Merrick (12 page)

“Don’t you find me
very patient?” he asked with a sigh. “You must know I could bleed you until you
lacked the strength to harass me. Now, I don’t like it when Silas is angry with
me, but I am well used to it – if I leave a bite or two on your pretty skin,
I’m prepared to weather his fury. And I’m already curious for the taste of you,
anyway. So, Will-iam, I pray you, stop testing me.” He released my neck.

“Now,” he
continued, staying close. “Once we’re far enough from the city, I’ll untie you.
And if you try to escape, I will stop you. Because I am a dozen times faster
than you, and a dozen times stronger. My eyes and ears are sharper, and even my
nose. And if you make me dirty my clothes, I will sink my teeth into your
smooth young neck and relish every swallow of your delicious-smelling blood
until your heart quiets down to a whisper.
Tu me comprends?
”

“Yes,” I growled.
I wanted to kill him.

“Marvelous.” He
leaned back in his seat again. “Now, let’s not speak for awhile.”

I was almost sorry
for the silence, for it meant I was left with my thoughts. I wondered what
Merrick was doing at that moment. The cottage was clear in my mind. He’d be in
his cave, perhaps, doing God knows what. Or perhaps he’d be talking to a guest
in the main room. Or might he be bathing in the lean-to? Or maybe he was riding
through the woods looking for his own supper.

And what would he
do when he saw me? What would I do, for that matter? I was furious to be taken
out of the city in such a manner. And I was sure Merrick would not react gently
to Theo’s strange stunt. No, this would be no sentimental reunion.

But, yet…my chest
was tight with that faint, lonely tingling when I thought of seeing Merrick
again. I had been sure I’d never get the chance again. God, I longed for it.
For him.

And so my mind
floated up and down these few tired paths again and again, leaving me in a
distant state of gloom that, at the very least, helped me ignore the
insufferable little prince just before me.

After a few hours,
true to his promise, Theo untied my legs. The ropes were indeed dirty, and he
whined all the way through. But at last I could stretch my screaming muscles!

“Are you hungry?”
he asked sweetly then.

“I will not eat
from your hand.”

“Oh, fine.
Remember what I said,” he warned, and bid me turn around.

As soon as I felt
the laces loosen, I yearned to slap his elegant face. Lucky for him, my hands
were still numb. I clumsily took a small bit of bread, though I was not at all
hungry. I guessed it was well past one in the morning.

“I am bored out of
my mind,” Theo sighed, lying on his back along the bench now with his knees
bent to let him fit in the space.

Pity Theo wasn’t
nursing a broken heart, I thought. I, for one, was sure I could occupy myself
with my thoughts. They hadn’t left me alone for weeks now – there was certainly
no reason they would now.

“Aren’t you
curious about me?”

I looked blankly
at the arrogant little twit for a moment, then reluctantly acknowledged that he
was right. “How often do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Drink blood.”

“Once a night,
usually. Sometimes more. Sometimes less.”

“Does it taste
good?”

“When it’s good
and healthy.” He smiled. “As I’m sure yours is.”

“How long have you
been a vampire?”

“For about two and
a half centuries.” He was watching me peacefully, evidently enjoying my
questions. It was plain to see that he relished attention.

I studied him.
“How did it happen?”

Theo smiled again.
“When I turned eighteen, my master decided to keep me that way.”

Eighteen. My age.
“So? What did he do?”

We were into the
country now, and the carriage was very dark. Faint smudges of moonlight passed
through the cabin every so often, but Theo’s eyes sparkled like icicles on a
gray morning. They regarded me curiously now. I tried to see two centuries of
wisdom in them, but gave up. As it turned out, eyes were not nearly as
revealing as poets led one to believe.

“We exchanged
blood,” Theo replied. “That is always the way.”

“You drank of each
other?”

“Mmm-hmm.” He had
a dreamy look in his eyes now. “It was a spectacular event.”

“You don’t regret
it?”

Theo smiled.
“Regret can be fatal.”

“Have you ever
made another into a vampire?”

“
Oui,
” he
said, stretching his back and settling back down like a cat. “Of course.”

“Of course? Then
it’s a regular occurrence?”

“Quite the
contrary. But it’s something most of us must do if we want to stay sane through
the centuries.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know why.
After a lifetime and then some, one begins to feel a bit agitated. Aimless.
Re-gret-ful.
”
He smiled at me, a sliver of pearl in the gray darkness. “Make a mate, and the
pressure abates.”

That sounded
familiar. I guessed he had mentioned it in the letter. “Has Merrick done it?”

There was a beat
of silence, and then Theo teased, “Jealous, Will-iam?”

“Why go to this
trouble to deliver me back to him? Are you not afraid he will send me straight
home?”

“I am not the
least bit afraid of it.” Theo yawned. Vampires yawned? “Road travel is
shit
,”
he sniffed. “These American carriages are a disgrace. Thank God I had the good sense
to hire two drivers to speed us through this miserable journey. With luck we’ll
arrive by evening.”

He pulled a small
volume from his pocket. It was too dark for me to see the title, but he began
to read with no apparent difficulty.

After a long while,
I was so tired that I began to drift off.

The rest of the
journey was uneventful. I dozed when I could, pondered my strange fate, gave
the insufferable dandy dirty looks, and fantasized that Merrick would behold me
with joy and relief in his eyes and pull me into his arms and crush me against
his hard chest.

At last, the
carriage slowed to a halt. It was dark twilight then. When we stepped out of
the carriage, I saw a man dozing under a tree to which two horse stood tied. He
was rousing at the noise.

“
Ugh,
” Theo
said as he paid the driver, and then turned to me. “Tell me, Will-iam, what is
the appeal of this godforsaken place?”

I looked blankly
at him. “Do you expect me to get on that horse with you?”

“I do,” Theo said,
and headed for the man under the tree, who was hurriedly standing up.

I turned to the
drivers. “Do you realize you’ve been accomplices to an abduction?”

“Last we saw, you
were strong and well,” one said easily, and bid the horses on.

By the tree, Theo
was bowing to the man as he departed on one of the horses. The other was
saddled and ready.

“I won’t be on
that horse,” I said stubbornly. A born pragmatist, I had seen no rational
choice but to accept the journey in the coach – I didn’t doubt Theo’s strength,
and knew I would not have been able to escape. But I was not about to ride
merrily up to Merrick’s cottage as though this were something I’d agreed to all
along. Let Theo figure out what he’d do about it.

“I knew you’d say
so,” Theo said, walking towards me.

His arms were
about me, his teeth piercing my neck, before I knew what had happened.

“Beast!” I gasped,
shoving against him. “Let…”

But I was not
shoving. My hands were curled in his shirt, clinging to him, and I was
breathless from the thrum of pleasure his mouth sent vibrating through my body.
My knees weakened. “Bastard,” I moaned, my body arching against him. What in
God’s name…

Theo lifted his
head and took a sharp breath. “Ah,” he sighed, and then said something else.

It sounded like he
was speaking from underwater. Or I was hearing from underwater. My body had
become a cloud, humming with delightful sensations. I floated up to settle on
the back of a horse.

Theo was murmuring
close to my ear now, where it was easier to hear him. “Now, help me and pray he
doesn’t kill me for that.”

I was the wind in
the trees.

I awoke to the
sound of voices, and breathed a familiar smell.

“For the
thousandth time,” spoke a melodic, slightly petulant voice, “I warned you.”

I opened my eyes
and found Merrick’s bedroom lit by a lamp. A moment later, darkness surrounded
my vision and closed in. My head swam. I gasped, startled by it.

“William.”

Merrick. My heart
clenched. No. It screamed. And I could not feel my body. What was wrong with
me? “Leave me alone,” I whispered.

“Do not be
afraid,” he murmured.

“I’m not afraid,”
I snapped, or tried to, but it came in the same soft whisper.
Bastard,
I
thought, but I had no energy to speak.

“
Merde.
Silas, just do it.”

“I will not,”
Merrick snarled.

“You will let him
die?”

“I will set myself
aflame before I…”

Their words faded
from my reach, but my vision returned. I could not move my head, but I turned
my eyes to the door, where Theo leaned against the wall looking bored and
Merrick stood before him without his robe, fuming. Now and again one would toss
an agitated gesture in my direction.

Looking that way
hurt my eyes, so I turned them to the ceiling and the Indian trinkets. Mum.
Poor Mum.

I heard someone
calling in the distance, and strained to hear. Perhaps it was nothing.

A warm liquid
touched my tongue and hit my throat. I coughed, sputtering, but swallowed what
I could out of instinct. Moments later I realized the distant voice was saying
my name.

I opened my eyes a
sliver again to look at Merrick, who held me with one arm as he tipped the cup
against my lips. Then it all went gray again.

There was
shouting.

There was silence.

There was the
sound of crows.

I rolled slowly
from my side to my stomach, shifting from head to toe and testing my limbs
cautiously.

I stumbled a bit
getting to my feet, but was just steady enough to make it to the doorway and
into the main room.

Theo was in
Merrick’s chair, sipping tea and reading a book. He looked up at me coldly.
After a moment, he set his cup down and rose to his feet.

“Stop.”

I turned at the
voice and found myself face to face with Merrick. “Sir,” I said, startled, then
remembered how furious I was and scowled at the ground.

“You’re weak. Get
back to bed.”

So I was to take
orders from him again? I bit down on a sharp retort. But I
was
feeling
very weak, and headed back to the bed on my own.

To my surprise,
Merrick lay down beside me. I stiffened when he pulled me into his arms, and
froze with surprise when he buried his face in my neck and let out a long,
unsteady breath.

“I am so sorry,
William,” he whispered against my skin. “I am so very sorry.”

“For what?” I
whispered back, trembling. How I wanted to mold my body to his, to lie upon him
and soak up his strength! How I had missed him! Tears pricked my eyes and I
kept them squeezed shut.

“Everything. But
especially this.”

Especially this?
This
was nothing compared to the morning I’d woken up alone, the night I’d slept by
myself in the bed, the morning I’d left the empty cottage without a farewell.
It was nothing compared to any day since then. But I was weak. “What was wrong
with me?” I whispered.

“Theo drained you.
You nearly died, but you will be all right.”

I closed my eyes.
That wasn’t what I had meant. Why hadn’t he wanted me? And how could he hold me
now, and speak so tenderly, when he had turned me away? “S-sir…”

“I will escort you
back to the city myself when you are fit for travel.”

“Why…”

“You must rest.”

I was tired of him
telling me what to do. I wasn’t his servant anymore. I tried to tell him as
much, mumbling some remark about doing as I damned well pleased, but sleep
enveloped me again.

The kitchen was
full of food, just like the last time I’d been drained of my blood. But this
time, there were two vampires in the room. I stood holding the leather back
from the doorway, staring at Theo in the corner chair. He was wearing simple
blue breeches and a linen shirt, and he was glowering at me. What was his
problem?

Merrick was seated
at the desk, and turned when I entered. He looked extremely tired. Faint blue
shadows surrounded his eyes, and he was pale as a ghost. It startled me.

“Eat well,
William,” Merrick murmured. Then he turned to Theo. “Go.”

Theo closed his
book and set it aside, then folded his hands. “
Non.
”

Merrick said
nothing.

I slid into the
bench as the two monsters squared off with their sparkling eyes. None of the
food looked the least bit enticing. I sullenly prodded a bun.

“I need to
apologize to the boy,” Theo insisted.

“So do it.”

“Will-iam…”

Why did he have to
say my name like that? It was like nails on a chalkboard, like a schoolyard
taunt from a girl. I shot him a dirty look.

“I’m sorry that I
drank all your blood,” Theo said sweetly. “It wasn’t because I wanted to kill
you. In fact, I left you just exactly alive enough. I hope you appreciate the
finesse involved there. And the reason for that is—”

“That will do,”
Merrick growled.

“He ought to know
the truth, Silas,” Theo protested with an innocent look. “He ought to be
informed so he can have a proper say in it.”

“Get out.”

Theo’s voice rose.
“After all the trouble I’ve gone to?” He pounded the arm of the chair lightly
with his fist. “I will not! I will not be thwarted by your damned teas and
smokes! As your truest friend—”

“Enough!” Merrick
shouted, standing abruptly.

I actually
flinched. So did Theo. Then, shaking his head, he rose with an angry sigh and
moved toward the cavern. He gave me another cold look as he passed.

My eyes went back
to Merrick, who was glaring in the direction Theo had gone. Then his eyes
landed on me, softening.

I said nothing as
he sat across the table from me, but I studied his tired face. Even his amber
eyes had lost some of their luster.

“There are no
words for my regret,” he murmured at last. “I never imagined this.”

Nor had I.

“Eat, William.”

“I’m not hungry.”
My voice was bitter . Good. I looked down at the table.

“I see.” Merrick
was quiet for a moment. “Would you like to return to the city now?”

My face twisted. I
could not keep my emotions from my face, nor could I put them to words.

“Speak to me,
William.”

“Why?” I muttered.

“You are angry
with me.”

My jaw worked, but
still I could not speak. What would I say? My heart continued to break, tearing
itself into smaller and smaller pieces. How could I tell it in words? Why would
I?

Merrick had
bewitched me. He had soothed and nurtured me with his gentle words, his tender
touch and his patient wisdom. He had awakened unholy desires within me and
coaxed them to the surface. I had given him my body, and he had consumed it,
even drunk the blood from my veins.

And then he had
turned me away.

I stood up,
gracelessly pushing the bench back. “I think I will take my
walk,
” I
said with a sneer that I hoped would hide the tears pooling in my eyes. When I
made it to the door, I realized he was behind me.

Turning, I shoved
at him. “Leave me be!”

“I cannot. You are
weak, and Theo is stubborn.” And then, his voice melted to a quiet, tormented
whisper. “Oh, William…”

Tears were
streaming down my cheeks. I struggled weakly against him as he pulled me to his
chest. “Let me go!” I shouted.

“You are not
strong enough for this,” he murmured as he effortlessly pulled me back toward
the bed.

“Enough of your
mockery! I want nothing to do with it!”

“Mockery?” Merrick
dropped me gently onto the bed and took me by the shoulders to stop me from
rising.

“Must you flaunt
your strength?”

“Have I mocked
you, William?”

“Stop!” I cried,
too weak and too wild with despair to stop the flow of my tears. “Our contract
is done! You nullified it yourself! Why continue to taunt me? Disappear into
your damned cave and leave me alone, like you did before!”

His face was
pained. “My dear William…”

“
Stop
, I
say!” It was a marvel I had the strength to roar, but it defied belief that I
had the audacity to swing.

My fist connected
with his cheek, and he turned his head with the blow. His face betrayed no
effect but the same sorrow and regret it had held all morning, but he caught
both my hands in his and stared straight into my eyes.

“I left,” he said
quietly, “Because I could not control myself.” Searching my face for a moment
as though to be sure I would let him speak, he continued even more softly. “If
you had known what I felt that night, you would have fled on your own.”

“How dare you?” I
muttered. “You don’t know what I might have done.”

“You are an
intelligent man. Had you the vaguest conception of…” Shame flickered in his
eyes, pulling at his brows for a moment. “The depth, the terrible intensity of
my desire…”

“What I felt for you
was not some careless fancy,” I said, my voice hot with tears.

“I know that,” he
whispered, and moved his hands from mine to gently frame my face. His tired
eyes reflected all the anguish in my heart. “I know it, William. And I…”

I was entirely
lost by the time his forehead touched mine. Taking a long, shuddering breath, I
tried to steady myself even as his touch reduced me to a soft and needful
thing.

“I wish with all
my heart that I could keep you here with me,” he went on. “I want nothing more.
I want nothing else.”

“Then why go to
such lengths to send me away?” I demanded.

“Because it is not
only my heart and soul that crave it,” he said, his voice strained. “There is a
terrible need…in the darkest part of me…and it will never be satisfied until I
have wrenched you from the light of the world and into the shadows with me.”

For a long, silent
moment, I was conscious of the soft beat of my blood pulsing through my veins.
“Do you mean you wish to make me a vampire?”

Merrick’s hands
moved gently through my hair and came to a rest on my shoulders. He pulled back
to lock my eyes in his haunting, mournful gaze. “It is more than a wish. It is
a primal need. It is the unthinking hunger of a beast. And though I can
suppress it now, I feel it growing with every passing moment.”

Merrick closed his
eyes, lowering his head. “So, you see, I had no other choice but to send you
away, William. I have no other choice.”

I stared at him,
wide-eyed and speechless. After a long moment, during which he did not move, I
asked, “Then you will forget this hunger, when I am gone?”

“You will be safe
from me.”

“You will forget
it?”

Merrick raised his
head, but did not meet my eyes. Instead, with a tenderness that made me ache in
the darkest depths of my heart, he kissed my lips. “You will be safe,” he
whispered.

I wished I could
say something. But my mind was reeling. Could this really be the choice at
hand? Merrick could turn me into a vampire, or he could send me away? I could
leave him behind forever, or I could become like him?

Were these my
choices? A life without Merrick, or an eternity at his side?

Would I consider…

He was pulling
away from me, rising to his feet.

“Why?” I blurted.
“Why can you not reason with this desire? I do not believe it. You are too
calm, too stoic, and you have lived for centuries managing your nature. Why—”

“It is a
mysterious fact of this terrible existence, William.” Merrick was at the
doorway now, his back to me. “None has the power to resist.”

“And when I’m
gone, this need will disappear?”

There was silence.

“Yes,” he said at
last. “Eventually.”

But mine would
not. I was sure of it. My soul was going to break.

Merrick turned his
eyes to me again. He looked like a ghost. “Rest,” he said softly. “I will be
near.”

“I cannot rest.”

“I will bring you
some tea.”

“I do not want
it.”

He shook his head
with a wan smile, and disappeared.

I stared at the
empty doorway and the leather moving slightly behind him, a knot in my throat.
I was still looking when he returned with a steaming cup.

“You are not
well,” I accused.

He did not meet my
eyes. “I have not been out these four days. I will go tonight, and take Theo
with me.”

Four days!

I watched him
leave the cup on the nightstand and depart once more. The knot in my throat
remained. Anxious and overwhelmed, I was certain I would not sleep. All I could
do was rest my eyes and repeat Merrick’s words in my mind, again, and again,
and again…