Memories: Volume 9 (The Lillian Rayne Series) (3 page)

I
was slightly curious about who he was. He didn’t seem like he was a threat;
then again he didn’t seem like a fan either. I looked around trying to decide
whether I should stay or go. So far the bartender hadn’t offered me a drink. I
had a feeling I wasn’t welcome here. I decided to leave before I got into any
trouble.

I
turned to walk back toward the door. I froze when Aubrey appeared in front of
me. “Aubrey,” I said a little startled.

“What
are you doing here? Where is Cornelius?” he asked sounding slightly annoyed.

“I
just made my way here, and Cornelius is at Luca’s,” I said a little caught off
guard by his response.

“You
made your way here? Why?” he asked sounding less offended, and more curious.

I
watched him trying to decide what to say. I could lie, or I could be honest. He
would probably know I was lying; so I decided to tell the truth. “I don’t know.
I just went for a walk, and I ended up here.”

“This
is my hideout. You have been here before,” he said softly.

I
glanced around at all the unfriendly faces. “It does not seem like anyone likes
me.”

“They
don’t. They are vampires, and you were a notorious hunter. You will have to
forgive them if their reception is less than friendly,” he said slightly
amused.

“But
we were friends?” I asked confused.

His
expression darkened slightly. “We were more than friends, for a time at least.
I am sure Cornelius has realized you are gone by now. I should get you back,”
he said offering his hand.

I
shook my head. “I am not ready to go back.” I didn’t know why I wasn’t, but I
wasn’t. I knew they were going to try to keep me sheltered. If I remained
sheltered, I would never figure out who I was.

He
let his hand drop to his side. “I don’t think you will find what you are
looking for here darling,” he said softly.

“Why
not?” I asked watching him. He said we were more than friends. Cornelius and I
were apparently lovers as well. These were all pieces of the girl I could no
longer remember. I wanted to know what part he played in my life. He seemed
like he was reluctant to tell me anything; like the others were.

“Come,
we can have a drink in my private room,” he said as he turned and walked toward
the back of the bar. I followed him into the back. There was definitely a lot
more to the bar, then there seemed.

He
opened the door to his private room, and I hesitated. I remembered this place.
I knew something happened here. I just wasn’t sure what it was. I had the
sudden urge to turn and leave. I didn’t want to be here. Whatever memory was
here, it was a bad one.

“Are
you coming in Lillian?” Aubrey asked sounding slightly impatient.

I
forced myself to walk into the room. I didn’t know what he did, but I knew he
hurt me. I didn’t understand why I was drawn to him if he hurt me. I was now on
guard. I was trying to fight the rush of bad feelings I got from being in the
room.

Aubrey
looked up at me and hesitated. “What is wrong?” he asked looking slightly
worried.

I
shook my head trying to shake the bad feelings. “Nothing; you said we were more
than friends. What happened? Why did I wake up with Cornelius?”

He
offered me a drink as he watched me. I accepted the drink. I wasn’t really
interested in it. I just wanted to know who he was to me. There was something
about this place. I had more of a reaction to this place than I did any other I
had gone to so far.

“I
made mistakes, and you went to him. There are no hard feelings, if that is what
you are trying to determine,” he said as he broke eye contact with me. He
walked over and sat down in a chair not far from me.

I
didn’t feel like sitting down. I was too antsy here. I looked around the room
trying to figure out what my feelings were. It was a barrage of different
emotions; sadness and anger were the primary ones. “Maybe I should go,” I said
quietly.

He
stood and walked over to me. He gently placed his fingers under my chin and
forced me to look at him. “I love you. You are probably one of the only women I
have ever truly loved. I made mistakes, and I have learned to live with them.
Cornelius loves you as much as I do, and he has been smart enough to remain
dedicated to you. Go back to him.”

I
felt a stray tear streak down my cheek. I didn’t even know why I was crying. I
felt like he was breaking my heart. Apparently he had done it before, and it
wasn’t any easier this time around. He brushed the stray tear away with his
thumb. His expression softened. His hard cold exterior was crumbling as he
looked at me. He looked like he wanted to say something, but before he could
the door opened, and Cornelius stormed in the room. Aubrey dropped his hand and
turned away from me as he faced Cornelius.

“She
was here, and you didn’t say anything?” Cornelius asked angrily.

“She
didn’t want to go back yet. I was respecting her wishes. She is safe; I do not
see what the harm is,” Aubrey said as he walked back over to where his drink
was.

“She
has no memory. She can’t just go running around town; she could be killed,”
Cornelius countered.

“She
can still defend herself. I think she will be ok without her entourage of
protectors,” Aubrey said dryly.

“Damn
it Aubrey! You know she isn’t safe on her own,” Cornelius said raising his
voice.

“She
wasn’t on her own! She was with me, and I think that is what bothers you more
than anything. She made her way here because she remembers me. I did not bring
her here, and I did not invite her. I found her standing at the bar,” Aubrey
growled matching Cornelius’s tone.

His
words silenced Cornelius. “You are wishful thinking. She does not remember you
any more than she does me,” Cornelius said quietly.

Aubrey
muttered something in annoyance. “Just leave, and take her with you.”

“I
will do that. Lillian, let’s go. You are not safe here,” Cornelius said firmly.

“I
used to be safe here,” I said quietly as I watched Aubrey. He looked away
refusing to meet my gaze. Maybe he didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t really
understand what I was feeling. I still wasn’t ready to leave, but I didn’t want
to hurt Cornelius either.

“Lillian,
please,” Cornelius said softly when Aubrey didn’t say anything.

I
looked at Cornelius. Aubrey told me to go back to Cornelius. Maybe Cornelius
was the one I was meant to be with. He held his hand out to me.

I
walked over to him and slipped my hand into his. He pulled me against his
chest. My gaze locked with Aubrey’s; then the room blurred. I closed my eyes
wishing I remembered what happened between Aubrey and me.

“Lillian,”
Cornelius said softly. I was still clinging to him. I wasn’t sure how long we
had been in my room. He brought me back to my room in Luca’s house.

 I
blushed slightly and pulled away from him. “Sorry, my thoughts are just
scattered. I really need to get some sleep,” I said quietly.

“I
don’t mind holding you Lillian,” he said softly as he watched me.

I
sat down on the bed and looked up at him. “I think I need some sleep,” I said
trying not be rude. I wanted to be alone, but I didn’t want to ask him to
leave. I was hoping he would get the hint without me actually saying anything.

“Of
course. Please don’t leave without saying anything. I know you want to figure
things out, but there are people out there that will see you dead. If you want
to go somewhere, I will take you,” he said cautiously. He sounded like he was
trying not to offend me.

“I
won’t go out again, I promise,” I said softly.

“Ok,
I will see you in a few hours,” he said; then he walked to the door. He placed
his hand on the door knob, and I had a sudden urge to speak.

“Cornelius,”
I said before he could open the door.

“Yes,”
he said without turning around.

“I
just thought you should know Aubrey told me to come back to you. He said you
were dedicated to me, and I belonged with you,” I said hoping to make him feel
a little better.

He
turned and looked at me. “He is right. You belong with me, and there was a time
when you knew that. I won’t stop until you realize it again,” he said softly;
then he walked out leaving me alone. I knew he was upset, but I couldn’t tell
him I felt something for him when I didn’t remember feeling anything for him. I
would be lying, and he would know it.

I
laid back on the bed. It seemed like I was trying to remember what happened
over the past several years. I knew it hadn’t been that long, but it didn’t
seem like I was getting very far. I closed my eyes trying to relax. I needed
sleep; maybe things would seem different when I woke up.

I
woke up trying to catch my breath. I couldn’t remember what I was dreaming
about, but whatever it was, it scared me.

“Are
you ok Lillian?” Cornelius asked startling me a little. He was sitting in a
chair not far from my bed.

“You
scared me,” I said breathlessly. I swung my feet over the bed and looked at him.
He was wearing the same clothes as he was earlier. I wondered if he had even
been to bed yet.

“I
didn’t mean to. I was just watching over you,” he said quietly.

“How
long have I been asleep?” I asked looking around for a clock. There wasn’t a
clock in the room.

“A
few hours,” he said as he continued to watch me.

It
was a little awkward between us. “You don’t look like you slept,” I said
softly.

“I
wasn’t tired. Vampires don’t need much sleep,” he said curtly. I could tell by
the tone of his voice that he was annoyed with me. I could see the situation
being irritating. If he loved me as much as he claimed, and I didn’t return his
affection, I think I would be upset too.

I
stood and walked over to him. I reached out and touched his hair. It was such a
beautiful color. I had the sudden urge to be close to him. It crossed my mind
that I should ask, but I decided not to. I just climbed into his lap and buried
my face in his chest.

I
felt his body relax as he wrapped his arms around me. “I never imagined this
could happen,” he said quietly.

I
laughed harshly. “I wish I could tell you what I imagined.”

“You
fought so hard for me, and now I see how you felt when I pushed you away. I am
sorry for hurting you; even though you don’t remember,” he said then kissed the
top of my head.

I
shifted and looked up at him. “I don’t mean to push you away. I am just so
confused.”

He
smiled sadly. “I know. I am not blaming you for anything. This is extremely
hard for me, but we will make it through.”

Before
I could say anything, there was a brisk knock on the door. Aubrey, Oliver,
Drake and Luca walked in the room without waiting for a response.

“Any
news?” Cornelius asked sitting up a little straighter.

“Nothing,
all we got is bad news. The only chance she has is the one person that would
rather see her dead,” Drake said annoyed.

“Eleanor,”
Cornelius said in barely a whisper.

“Who
is Eleanor?” I asked wondering if I knew her. If she wanted to kill me; then
either I did something to her or she did something to me.

“Your
half-sister and an immense bitch,” Aubrey said dryly.

“Oh,”
I said a little disappointed. If she was as bad as they made her seem; then
there was no way she was going to help me. If she was my only hope that meant I
was stuck like this.

“We
will find another way,” Cornelius said trying to reassure me. He could
obviously see the disappointment in my face. I was really hoping they would
come up with a way to fix me.

“I
doubt it,” I said darkly as I stood. “What would I be doing if I were the
normal me? I need to do something other than obsess over getting my memory
back,” I said hoping I could find a way to distract myself.

“Well,
you agreed to take over the coven. Perhaps you could learn to take your
mother’s place; like you agreed,” Oliver said sounding a little disgruntled.

“Is
that what I was going to do?” I asked looking at Cornelius. I didn’t know why I
was looking at him. I trusted him, at least I was beginning to trust him.

“You
were still up in the air about it all, but I think in the end it is what you
would have done,” Cornelius said as he stood.

“If
I go back to the coven, will you come with me?” I asked softly, as I looked up
at Cornelius. Last night he showed me he really did care about me. I wanted him
with me. I had a feeling I could trust him. I wasn’t entirely sure about
Oliver, and whatever I had with Aubrey was more complicated than I could handle
at the moment.

“Of
course,” he said smiling softly as he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You
are always welcome here too,” Luca said softly.

“You
are welcome in my pack as well,” Drake said sounding a little disgruntled. It
was obvious he wasn’t happy with the idea of me going back to my mother’s
coven. I wished I knew why, but I had no clue. I pushed the thought away. I
didn’t want to focus on the fact that I had no idea who I was.

“Thank
you, all of you. I will get ready to go, and we can go back to the coven until
I figure something else out,” I said feeling confident for the first time since
waking up. I was beginning to think if I just focused on moving forward then I
would be better off.

They
all left me to shower and dress. It didn’t take me long. I dressed in another
outfit like I had the night before. I wondered if I was that plain of a girl. I
mean jeans and a black tee shirt was pretty basic. I wish I could at least feel
a little like I knew the girl I used to be. Everything about her seemed so
foreign. I put the ivory handled guns back on. I figured I might as well take
them. Everyone seemed to keep mentioning people wanting me dead. It was a
little disturbing, so I figured I might as well have them just in case.

A
light knock on the window caught my attention. A man around my age waved at me.
I recognized him. “Tanner!” I said excitedly when his name came to mind. It was
the first time anyone’s name came to mind. I recognized all of them, but that
was about it. I knew this guy’s name, so he had to be someone important me. I
hurried to the window and pushed it open.

“Everyone
said you lost your memory,” Tanner said looking a little confused as he climbed
in the window.

“I
did, but I remember your name. You have to be someone important. Who are you?”
I asked trying to contain my excitement. If I knew his name, maybe things were
starting to come back to me.

“I’m
your cousin, and we need to get out of here,” he said as he grabbed my hand.

I
hesitated; keeping him from pulling me along with him. “Why? I was about to go
back to the coven,” I said confused. I didn’t understand why he was trying to
take me away from everyone else.

“You
can’t!” he said sounding worried. He was only confusing me more, and he knew
it. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was trying to come up
with something to tell me. “Look, I know you forgot everything, and all, but
you know my name, and that means you trust me. You have to trust me Lillian;
you cannot go back to the coven. Not right now, please just come with me.” He
sounded more like he was pleading with me instead of asking. He knew if I
didn’t want to go with him all I had to do was call out for the others.

“What
about Cornelius and the others?” I asked unsure.

“They
don’t understand what is happening. They aren’t trying to hurt you, but they
can’t protect you either. I know someone that can, but we have to go now,”
Tanner said firmly. He was glancing around like he was starting to get antsy. I
wasn’t sure if I should trust him or not. I wanted to trust him, but I was
afraid I was making a mistake.

“They
will be upset if I leave. Who will tell them I am okay?” I asked worried. I
didn’t want to just walk away. I knew Cornelius would be worried. I didn’t want
to do that to him.

“I
will tell them, or you can call them. I just can’t have them interfering. They
think they can protect you, and they can’t. Your only chance is if you come
with me,” he said impatiently as he continued to watch the door.

I
watched him trying to decide what to do. I knew him for a reason. Maybe I
should trust him. Something inside me was telling me to trust him, but I didn’t
want to leave the others. “Maybe we can talk to them, and get them to come with
me,” I argued hoping he would agree.

“No,
they will only interfere. They do nothing but argue and delay things when it
comes to you. Please Lillian, we have to go now before anyone figures out I am
here.” He was getting more impatient. He was starting to make me nervous. He
sounded desperate.

“Fine,
I will go, but you have to let the others know I am safe as soon as you can,” I
said firmly.

He
nodded. “I will, I promise,” he said as he took my hand and led me toward the
window.

We
scaled down the side of the house; careful to stay to the shadows. To be honest,
I was surprised we didn’t run into anyone. After my stunt the night before, I
figured they would be watching for me.

Tanner
had a car waiting just a few blocks away from the house. He held the passenger
door for me as he continued to look around. He looked like he was waiting for
someone to come out of the shadows.

“Who
are you looking for? Why are you so worried?” I asked trying to figure out what
he was planning.

“Anyone
who is looking to get to you. It isn’t safe anymore for you, Lily. People are
getting wind that you don’t have your memory,” he said; then he shut the door.
He walked around to the driver’s side and climbed in; then he put the car in
drive and set off.

I
had a feeling there was more to the story. If it was just random people, I
didn’t see how werewolves and vampires couldn’t protect me. “There is something
you aren’t telling me,” I said trying to get the truth out of him.

He
smiled wryly. “Even without your memory you won’t let anything past you; will
you?” he asked amused.

“Tanner,
tell me where you are taking me. I am taking a big risk going with you when I
don’t really know who you are,” I said impatiently.

He
glanced at me and sighed. “Look Lily if I was going to hurt you, I certainly
wouldn’t have let you bring those guns along. I know you trust me even though
you don’t know why. I would never hurt you. You saved my ass more times than I
can count. It is about time I return the favor.”

I
crossed my arms in annoyance, but I didn’t say anything else. It was obvious he
wasn’t going to tell me where we were going. I was only hoping I could trust
him as much as he claimed. If I couldn’t, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.