Men of Courage (12 page)

She smiled at him and he relaxed a little, see
ing the humor reaching her eyes again. “Yes, well, you Gannons are an…exuberant bunch.”

“And proud of it.”

“Yes, I recall that, too.”

He watched her bend with the dog bowls—she’d caved and fed Digger some of the mix, just as he’d known she would. Her oh, so in-control exterior might fool some people, but he knew it hid the softest of hearts. He just wondered who’d bruised it so badly. He suspected it was more than her stiff and unbending family tree. And despite the fact that this was probably the worst time to press his own case, he couldn’t just let her suffer inside her own little bubble. Giving her a roof over her head, a calm center in the storm her life had become, was not enough. And this need wasn’t based on his resurgent hormones, or getting her into bed, either. Well, not entirely, anyway.

With her back turned—and the kitchen utensils out of reach—he levered himself out of the chair. When she straightened and turned, he was right behind her. Before she could recover from the surprise, or reach for the nearest spatula, he levered himself up onto the counter, ignored the throb in his ankle and shot her a considering look.

“I don’t want to stifle you,” he started, then stopped. “I want—” He stopped again, shook his head with a little self-deprecating smile. For one of the first times in his life, words didn’t spring easily to his glib tongue. “I want to be smooth here, but somehow, around you, I end up feeling like a sixteen-year-old, lust-crazed goober all over again.”

That made her smile, despite the tension that was once again screaming between them. “Goober?”

He noted she didn’t step away from his serious invasion into her personal space. Which he hoped was a good sign. Now he just had to not blow it. “At the very least,” he said. He wanted to reach out, to touch her, to reassure her and, in a way, himself, as well. But he was pushing it pretty hard as it was, so he gripped the counter edge instead. For control, for dear life, he wasn’t sure. “I know we haven’t seen each other in a few years, and that I was basically on the fringe of your life way back then. But—” He shrugged, helpless for the right thing to say, to explain, so it wouldn’t sound as though he was now a twenty-four-year-old, lust-crazed goober. Which he was, but they could get to that part later. What
he wanted, needed, was to secure the fact that there could be a later.

She was watching him, confused and a bit wary.

He puffed out his cheeks, ran a hand through his hair and let out a long breath. Then he looked her square in the eyes and said, “I guess what I’m trying to mumble my way through here is, I still have an attraction to you. And I don’t think it’s any post-adolescent crush. I completely realize that your life is in total turmoil and my bringing this up now is probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. And if I’m way off base here, I’ll hate it if I’ve made you feel so uncomfortable you don’t want to stay here, but—”

She did nothing more than raise her hand, but it was effective enough to shut him up. If he wasn’t mentally kicking himself for his totally uncustomary lack of restraint—patience usually being a hallmark of his job—he’d have smiled at how coolly and efficiently she’d handled his rambling confession. She wore the Brubaker in her well. Very well. It was a damn shame her family wasn’t proud of her. But he thought he might have enough pride in her to make up for the whole sorry lot of them.

She studied him consideringly. And he would have paid big money to know what was going through her mind.

“I’m attracted to you, too,” she finally said. And so simply, too. And yet he was pretty sure he heard fireworks, a big marching band and a few rockets going off inside his head. He did, however, manage to keep from clapping in glee like a little kid.

Or ripping her into his arms and tasting her, taking her, right here on the kitchen counter if need be. Until neither of them could move more than their lips, and that would just be to sigh in deep contentment.

That would be wrong. Because, after all, this wasn’t supposed to be about sex. Not entirely.

Still, she’d confessed attraction, so there was hope.

“But—” she went on.

He groaned before he could stop it. He hated “buts.” They were never good news.

She made up a great deal for whatever blow she was about to deliver by smiling at his little outburst.

His dreams crumbling, he decided to spare her the delivery and him from having to hear her say it. “I know, I know. This is a bad time. You can’t
even consider thinking about a relationship with anyone. You have a life to rebuild, a future to relocate and I’m an idiot for even bringing this up now.” He tried for the boyish smile, but deliberate charm was beyond even him at the moment. Suddenly this was serious. Terrifyingly, life-alteringly serious.

“Brett—”

Now it was his turn to raise his hand. “Will you at least promise me, seeing as we have some basic chemistry here, that whenever you’re ready…one month from now, a year, five years, ten—” She laughed then and he said, “Am I sounding too desperate here?”

“A little. It’s good for my battered and bruised ego, though, so please, continue.”

“What, you and that soft heart of yours won’t take pity on a guy with a bum ankle?”

“Me? Soft-hearted?”

“You thought you could bury it along with everything else?”

Now she looked at him with a great deal less humor and great deal more wariness.

“I should have stopped while I was only a little behind, huh?” But his charm didn’t work this time.

“What did you mean, ‘bury it like everything else.’ What do you think I’m burying?”

Hell. Now
he
sighed in disgust, only it was directed at himself. One shot and he’d already blown it. But what the hell, he was in it this far, might as well go ahead and detonate the rest of his one big chance at happiness. Which should have sounded melodramatic and blown all out of proportion. Only it didn’t.

“Okay,” he said, looking at her once again. “I could be totally wrong here, but I sense that you’ve been beaten up a bit. Not physically,” he added when she tucked her beat-up hands behind her. “Emotionally. Your heart. I know your family is rough on you, always has been. And though you don’t say much about them, that’s as telling as anything. You do a really great job of holding it together, despite whatever is happening, even watching half your home disappear off the side of a mountain. And while I guess you probably got that core strength from your family, shored it up in order to get out from under their dominant ways…my guess is that tender heart tucked away there in the middle took a bit more of a personal beating.”

She lifted her chin, a defiant gleam in her eye. “And I suppose you’re the one who’s going to
make up for all the wounds and betrayals in my life? Is that it?”

It wasn’t a direct answer, but the message was clear enough. Bull’s-eye.

“I don’t know. I’m admittedly not the greatest catch on the planet. My job mostly keeps me here, in one spot, but because of my SAR commitments, I do get called out on a moment’s notice and can end up anywhere in the country for days and weeks at a time. Or overseas even. I put myself in danger as a regular course of business and asking anyone to share that type of emotional responsibility is something I don’t take lightly and probably a large part of why I stay unattached.”

“But?”

He smiled despite himself, then it faded. “But I look at you and I can’t help thinking you’re the one I let get away. Which is crazy, since I wasn’t the one that had you in the first place. Only…now I feel like it’s my turn. Our turn.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I know. It’s insane. I’m insane. And it’s not the painkillers, because I haven’t taken them today.”

He gave her a smile that was more shaky than cocky, then took a breath and spit out the rest. “But, as ridiculous as it sounds, given that our
reunion has consisted of one terrifying day spent on a mountain that was crumbling beneath our feet, followed by two days packed with the mind-numbing realization of what you’ve lost, and what you still have to face, and all the myriad responsibilities that entails, I don’t want to let you walk back out of my life. I want to help you, be there for you, not let you down. And I don’t know if I can do all those things, be all those things, which is a bit terrifying when spelled out like that.”

“Brett—”

He held up his hand, stopping her from responding. He had to get it all out in the open. Or he might never get the chance. “Terrifying or not, I’d at least like the chance to try. I mean, with everything the way it is, if we can muddle through all this and discover there might be something worthwhile hanging on to on the other side, then, well…why not go for it, right? Because one thing I’ve learned—and in the most elemental way—these past few months is, you can’t wait around and hope for the perfect time to do what you want to do. Life doesn’t always make that possible. So…so I guess, in addition to babbling like an idiot here, I’m grabbing for
what I want now.” He stopped, sighed, took a deep breath…and jumped. “And, Haley Brubaker, what I want, what I think I’ve always wanted, is you.”

H
ALEY HAD NO WORDS
to respond to his declaration. But it didn’t matter. Her heart knew. And so did his.

She leaned into him at the same moment his hands came up to take her. She wasn’t sure who moved first after that, but an instant later she was cradled between his strong thighs, wrapped in those hard arms and her mouth was crushed against his.

And there wasn’t a single other place on earth she’d rather be.

Everything she’d thought she’d learned, every scrap of independence she’d fought so hard for…none of it mattered. Maybe it was because, for the first time in her life, she didn’t need a man for anything. Which, if she hadn’t been completely mindless with desire at the moment, would make her laugh, considering she was homeless, with nothing more than a dog and a handful of clothes to her name. But she’d survive
without help, she knew that now. She’d be fine even without Brett’s kindness, his generosity.

No, she didn’t need Brett Gannon. Didn’t need him to make her feel worthy, didn’t need him to make her feel needed.

But, oh, how she wanted him. So much, she burned with it.

He let his mouth drift to her chin, which she lifted, allowing easier access to the tender skin of her throat. She sighed and pushed her fingers through his hair.

He winced, swallowed a little yelp, and she pulled back, instantly contrite. “I’m sorry. I forgot about the lump.”

But he was already pulling her back, already putting his mouth on her. Apparently she wasn’t the only one burning up.

“No pain, no gain,” he murmured, making her laugh.

And that was another striking difference. In such a short time, and under the worst possible circumstances, Brett had brought laughter and spontaneity into her life. It was damn seductive. And she gave herself over to it. The thought of his charm and laughter spilling over into their lovemaking made her shiver. Love and laughter. Two things she hadn’t had near enough of in her
life. And to share that with Brett? The very idea made her instantly crave it.

She pulled his mouth from where it was making serious inroads inside the collar of her shirt, back to her mouth. Surely he wanted what she now had to have? He was all but consuming her. The very idea of which brought new waves of shuddering pleasure washing through her.

“Brett,” she murmured against his mouth, “I—I—”

He slid his hands up her waist, along her spine and into her hair, holding her head so he could take her mouth again. And again. “Yeah,” he finally said, breathing heavily. “I—I—too.”

He slid off the counter and his body, hard—rigidly hard, in fact—slid down her body, making her tremble. They stood like that, pressed against each other, literally and figuratively wrapped up in each other, looking into each other’s eyes, for what seemed like eternity. A deep, soul-satisfying eternity.

“With everything going on in your life, maybe this isn’t the best—”

Haley silenced him with a kiss. It was tender, slow, and hopefully invested with all the burgeoning feelings he was bringing to life inside
her. “You said yourself everything happens for a reason. I want this to happen.”

Neither had to clarify what “this” was.

“But—”

She gave a mock groan. “I hate buts.”

He grinned and began to draw lazy patterns on her back with blunt-tipped fingers. It sent shivers of delight all through her. And the frenzied need of moments ago settled into a banked, controlled desire.

They’d get there. She knew that now. And the journey was going to be as deliciously exciting as the destination.

“You’re just seducing me to get me off my feet,” he said. “A very ingenious method of getting your way, I might add.”

She sighed. “You see right through my evil machinations.” She began her own lazy exploration, careful to avoid the lump this time, and smiled into his beautiful, kind face. “We dominant damsels always win.”

He wiggled his eyebrows, making her grin. “Dominant damsels. I’m beginning to see new potential here.”

“Hey, who was the one wielding the spoon earlier? Speaking of which, now might be the
time to tell me if you have any other kinky fetishes I should know about.”

“Well, as much as I hate to disappoint you, I generally don’t employ kitchen utensils in my lovemaking. But, as my dog will tell you, I’m a willing student. Easily trained to fetch, cook, clean and—well, I think the possibilities are endless.”

She had to laugh.

He brought his hand up then, caressed her face, and the look in his eyes was so unbearably tender, it tugged a place deep inside her heart. “I just want you,” he said. “However you’ll let me have you.”

“Oh, Brett.” She sighed. It shouldn’t be this easy to dismiss all the defenses she’d worked so hard to erect. She could take the easy excuse, that she was already rocked to her foundation by what had happened over the past few days. But that wouldn’t be true. Not entirely. Brett wasn’t Glenn. Nor was he after her for her money. Which made her laugh. Hell, he couldn’t be after her for anything but herself. She was all she had left.

“What’s funny?” he asked, tracing her lips with his fingertips.

“Well, before I let you have your way with me, I have one question.”

“Ask me anything.”

“You were right. Before. My heart does have its share of footprints on it. The last man I allowed to get this close to me ended up taking me for everything I had. And the theft of my pride and dignity hurt a lot worse than my empty bank account.”

“Haley, I—”

She just kept talking. “So, I know you’re not after my family money. And I know you’re not after my worldly possessions, because, after all, I don’t have any.” She let a small smile curve her lips and realized just how freeing humor and laughter could be. How amazingly easy it was. With the right person. “But I do have one thing left, the one thing a man like you might covet.”

“Haley, I don’t want—”

“My dog,” she finished.

Brett opened his mouth, then shut it again as he realized she was teasing him. He hooted with laughter.

“I think Digger and I are both a bit offended,” she said as his laughter continued unabated. But then she was laughing, too. And he was kissing her.

And the time for slow and lazy was over.

“Any other time I’d sweep you off your feet,” he said. “But if I tried that now, we’d pretty much have to make love right here on the kitchen floor. Do you think you can handle a man who has to hop instead of sweep?”

She kissed him on the tip of his nose and patted his shoulder. “Would it make you feel more manly if I hopped, too?”

He laughed, then kissed her hard and fast. “God, I l—” He broke off suddenly and she almost laughed at the comically horrified look on his face. She didn’t know if he was horrified that he’d almost said the L-word, or horrified at what she might think if he did.

She wasn’t sure. It was way too fast. Way too soon.

And yet her heart had foolishly leaped. And he’d only gotten as far as the
l.

There would be time for declarations later. Whether it be a day, a month or a year from now. All she wanted, she decided, was the time with him to find out if there was a declaration to be made.

She linked her arm in his, pretending the moment hadn’t happened, letting him recover without pressing. Or teasing. Though she found she
wanted to do both. He made that such an easy element of their relationship.

Their relationship.

She should be terrified, thinking in those terms. And yet she’d just faced a close call with death and the destruction of her home, her dream, which had only made her realize just how tentative life could be. All her careful planning and independent strides were great, but something like this couldn’t be planned. And she couldn’t back away because the timing wasn’t perfect. Brett brought her joy. More joy than she’d ever remembered feeling. And, in the midst of tragedy, that made it all the more precious to her.

So she let the joy in, without making any demands of it. It made her want to dance. Or, in this case, hop. She lifted up one foot and slung her arm around his waist. “Shall we?” she asked, balancing against him. “You know, if you’d gotten crutches like the doctor told you to, you’d—”

“Prove what a klutz I am? And ruin your impression of me as a larger-than-life rescue hero? No way.”

They hopped through the living room. “Is that how you think I see you?”

“You mean, you don’t see me as godlike and all-powerful?”

They stopped at the base of the stairs. She turned into him, meaning to tease him, taunt him a little, maybe drive him as wild as he was driving her. Instead she found herself cupping his face and speaking earnestly. “I see you as a kind, sexy, fun-loving man, who is dedicated to his job, to his dog, and risks his life to help others.”

He actually blushed, and she felt her heartstrings tug even harder. “Okay, I guess that’s a little godlike. You’re too good to be true.”

Then he waggled his eyebrows and made her laugh. “No, just too good.”

She shrieked when he bent and swung her over his shoulder. “Brett! Put me down, you’ll destroy your ankle. You’ll—ooph.”

“Sorry,” he said, hopping up the stairs, one hand on the banister, the other across the back of her thighs. “You should conserve your breath.” He bopped up to the first landing one-footed, then up to the next, as though she was nothing more than a backpack. “You’ll be needing it later.”

When he reached the top, she was too amazed to be upset. “How exactly do you guys train,
anyway?” she asked, noting she was the one who was breathless.

“You worried about my stamina?”

“No,” she said quite frankly. “I’m worried about mine.”

He laughed, then tugged her through the open doorway to his bedroom. She’d been sleeping up on the third floor, had passed this room the past two nights, unable to keep from imagining…well, this.

He popped the door shut behind her. “I hope you don’t mind, but as much as I love animals, I really don’t need an audience.”

“No?”

He just gave her a look. “Did you want to share some kinky fantasy?”

She shook her head, smiling. “Not me. And I’m just as glad to avoid the possibility of a cold nose in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Now Brett laughed. He tugged her to him and fell back on the bed.

She tried to keep from banging his ankle, but he’d already rolled her beneath him. “Is this part of your stop, drop and roll fireman training?”

He pulled her down for a hard, fast kiss. “How in the hell did Sean ever let you go?”

The words were out before she could think bet
ter of it. “Maybe so I could be there for you. When the time was right.”

He stilled then. “Maybe,” he said finally. He kissed her again, gently this time. “It shouldn’t be the right time. Everything is upside down for you. And…for me, too. I have some decisions to make. About my career, about doing rescue.” He broke off and rolled his eyes. “And I can’t believe I finally got you where I’ve been fantasizing about having you for what seems like eons…and I’m talking about my damn job.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, trying like hell not to squirm beneath him. He was pressed intimately…right where she wanted him pressed. Only they were wearing far too many clothes. She almost rolled her eyes herself. Here a man was trying to do the right thing, say all the right things…and she was the one wanting to say to hell with it all and go for it.

“We can talk about that later,” he said, as if reading her mind. “Right now, I have this powerful need to taste you. All of you.”

She opened her mouth, then shut it. “Well, then. What are you waiting for?”

“I have no idea.” He dropped his mouth to hers, then let it drift to her chin, then trailed his
tongue along her neck until her collar wouldn’t let him explore any further.

“In the way,” she managed to say, already a bit breathless.

“Definitely.”

A moment later her shirt was gone. She started to peel off her bra, aching now to feel his mouth on her skin.

“Not so fast.” He pulled her hands away and grinned. “This is Christmas morning and eight birthdays all rolled into one for me. I like to take my time unwrapping my presents.”

Her body tightened in response to the promise she saw in his eyes. “As long as I get equal unwrapping time when it’s my turn?”

His eyes went cobalt and she thought she might climax right then and there.

“I’ll make sure of it,” he said, his voice a little hoarse. Then he turned his attentions back to the lace trim of her bra. After a slow, torturous time spent peeling it back, inch by devastating inch, his mouth finally closed over the aching peak and she arched off the bed, hips grinding against him. “Brett,” she gasped.

“I’m right here,” he murmured. “Definitely not going anywhere.” He shifted his weight off of her, swallowing her whimper of protest with
his mouth. He toyed with first one nipple, then the other, while his hand moved to the waistband of her pants. He didn’t take them off, merely slid the button free, then tugged the zipper down, so his curious fingers could continue their conquest. She arched again as he slid them first over the silk of her panties. “Wet for me,” he all but groaned.

“Dying for you,” she corrected, making him grin fiercely.

“Starving for you.” He tugged her pants and panties away as he slid his body down to continue his leisurely exploration, this time with his tongue.

Pleasure ripped through her when he toyed, dipped and teased, then crested sharply as he pushed a finger inside her at the same time. She arched almost violently, pressing down on him, wanting more, needing— “Yes!” Her climax rocked her hard and continued as he refused to let up. He tugged her clothes free and all she could think was
Hurry, hurry,
but dimly, in the pleasure-fogged recesses of her mind, she seemed to recall demanding equal time.

Struggling, she managed to open her eyes, only to find Brett lifting his head from where he was presently kissing a trail back up over her
abdomen. Eyes so warm, so full of desire and…other things far too soon to label. “How did I get so lucky?” It was only when his eyes widened that she realized she’d spoken out loud.