Memory: Volume 3, How Far We Have Come, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (6 page)

“Yes, you
have
faced a few difficulties.”  His lips lifted in a little smile.

“One or two.”  She smiled back at him then lowered her hands to her lap.  “Please tell me why you have begun this introspection.” 

A knock came to the door and Darcy’s head appeared.  “Foster told me that I might be needed here.”  He saw the serious expressions and closing the door, stood next to Elizabeth and placed his hand on her shoulder.  “What is wrong?”  Bingley hesitated and Elizabeth reached up to take Darcy’s hand.

“Do you remember our conversation about Mr. Bingley?”  Bingley stared between them.  “The one when we discussed our care for him and gratitude for his bringing us together.”

“Yes.”  Darcy said slowly. 

“Mr. Bingley has come to understand that his forwardness is noticeable to others.  I understand that my response was no better, for allowing it to become this way.”

“I see.”  Darcy nodded and squeezed her hand.  “What happened?”

“You spoke of my behaviour?”  Bingley reddened.  “I wish that you had told me that it was off-putting.”

“I did, if you recall.  It was only displayed in the privacy of our homes; although when any other man has spoken to my wife as you sometimes do, I admit that I have not tolerated it nearly as well.  I recognized it for what it was.  Tell me, who has said something differently?”

“Miss Martin.”  He noted the exchange of glances.  “I spoke to her father last week after I visited Mr. Gardiner’s office, and he revealed to me that she liked me, but wondered at my fondness for Mrs. Darcy.  It felt like a slap in the face and I am afraid then when I later saw her and demanded an explanation, she, well honestly I barely heard what she said, I was so mortified.  I . . . I said some cruel things to her and her father, I stormed out of their shop, I am ashamed of my behaviour.  I suppose at the time I was defending myself over behaviour that I always knew was wrong.”

“I should have stopped you before you found yourself so embarrassed.  It is my fault for encouraging you; and giving you license to continue.”  She looked up at Darcy.  “I am so sorry, Will.”

“No love, I indulged the banter between you.  We discussed it enough times and I never put my foot down.”  His eyes were soft.  “I love your teases, but I admit that I will be glad to see an end to certain ones.”  He leaned down to her ear and whispered.  “Only for me.”

“Oh Will, I feel terrible.”  Elizabeth’s eyes welled up when he kissed her cheek.

Bingley grew alarmed with the scene.  “No, do not blame each other!  I should have known better not to be such an arse.  Oh, forgive me!” 

Darcy wiped the tear running down Elizabeth’s cheek and taking a seat beside her, kissed her hand.  “I am not angry, Bingley.  I have married a beautiful, happy woman who naturally brings out the happiness in others.  I love that.  Shall we say that equal blame is to be had by us all?  Now it is clearly in the open and hopefully addressed.” 

“It is Darcy, I assure you.  It was pointed out to me most effectively by Miss Martin.”  He sighed and looked at them sadly.  “I am only now realizing how much you must have hated me.”

“If you continue to apologize I will have to become angry with you.”  Elizabeth said softly as Darcy nodded, supporting her with another squeeze to her hand.  “Forgiveness is granted by us both, and we still love you.  Now, it seems to me that Miss Martin’s explanation to you was not quite heard correctly in the midst of your absolute mortification.  Is that possible?”

“Quite.”  He said quietly.  “I have never been so shamed.  I have never had a woman, well besides you, stand up and talk to me that way.  I . . . Lord forgive me, I rather enjoyed it.”  He blushed and looked to his boots.  “It was exhilarating to . . . not to fight, but to . . . oh to
talk
with a woman!”

“Not an angel?”  Elizabeth suggested.

“Angel?”  Bingley stopped and stared.  “Miss Martin?  No . . . I . . . I have never thought of her as an angel.”

“How have you thought of her, then?”   Darcy asked softly.

“A woman.”  His breathing hitched and he licked his lips.  “A beautiful woman.”  His eyes grew wide as Elizabeth’s sparkled at him.  “I have never spoken of any girl I first met as anything other than an angel before, even you.”  His face coloured when he felt the steel of Darcy’s gaze on him.  “Darcy you heard my description when I first described her to you, do not glare at me so.”  He turned back to Elizabeth.  “Please let me say that I meant when I first saw you, that is what I thought, since then I have come to . . .”

“Respect me.” 

“Yes.”  His face reflected his wonder at that realization.  Elizabeth noted it with great appreciation, then watched his face fall.  “But I cannot care for her.”

“Why not?”  Darcy watched him struggling.  “She was a perfectly lovely young woman, educated, sensible, friendly, undoubtedly well-dowered . . .”

“But not a gentlewoman.”  He sighed.

Darcy’s expression instantly reflected his understanding while Elizabeth’s remained confused.  “Bingley, please do not allow presumed demands of your father to stop you from making whatever choice you desire in a wife.  Remember all that I had to overcome to accept Elizabeth.  You were with me, you saw it.”  He looked at her sadly.  “I was a tortured soul, and it hurt us, love.”

“Oh Will, this was addressed long ago.”  She touched his face and he kissed her hand before turning back to Bingley.

“She indicated interest in you, did she not?” 

“Yes, before I behaved like an absolute arse.”  He kicked himself again.  “I do not know that I can go against my father’s desires, Darcy.”

Darcy thought for a moment.   “I am not saying that you should, I only suggest that you keep your mind open, not necessarily for Miss Martin, but for any good woman.  I believe that your father was more concerned with you purchasing an estate and becoming a gentleman; you are on the cusp of leasing Netherfield.  You will then be a landed gentleman, not just a tradesman’s son with a Cambridge education.  After that there will be no reason to worry over the bloodline of your wife.  Not for you.  You are starting at the bottom, Bingley.  There is no history to disgrace.  I suggest that you accept that you made an error with Miss Martin, and that instead of berating yourself forever for what may have been, concentrate on this Season making the friendships and associations that will serve you for the rest of your life, and this autumn put your efforts into Netherfield, learning how to be a good host, a good neighbour, and a gentleman.  You have learned a valuable lesson by Miss Martin, and you may be grateful for what she has done to make you mature.” 

“I did tell her that I held no animosity towards her.”  He said softly.

“Then the matter is closed.”  Darcy looked to Elizabeth who was clearly having other thoughts, but he continued with his line of encouragement.  “Your relationship with Mr. Martin will be more formal from now on, but you never really dealt with him in any case.  If you give up your interests in the mills, it will not matter.”

“Yes.”  Bingley looked up from the floor.  “Thank you for your tolerance.  I promise to never take your kindness for granted again.”

“You never did.” 

Elizabeth stood and walked over to him, and squeezed his hand.  “And I promise not to tease you too much.” 

“Oh, please do not give that up.”  He laughed and at last relaxed, taking Darcy’s outstretched hand and shaking it with relief.  “Thank you for being my friends.”

“I would not give up your friendship for anything, Charles.”  Darcy assured him.

“Thank you, Fitzwilliam.”

“Now, I suggest that we return to the ballroom and rescue poor Captain de Bourgh from our sisters.”  Elizabeth’s eyes sparkled.  “Perhaps you might dance with Kitty?  I noticed that she sighed when you entered the room.”  She laughed when Bingley groaned. 

“No matchmaking, Elizabeth.”  Darcy said pointedly.

“Of course not.”  She drew herself up.  “I would not think of it!”  Taking Darcy’s arm, he looked at her with raised brows, but she simply smiled.  When he leaned his head down to her, she whispered, “Do you think he will take your advice?”

“I told him to move on.”

“You told him that she was worth pursuing.”  Elizabeth heard his soft laugh.  “You wish him to suffer a little?”

“Perhaps.  A touch of revenge for taking your attention away from me.”  Darcy saw her expression change and laughed.  “You see, I do have a sense of humour, just a more mature one than our friend.”  He glanced behind them to see Bingley lost in thought.  “Besides that, I want him to make his own decisions.”

They arrived in the ballroom to see Mary and de Bourgh moving smoothly together.  “They have improved.”  Elizabeth observed, and meeting his gaze, whispered, “So have we.”

“WHERE ARE YOU OFF to Mrs. Lucas?”  Lucas called and came galloping across the field to catch up with Jane.

“Longbourn, Mr. Lucas.”  She smiled at him and squealed when he reached down and pulled her up to sit before him.  The horse moved unsteadily and she held on tightly to his waist.  Lucas laughed and looked down to check on her. “Comfortable?”

“No!”  Jane cried and held on tighter.  “Oh I need a saddle to do this!”

“I will not gallop, my dear.”  He nudged his pony and they began a gentle walk along the well-trod path to Longbourn.  “How could I let you walk?  This is an opportunity that should not be missed.” 

Jane sat up and made herself as comfortable as she could.  “You just like to have your waist grasped firmly.”

“That is not the only thing that I like you to grasp firmly, Mrs. Lucas.”  He smiled to see her blushing and laughed.  “Ah the warmer weather is approaching, and that means that we will be free of that house again.”

“You speak of it as if it were a prison!”

“So it is.”  He growled.  “We enjoy more privacy at Longbourn.  Perhaps we might visit your old rooms?”  He said hopefully.

“Robert!”

“Oh Jane, my brothers are driving me mad!  It is terrible and a mark against my character, but I will be glad to see them apprenticed this autumn.  In the meantime, the weather will warm, and you and I will take advantage of many long walks.”  He smiled when she kissed his ear. “I knew that you would agree.”

“I do.”  She said softly and hugged him.  “Longbourn will not be so quiet in a few days.  Lydia will be home for Easter.”

“So she will.”  Lucas said softly.  “What do you think of that letter she sent?”

“I am not sure, it was very emotional for her.”  Jane rested her head on his back.  “That is why I wished to visit Longbourn, to speak to Papa about it.  Perhaps he received one as well.”

“What of Elizabeth? Or your other sisters?”

“Lizzy sent me a note by Fitzwilliam’s messenger this morning.  She did not have time to write too much, they were leaving for Rosings, but in yesterday’s post she received a letter from Lydia that said she was sorry for not responding to her numerous notes, and that it was almost too late to respond to them now, but from this point on she would set a goal of doing so.  She also told her that she was sorry for ever treating her or Fitzwilliam without respect.  Lizzy asked if I knew what had happened and if anyone had slipped some sort of happy herb in her tea.” 

Lucas chuckled and then outright laughed.  “I can well-imagine that statement being spoken by Elizabeth, and I admit, I would not have objected to finding just such an appropriate concoction.”    He felt an ineffective pinch to his waist and laughed again.  “Do not deny your desire for the same.”

“No.”  Jane sighed and closed her eyes.  “My letter was much more forthcoming.”

“Oh?”  He looked at Longbourn looming in the distance and stopped the horse.  “What did she say?”

“You know that she wrote of her friend running off with a soldier and disappearing, and meeting her sisters.”  He nodded and Jane sighed.  “Since then, she has begun to think of the consequences that our family might have faced in the light of such an action on her part.  She admits to having contemplated such a thing.  Oh Robert, what a horrible thought!”

“So this girl’s mistake has opened Lydia’s eyes to her own behaviour?”

“I suppose.  Something made her pick up her pen.  I sense though that she has been ostracized by the other girls and is feeling very alone.  In a roundabout way she seems to ask me for advice.”

“Why you?  Because you are the oldest?”

“No.”  Jane sighed.  “Because I am beautiful.”  Lucas said nothing.  “Because Mama praised me as she did Lydia.”

“And ignored the other girls.”  He murmured. 

“So we are the most alike.”

“And she sees the damage that your mother caused?”

“No, I do not believe that she sees that yet, nor does she understand our father’s neglect, but I think that she is beginning to put some pieces together and I am to be the one who explains it all to her.”  Jane sighed.  “It means that I must tell her of my own bad behaviour towards Lizzy, and my subsequent apologies, as well as the difficult road to reconciliation.”

“That humanizes you, my dear.”  Lucas bent his head to look at her.  “If she knows nothing of your mistakes, then she would idolize you as perfect, as she did with this girl who ran away and then shattered her image of what was good or exciting.  Your mother praised you as she did Lydia, to have you tell her your faults will allow her to hopefully admit and overcome her own.”  She pulled up on his shoulders to kiss him and he smiled.  “I love you imperfect and impure.  That is so much better to admire than some goddess on a pedestal.”

“A slightly tarnished angel.”  She laughed.

“Hmm, well we agreed that you are no angel, my dear Jane.”  He kicked the horse and they rode on into Longbourn’s garden.

“That is true.  Angels do not have babies do they?”

Lucas chuckled.  “No, I recall no stories of . . .”  He stopped the horse and stared.  “What did you say?”  Jane simply smiled and Lucas’s eyes grew wide.  “Jane?”

She pressed her fingers to his lips.  “Shhh.  No, I am not with child.”

“Then what . . .”

“It seems that the carriage is gone.  Perhaps the house is empty.”  She watched as a slow smile crept across his face.  “Perhaps we will need to pass some time while we wait for my parents to return from their business.”  Lucas laughed.  “It was a thought.”