with me. *7 can*t believe it. A month ago I would have said what he just did was impossible.**

'*You don*t know Daniel,** I said.

''But everything he*s done was wrong. It goes against the theory of musculature repair under which we work.**

''Maybe there*s something wrong with your theory,** I said.

He looked at me. "Where did Daniel get his ideas?**

"From two books he ordered by mail.HSernarr MacFadden*s Bo&^ BuMingand Charles Atlas* Don't Be a Ninety Seven Pound Weakling."

"And the therapist? Where did she come from?**

"Mrs. Torgersen, who takes care of Daniels son in California. She used to work with her in a hospital and wrote us about her. She was an expert on orthopedic massages in her own country.**

Dr. Pincus shook his head. "I saw it, but I still don*t know whether I believe it. But Vm not going to

fight it. It*s working. At this rate, in another month he'll be walking.''

''That's what Daniel said. By September thirtieth he's going to walk out of here."

Dr. Pincus nodded. '7 think I'd better come down every week now to check him out. I wouldn't want him to overdo it and run into a real setback."

September 10, 1937

Daniel threw away the crutches. He is now walking around with the support of only two canes. He is beginning to try to walk even without them, but when he takes more than a few steps his legs go out from under him. Ulla picks him up as if he were a baby and chides him for trying to move too quickly. He must move slowly at first. He shakes his head stubbornly and starts out again. This time she catches him even before he falls. Then, as if he were a child, she holds him up with her hands under his armpits and puts him down in a chair and makes him rest. I don't know which of us was more surprised when she did that, Daniel or me. She is a big woman, almost six feet, massive-breasted, broad-hipped, strong legs.

She knelt at his feet, unlacing his shoes. ''Unbutton your pants," she commanded.

He looked up at me. I laughed. "Better do as she says or she may beat you up."

He opened his belt and unbuttoned the pants. Expertly she slid them off and stretching his legs across her knees, began to massage them. "The trick is to keep the circulation up so that the muscles do not get stiff and tight."

"Sure," he said, looking at me uncomfortably.

I laughed and went inside. It was almost time for me to start dinner. Ulla and I take turns cooking. Today was my turn.

September 27, 1937

I suppose subconsciously I knew that he was fucking Ulla but I wouldn't admit it. Ever since that day I saw her pull his pants off to massage his legs and noticed the swelling in his underwear. But I didn't face it until I walked in on them, I returned from Fitchville, where I had gone to take Dr, Pincus to the train station. The doctor had been continually amazed at Daniel's progress. He had never seen anything like it before. Already Daniel was beginning to take short but still shaky walks without the cane.

''The human willpower," Dr. Pincus had said on the drive down, *7 don't think we'll ever understand it. Bones were broken, nerves, muscles, tendons torn apart in both legs. According to the book there is no way he could ever do what he is doing.'* He glanced at me, his eyes twinkling. 'Til never believe anything anymore. Not even the nursery rhymes. Humpty Dumpty can be put together again. Only he has to do it himself."

Then the car stalled on the way back and I had to walk the last quarter-mile to the cabin. They were naked on the floor. She was on her back, her massive white breasts thrusting upward like twin mountains while she held her legs apart and back against her belly with her hands under her knees. He was poised over her, supported by his arms, hands fiat against the floor, his legs straight out behind him. She groaned with pleasure as he slammed into her again and again until he collapsed in orgasm, coming to rest against her Junoesque body.

She stroked him gently, speaking almost as if he were a child, "That vass very gut. Ven ve are finished, your legs vill be ass strong ass your prick."

I tried to close the door quietly before they could see me, but he looked up just at the last moment. I finished closing the door and sat down on the small porch. About ten minutes later, he came out, walking

with the help of his two canes, and sank into a chair next to mine.

We didn't speak for a long while. Then he finally spoke, *7 suppose you wonder what we were doing?''

''I know what you were doing. Fucking."

He laughed. ''That's right. But what else?"

''What else could it be?" I asked sarcastically. ' 'Fucking is fucking.''

"It's part of my rehabilitation" he said.

"Ohy sure" I said, skeptically. "But your cock was never broken — only your legs."

"It's a kind of push-ups."

"I could see that."

"Really. It's a way of exerting pressure on the legs."

I couldn't help it. I began to laugh. "The pleasure was just incidental?"

He grinned. "You know me. I never could resist a little pussy."

"That wasn't a little pussy " I said. "That was a lot. Even for you."

He laughed and reached for my hand. Then he was serious. "I'll send her away if you want."

"No/' I said. "There's just one change I'm going to make."

"What's that?"

"If you have to exercise, you're going to do it with me. I've been too easy on you. Always on top so that you wouldn't strain yourself. Now you can go back to work and I'll lie back and enjoy it."

October 10, 1937

He's walking. When he's tired, with one cane. But he's walking. Today I took Dr. Pincus and Ulla to the train. The doctor was so impressed with her that he was taking her back to Washington to work in his office. He didn't know it, but with the kind of physical therapy she was ready to give his patients he

would have to become the busiest orthopedist in the country.

When I got back to the cabin, Daniel was sitting on the porch, a drink in his hand, puffing on a cigar, A bottle of whiskey and another glass were on the table next to him. He poured some for me. ''We did it.''

'*You did it,'* I said, holding the glass toward him. We touched glasses and drank. ''Now what do we do?'*

"First, Fm going out to California to see my son. Fhen I got to get me a job."

"Going back with Murray?"

He shook his head, black anger flashing in his eyes. "He can go fuck himself."

"Lewis?"

"Not as long as Murray is with him."

"You can still talk to my Uncle Fom."

"You know better than that. FII find something. Maybe even start my own union."

"Your own union? In what industry? It seems to me that everything is covered now."

"Not everything," he answered. "Fve been thinking that the union members themselves need some kind of protection against their leaders."

"Fhat doesn't make sense," I said. "A union within a union."

He laughed. "Who knows? It might come down to that. When I see the things done to the union members by their leadership, I begin to wonder exactly for whose benefit the whole thing is run. But Fm in no hurry. Fhere's time for that. Fve got to get around more. Fhere's still lots I have to learn."

"And what about me?" I asked. "What am I supposed to be doing while you're doing all this?"

He refilled his glass. "You have your job with your uncle."

"I left that," I said. "I cati't go crawling back to him now. You know that."

'*Welly you don't need the money anyway. You have money of your own,'*

*'You're not answering my question, and you know it/' I was getting angry, 'Tm not talking about a job, I'm talking about you and me."

He didn't answer.

* * You know I want to marry you.' *

He still didn't answer.

**rm two months pregnant. Dr. Pincus confirmed it."

The glass shattered in his hand. Angrily, he flung it away from him, the whiskey and the blood from his fingers spattering against the wooden rail. His voice was thick. *'No, godammit! You're not going to do that to me. All you women are alike. You think your cunts can nail a man down. Tess did that to me and fucked up my life. I'm not going to let it happen again." He got to his feet and went to the door. ''You get yourself an abortion or do whatever the hell you want. It's your baby, not mine."

The door slammed behind him, and I heard the crash as he stumbled and fell. I opened the door and looked down at him stretched out on the floor. He turned his head, and his eyes stared up at me angrily.

''Fuck you!" I said, and closed the door on him. It was the first time there was no one there to pick him up when he fell.

October 15, 1937

I had my abortion today. The doctor wouldn't tell me whether it was a boy or a girl. It's raining in Chicago. I haven't heard from Daniel. I don't know why I can't stop crying. The doctor says he's coming back to give me a shot so I can sleep.