Mergers and Acquisitions For Dummies (37 page)

If you get into a serious conversation and find the Seller seems unusually reluctant, be wary. She may simply be seeking a free (or inexpensive) valuation on her business.

Additional Tips for Getting Past Screeners

Screeners. No, it isn't the latest horror flick by David Cronenberg, but it can be the name of your own personal horror when calling a potential Buyer or Seller.
Screeners
are the people who get in the way of you and your intended target. I discuss types of screeners in the following section and then tip you off to some common obstacles and how to best deal with them.

Recognizing who you're dealing with

Screeners usually come in two distinct flavors: those who are hopelessly clueless and the dedicated doer of evil. This section takes a look at both types.

The hopelessly clueless

At big companies, the person answering the general phone line is clueless about who you need to talk to. That person is either a receptionist at the front desk or (if it's a really huge company) a call center employee. They know nothing that can help you. You need to move on as quickly as possible.

Many times, these people go through the motions. They hate their mind-numbingly boring jobs and just want to get rid of you and your pesky questions as soon as possible. Of course, this description probably doesn't apply to all these employees, but I haven't yet spoken with the exception.

The dedicated doer of evil

Companies are full of personalities. You have the boss, you have the workers, and you have workers who think they're the boss. Speaking with the boss is ideal, although talking to an employee is acceptable if that person can route you to the appropriate decision-maker.

The problem arises when you fall in to the trap of a non-decision-maker who acts like a decision-maker. I politely call these people the
dedicated doers of evil.

These people are usually lower-level employees such as associates and receptionists. Their intentions may be good — they're trying to do their jobs — but they're ultimately overreaching and making decisions when they have no authority to.

The dedicated doer is evil because he inhibits business and growth by throwing up roadblocks left and right. Trying to extricate yourself from the clutches of a dedicated doer is difficult because they can be so
exhausting!
They have little to do and worse, they're often so fearful of doing something wrong that everything they do to prevent doing something wrong turns out to be wrong!

How can you avoid getting stuck with a nondecision-maker who is suddenly acting like one? Do your homework. If you know exactly who you need to talk to, you can call that person directly. Worst-case scenario, you can tell the receptionist exactly who you need to talk to without requiring him to do any strenuous work.

Ultimately, if you get stuck in an endless loop of dedicated doers of evil, it's your own darn fault for not preparing more thoroughly.

Overcoming screener roadblocks

Getting past screeners is akin to fencing. No, I'm not talking about selling stolen goods, I'm talking about the verbal thrust-and-parry you need to master in order to improve your odds of getting past a roadblock.

If you find yourself in the grasp of a roadblock, level with the person. Tell him exactly what you're going to say to the person you're trying to reach. If your approach is level-headed, quick, and objective, most people relent and let you pass.

Don't get confrontational with a roadblock. Yelling and showing anger only make matters worse, so check your ego at the door. Kindness, a sense of humor, and honesty win the day.

Just send me an e-mail, and I'll find the right person for you

Back story: This person is confused and tired of talking to you. In an apparent attempt to appear earnest, he graciously offers to do your job: find the person with whom you need to speak. This approach never works. After the roadblock receives your carefully crafted e-mail, he realizes following through means doing work! The e-mail probably sits in his inbox for a few days or weeks before he simply deletes it.

Answer: “No, I appreciate your offer, but in my experience that never works.”

Next steps: Explain one more time what you're trying to do; you can even recite exactly what you'd say to the person you're trying to contact. Bluntness, honesty, and patience are your best bets to get through this roadblock.

We don't do that kind of thing

Back story: I'm constantly amazed how often I hear this statement. I've even heard this roadblock recited by employees of companies that have a long list of recent acquisition activity on their Web sites! Anyone who makes this comment probably doesn't know what they're talking about. Instead of being stopped dead in your tracks, a simple little quip more often than not takes care of the issue.

Answer: “Oh, so you're the final decision-maker for acquisitions?”

Note:
You may think this line sounds rude, but frankly, the person informing you that the company doesn't do that kind of thing is the rude one. I dealt with this roadblock so many times that I sat down and brainstormed a quick response; the next time I got the “we don't do that” line, this reply got me through to the right person's voice mail.

Next steps: After delivering the line, shut up. The first one who speaks loses. I've delivered this line many times, and it almost gets me past the roadblock, who quickly realizes the folly of his ways and almost immediately routes you to the right person.

What is this about?

Back story: This roadblock is heard most often by screeners at companies that are under constant barrage of callers trying to buy the company. The owner, tired of talking to these wannabe Buyers, instructs his receptionist to always quiz anyone who asks for the owner.

Answer: “I have private business that I need to discuss with your boss directly.”

Next steps: If the boss isn't in the office, ask for voice mail. If the roadblock insists on taking a message, simply leave your name and number. If the roadblock presses you for a reason, reiterate your original answer. You may want to add, “I have a business opportunity I want to discuss.”

You need to speak with Mr. So-and-so. I'm his secretary; send me an e-mail and I'll forward it to him

Back story: This scenario may sound similar to something I warn against earlier in the chapter, but it's slightly different. In this case, you're speaking with the person who has direct contact with the person you want to talk to. Although sending the e-mail isn't the best option, you've identified the specific person, and this solution can be an acceptable plan.

Answer: “Okay, I'll send you something shortly.”

Next steps: Craft your e-mail and send it. If you're unable to get the contact info of your target, make sure you get the contact info of the secretary and then follow up with a call the next day. And the next day. And the next day. Always be professional and courteous. Your persistence will pay off, and the secretary will forward the message to the boss. And in many cases, you'll receive a direct reply from the boss.

If you're talking with the secretary or personal assistant to the boss, take steps to ingratiate yourself. Never be rude; always thank that person. A great way to get that person to help you is to simply ask, “I sure would appreciate your assistance — can you help me? I'm not going to waste your boss's time.”

[nervous laugh] Like, I don't know what you're like talking about and stuff [nervous laugh]

Back story: You're interfering with this person's reading of his gossip rag. The best thing you can do is hang up the phone! Do not go back to this person, do not pass go, do not collect $200. The roadblock is clueless, isn't paying attention when you speak, and therefore is a consummate time-waster.

Answer: “Thank you, I'll talk with someone else.”

Next steps: Do your homework. Redouble your efforts and check the Web site again. Find the right person.

Tracking Your Calls

Like any good salesperson, you want to keep track of your calls. I typically use a
customer relationship management
(CRM) system
(a program that keeps track of contact info) coupled with a spreadsheet. The spreadsheet lists the company name, the contact name of the person I'm trying to reach, and a column for “last results.” The last results column simply indicates where I am in the process with each target. Though I may tweak the specific wording of the entries in the last results column based on the specifics of a job, when I'm selling a company, the options for that column usually consist of the following: