Merciless Ride (24 page)

We have this weird dynamic. Without actually being together, Shooter has shown me what it is like to be in a healthy relationship - one based on caring, trust, and acceptance. These feelings I have for him have developed over time, and I don’t want to lose what Shooter and I share. I want it to grow. Every touch we share is with care and consideration.
 

I can’t let go of his kiss from earlier. Never have I kissed a man with such feeling inside me. Sure, I have been consumed by lust more times than I care to count with Rex, but kissing Shooter… I was consumed by passion and dare I say, love?
 

“Well, then,” I start to say.
 

Shooter takes me by the hand and leads me to the living room before I can finish my thought. Slowly, he sits down on the couch while I move to sit on the other end, only his arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me to his lap. Half lying on the couch, he pulls my back to his chest and lays me against him.
 

“He is in a good place with this,” Shooter begins, rubbing my arms gently up and down. “Relax, baby.”
 

“Have you ever made a decision and knew that there would never be a right answer? That’s how I feel about this. Rex deserved to know, but he wasn’t ready. Maybe if I had told him sooner, things would be different.”
 

“Do you want things to be different with Rex?” Shooter asks genuinely. There is no jealous tone, just honest concern for me.
 

“No. Shooter, I don’t. Sure, I shared my body with Rex, but he was never there for me like I want my partner in life to be. Yes, he would ask how I was, but real feelings… No, we didn’t share that. I thought for a time I wanted a relationship with him, yet that was an illusion based on my ideals of Rex, not the reality of the man. When I ended things, he didn’t fight to get me back. No, he tried the same lines, the same moves from before. When I held strong, refusing him, he wasn’t fazed. I don’t want him to hate me, but no, I don’t want things to be different with Rex.”
 

“I want you, Tessie. You gotta know, though, there is a monster inside me. I’m plagued with the shadow of death. I’ve done things, and honestly, I wouldn’t take a lot of them back. There was a reason for each circumstance but one. You gotta know, that one was a senseless loss, a selfish and unnecessary loss; one that was on my hands.” There is a distance in his voice, a sadness that is haunting.
 

“Shooter, tell me. Tell me about the one that haunts your dreams. You know mine, share this with me. You carry so many of my burdens, let me handle half the load you carry.”
 

“Baby—” he starts, but I cut him off.
 

“I know you can’t tell me club stuff. I know you’re an ex-Army sniper. But what causes you to twist and turn at night? It’s in your past and keeping you from your future.”
 

“I don’t talk about things that can’t be changed. This can’t ever be changed. Baby, I’m not a good man.”
 

Turning in his lap, I lay on my side, careful to not put a bunch of pressure on his still sensitive ribs. Reaching up, I run my hand through his hair as something nags inside me to get this out of him. Whatever is in his past is the only obstacle standing between us and our future together.
 

“Perception is sometimes skewed when you are too close to a situation. Tell me, Shooter. Share your darkest hour with me. Let me face your demons with you,” I plead, feeling the need to be strong for him and help him through this.
 

“Her name was Tracie,” he begins, and my heart breaks for him as he tells me about the love he once shared.
 

 

Consume Me No More
 

 

“Shooter, you were young. You couldn’t have known she was in such a dark place in her mind.”
 

“Age doesn’t matter. She loved me. I took her every dream away without giving it a second thought.”
 

“Haven’t we all been selfish at that age? Everyone is. I was. It didn’t matter that Mom was sick and working two jobs to help me at college. I was chasing dreams. Tunnel vision gets us all at some point. You were focused on having a career. Very few eighteen-year-old boys know what they want to do and go after it; but you did, and she wasn’t ready to handle that. Some people can’t take change, and you were in a situation of constant change. Shooter, you can’t blame yourself for her shortcomings.”
 

His eyes watch me carefully. It is evident he has never talked about this with anyone. He has never allowed himself to see beyond Tracie’s words.
 

Deciding to be brave, I move up and brush my lips against his gently. Breathing in, I take his bottom lip between my own and suck. His hands come up my sides as he kisses me back. Passion ignites, and I want so much more from this man. Pulling away, I watch as his eyes dance with lust and an emotion I can’t read.
 

“Let go of her hold on you. Depression can easily consume someone. It’s the darkness you can’t escape, the silence that is so deafening. I heard you whisper to me in the night once. You know, about it. She was trapped in what she wanted and couldn’t have, not seeing the blessings she held in her hands. You’re an amazing man, Andy Jenkins, but you can’t save the world. You can’t pull someone out if they don’t grab onto the hand being extended.”
 

“Baby—”I cut him off with another kiss.
 

“You saved me when I was in the darkness. You held me how many nights, to remind me I wasn’t alone? You are my light. You are my strength when I have none left inside. When my mind was consumed by thoughts of that night, you helped me find my way out. Shep consumes me no more because of you. Let go of the hold she has on you.”
 

His eyes dance with a need I can’t read. Cupping his face in both of my hands, I kiss him again, deciding to hold nothing back. Our tongues tangle as I run my hands up into his hair.
 

Moving over him, I lay my chest to his and feel him hardening under me as his hands roam the curves of my ass. I could kiss him for a lifetime and still feel like it is not enough.
 

His hand comes up under my top, running along my spine. When he brings his hands up my sides, his thumbs run under the curves of my small breasts. I pause momentarily at the contact. He tenses under me, causing me to pull away.
 

“Baby, you okay?” he asks. His eyes are glazed over in lust, yet he is concerned for me.
 

“Yes. My mind went back to
it
…to
him
for a split second, that’s all. You can’t take it away. It happened, but I’m ready to move past it… with you.”
 

Leaning up, I remove my cami pajama top, exposing my buds to him. I have never been large, except when I was pregnant with Axel. I have always been a B cup.
 

Shooter’s large hands easily cover my breasts, causing me to shudder at the contact. It has been so long since I have allowed myself to relax and feel pleasure in my body again.
 

I drop my head down and kiss Shooter again as he squeezes my breasts, causing me to moan as my panties dampen with desire. I need this. I need him.
 

Rocking my hips against his erection, I seek friction. He feels so good, so large, so all consuming.
 

Pulling away, I tug his shirt up and over his head, wanting to feel him skin on skin. His lips get tight as I forget about his ribs. Shifting, I can tell he is uncomfortable. He has one leg off the couch and uses it to slide himself farther upright into the corner of the arm of the couch. When he does, it moves me to straddle him.
 

As his jean clad erection hits my sweet spot, I rock my hips as I crash my lips to his, no longer caring to be gentle. Moving, I kiss his neck, nipping at his earlobe.
 

His hands roam my exposed skin, snaking down to my shorts. When he cups my ass, I grind into him, wanting more as lust takes over. He kneads my ass as I continue to dry hump him, unable to stop myself from wanting more. As his fingers brush along my pussy, I moan.
 

“Axel,” he whispers. “What room is Axel in?”
 

Pulling back, I stop moving and look in Shooter’s eyes. Is he trying to kill my libido? Does he not want me? His rigid cock makes it evident he wants to fuck, but maybe it’s not me he wants.
 

Lifting up to sit on him, I cover my breasts with my arms, feeling my embarrassment creep up.
 

“My mom’s room,” I reply, not wanting to admit that I sent my son to sleep in her room because I wasn’t going to be sleeping without Shooter being home. No way am I ready to admit my feelings for him. No way can I tell him that I depend on him. Can I?
 

Before my mind can wander further into the depths of my insecurity, I am placed on my feet from his lap. Shooter is quickly standing and taking me by the hand to lead me to the room I have been staying in. He shuts and locks the door behind us before going over to the bed we have been sharing. He unbuttons his jeans and unzips them to give his erection more room before lying down, pulling me down beside him.
 

“We don’t have to do this, baby. Anytime you want to stop, we will. I’m not going to have you moaning or calling out my name where your son could walk out and find us, though.”
 

Fuck! Will I ever learn to think? I let my hormones run wild and didn’t give a second thought to who could come out to the living room and find us.
 

Sensing my change in thought, Shooter’s lips crash into mine, sending shivers through my body. Needing more, I reach my hand down his pants and into his boxers.
 

He is thick and long when I wrap my hand around him and slide down his length. He kisses me harder as his hands slide my pajama bottoms and panties down. His pre-cum moistens the head, and I use it to lubricate my hand and continue to slowly stroke him, imagining how good he will feel stretching me.
 

As his fingers reach my exposed pussy, he teases my trimmed, narrow line of pubic hair, causing me to buck, wanting more contact from him. He cups my pussy with the palm of his
hand and uses his fingers to tease circles on the muscles on the sides of my juncture, causing my wetness to trickle out.
 

I can take no more of his teasing as I rock into his hand. I whimper in need as I continue to slowly stroke him.
 

He pulls out of my grip and breaks our kiss. Then he drags his nose along my jaw as he breathes on my neck, making me tremble. My body is on fire for this man, all of my senses working in overdrive.
 

His fingers slip between my pussy lips, rubbing circles over my clit as I cry out for more. He licks my erect nipple and blows on it, sending more sensations through me. Then one finger slowly and delicately slides in me, and for a moment, my body tenses at the invasion. For a split second, my mind tries to go back there.
 

“Breathe, baby. Inhale,” Shooter softly instructs, bringing me back to the here and now.
 

I run my hands through his hair before bringing his head back down on my breast. Taking my cue, he takes my nipple in his mouth as his tongue circles before he sucks. He begins to slide his finger out of me, but I clinch down with my inner muscles, silently begging him not to stop. He slides back in me and then out, coating my pussy in my own liquid as he continues to slowly tease me.
 

“Relax, Tessie. No rushing.”
 

He trails kisses down my stomach then kisses his way down my legs. Making his way back up, he kisses the inside of my thighs before his mouth descends upon my pussy lips. He licks as he inserts two fingers inside me, stretching me, prepping me, and sending me over the edge as my body ignites under his mouth and touch.